# Post Your Lyrics



## Agata0023

Hey everyone, I've created this thread for all of us to post our lyrics for others to read and possibly crit. You know, give advice on how we may improve upon them. Nice comments only, no need to be nasty about it.

Oh yeah, This goes without saying, but don't steal each others work. I know I've spent along time writing, and for the most part put alot of emotion and feeling into it. It would really be a kick in the nuts to see my stuff ripped off.


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## Agata0023

The Making Of A Martyr 

OK, so I wrote this years back, but I kinda like it, and its TOTALLY different from the stuff I usually write.



He reflects, looks back and gazes
into the moonlit sky
his thoughts running a mile a minute
he questions his tactics
was he listening to god
or some lunatics antics?

A message recieved from his savior
had he done something wrong?
a minor misdemeanor?
following his orders, he sacraficed himself
the making of a martyr

he runs and scours the earth
for answers
searching high and low
but his mind begins to show
signs of fatique
- he was so sure of his intrigue

ever as he reached the
his pinnacle of perfection
his moment in the sun
the apple of god's eye
no one had gathered
to watch him die

he should be aware, I should let him in
on my clandestine plot
- a plan for his end
it was always me
that voice, that voice inside his head.



On a side note, I guess I should announce I'm completely non-religious in any way. I've nothing against it, it's just not for me.


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## chaoscypher

Whoa. That's really good man, lucky for you that you can put depth into your lyrics like that. Whenever I write it seems really simplistic and cryptic. This one is really dark and makes me think every time I try to analyze it. In a way, I was trying to indirectly write a love song.

Sacrum et Dulce

The tender grace
Of a day that's dead
Like an astrologer among stars
Resonating infrared.
A dark sombre beauty
Lays upon the altar
Death is a dreaming angel
Sacrifice never falters.

Far below and high above
Dark symbols of desire
Listen to the shrouded smiles
Of a hellish choir.
Sunlight dies to sleep
Moonlight in its wake
Indifference is strange
Sacrificial mistakes.

Faded sunset afar, twists to fading stars,
Each time we take a breath,
A silent death,
Bubbles in your flooded lungs
Man can never stay young.
Bubbles in your flooded lungs
Man can never stay young.


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## Agata0023

Wow man, I really dig it. Alot actually. The only thing I would change is the "Bubbles in your lungs" line, it doesn't seem to fit well (to me anyways). I dunno, roll it over. It's an astrological peice, you may want to consider something along those lines. 



Here's something else I wrote, kind of the same idea, involving the sun and stars anyways. Here it is. 

Supernova (Revised)

Another old one, written within a week of the previous one I posted.


Your sky's spread dark and endless before me
as you lay scalded and wrapped
by the bridges you've burned
A victim of yourself
You fruitlessly tend to your charred flesh
with the tears streming from your once ivory visage
now sullied by your star gone supernova

My omnious words fell upon deaf ears
"all stars must die"
the brighter they shine
the hotter they burn

Your star just went supernova 
and all i can do is laugh
all stars must die
even the brightest must fade.


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## Agata0023

And now for something completely different:


Slaughter Not Fight!

Listen to the way they
cook - squared up, sliced up
crusted and crumbling
set it to high
and they turn golden
set it too high
stand back and watch
they burn not fight!
this is slaughter
not a fair fight!
their only hope in their
afterlife is that you choke!

the butter is a backstabber
their only hope in their
afterlife is that you choke!


Yes....the song is about toast. Remember everyone, I'm in a Noise-Rock band. My lyrics don't really have to have any meaning, it was fun to write, it was even more fun to record, and its a blast to play live. It's such a fast paced crazy-chaotic song


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## david henman

...post deleted.


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## Agata0023

Thats cool man. I like the line. Make sure you post it when its done. I want to see how it comes out.


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## Ripper

Here's a fun one I wrote, it goes over really well at the bars here.

Basement Bordello

The basement bordello, a happy little place
A loving environment in an underground space
Happily granting every request
Professional and caring, simply the best.

Chorus:
Basement bordello, a wonderful place
Everything there puts a smile on your face
Leather or latex, naughty or nice
Whips or whipped cream, whatever your vice

The ladies are pretty, give’m a wink
Sinful experiences help one to think
Safe and secure like a bug in a rug,
End off the night with a slap and a tug.

The stairway to heaven lies open wide
Outgoing staff with nothing to hide
Close shaves are common in the den of delight
Tastful and tastey, done up just right


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## Ripper

Here's another I wrote awhile back, we actually get requests for this one.

Celtic Woman


An Angel from the Emerald Isle
She can kill you with her smile
Eyes that cut right to your soul
Get a hold and don’t let go
Raven hair and bedroom eyes
Melt your heart and make you cry
Gaelic spirit strong and proud
Lifts me up into the clouds

CHORUS:
Celtic Woman sets me free
Got a magical hold over me
Celtic woman owns my soul
Take the pieces make me whole


Irish lass with a heart of gold
Tender touch drives away the cold
Kisses make me come undone
Golden smiles bring back the sun
Celtic woman made for me
Close my eyes she’s all I see
I’ve fallen deep within her spell
Makes me feel that all is well


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## Agata0023

Dude, those are awesome. I wrote one somewhat similar to your Basement Bordello. Its all about BSDM haha. I wrote it when I was a teenager, and its a but more graphic than yours. Here it is. 


Slave

You know I'll do
anything for you
my body is yours
and it wants to be abused

I'm all bruised, bloody and sore
please let me be your slave some more
just name a price
you know i'll pay
i'll do anything you say
(another line that may work here is "i will always obey")

So come on
whip me
beat me
tie me up 
and use me
i'm begging you for more
blind me
gag me
choke me
and tease me
i want to be your whore

bite me 
scratch me
til i bleed
its those feelings that i need

bound in a web of whips and chains
use them on me, i love the pain.


hahah reading that again reminds me of how messed up I was as a teenager. I've grown out of that kind of thing (almost) completely, and it was never that extreme, but its a cool song, people seem to like it.


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## Ripper

I like it, it's got nice flow and definitely paints a picture. What kind of beat/speed of song is it??

That basement bordello song was written after a lady I work with a couple of years ago was all excited because she had gotten a webcam to talk to her family back home (england). I was teasing her about other things people use webcams for and she told me that she was not running a basement bordello...low and behold...a song was born.

Celtic woman was written for my wife, she's from Ireland.


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## Agata0023

That song particular is one of my few slower songs. Kind of the tempo found on NIN's Pretty Hate Machine album. The slower songs on it anyways.


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## david henman

Ripper said:


> That basement bordello song was written after a lady I work with a couple of years ago was all excited because she had gotten a webcam to talk to her family back home (england). I was teasing her about other things people use webcams for and she told me that she was not running a basement bordello...low and behold...a song was born.



...amazing how that happens, eh? your lyrics are great on this one (celtic woman is none too shabby, either!). nicely crafted.

are you the sole lyricist, or is it a collaborative effort?

does your band have a web site?

-dh


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## Ripper

Thanks for the kind words David. I wrote the words and music for those songs. As a band we do have some songs that we a collaborative effort but the drummer and I have written most of our originals. We've got one song called Wheh-enh (I know goofy name), that came about one night at practice when I was goofing around with a riff and my wah, the drummer kicked in and we had a tune. He and I sat down about a week later and put lyrics to it. Someone actually phoned the local radio station wondering if they could play it Too bad we don't have it on CD yet.

We're fine tuning some more at the moment and we are shooting for putting out a CD this fall. It's nice now that we are at the point where we have enough of a following that are original stuff is getting accepted very well. 

Our band website is http://www.hammeredhome.com It's all done tongue in cheek but check it out.


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## Ripper

Out of curiousity, when you guys write, do you write the lyrics first or the music? I mostly write the words first. I've always been into poetry and writing it (helped to qwell the demons), but sometimes I think it makes it harder doing a song this way.


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## Lester B. Flat

Here's one I've yet to perform live. Sometimes lyrics don't work when they're just hanging out there without the music. Lyrics are not poetry. These words, however, seem happy existing by themselves.

When Love Comes

When love comes,
it comes without a warning,
comes without pain.
When love comes,
it comes without a conscience,
comes without a brain.
when love comes.

When love comes,
it comes without prejudice,
comes without a name.
When love comes,
it comes without principles,
comes without shame.
when love comes.

Are you going to be ready?
ready when love comes?

When love comes,
it comes without instructions,
comes without batteries.
When love comes,
it comes without a warranty,
no lifetime guarantee.
when love comes.

Are you going to be ready?
ready when love comes?

When love comes,
it comes without breathing,
though its just a breath away.
When love comes,
it comes without speaking,
'cause there's nothing you can say,
when love comes.

Are you going to be ready?
ready when love comes?


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## Ripper

I don't agree that lyrics aren't poetry. They are very much a type of poetry. Poetry comes in many forms, some that rhyme some that don't, with all types of cadences and layouts.

Lester I really like some of the phrases you used in that song, especially the one about no warranty or guarantee, very nice.


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## Lester B. Flat

Thanks, Ripper. I guess what I should have said is lyrics can be poetry but they don't have to be poetry in order to be good lyrics. They serve another master which is the music. In other words, when writing lyrics you shoudn't be too concerned about writing good poetry.

I haven't been able to add emoticons since The Great Server Upgrade of '07, so insert two smilies with beer mugs here.


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## Ripper

Lester B. Flat said:


> Thanks, Ripper. I guess what I should have said is lyrics can be poetry but they don't have to be poetry in order to be good lyrics. They serve another master which is the music. In other words, when writing lyrics you shoudn't be too concerned about writing good poetry.
> 
> I haven't been able to add emoticons since The Great Server Upgrade of '07, so insert two smilies with beer mugs here.


I agree with that completely. I watched a documentary about the Beatnik coffee houses in the 50's. Cool "poetry" and like you said, doesn't have to rhyme, as long as the words server the purpose of the writer. The trouble with alot of what I write is that the words come way before the music usually. I have about 4 big note books full of finished and partially finished songs/poems/musings. Sometimes the music comes easy to match to the words, sometimes it is a long process.


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## david henman

Ripper said:


> Out of curiousity, when you guys write, do you write the lyrics first or the music? I mostly write the words first. I've always been into poetry and writing it (helped to qwell the demons), but sometimes I think it makes it harder doing a song this way.



...its very hard to say and, of course, art is a very personal, intimate "conceit", so songwriting is best tailored to the individual. in other words, whatever works.

for me, it is usually music first, but some of my best songs have come from putting music to my "poetry".

i write every night, without fail (gig nights excluded), for at least an hour or two. and, i have learned from painful experience, to record everything, usually on cassette.

-dh


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## Lester B. Flat

I write from all angles, but even when I write the lyrics first, there is an unconscious meter or melody influencing me.


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## Ripper

david henman said:


> ...its very hard to say and, of course, art is a very personal, intimate "conceit", so songwriting is best tailored to the individual. in other words, whatever works.
> 
> for me, it is usually music first, but some of my best songs have come from putting music to my "poetry".
> 
> i write every night, without fail (gig nights excluded), for at least an hour or two. and, i have learned from painful experience, to record everything, usually on cassette.
> 
> -dh


I try too, but for me it comes in fits and starts. Sometimes it just hits me and I will write and write and write and then nothing for awhile. I guess the muse needs a break from time to time.


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## Soupbone

I have to post something so I can get in the contest as I dont have my 20 yet-hope Im not interupting-7 more to go.

lyrics?






Its a tough thing and you have to keep at it or it can be lost, its not like riding a bike...at least not for me anyways.


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## chaoscypher

If I'm feeling particularly strange about something or have a lot of emotion I tend to just write things down, they don't really have to make sense, I just make sure things rhyme and sound well together. Plus I'm usually in or out of love, which, lyrically speaking, can be a goldmine, as long as you're willing to go the extra mile by venting all of that metaphorically; there's not a whole lot of originality in putting that all down literally.


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## david henman

Ripper said:


> I try too, but for me it comes in fits and starts. Sometimes it just hits me and I will write and write and write and then nothing for awhile. I guess the muse needs a break from time to time.


...probably true, but i've disciplined myself to ignore him (mickey muse) and plod on regardless.

actually, i spend as much or more time developing current/older song ideas as i do creating new ones. i never sit around waiting for an idea to materialize. i have some forty-five years of cassettes, notebooks, zip discs etc to mine, and perhaps not that many years left.

as well, i'll challenge myself, to see if i can write a song with only one chord, for example. i have always found that writing a very, very simple song is the toughest challenge.

-dh


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## Guest

If I could write lyrics that didn't suck, I wouldn't have to steal other peoples songs!

LOL

Example....

"I was there there when you had to move
Cause you helped me hide the body of that dude
I hit with my car while driving drunk
You told the cops I'd been at your place
and that the dent in my hood was from your face
and you ran into my fist, to make it look good"

From a 'song' I 'wrote' called "That's What Friends Are For"

Crappy eh! ,-)


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## david henman

ClintonHammond said:


> If I could write lyrics that didn't suck, I wouldn't have to steal other peoples songs!
> LOL
> Example....
> "I was there there when you had to move
> Cause you helped me hide the body of that dude
> I hit with my car while driving drunk
> You told the cops I'd been at your place
> and that the dent in my hood was from your face
> and you ran into my fist, to make it look good"
> From a 'song' I 'wrote' called "That's What Friends Are For"
> Crappy eh! ,-)



...rude, cheeky, subversive, dark, nasty and hilarious...what's not to like?

-dh


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## Ripper

david henman said:


> ...probably true, but i've disciplined myself to ignore him (mickey muse) and plod on regardless.
> 
> actually, i spend as much or more time developing current/older song ideas as i do creating new ones. i never sit around waiting for an idea to materialize. i have some forty-five years of cassettes, notebooks, zip discs etc to mine, and perhaps not that many years left.
> 
> as well, i'll challenge myself, to see if i can write a song with only one chord, for example. i have always found that writing a very, very simple song is the toughest challenge.
> 
> -dh


I like the idea of the one chord song. You are right though that the simplest are sometimes the hardest to pull off. The other thing I will do is try and write songs in a style that is outside my comfort zone or personal taste preference to see how it comes out.


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## Agata0023

Ripper said:


> Out of curiousity, when you guys write, do you write the lyrics first or the music? I mostly write the words first. I've always been into poetry and writing it (helped to qwell the demons), but sometimes I think it makes it harder doing a song this way.



Me myself I write the lyrics way ahead of time. Some times years. Then I write music seperatly. Once I have written the music, I go through my lyrics and see which matches the best.


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## Ripper

Agata0023 said:


> Me myself I write the lyrics way ahead of time. Some times years. Then I write music seperatly. Once I have written the music, I go through my lyrics and see which matches the best.


That pretty much describes the way I do it too. It's funny too, sometimes music I have written for one particular set of lyrics ends up working so much better for a completely different song.


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## esp_dsp

well these are pretty much fresh lyrics just finished them really lol..... the guitar line i made to it has a blues feel kinda mellow with lots of reverb to try and paint a picture for yea lol

that women and me.....

my women left me
for a man by the sea
he was better off them me
in his fancy car
the only thing to my name now 
is this old guitar

she took my house 
she took everything
she fed my clothes to that
that god damn pig

now see that women and me
had a son named jeffery
now that boy jeffery
was a swell swell boy
now that women and me 
well i took her to court
and well we were at court 
heres what the judge says to me
(solo here.... thats what the judge says lol)

and now my boy jeffery 
well he left me
off to school he goes
for how long lord knows

now im left with nothing
stuck on this bar stool thinking
nothing left in this guitar worth plucking
i got these crummy gigs
and thats all i know 

thats it dont know if its any good or not just kinda spelt out of my mouth as i was jamming so i wrote it down lol:rockon2:


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## Agata0023

Its a very very personal song from what I read. And as much as I like personal songs, you may want to re-word it, and change the names around *if you already haven't* - I don't like the one line "she fed my clothes to that"


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## esp_dsp

well i just went with whatever came to my mind and its not personal at all really... no women has left me.... i dont have a son... it just a rough outline so far...


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## Agata0023

Oh well then my bad. It seemed like a personal song. I do like it though. What kind of music would you be putting it to?


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## Ripper

I like it, the pigs made me laugh. Has the makings of a good blues or country tune for sure.


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## esp_dsp

its got a blues/classic rock riff to it i was listening to george thorogood all day
so kinda think his style its pretty much just one based blue riff thingy with improvied solos inbetween so far

glad to hear you like it lol thanks man


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## Ripper

esp_dsp said:


> its got a blues/classic rock riff to it i was listening to george thorogood all day
> so kinda think his style its pretty much just one based blue riff thingy with improvied solos inbetween so far
> 
> glad to hear you like it lol thanks man


OH yeah now I could hear the ol' delaware destroyer doing this for sure.


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## Agata0023

Yeah, I definatly get the bluesy style to it. Keep it up man, good work


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## esp_dsp

oh yea!


i read some of your guys lyrics too good stuff!!! when i write more ill post them again im not going to go through my old note book and post a hole bunch but the ones im really diggin at the time ill post!


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## Ripper

Here's another one I put together and we have started playing out.

Memory Lane

Thoughts and visions dancin round in my head
Whirlin, screamin flashes of red
Demons and Angels torment your soul
Searing your brain like a hot burning coal

Chorus:
Runnin down a memory lane
Trying to keep from going insane
Faces and places, people and spaces
Runnin down a memory lane

From assholes to aces they all appear
The death of a loved one 
The birth of a tear
They appear out of nowhere, no reason no rhyme
the good and the bad are allowed equal time

All of these memories stored deep away
and for my emotions they make their play
no matter the memory what matters the most
you are the master you handle the ghost

Chorus again but running down a memory lane repeated three times at end


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## david henman

Ripper said:


> I like the idea of the one chord song. You are right though that the simplest are sometimes the hardest to pull off. The other thing I will do is try and write songs in a style that is outside my comfort zone or personal taste preference to see how it comes out.


...ah, so you're challenging yourself. sorry, buddy, you're hooked:smile:!

i wrote a song a few years ago that is a compilation of jokes from a bathroom book called "2001 insults for all occasions" or something to that effect.

i've been encouraged to record the song, as it goes over well live, but i'm unsure about the repercussions. anyway, here it is:

GOIN' UP FAST, COMIN' DOWN HARD

WELL YOU LOOK LIKE A PIGEON THAT GOT CAUGHT IN A BADMINTON GAME
AND YOU'RE SO CONTRARY IF YOU DROWNED THEY'D HAVE TO LOOK FOR YOU UPSTREAM
YOU GOT A BEAUTIFUL STAIRWAY BUT NOT TOO MUCH UPSTAIRS
AND YOUR MOUTH IS SO BIG YOU COULD WHISPER IN YOUR OWN EAR

WELL YOU WALK INTO AN ANTIQUE STORE AND YOU SAY "WHAT'S NEW?"
I COULDN'T GET A WORD IN EDGEWISE WITH YOU IF I FOLDED IT IN TWO
YOU LET YOUR MIND GO BLANK BUT YOU FORGOT TO TURN OFF THE SOUND
AND WHEN YOU GET INTO A TAXI, THE DRIVER LEAVES THE VACANT SIGN ON

THEY SHOULD CALL YOU FLOUR, YOU REALLY BEEN THROUGH THE MILL
YOU'RE THE PROVERBIAL GOOD TIME THAT WAS HAD BY ALL
YOU'VE BEEN ON MORE LAPS THAN A NAPKIN AND MORE LIPS THAN A SONG
AND YOU CAN'T SWIM A STROKE BUT YOU KNOW EVERY DIVE IN TOWN

-dh


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## Ripper

I love it, that is funny as hell. What kind of tune goes with it? You had better be careful you might be the next Ray Stevens


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## david henman

Ripper said:


> I love it, that is funny as hell. What kind of tune goes with it? You had better be careful you might be the next Ray Stevens


...just a straight up pop tune with a neat chorus:

"you're goin' up fast, comin' down hard"

thanks, ripper. it may end up on the next cd.

-dh


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## bluecoyote

I have no idea where these lyrics to a simple blues riff came from. No, I did not kill a man in Memphis or change my name to Blind Melon? 
They just pop into my head every once in a while???

I told you to take out the garbage can;
But, you took out the garbage man;
and honey, I have not seen you since 1961!

Mama if you put your brain on a razor blade;
It would look like a BB rolling down a four-lane highway;
Not too sharp!

I don't need a weatherman to tell me which way the wind blows!


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## famouspogs

I like stairway to heaven a lot.
You are the stairway to heaven king.
You really whoop a snow lepoard's ass.
You really whoop Saddam Hussein's ass.

STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN!!!
STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN!!!
STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN!!!
STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN!!!

I like stairway to heaven a lot.
You really whoop a snow lepoard's ass.
stairway to heaven is the best.
I like you well.

STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN!!!
STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN!!!
STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN!!!
STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN!!!

You can really jam harder like a magicist.
You are my special stairway to heaven.
You really whoop the horse's ass.
stairway to heaven really whoops a camel's ass.

Rock over London,
Rock on Chicago.

Be a Pepper - drink Dr. Pepper.


totally wrote these myself.


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## Lester B. Flat

famouspogs said:


> I like stairway to heaven a lot.
> You are the stairway to heaven king.
> You really whoop a snow lepoard's ass.
> You really whoop Saddam Hussein's ass.
> 
> STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN!!!
> STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN!!!
> STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN!!!
> STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN!!!
> 
> I like stairway to heaven a lot.
> You really whoop a snow lepoard's ass.
> stairway to heaven is the best.
> I like you well.
> 
> STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN!!!
> STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN!!!
> STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN!!!
> STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN!!!
> 
> You can really jam harder like a magicist.
> You are my special stairway to heaven.
> You really whoop the horse's ass.
> stairway to heaven really whoops a camel's ass.
> 
> Rock over London,
> Rock on Chicago.
> 
> Be a Pepper - drink Dr. Pepper.
> 
> 
> totally wrote these myself.


Can I have your autograph?


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## famouspogs

Lester B. Flat said:


> Can I have your autograph?


perhaps... but is it the autograph that has you?


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## Antony_Austin

Even if I scared the 
Meaning of my life 
Into my wrists
It would still be pointless because
I am forgotten

Like a rose in the desert
I am forever lost
So ill just fade into the 
Sands of time

So bury my heart in flames
And cloak my soul in shadows
Wrap my mind in darkness
and Blow a kiss to the moon

I did no act
Upon what I wanted dearly,
Now that I which I want,
I can never have,
I’m dying inside

Love hate
Passion, remorse
Sorrow and sadness

The very core of
My entity feels shattered
Like a stone

I want to watch these veins
Drain of my life, and stare as
It flows away from me

I feel wreaked and unwanted
Torn apart on the inside

I wish that what you once felt
Will rise from the ashes

The 14th day of the 10th month
Must seem like nothing to you now

I hate my self
Do you hate me
I hate my self
Could you ever love me

I’m going to break

Even if I scared the meaning
Of you into my being, would
Is it all meaningless?


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## littlewing

*When the musics over*

This is on of my first songs so I don't how good it is but please give me your opinion.

This was built around a bass line I wrote while listning to the song when the musics over by the doors(hence the name) and I wrote most of the lyrics while I was listning to the song to their might be some simalarities.

When the musics over
When the lights are out
When everyone has gone home
When the candles burn out
Will you still be there?
Dancing to my song?

Let the fire burn
Let it give you what you earn
Let it burn through your soul
But don't let it leave a hole

The lights are dimming 
The candles are going out
is it time to stop singing?
is it time to get out?

(this part is more spoken then sung)
Let the music heal you
Let the music feel you 
But don't let it...

(Here the music speeds up a bit for this verse)
If the music is you only friend
Dance all night until it ends
If the music is your special friend 
Sing all night as if intends
Let the music be your special friend
Let it be your only friend
Until the end

When the musics over
When the lights are out
When everyone had gone home
When the candles burn out
Will you still be there?
Dancing to my song?

(this outro part is also spoken)
Are you awake 
under the hood
can you hear the music
will you
let the music heal you
let the music feel you
but dont let it it kill you.


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## david henman

littlewing said:


> This is on of my first songs so I don't how good it is but please give me your opinion.



...your own opinion is the only one that matters, but i''l take the bait. i like the first two verses, but find some of the remaining lyrics to be a little _too much_. 

more to the point, however, is the fact that the lyrics and the melody/rhythms need to be well matched. without hearing that match, any opinions on the lyrics are somewhat irrelevant.

personally, i would never solicit opinions on my own compositions.

-dh


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## littlewing

david henman said:


> ...your own opinion is the only one that matters, but i''l take the bait. i like the first two verses, but find some of the remaining lyrics to be a little _too much_.
> 
> more to the point, however, is the fact that the lyrics and the melody/rhythms need to be well matched. without hearing that match, any opinions on the lyrics are somewhat irrelevant.
> 
> personally, i would never solicit opinions on my own compositions.
> 
> -dh


I agree with you about the lyrics being a little irrelevant without the rhythms or melody and I get what you mean when you say that only your opinion would should matter I just wanted to get a little feeback since this is one of my only first full songs(not just lyrics that I scribble down on a piece of scrap paper when they pop into my head)

And by the way when you said the last couple verses where too much did you mean they were just dragging on and they made the song to long or did you mean they had to much of something like they were to heavy or to happy or to sad etc...


----------



## david henman

littlewing said:


> I agree with you about the lyrics being a little irrelevant without the rhythms or melody and I get what you mean when you say that only your opinion would should matter I just wanted to get a little feeback since this is one of my only first full songs(not just lyrics that I scribble down on a piece of scrap paper when they pop into my head)
> 
> And by the way when you said the last couple verses where too much did you mean they were just dragging on and they made the song to long or did you mean they had to much of something like they were to heavy or to happy or to sad etc...



...the first couple of verses get the message across with a rather unique and pointed style. it seems like the other verses try to say something similar, but in a less effective and, ultimately, superfluous manner. i am very often guilty of this myself, and have come to recognize the trap. as a songwriter - i am very aware of how easy it is to paint yourself into a corner, lyrically, and how difficult it can be to conjure up the persistence needed to search for more effective words and phrases.


i also like this line:

If the music is your special friend 
Sing all night as it intends

-dh


----------



## 55 Jr

Er...........

Goin down town gonna see my gal.




Best regards,

Brian


----------



## david henman

...blender magazines top 40 worst lyricists in rock:

http://www.blender.com/guide/articles.aspx?ID=2882

i think they're stretching a bit (eg bryan adams), but its a fun read, nonetheless.

-dh


----------



## fraser

hmm- morrison as one of the worst? where then would other songwriters of his era rank? i call BULLSHIT
“Breakfast where the news is read/Television children fed/Unborn living, living, dead/Bullet strikes the helmet’s head” (“The Unknown Soldier”)
for the vietnam era- thats heavy, deep and very cerebral writing.
and drug mad hippie? morrison? mustve got all his info from that gawdawful oliver stone movie


----------



## Guest

*One of mine, if ye be interested*

Corpus Vile

Abandoned reason
Soul asylums resident
Devouring all essence 
Brought inside 
Shadows of incomplete incursions 
Upon bleak minds

Damned through deliverance
Comprehend our purpose
To fail in droves
Circle the black hole,
Gorge on its purpose

Lost silence
Dissected dreams displayed 
Cannot sleep
Will not die
Mortualia ever sounding

Damned through deliverance
Comprehend our purpose
To fail in droves
Circle the black hole,
Gorge on its purpose

Forced to wander the earth
Searching 
Not knowing for what
Cursing 
Those who condemned us

Damned through deliverance
Comprehend our purpose
To fail in droves
Circle the black hole,
And gorge upon its purpose


----------



## darreneedens

this song is about a poor man.... it is really upbeat.

titled "forced to be poor"

oh, I can't afford no food to eat,
Can't even put shoes on my feet. 
Oh lord, my toes, there getting cold,
Keep waitin' for my time to come but I, 
Keep on gettin' old.

They say that money it don't grow on trees, I'm,
Forced to beg for pennies while on my knees,
Playing my guitar on the streets, oh,
Sellin' my blues for a, little bit of heat.

chorus.
Oh shit I guess I'm forced to be poor,
I thought I found an open window but it was another ****in door,
Forced to be poor.

(slows down)
Could you spare a dollar sir? I,
notice that your wife, is wearing fur.
I'm just another guy forced to the curb for,
you and society to observe.

etc.

cheers.


----------



## Spikezone

OK, here's one of mine. A little schmaltzy, but here's the story: I went to a songwriting clinic put on by Valdy a few years ago, and one of the exercises he gave us was he wrote 3 totally unrelated words on the blackboard and gave us 5 minutes to come up with something using the 3 words. I can't even remember what the words were now (something like 'flowers', 'wonder', and 'work'), but they are buried in the text of the lyrics somewhere. Whatever I wrote at the time sucked, but I took the words home and tried again, once I had the idea of what he was getting at, and wrote this. Like I say, it's a bit hokey, but I still like the way it turned out, for what it's worth.



> THOSE FLOWERS ON YOUR DESK-by Mike Pearson
> 
> The messenger was nameless; the bouquet had no card.
> Delivered to her door that Monday morn.
> She headed off to work in a confusionary state-
> On that day a mystery was born.
> CHORUS:
> With no one in her life right at the moment,
> She wracked her brains to come up with a face
> Of someone who might want to be more than a friend,
> A person who might long for her embrace.
> 
> With mixed emotions running high, she struggled through the day.
> Who had sent the flowers? She had to know
> If her admirer would be one to captivate her heart,
> Or someone who should never be her beau.
> CHORUS:
> With no one in her life right at the moment,
> She wracked her brains to come up with a face
> Of someone who might want to be more than a friend,
> The person who might long for her embrace.
> BRIDGE:
> Returning home, she found it in the hallway;
> The gift tag lying abandoned on the floor.
> It gave some clues, but only in a small way.
> The hints it gave just left her wondering more...
> 
> (It said)"We work in the same office, though we have never met.
> If you will take a chance, here is the test:
> If you're curious to meet me, bring the bouquet in to work.
> Hope to see those flowers on your desk!"
> CHORUS:
> With no one in her life right at the moment,
> She wracked her brains to come up with a face
> Of someone who might want to be more than a friend,
> This person who might long for her embrace.
> Yeah, someone who might want to be more than a friend...
> This person who might long for her embrace.


Like I said, a bit schmaltzy, but I think the story works and the song turned out OK.
-Mikey


----------



## mysweetshadow747

Just so this is said and out of the way, yes I realize my writing style is generally very dark and at times morbid, but I'm a metalhead, what do you want from me?!?! Haha, enjoy!



The Forgotten's Hymn

Burning at the stake
Conviction of future by past
Swinging from the noose
Light of bright future fading fast
To add insult to injury,
I'm stoned as I scream
And no one will save me
I'm just a shadow in their dreams

Lost to the angels
Forsaken by Him
I'm the sacrificial lamb
and I sing this, the forgotten's hymn

Poisoned by hate
Lead coursing through the veins
A barb shrouded heart
Grows accustomed to pain
Darkness enclosing me in
It's a losing battle to lie
So I'll just sit in the shadows
And watch daylight slowly die

For almost an eternity I'll serenade the dark,
Calling to abandoned souls, their misguiding lark

Lost to the angels
Forsaken by Him
I'm the sacrificial lamb
so on I sing this, the forgotten's hymn

We're passive for now, but one day we'll rise up
The forgotten will march and we'll drink from their cup
Blood of the guilty tastes sweeter than wine
I'm immune to the guilt, and it suits me just fine...


----------



## Guest

55 Jr said:


> Er...........
> 
> Goin down town gonna see my gal.


Gonna sing her a little song?


----------



## xuthal

just wrote this about half an hour ago,no editing yet.Tell me what you think.

BITING CLOUDS

you kill yourself a hit at a time
to make up for a drunkin crime
i couldnt help you there
when you werent here
you're gone

CHORIS:
your gone
biting clouds
your gone
biting clouds

INTERLUDE/BRIDGE:

lives waisted without a thought
complacent in this box

CHORIS:2

your gone
biting clouds
your gone
in this shroud

CHORIS:3(slows down)

your gone
biting clouds
your gone
biting clouds...


This one is unusual for my writing style but i thought i would try something different for a change.I wrote this about a friend who punished himself with drugs over a guilty concience.


----------



## derraj

*lyric to my song.."sleep"*

hey.. im only 13, but i was inspired to wright this song after my girlfriend dumped me and then my friend askeed her out and got rejected..

SLEEP BY JARRED

(verse 1)
you said you weren't mad
but i knew you were 
please dont lie to me
i know our thinking of her
but know were both sad
but can we still be friends?
neither of us got the girl in the end

(chorus)
everyday i wake up thinking
and every night i do the same
i cant fall asleep 
when your in my head
and i might end up drinking 
if i was only nineteen
i wont make the same mistake again
not again...

(verse 2)
this is my apology
i hope you accept
now come out of your room 
and just forget
im over it 
and i hope you are to
i shouldn't be the one to pull you through.

(chorus)

(bridge)
cant fall asleep
(no....)
cant fall asleep
(no....)
i cant fall asleep
(woah...)
i just wanna sleep

(chorus)

(END) 

im still working on the guitar.., but if anyone was any suggestions let me know.


----------



## Phatchrisrules

This is about a girl I had a huge crush on in highschool 2 years ago. Its played to a very cool 5/4 strumming and sounds kind of poppy but heavy too...Please don't judge too harshly...

Can I buy some time
To be lied to to my face
always with a friend in tow
makes it harder to stay true

And when she says its time
I'm ready to do the crime
She latches onto my skin
and burrows straight through my infection

Lay down a corny line
She'll tell everyone down the grapevine
Her shining eyes
are melting holes in my sides

And when she says its time
I'm ready to do the crime
She latches onto my skin
and burrows straight through my infection


----------



## Andy

...deleted...


----------



## Darcy Hoover

*I did both of these this week....*

Roughshod 

Best watch it, here I am 
and I don’t give a damn 
I’m thinking you best move aside 
‘Cause girl, I’m just finding my stride 
No way in hell I’ll ever back down 
Gonna run roughshod all over this town 
Nah, ain’t never backing down 

Not like I got nothing to lose 
Not like I got anything to prove 
Set ‘em lose, see how I fare 
I’ll take ‘em down without a care 
No way in hell I’ll ever back down 
Gonna run roughshod all over this town 
Nah, ain’t never backing down 

You seen me comin, it’s no surprise 
You done called me with all your lies 
Well here I am and it won’t be the same 
My terms now, and it’s a dirty game 
No way in hell I’ll ever back down 
Gonna run roughshod all over this town 
Nah, ain’t never backing down 

I’m here and I ain’t gonna leave 
You can all just sit there and grieve 
You know it’s all gone to waste 
Just wait while I get my taste 
No way in hell I’ll ever back down 
Gonna run roughshod all over this town 
Nah, ain’t never backing down 

Best watch it, here I am 
Ya don’t want me, I don’t give a damn 
I’m thinking you best move aside 
‘Cause girl, I’m just finding my stride 
No way in hell I’ll ever back down 
Gonna run roughshod all over this town 
Nah, ain’t never backing down 

with some raw guitar work....
http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7238315


----------



## Darcy Hoover

and this one....a little lighter hearted...

Yet Another Dawn 

Things are chang’n all the time 
Whatever comes, I’ll make it mine 
Forever driftin as the wind blows 
What’ll bring, no one knows 
Gotta keep drivin on 
Striving for yet another dawn 
Never know when it’ll all be gone 

Gotta move on, that much is clear 
Bein’ honest, I like it right here 
But I know full well things don’t stay the same 
As long as I’m breathing gotta play that game 
Gotta keep drivin on 
Striving for yet another dawn 
Never know when it’ll all be gone 

Ever take a turn knowing it’s wrong? 
Just to see if you’re just as strong? 
There’s times ya gotta throw it away 
Nice to know how far you’ll stray 
Gotta keep drivin on 
Striving for yet another dawn 
Never know when it’ll all be gone 

It just ain’t livin’, coasting along 
How you gonna cope when it all goes wrong 
If you’ve never failed, you just don’t know 
When your times up how you gonna go? 
Gotta keep drivin on 
Striving for yet another dawn 
Never know when it’ll all be gone 

Things are chang’n all the time 
Whatever comes, I’ll make it mine 
Forever driftin as the wind blows 
What’ll bring, no one knows 
Gotta keep drivin on 
Striving for yet another dawn 
Never know when it’ll all be gone 

The guitar is some simple thumping out the bassline with my thumb picking the meoldy underneath bluesy drone...

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7241148


----------



## FrankyFarGone

*Billino*

Suited gray,all the time
Out you come,in you go
Eat alot,Then take a nap
Acting cute,roll on you back

White bowtie,White bowtie,white bowtie billinoooo

Sleep around during the day
Waisting time,feeling lazy
On the couch or in the hall
You spread out,Show off your balls

White bowtie,white bowtie,white bowtie billinooo

Fool around during the night
Raising hell,feeling funky
You dig the plants,run the stairs
Chase you tail,drive crazy

White bowtie,white bowtie billino,white bowtie billinooooo

By Francis Fargon


----------



## FrankyFarGone

*You Get*

You get culturized on you couch
Tv and radios give you class
You been strait A student from the start
GoodBoy!
Here's your DIPLOMA!

You get sociolaized on you computer
Software and dot com gives a show
You been infected by viruses from the start
GoodBoy!
Make it to the next LEVEL!

You get victimized by yourself
Mistakes and bullshits does your life
You been first-class looser from the start
GoodBoy!
Here's a chewable PROSACK!

You get,You Get,You Get to follow fashion from videos from NOW!
You Get,You Get,You Get to share porn clips with a freind from FRANCE!
You Get,You Get,You Get to miss yourself buying cheap rope at the DOLORAMA!

You Get,You Get,You.....Getting it....WRONG ALL THE TIME!

By Francis Fargon


----------



## FrankyFarGone

*One Night*

Stand tall,Wearing black
RubyRed eyes,Walkin down the hall
One night you when Out,One night you,never came back
Brown hat,Silver tie
Nothing in is hands,Only you on is mind
One night you when Out,One night you,never came back
Before that very day
No one care where the f**K you at
One night you when Out,One night you,never came back
I filty pig did it
Get you,famous at last
One night you when Out,One night you,NEVER CAME BACK!

BY francis Fargon


----------



## FrankyFarGone

*Downward Spiral*

Now more then ever,Never needed you more
I feel trap in,a downward spiral

No light shine in,Cloaked by the night
This time the snare close in,Breaking off your back
Look what you did,What you left behind
Only rip off papers,That speak out you mind

Thanks for the grass rope,Lets hear the phone ring
Its hard helping someone,And let no one know
Aint easy to look proud,When in fact your ashamed
Its so hard to get up,When your close friend to faillure

Now more then ever,Never needed you more
I feel trap in,a downward spiral

BY Francis Fargon


----------



## mrmatt1972

*Forgot I wrote this one...*

Found it when I recently transfered files from old computer to new...


Prison bars on my heart
2007 Matthew Vanderburgh

Prison bars on my heart
Keeping me caged up with you
I love you, and I love freedom
What’s a poor man to choose

Chorus

I love you
And I love our little babies too
But I love all the things that we used to do
Didn’t you
Didn’t you

I’ve got dreams Buried in the back yard
I’ve got dreams Chained to my heart
It’s this Tug of war between them and you
That is tearing this man apart

Chorus
Solo
Chorus

Bridge??


What is love But desire
And the search for beauty and truth
Your heart is cold, mine’s on fire
I need to show you that you’re living proof

Chorus

Didn’t you
Didn’t you



Geeze I'm a cheese ball! :rockon2:


----------



## FrankyFarGone

*Mom*

Feed me,Feed me,Yeah
A cold breast is waitin

Hug me,Hug me,Yeah
Later,mom is workin

Love me,Love me,Yeah
Drunken friends and nose job

Help me,Help me,Yeah
She passed-out in your arms

Save me,Save me,Yeah
Is that God your praying

Tell me,Tell me,Yeah
Not only her been lyiiiiiiiing

BY Francis Fargon


----------



## Lincoln

*Twenty-four Today*

I lost you long ago
but the memory just won't stay low
and sometimes late at night
I still hear your voice

I see you in my dreams
returning from a trip it seems
and traveler oh so fair
you're always welcome home

I've come a long, long way
you'd be proud of what I am today
but still I miss our love
and the things we shared

I guess that's all I have to say
I'm still hoping that I'll find a way
to fall in love again
and fill my soul

You're twenty-four today
You're twenty for today



D.Whitson/83


----------



## FrankyFarGone

*Dark toughts*

Kill you,and take Your place
Keep you alive,in a secret space
Wear your face,on special nights
Your both hands,for dirty crimes

Fill your mouth with horrible lies
Bring a pearl drop to your eyes
Use your tongue,licking door knobs
all of your teeth,for grinding jobs

Stick a icepick in your ears
Broke your legs,twist your knees cap
Take everyones problems,make-it your own
Then stab your brain with your nose bone

BY Francis Fargon


----------



## canadiangeordie

This is the lyrics to the first song i wrote for our band, Twenty Gauge Ticket. Actually the only track ive ever penned both lyrics and music for. See if you can tell what's going on:

*Horizon Coloured Black*

Swallow the last of your penance
Choke on the rays of the sun
Time has been called on your conquest
This battle will never be won
Spinning a web of deception
Helpless, totally damned
No more cities are falling
By the dictator’s hand


Your question will never be answered
By spreading a plague of lies
Scorched in a pit of fire
With the maggots, moths and the flies
Shivering amidst the darkness
Bleed on the frozen ground
Tanks, artillery roaring
The tyrant, never crowned


Bodies disfigured and faceless
Horizon coloured black
The streets are now a war zone
The Reich is under attack
Annihilate the Wehrmacht
The wolves begin to feast
Oppression turns to hatred
The Fuhrer is deceased


----------



## 60_Revolutions

*Decaying Society*

What has happened to society?
Appearance and image is all people see.
We can’t be ourselves, conformity’s everywhere,
All people care about is their clothes and hair. 
The standards society has set are so high, 
Everyone has made themselves into a lie.
Anorexia, bulimia, it’s an endless list,
Changing their appearance is their only wish.

*Chorus:*
What the **** is wrong with everyone?
Are people proud of what we’ve become?
Because of what society has taught,
Everyone is transforming into mindless robots.
Everything has become so degrading,
There is little love; all around you see hating.
I watch the gradual decay of society, 
All people care about is what others see.

People are afraid of being different,
Our views on image are warped and bent.
No one is happy unless they’re trying to be someone else,
Why is it so rare to find people who can be themselves?
Everyone just like what the think is cool,
If someone is unique people act cruel,
They force people to be afraid of themselves,
Or else they’ll make their life a living ****.

*Chorus*

Everyone has become so ******* blind,
Allowing others to corrupt their minds,
People try too hard to impress,
Values have become such a mess.
Women have to dress like ***** to fell accepted,
If they don’t they’ll be rejected.
No one can see through the lies,
Or realize it’s all just a disguise.
Underneath it all what do you find?
A made-up body with and empty mind?

*Chorus*

It’s all about image and what others see,
It doesn’t matter what you really could be,
As long as you’re conforming to what people expect,
It doesn’t matter if you do things you’ll regret.
So go stick that toothbrush down your throat,
Then laugh it off like it’s a joke,
And get knocked up while you’re still in school,
It doesn’t matter as long as it makes you cool,
Cast your future aside — who really cares about it?
Just let yourself become another clueless ****.

*Chorus*



Might I add before posting this that I was quite angry when I wrote this. I am aware it it very angry. Also, I wasn't sure about the restrictions on swearing here since I'm new to this forum, so I put stars for the profanity. =p


----------



## Francis Fargon

*Oh well!*

At a mountain's foot,there a well,there a well
At a mountain's foot,there a well down the road
Take a few steps at your left,there a well,there a well
Take a few step at your left,there a well down the road
They come across town,to the well,to the well
They come across town,to the well down the road
The water is cold and fresh,at the well,at the well
The water is cold and fresh,at the well down the road
There always a bucket and a rope,at the well,at the well
There always a bucket and a rope,at the well down the road
At a mountain's foot,there a well,there a well
At a mountain's foot,there a well down the road
And i pee there so often,in the well,in the well
I pee there so often,in the well down the road 

By Francis Fargon


----------



## darkjune

*new*

Im new at the writing thing but here is something I did.tell me what you think.


My life aint a box of roses.

But its mine even if I never choose it.

I'll own every breath I take.

Untill you take my breath away.


you were the space between my heart beat.

could live forever just to know your love for one day.

they called you the jack of all trades.

but you still cant fix my broken heart.


the first time that we kissed.

how could a man resist.

you left me wanting more. 

you left me wanting more.


I think Ive gone to heaven but im still alive.

like angel eyes in the milky way.

Is this a cure or a is it a curse.

someone please let me know.




so there you go. dj


----------



## darkjune

*new*

Im new at the writing thing but here is something I did.tell me what you think.


My life aint a box of roses.

But its mine even if I never choose it.

I'll own every breath I take.

Untill you take my breath away.


you were the space between my heart beat.

could live forever just to know your love for one day.

they called you the jack of all trades.

but you still cant fix my broken heart.


the first time that we kissed.

how could a man resist.

you left me wanting more. 

you left me wanting more.


I think Ive gone to heaven but im still alive.

like angel eyes in the milky way.

Is this a cure or a is it a curse.

someone please let me know.




so there you go. dj


----------



## xuthal

*This Line*

I'll wait,by the phone,wasted
I'll wait alone,wasted time but ill wait
and i'll wait wasted
but ill wait

on this line,gone dead
all the things i'd say
this lines gone dead
with all these things 
i shouldnt have said

time slips away
time i cant replace
time slips away
but i stay

on this line gone dead
and all the things i'd say
this lines gone dead
with all these
with all these things
with all these things
i shouldnt have said


----------



## neogardguitar

This is a very cool thread. 

I've been trying to guess the kind of music by the lyrics.

Here's one of mine.

INSTINCT


Instinct
for survival
fire by trial
bones that curve slowly to the shape of the earth
away
hardly deep
just underneath
this downhill slide of skin when tiny vessels burst

crisis needs an audience
and I’m not listening

numb
deaf and dumb
can’t feel my thumbs
or my tongue as I struggle for words
quiet
more or less
I am blessed
with a lazy kind of happiness and a love of the absurd 

crisis needs and audience
and I’m not looking

instinct
for survival
passionate denial
I laugh like a child - out of mind out of sight
funny
mind numbing
this constant state of becoming
ho humming as I drag my feet towards the light


----------



## neogardguitar

And here's one more. Wrote this after my mom died, going through boxes and boxes of little pieces of paper.


RAINY DAY

Rainy Day Rainy Day
a piece of paper with a number
that I fold up into a perfect square
Put it in a box
Then put it in a closet
and promptly forget that its there

Oh I never saw it coming
once upon a time 
like pennies from heaven crashing down on my head
there was something
something I was gunna do
Important I think but somehow now I forget

We fall from grace on a daily basis
with shakey ethics and paper chases
then we run to our safe places
wash our hands wash the egg off our faces
turn on the tv and scream I hate this
then we get up tomorrow and we do it all over again
and shine on

Rainy Day Rainy Day
I’m taking little bits of string
and attaching them to everything I own
and one on my baby finger
very significant
to me and me alone

Guess it all comes down to this
I wish I had a dollar 
for everytime I changed my mind
afraid to be wrong
I keep my options open
and take every little thing as some kind of a sign

It’s a sign of the time and what happens next
This dirty money gives as good as it gets
I pay and pay for the time I said yes
So Bury me on a bed of uncashed cheques
Up to my eyeballs in my kharmic debt
and wearing patent leather shoes and pennies on my eyes 
so I can shine on

shine on
remember this
shine on


----------



## Brigham

*comedic lyrics?*

rather than post my crappy serious attempts at lyric writing, which are torturous to read, I thought I'd post a link to one of my comedic songs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OGuazcGd3A

the lyrics are in the sidebar on Youtube, but the jokes are funnier if you listen, rather than read.

Comedic songwriting is whole craft unto itself, I've found that it's actually quite difficult to do effectively. I admire good musical comedians, the way some people can work a really clever joke into structured rhyming verse is pretty impressive


----------



## felixjavier

Probably, my best lyric; simple but deep.

Use Google Translate, sorry for the inconveniences. I prefer to respect the original version in Spanish.

SONG; EL MAR (THE SEA)

By "el último ingenuo"(spanish pop band)

Y sé que hacer
Me siento capaz
Cuando el tiempo carece de algo en que anclar
He visto aquí un véndabal
Y creo que nada podría hacerme cambiar.

Y sé que fuí un ave rapaz
Contemplando el miedo
Las ansias de amar
Quizá fuí yo, el viento y la sal
Barriendo las almas
Al tiempo que buscan el mar, y el mar...

Y el mar
Y el mar
Y el mar

Lo cierto es que miro hacia atrás
Y siento tal miedo
Que empiezo a remar
Quizá soñé un mundo ideal
Al ritmo que marcan, las olas que vienen y van,y el mar...

Y el mar
Y el mar
Y el mar

Year; 2008
Album; Volver a vernos


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## NicS

This is the first (and only) set of lyrics I've written. Normally it's not my thing at all but I just came up with a couple lines and it went from there. Still very much a work in progress. It starts out all dark and then I think by the end of what I have here it kinda loses the feeling because it's a little cliche. I do have a sound in mind for it, somewhere between Beast and the Harlot and Master of Puppets is the best way to describe it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Darker Side


I'm awakened deep inside
Your broken, tortured mind
The peaceful world that you once knew
Is starting to unwind

[thinking something for in here but I don't know what. More lyrics or maybe a quick little riff)


I'm alive within your soul
Devour more each day
Twisting thoughts within your brain
Your sanity will fray



Go to war within yourself
The battle lines are drawn
Fighting for your consciousness
A new dark age will dawn


You cannot run
[need a line here]



You cannot hide
Our thoughts entwined


There's no escape from
Your darker side


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