# Dealing with that person that everyone raves about, but....



## butterknucket (Feb 5, 2006)

You see right through them and see the true asshole they really are. 

How do you do it? Avoid the person as much as you can?


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

butterknucket said:


> You see right through them and see the true asshole they really are.
> 
> How do you do it? Avoid the person as much as you can?


Nope not avoiding but confronting. The truth shall set you free. 

I had a very close friend (35+) years try to pull the wool over my eyes! I bit my tongue because we were at a party. There were a few other things that have been stewing on the back burner as well. When the opportunity arose I just told her the way it was and that our friendship was not worth saving anymore because of the previous mentioned situations. I told her I was tired of her bullshit. She never even tried to deny anything either. That’s that.

I just called her out on things and told her the way it was. I am a little sad because of the BS she tried to pull on me but whatever, her supposedly “best” friend. 

I will never sit idle and take anyone’s BS. Avoidance is not in my vocabulary. 

You handle it the best you can. Avoidance may lead to resentment if your not already of that mindset.


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## SaucyJack (Mar 8, 2017)

I just nod and stroll on my merry way.


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## Guest (Apr 10, 2018)




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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

laristotle said:


>



I couldn’t smile and wave! I invested 2/3’s of my life in this sham of a supposed “best friend”friendship! No smile and wave for me! I had to get off my chest what was truly making me crazy.


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## Guest (Apr 10, 2018)

Lola said:


> I had to get off my chest what was truly making me crazy.


Feel better?


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## Judas68fr (Feb 5, 2013)

Best thing to do is to get the negative people out of your life.

Don't assume you can change people, the only person you can change is yourself.


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

laristotle said:


> Feel better?


Actually ya because I made her aware that she is not the person that people think she is.

I absolutely abhor people pretending to be something they’re not.


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## High/Deaf (Aug 19, 2009)

butterknucket said:


> You see right through them and see the true asshole they really are.
> 
> How do you do it? Avoid the person as much as you can?


I know what I'm gonna do. Vote Democrat next time.


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## mawmow (Nov 14, 2017)

I refuse to be a f "collectible" friend.
I do not spill energy at useless interpersonal discussions.
Just avoid those f friends collectors.


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## LanceT (Mar 7, 2014)

Friends & associates are one thing, family quite another.


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

LanceT said:


> Friends & associates are one thing, family quite another.


You can’t choose your family but totally different ballgame when it comes to friends!


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## bw66 (Dec 17, 2009)

Be patient. Truth eventually wins.


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## butterknucket (Feb 5, 2006)

bw66 said:


> Be patient. Truth eventually wins.


I hope so. 

Unfortunately, I think many people will end up getting hurt over time.


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## Zifnab (Dec 1, 2017)

I am the type of person that will tell you exactly how I think you are treating me. Doesn't matter if I've known you for 5 minutes or 20 years. If I don't like it, well you are going to hear about it. My good friend got married to a woman who was alright at first. Then she got Graves disease. Now don't get me wrong, any disease is bad but this woman was blowing it entirely out of proportion. My wife's grandmother passed away and she called this woman for a bit of support and all this other woman could do was make the conversation about her. Literally everything revolved around this woman and her disease. So one night when we were all having drinks I politely told her that she was not the center of the universe and she will lose all her friends if she continues to act in such a manner. 3 years have gone by and I have only spoken to her three or four times, same as all the rest of the mutual friends we share. 

Be honest with how you feel about other people otherwise they won't know you expect honesty and integrity back.


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## LanceT (Mar 7, 2014)

Zifnab said:


> I am the type of person that will tell you exactly how I think you are treating me. Doesn't matter if I've known you for 5 minutes or 20 years. If I don't like it, well you are going to hear about it.


I am in awe.


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## Zifnab (Dec 1, 2017)

LanceT said:


> I am in awe.


It's the only way to live honestly. Why deal with shitty attitudes when you can just tell them you are not interested in their shitty attitude lol.


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## 4345567 (Jun 26, 2008)

__________


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

Zifnab said:


> I am the type of person that will tell you exactly how I think you are treating me. Doesn't matter if I've known you for 5 minutes or 20 years. If I don't like it, well you are going to hear about it. My good friend got married to a woman who was alright at first. Then she got Graves disease. Now don't get me wrong, any disease is bad but this woman was blowing it entirely out of proportion. My wife's grandmother passed away and she called this woman for a bit of support and all this other woman could do was make the conversation about her. Literally everything revolved around this woman and her disease. So one night when we were all having drinks I politely told her that she was not the center of the universe and she will lose all her friends if she continues to act in such a manner. 3 years have gone by and I have only spoken to her three or four times, same as all the rest of the mutual friends we share.
> 
> Be honest with how you feel about other people otherwise they won't know you expect honesty and integrity back.


You managed to hit the nail on the head because that’s exactly the way I feel too.


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## Zifnab (Dec 1, 2017)

nkjanssen said:


> I always wonder about people who seem to spend a great deal of their lives "calling out bullshit".
> 
> I suspect most of them are assholes and just don't realize it.
> 
> Present company excluded, of course.


I don't think I call out bullshit, but tell people if I don't like the way they are treating myself or others around me if it effects the people that I love. Feelings be damned, because they do not care about other peoples feelings or the impact their words have, I treat them accordingly.


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

Zifnab said:


> I don't think I call out bullshit, but tell people if I don't like the way they are treating myself or others around me if it effects the people that I love. Feelings be damned, because they do not care about other peoples feelings or the impact their words have, I treat them accordingly.



I love your attitude! Go get ‘em tiger because I have your back covered!


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## Zifnab (Dec 1, 2017)

Lola said:


> I love your attitude! Go get ‘em tiger because I have your back covered!


Lets do it together. We need to melt all the snowflakes one dump truck at a time haha.


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## Chitmo (Sep 2, 2013)

laristotle said:


> Feel better?


Haha..... marsha was actually a coke head that sucked her dealer off for drugs!


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

Zifnab said:


> Lets do it together. We need to melt all the snowflakes one dump truck at a time haha.


Your being a way too polite. 

We just need to dump the flakes off of a mountain.


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## Zifnab (Dec 1, 2017)

Lola said:


> Your being a way too polite.
> 
> We just need to dump the flakes off of a mountain.


I found they pour better when they are melted


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## LanceT (Mar 7, 2014)

Zifnab said:


> It's the only way to live honestly. Why deal with shitty attitudes when you can just tell them you are not interested in their shitty attitude lol.


That was tongue in cheek. I'm not in awe.


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## Guest (Apr 10, 2018)

The art of keeping your friends close, and your enemies closer.


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## JazzyT (Nov 1, 2017)

I admit it, I'm passive aggressive and non-confrontational. I'd like to change, but this is how I roll.

For example, there's new guy at work who can't stop talking about himself, what a superstar he is... I want to say, "less talk, more results" but that would label me as not being a team player, right? So I do a mental eye roll and avoid him.

What would you do, "tell it like it is" forum comrades?


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## johnnyshaka (Nov 2, 2014)

JazzyT said:


> I admit it, I'm passive aggressive and non-confrontational. I'd like to change, but this is how I roll.
> 
> For example, there's new guy at work who can't stop talking about himself, what a superstar he is... I want to say, "less talk, more results" but that would label me as not being a team player, right? So I do a mental eye roll and avoid him.
> 
> What would you do, "tell it like it is" forum comrades?


I think a work situation is a different scenario altogether. It's one thing to call out a shit talker at a blues jam but to do it at work I think might be inappropriate.


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## Diablo (Dec 20, 2007)

nkjanssen said:


> I always wonder about people who seem to spend a great deal of their lives "calling out bullshit".
> 
> I suspect most of them are assholes and just don't realize it.
> 
> Present company excluded, of course.


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## Diablo (Dec 20, 2007)

butterknucket said:


> You see right through them and see the true asshole they really are.
> 
> How do you do it? Avoid the person as much as you can?


I have them on my ignorelist.


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## sambonee (Dec 20, 2007)

I find that sharing how you feel is a good neutral subjective spot. Keep the hammer in the pocket at all times. Ready tho. Everyone needs a few different size hammers


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## High/Deaf (Aug 19, 2009)

JazzyT said:


> I admit it, I'm passive aggressive and non-confrontational. I'd like to change, but this is how I roll.
> 
> For example, there's new guy at work who can't stop talking about himself, what a superstar he is... I want to say, "less talk, more results" but that would label me as not being a team player, right? So I do a mental eye roll and avoid him.
> 
> What would you do, "tell it like it is" forum comrades?


I think there's a few options. 

You could call him out whenever possible, telling him to walk the talk. Or you could one-up him with everything he says, making up what you need to (how's he gonna prove otherwise). And make it so ridiculous everyone knows what you're really doing. Or you could just ignore him and let him dig his own grave. He eventually will.

Personally, I'd go with the 3rd option. But the 2nd could be a lot of fun.


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## Sneaky (Feb 14, 2006)

Thought this might be another Trudeau thread.


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## 4345567 (Jun 26, 2008)

__________


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## Zifnab (Dec 1, 2017)

LanceT said:


> That was tongue in cheek. I'm not in awe.


I know this thread is a bit old now, but I have been busy. 

Really I don't care if I awe or impress anyone. I am who I am and that is all there is to it. Life is to short to be worrying about impressing people. Perhaps you cannot live life without being honest to other people about how you think they are treating yourself or others, but I choose to live mine that way.


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## LanceT (Mar 7, 2014)

Zifnab said:


> I have been busy.


I understand. It can take some time to get one's thoughts in order.


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## Zifnab (Dec 1, 2017)

LanceT said:


> I understand. It can take some time to get one's thoughts in order.


Hahaha, you are a clever one aren't you?


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

Zifnab said:


> I know this thread is a bit old now, but I have been busy.
> 
> Really I don't care if I awe or impress anyone. I am who I am and that is all there is to it. Life is to short to be worrying about impressing people. Perhaps you cannot live life without being honest to other people about how you think they are treating yourself or others, but I choose to live mine that way.


You read my mind. I feel the exact same way. 

I am not impressed with very much these days except a beautiful new PRS S2. I am saving my pennies. 

I am not out to try and impress anyone. You accept me the way I am, if not then that’s your loss not mine. 

Too old and wise to play these stupid games!


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## Zifnab (Dec 1, 2017)

@Lola that's a great choice for a guitar, I want one of those some day as well. What colour are you going after?


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

Zifnab said:


> @Lola that's a great choice for a guitar, I want one of those some day as well. What colour are you going after?


Blue or purple. I need some colour.

What colour are you after?


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## Zifnab (Dec 1, 2017)

I would go blue as well. I have an Aria acoustic with a beautiful blue on it, I would love to have one that is close to that dark of a blue.


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## Guest (May 4, 2018)

I wouldn't mind another PRS.
Mira this time (not S2)










or one of these


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## butterknucket (Feb 5, 2006)

I've been wanting to get a Casino for a while myself. 

And a D-18.....


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## Always12AM (Sep 2, 2018)

This is an interesting discussion.

I’d imagine that anyone with real principles and independent ideas and genuine notions are unlikely to succeed socially across the dense and complex spectrum of personality types and psychological profiles.

Simply put, if we are being ourselves and truly living, I suspect that we would encounter a lot of people with different views and different beliefs and different senses of humour etc.

I’m suspicious of anyone who is liked by everyone. I imagine the amount of production and performance that goes into rubbing everyone the right way.. I don’t think that would be healthy or a good way to live one’s life. I question their motives.

To address the question, I strongly prefer an immediate and outright opposition to something I do or say from others who disagree so that I know where I stand. I personally always feel better when I assert my feelings about someone right off the bat so that there is no confusion as to where my opinions or ideas depart from theirs. There are times when we have to take shit from people in order to survive professionally to financially.. I would argue that anyone who has been successful in today’s world has learned that the hard way and had to bite their tongue at times.. but outside of that arena, in our personal lives and in our social interactions, I personally develop and grow a lot more from hearing different points of view and from being challenged. So it’s a courtesy when someone does so.

Biologically the synapses in our brains only fire up and help us develop new mental muscles and ideas when we are presented with challenges that exist just outside of our proximal range of development aka within reason. If we see a flat tire, we may learn how to repair it. If we see an air plane with a broken engine, that may be too complex of a problem for us to justify fixing it.

Long story short, being challenged by others and challenging one another is how every human development and evolutionary trait has taken place. That being said, it’s very hard to remove our ego from our reactions and that in itself is a skill that takes a lot of time to work on and I doubt that anyone aside from a Vulcan is able to completely succeed in.

My natural instinct when I hear about someone is who everyone loves is to analyze them for weaknesses just to play devils advocate.

It’s a guilty pleasure of mine to see fuckers fall off of their high horse. Not so much that I want to be the one who causes it, but it feels good to see someone smell their shit for the first time having had to do so at many points in my own life - each time bringing me closer and closer to being a real person.


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## Jim Wellington (Sep 3, 2017)

butterknucket said:


> You see right through them and see the true asshole they really are.
> 
> How do you do it? Avoid the person as much as you can?


Blank smiles, neutral body language, uncommitted comments when you have to talk to it. Cordial but distant.

Criticizing the popular one or confronting him/her/it, may just divide the crowd and no one knows how that will shake out.


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## Frenchy99 (Oct 15, 2016)

Younger, I used to take all the shit given to me. 
20 years ago I had to push some people out of my life after to much abuse.
Had to do another clean up of my surroundings about 6 years ago.

Now, I`ve learned. I just flush them when bullshit starts. 

Have to say, lots of bullshit goes on in music bands... not always easy, add drugs and alcohol and it gets messy.


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## Lincoln (Jun 2, 2008)

I tend to form my own opinions of people rather than going by what everybody says. No breaks given, no free passes handed out.


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## Alan Small (Dec 30, 2019)

were you specifically talking about John Mayer ot Drake?


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