# Saw this ad, thought “parents worst nightmare”



## 1SweetRide (Oct 25, 2016)




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## Mooh (Mar 7, 2007)

Never mind that it will be cold water.


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## 1SweetRide (Oct 25, 2016)

Mooh said:


> Never mind that it will be cold water.


Lol, never even thought of that.


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## Milkman (Feb 2, 2006)

I see the merit in a bidet, but I can honestly say I’ve never tried to use one.


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## player99 (Sep 5, 2019)

This is a nice one:


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## laristotle (Aug 29, 2019)

warm seat too. sold.


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## sambonee (Dec 20, 2007)

Bidet is first class. Once you’ve experienced that level of clean, there’s only second best after that.


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## 1SweetRide (Oct 25, 2016)

Lol, you guys are missing the point of the 5yr old going potty by himself and discovering this feature.


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## sambonee (Dec 20, 2007)

That’s a mess waiting to happen. Needs a tight valve. Perhaps a childproof one at that.


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## Milkman (Feb 2, 2006)

1SweetRide said:


> Lol, you guys are missing the point of the 5yr old going potty by himself and discovering this feature.


I think any bidet will make a wet mess if used “riderless”.

We were just raised to use paper.

I’ve sat down on plenty of bidet equipped toilettes around the world but never had the guts to turn one on.


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## 1SweetRide (Oct 25, 2016)

sambonee said:


> Bidet is first class. Once you’ve experienced that level of clean, there’s only second best after that.


I wouldn't have the faintest idea of how one gets to one's nether regions with a hose, while seated, without spraying water and whatnot everywhere.


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## Electraglide (Jan 24, 2010)

Honey, are you finished in there yet? Me and the kids have got to go. Honey? 


Mooh said:


> Never mind that it will be cold water.


It's bad enough to be in the shower when someone turns on a tap or flushes the toilet......now they can spray you too.


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## Electraglide (Jan 24, 2010)

1SweetRide said:


> I wouldn't have the faintest idea of how one gets to one's nether regions with a hose, while seated, without spraying water and whatnot everywhere.


That my friend is an experience you have to try. A lady I lived with for a while in 1974 had a rather complete shower......two sets of hoses and four levels of shower heads and a set up something like this also. I enjoyed the shower but not the the toilet. I believe she had sort of an apron she wore when she used it.


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## 1SweetRide (Oct 25, 2016)

Electraglide said:


> That my friend is an experience you have to try. A lady I lived with for a while in 1974 had a rather complete shower......two sets of hoses and four levels of shower heads and a set up something like this also. I enjoyed the shower but not the the toilet. I believe she had sort of an apron she wore when she used it.


Lol, sounds like too much work.


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## Electraglide (Jan 24, 2010)

1SweetRide said:


> Lol, sounds like too much work.


The apron thing, yes. The shower, nope. And practical too. At the time I was doing industrial brake relining and that dust got everywhere.
Note on bidets, you still have to wipe......or have a very loving partner with a very good hair dryer; which in itself is not a bad thing.


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## 1SweetRide (Oct 25, 2016)

Electraglide said:


> The apron thing, yes. The shower, nope. And practical too. At the time I was doing industrial brake relining and that dust got everywhere.
> Note on bidets, you still have to wipe......or have a very loving partner with a very good hair dryer; which in itself is not a bad thing.


Hell no! No one is going near there with a hair dryer or any other hot spinning object.


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## player99 (Sep 5, 2019)

Electraglide said:


> The apron thing, yes. The shower, nope. And practical too. At the time I was doing industrial brake relining and that dust got everywhere.
> Note on bidets, you still have to wipe......or have a very loving partner with a very good hair dryer; which in itself is not a bad thing.


The one I bought (see video) has a built in heated dryer fan. I don't use the dryer. One wipe and all it removes is water.


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## Electraglide (Jan 24, 2010)

player99 said:


> The one I bought (see video) has a built in heated dryer fan. I don't use the dryer. One wipe and all it removes is water.


So you're still wiping. 


1SweetRide said:


> Hell no! No one is going near there with a hair dryer or any other hot spinning object.


Most hairdryers have a cool setting and are screened so if you're worried about going thru the screen.......


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## player99 (Sep 5, 2019)

Electraglide said:


> So you're still wiping.


It's not the same. It's one quick wipe to remove the water.


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## 1SweetRide (Oct 25, 2016)

Electraglide said:


> So you're still wiping.
> 
> Most hairdryers have a cool setting and are screened so if you're worried about going thru the screen.......


I'd need a trim first.


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## allthumbs56 (Jul 24, 2006)

I'm not comfortable having this conversation


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## JazzyT (Nov 1, 2017)

Japanese toilets for the win!


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## mhammer (Nov 30, 2007)




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## Mooh (Mar 7, 2007)

1SweetRide said:


> Lol, you guys are missing the point of the 5yr old going potty by himself and discovering this feature.


Didn’t miss that at all, just never commented on it, it being self-evident. (I spent years tending to the issues of school cleanliness and have seen what kids can do with water...I might have been that sort of kid too.)


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## 1SweetRide (Oct 25, 2016)

mhammer said:


>


No wonder I don't get visitors anymore. I don't have a bidet.


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## Guncho (Jun 16, 2015)

This is one of the best things I have ever purchased. Seriously life changing.

Surprisingly my kids have never asked what is or don't know how to operate it.

It is in the basement bathroom off my music room which they don't use much.

PS Cold water doesn't matter.

Luxe Bidet Neo 185 (Elite Series) - Self Cleaning Dual Nozzle - Fresh Water Non-Electric Mechanical Bidet Toilet Attachment w/Strong Faucet Valves and Metal Hoses (White and White), Bidet Attachments - Amazon Canada


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## 1SweetRide (Oct 25, 2016)

Haha, I can't believe where this thread has gone.


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## Electraglide (Jan 24, 2010)

I'll stick with something like the opening scenes of "Coming To America".


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## Electraglide (Jan 24, 2010)

player99 said:


> It's not the same. It's one quick wipe to remove the water.


Quick or slow it's still a wipe and 99.999% of the toilets you encounter will be just toilets. But, to each his own.


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## Distortion (Sep 16, 2015)

That is to hose the pi$$ off the seat.


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## player99 (Sep 5, 2019)

Electraglide said:


> Quick or slow it's still a wipe and 99.999% of the toilets you encounter will be just toilets. But, to each his own.


But you are wiping off water, not poop. Big difference. Poop is rarely one wipe.


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## Guncho (Jun 16, 2015)

I'm with you Player99. Anyone who hasn't tried a bidet has no idea what they are missing.

Shower clean every time.


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## Milkman (Feb 2, 2006)

I use the three shells.


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## Electraglide (Jan 24, 2010)




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## mhammer (Nov 30, 2007)

We have shower with a detachable shower head with 4 different settings and along hose. If you "don't feel fresh" you can always use that as an option. Redd Foxx's classic routine. Not for family listening.


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## Electraglide (Jan 24, 2010)

Guncho said:


> I'm with you Player99. Anyone who hasn't tried a bidet has no idea what they are missing.
> 
> Shower clean every time.


So what, you wait until you get home? Me I'll pass on the low pressure enema.


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## Guncho (Jun 16, 2015)

I didn't say anything about waiting til I get home but yeah if possible.

It's that good.


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## Electraglide (Jan 24, 2010)

Guncho said:


> I didn't say anything about waiting til I get home but yeah if possible.
> 
> It's that good.


That's what they say. Me. I'll stick to a shower.


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## Guncho (Jun 16, 2015)

This is like a little shower every time you take a dump.

Plus it's only $50 and is super easy to install.

To each his own for sure though.


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## Electraglide (Jan 24, 2010)

player99 said:


> But you are wiping off water, not poop. Big difference. Poop is rarely one wipe.


According to this you're supposed to wipe before you use the bidet.
"When you are finished using the toilet, wipe your anus one time in the usual manner, throwing the toilet tissue in the toilet. This prevents excessive feces from being washed off into the bidet."


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## Guncho (Jun 16, 2015)

It's not a bidet. It's a toilet attachment.


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## JazzyT (Nov 1, 2017)

It's a power washer.


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## player99 (Sep 5, 2019)

Electraglide said:


> According to this you're supposed to wipe before you use the bidet.
> "When you are finished using the toilet, wipe your anus one time in the usual manner, throwing the toilet tissue in the toilet. This prevents excessive feces from being washed off into the bidet."


No the one I own. Dump, rinse, wipe once to dry water or use the heated dryer.


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## Guncho (Jun 16, 2015)

Heated dryer! Well la di da!


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## Electraglide (Jan 24, 2010)

Guncho said:


> It's not a bidet. It's a toilet attachment.


So a high pressure enema that sprays shit around. Nice. I'll really pass now.


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## Cardamonfrost (Dec 12, 2018)

I have the Swash 1000. 

Worth. Every. Penny.
C


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## laristotle (Aug 29, 2019)




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## Guncho (Jun 16, 2015)

Holy sweet mother o pearl.


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## Electraglide (Jan 24, 2010)

laristotle said:


> View attachment 290204


I can see a lot of key punching on those bottom keys.


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## player99 (Sep 5, 2019)

Electraglide said:


> So a high pressure enema that sprays shit around. Nice. I'll really pass now.


It has complete pressure control. It's a softer sort of spray, not a firehose blasting on full.

Full control of the heated water temperature.

An adjustable heated seat. That's a nice feature.


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## Chito (Feb 17, 2006)

Because of this conversation, I just bought this.


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## player99 (Sep 5, 2019)

Warm water is the only way to go.


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## Milkman (Feb 2, 2006)

The Japanese seem very interested in fancy toilettes with heated seats and bidet like functions.

Everywhere I go over there has an uber-toilette, generally a Toto.

Lukather must be rolling in the royalties.


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## 1SweetRide (Oct 25, 2016)

laristotle said:


> View attachment 290204


Enema? Oh my god.


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## Doug Gifford (Jun 8, 2019)

Chito said:


> Because of this conversation, I just bought this.


"It's all about the music."


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## Electraglide (Jan 24, 2010)

As I recall with little kids, warm water makes things go. With heated water and a heated seat I guess you need to run some power. Nope.


Chito said:


> Because of this conversation, I just bought this.


From the looks of the "instructions" on the packaging you're bathroom floor is going to get washed quite a bit.


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## player99 (Sep 5, 2019)

This would work:


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## _Azrael (Nov 27, 2017)

I spent a little over six months in the Middle East using a bidet.

After getting used to it coming home and smearing shit around with a piece of paper felt really unhygienic, and my corn hole got pretty chaffed from all the rubbing.

I currently live in rental units, but if I ever get my own place it’s getting an ass hose.


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## butterknucket (Feb 5, 2006)




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## 12 stringer (Jan 5, 2019)

1SweetRide said:


> I wouldn't have the faintest idea of how one gets to one's nether regions with a hose, while seated, without spraying water and whatnot everywhere.


My thoughts exactly. Jumping in the shower would be less messy, I bet.


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## 1SweetRide (Oct 25, 2016)

_Azrael said:


> I spent a little over six months in the Middle East using a bidet.
> 
> After getting used to it coming home and smearing shit around with a piece of paper felt really unhygienic, and my corn hole got pretty chaffed from all the rubbing.
> 
> I currently live in rental units, but if I ever get my own place it’s getting an ass hose.


TMI!


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## player99 (Sep 5, 2019)

_Azrael said:


> I spent a little over six months in the Middle East using a bidet.
> 
> After getting used to it coming home and smearing shit around with a piece of paper felt really unhygienic, and my corn hole got pretty chaffed from all the rubbing.
> 
> I currently live in rental units, but if I ever get my own place it’s getting an ass hose.


Get the Brondell 1000. It adds onto an existing toilet with no plumber needed. Your chaffed butt speaker will thank you.


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## vadsy (Dec 2, 2010)

1SweetRide said:


> TMI!


reading over this thread I would say 87% of it is tmi. Although, ..I like how people will argue about everything


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## player99 (Sep 5, 2019)

If I save even one person from the agony of regular TP wiping, I am happy.


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## Guncho (Jun 16, 2015)

People always fear what they don't understand.


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## player99 (Sep 5, 2019)

Then continue to smear feces with paper all over their bung hole.


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## player99 (Sep 5, 2019)

You must watch this short vid:


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## Milkman (Feb 2, 2006)

I know it’s better to use a bidet, but it’s not easy to overcome a lifetime of habit.

I could live without the heated seat, but I guess I may consider a Toto or similar bidet equipped appliance the next time I replace or add a toilette.

I’m thinking about adding an en suite. Maybe.....


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## player99 (Sep 5, 2019)

Milkman said:


> I know it’s better to use a bidet, but it’s not easy to overcome a lifetime of habit.
> 
> I could live without the heated seat, but I guess I may consider a Toto or similar bidet equipped appliance the next time I replace or add a toilette.
> 
> I’m thinking about adding an en suite. Maybe.....


The Brundell units add to existing toilets.


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## 1SweetRide (Oct 25, 2016)

I have an idea. Go ahead and steal it.

Remove the seat, lower yourself into a gently swirling bath of warm water. Press the "clean" button, close your legs and make a good seal. The water rises and does a hot tub jet impersonation. Nether regions get massaged and cleaned. UV option for those that want the rays of sunshine where the sun don't shine. If you stay too long, the water gets colder and colder. Man, I'm a genius.


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## Electraglide (Jan 24, 2010)

1SweetRide said:


> I have an idea. Go ahead and steal it.
> 
> Remove the seat, lower yourself into a gently swirling bath of warm water. Press the "clean" button, close your legs and make a good seal. The water rises and does a hot tub jet impersonation. Nether regions get massaged and cleaned. UV option for those that want the rays of sunshine where the sun don't shine. If you stay too long, the water gets colder and colder. Man, I'm a genius.


Not too sure if the UV rays and the hot tub jet impersonation is good for the boys. I know regular hot tub jets aren't. Holding it in until you get home ain't an option either......what if home is two days away. You gonna hunt around for a spray booth just to wash your ass? Andy's wiping? I'd say, if he has to wipe that much, he's got a few problems that a bidet or spray booth won't help. 


player99 said:


> If I save even one person from the agony of regular TP wiping, I am happy.


Just saying that if you have agony when you wipe then maybe you should go see Andy's Dr. .


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## Milkman (Feb 2, 2006)

player99 said:


> The Brundell units add to existing toilets.


I worry about misdirected sprays with any add on units.

I’ll pony up for the Toto.


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## player99 (Sep 5, 2019)

Milkman said:


> I worry about misdirected sprays with any add on units.
> 
> I’ll pony up for the Toto.


I'm not sure what you are worried about.


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## Milkman (Feb 2, 2006)

player99 said:


> I'm not sure what you are worried about.


Water being accidentally sprayed all over the room by children.


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## laristotle (Aug 29, 2019)

According to specs of some mentioned, there has to be weight on the seat for activation.


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## Electraglide (Jan 24, 2010)

Milkman said:


> Water being accidentally sprayed all over the room by children.


That brings to mind toilet training to children and teaching them to wipe.....the seat, the floor, the walls. It's not only a boy thing either. 
@laristotle......no weight is needed for the bolt on spray nozzle, just open the valve, aim and pull the trigger.


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## Guncho (Jun 16, 2015)

On mine, one of the knob set it to clean your butt or clean itself. If set to clean itself and the children did manage to figure out how to turn it on, it wouldn't spray out of the bowl.


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## player99 (Sep 5, 2019)

They could use it like a drinking fountain.


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## Electraglide (Jan 24, 2010)

Guncho said:


> On mine, one of the knob set it to clean your butt or clean itself. If set to clean itself and the children did manage to figure out how to turn it on, it wouldn't spray out of the bowl.


If a 4 year old can operate a cell phone and show adults how to use it then the this should be no problem. 
*Luxe Bidet Neo 185 (Elite Series)*
Not too sure why he changed the T fitting to a T valve the way he's got it set up but any kids I know would have water all over the place really fast. It's not that hard to figure out. Plus little (and not so little) boys would appreciate the target when they lifted the lid to take a leak.


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## JBFairthorne (Oct 11, 2014)

Personally if I felt the need, I would be more likely to use baby wipes.


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## Distortion (Sep 16, 2015)

Just a word of caution if you see this set up in a washroom don't use the towels to dry your hands.


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## Electraglide (Jan 24, 2010)

Distortion said:


> Just a word of caution if you see this set up in a washroom don't use the towels to dry your hands.


I thought that's what the towels were for and TP is for wiping and drying other things.


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## player99 (Sep 5, 2019)

JBFairthorne said:


> Personally if I felt the need, I would be more likely to use baby wipes.


Nope. I have used them too. Not even close.


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## laristotle (Aug 29, 2019)

Stick a tube up yer ass and you don't have to do either. 
Reverse gerbil.


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## vadsy (Dec 2, 2010)

laristotle said:


> Stick a tube up yer ass and you don't have to do either.
> Reverse gerbil.


I believe they call that the astronaut and nasa is developing something for home use


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## player99 (Sep 5, 2019)

Cut back on food. The less you eat...


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## Distortion (Sep 16, 2015)

Electraglide said:


> I thought that's what the towels were for and TP is for wiping and drying other things.


I doubt they would use TP to dry their butts. Too much paper left behind. What are the options ?


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## Electraglide (Jan 24, 2010)

Distortion said:


> I doubt they would use TP to dry their butts. Too much paper left behind. What are the options ?


Don't use the bidet function at their place I guess. Without tp you're stuck using the towel tho. It is one thing to use a towel that someone else has dried their hands on but you got to be friends with a lot of privileges to use a towel they've used to wipe their butts.


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## _Azrael (Nov 27, 2017)

1SweetRide said:


> I have an idea. Go ahead and steal it.
> 
> Remove the seat, lower yourself into a gently swirling bath of warm water. Press the "clean" button, close your legs and make a good seal. The water rises and does a hot tub jet impersonation. Nether regions get massaged and cleaned. UV option for those that want the rays of sunshine where the sun don't shine. If you stay too long, the water gets colder and colder. Man, I'm a genius.


There’s days where I’m about ten wipes into what is obviously a thousand wiper where I just give up, undress, then stand in the shower.


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## _Azrael (Nov 27, 2017)

Distortion said:


> I doubt they would use TP to dry their butts. Too much paper left behind. What are the options ?


Just sit there and let it air dry.


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## silvertonebetty (Jan 4, 2015)

My friend’s wife has one on their toilet


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## cheezyridr (Jun 8, 2009)

1SweetRide said:


> Lol, you guys are missing the point of the 5yr old going potty by himself and discovering this feature.


if you have a 5 yr old who is just learning to use the bathroom by themselves, you failed hard as a parent


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## Mooh (Mar 7, 2007)

Hahaha…I forgot about this thread but see I posted to it. Shits and giggles.


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## player99 (Sep 5, 2019)

Bidets also have advanced #2 helper / enema assist capabilities.


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## SWLABR (Nov 7, 2017)

Funny how this got revisited now. 

My wife just informed me that she has ordered an "under-seat bidet". I said, "_What washroom do you plan on putting that in_?"
W: I was thinking this main one (we're in a Ranch bungalow) 
M: I wouldn't put it in any washroom other than the one in our ensuite. 
W: I don't want that to be the dedicated poop toilet. 
M: Then I don't think it's a good idea. 
W: Why? 
M: Because we have 9 nieces & nephews under the age of 13. 3 under the age of 6. 
W: They won't touch it... will they?
M: Are you joking?? All but 2 of the 9 are total shitheads! There will be water everywhere! 

I know that in her head she agreed, but couldn't actually admit I am right. All kids are on her side. She can't break down and admit her sisters are all raising little bastards! One got "fired" from the babysitter. She informed the mom, "_Sorry, I won't take "Lil' Johnny" anymore. He's an assh*le_". 

So, I fully understand OP's point of "parents worst nightmare". It's gunna be Uncles too!


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## Milkman (Feb 2, 2006)

There's a shower stall right next to my toilette. That's good enough.


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## SWLABR (Nov 7, 2017)




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## Choo5440 (Oct 24, 2020)

laristotle said:


> View attachment 290204


gotta love korean translation...

Posterior wash - washing
feminine wash - transliterated to bi-deh
oscillating - transliteration of move
pulsating - transliteration of massage
rhythm - transliteration of rhythm

...above enema: 쾌변 which loosely translates to "refreshing stream to help defecate"


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