# Post Contest - Doodad Booster/Overdrive



## GuitarsCanada

OK friends here we go. Your chance to win a Check-A-Board Booster/Overdrive from Doodad Guitars. This prize has been donated by our friends at Gearalley.com 










This contest will run until Feb 4th at 9:00 pm EST. Winner will be chosen via random number generated by all posts made to this thread. 

RULES: Since we had a little issue with our last post contest running a little out of control we will change this one up a little. Here is how it works. We are going to tell a little story. I am going to start it with a sentance and every post from here on will add a sentance to the story. You may post more than once but not twice in a row. Someone else must always add to the story first. No videos or pictures. Just add to the story. A sentance or two at most.


We begin our story on a hot Saturday night in Oshawa, August, raining. I had my backpack and my beat-up Strat in hand. Not sure where I was going to end up, but I was sure it was going to be far from here. I could pick a few dollars...


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## greco

I could pick a few dollars... *if I pawned the Strat, but I just couldn't bring myself to doing that. 
It had been such a faithful friend for so long.*


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## hollowbody

greco said:


> I could pick a few dollars... *if I pawned the Strat, but I just couldn't bring myself to doing that.
> It had been such a faithful friend for so long.*


I could rummage for some money in my girlfriend's bag. I'm sure she won't be thrilled about it, but neither will she really appreciate that I'm leaving.


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## cptheman

After finding $12 000 dollars (what has my girlfriend been up to) I take a venture to the guitar store.


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## mrmatt1972

cptheman said:


> After finding $12 000 dollars (what has my girlfriend been up to) I take a venture to the guitar store.


I see my old friend Nick at the counter and ask to use the phone. I call the cops, just to see if there has been any kind of theft in the last little while. I never really trusted my girlfriend.


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## AlcolmX

Clearly she shouldn't have trusted me, and as the irony of the situation struck me I slowly hung up the receiver.


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## GuitarsCanada

After trading in the strat and dropping 3k on a new LP I boarded the bus for Montreal. I knew Cloe was still in town, question was, where?


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## jimihendrix

the cops had traced my call and surrounded the place...and having noticed that i wasn't wearing any pants...shouted through the megaphone..."we can clearly see your nuts...!!!...now step outside with your hands in the air where we can see them at all times...."

.....just then...the unmistakeable sound of creepy ice cream truck music filled the air...getting closer...and closer...


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## cptheman

I ran, the one piece of music I've always been petrified of, the creepy ice cream truck music ... other than Hannah Montana.


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## tomyam

suddenly I hear "wake up dad, time to go to work!" then I open my eyes and found myself lying on my bed. It was all just a bad dream


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## Ship of fools

Until I realized that it wasn't a dream and I was sitting in central booking and my...
Ship


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## Robert1950

... by pawning my strat at Rock Bottom Deals. I slipped out of the rain and under the awning at Dino's Men's Wear to take out a cigarette. I lit it and worked a burn in the headstock, just around the spot where it appears on Clapton's blackie. Then I took out a crayon wrote Eric Claptin Signatore on the back. I didn't have to do anything else, really, as it was beat up with a maple neck and black, well sorta. It was more charcoal mist, but hey.

I walked into Rock Bottom and placed it on the counter. The guy behind the counter took a few seconds for the sound to register. He looked at me vacantly for about 5 or 6 seconds and then jerked saying, " Whoa,... dude." H was waring Kodiaks, jeans with rips, a Kiss T-shirt and had a early style Mario Lemieux mullet. Typical 'Shwa.

"I want to pawn my Eric Clapton Sig Strat." I said, "Bad times since GM let me go." Which was total lie of course. I pointed out the cigarette burn and the Clapton signature in crayon on the back. 

Drool, slowly made its way down the side of his mouth, slowed by the five days growth on his face. "Whoa,... dude" he said. "Gotta check what it's worth". After 17 minutes on the computer, he said, "Give you 400 bucks, dude." 

"Hey, it worth way more than that man" I said feigning indignation and hoping he wouldn't see MIM on the headstock. 

"Sorry dude. 400. That's it." he said, and scratched his ass. He stared at the guitar for for about two minutes as I stood my ground. Then he said, "Isn't this axe supposed to black?"

"It faded." I said, "Nitro fades like that."

"Oh." he said scratching his ass again. "Four hunderd."

"Okay," I said faking resignation. I signed the ticket and he gave me the cash, after miscounting it several times over then next seven minutes.

"Thanks, dude." he said, picking his nose as I made my way back out into the humid drizzle. I made my way to bus station as fast as I could and got on the next bus out of town. I knew if I stayed there the night I would morph into another mindless inmate of,.... _Downtown Oshawa._


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## fraser

i sat on the bus, sipping from a vodka spiked 7up bottle. you know, the 2 litre plastic ones. watching the rain outside the window i realized how badly i needed to take a leak.


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## markxander

I took my chances. I chugged the drink as fast as I could so I could pee in the bottle. Fortunately, Oshawa city buses already smell like urine, so nobody noticed.


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## fraser

it was a good thing too, because, as i relieved myself, the abba tune "dancing queen" came into my head, and i started laughing-


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## Bryan

I got off the bus with my now piss filled bottle and thought I really miss my strat . I need to raise some money to get it back . As I walked down the street a guy asked me if that was chardonay in the bottle . I thought to my self , " I could make a buck to get back my strat " , so I said ya it sure is . I'll sell it to you for twenty bucks


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## keto

Ear Worm! Ear Worm! HAHAHA Let's see what unsuspecting sucker I can plant this on.....


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## fraser

ear worm? you what?


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## subarudrew

cried another bum from a back alley. I thought to myself, "I didn't like the idea of taking advantage of another sucker seems to me there's enough crazies in this world," so I tossed the bottle in the next bin I came across. A dimly lit sign was hanging in a Fast Cash Now Pawn shop. The neon blinked and buzzed as I walked closer.


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## fraser

thats when i realized i was directly across the street from the old Genosh hotel


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## subarudrew

From outside the building you could hear the faint pounding of bass as some live band seemed to be tearin it up inside. "Open Mic" was what the sign read out front.


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## Bryan

"Open Mic" was what the sign read out front. I thought maybe I could make some money here , but wait no guitar , I sold it . Crap !! Maybe I could sing instead


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## hollowbody

Bryan said:


> "Open Mic" was what the sign read out front. I thought maybe I could make some money here , but wait no guitar , I sold it . Crap !! Maybe I could sing instead


Til I realized I still had that Les Paul. Good thing I didn't sell that one too!


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## fraser

folks have always said i couldnt sing to save my life- i decided then and there that i was going to prove them all wrong-
first im gonna go trade that les paul for a strat- then theyll see. then theyll all see!


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## Bryan

the next half hour was a blurr . when I woke up I was in some sleazy hotel and who was that beside me???????????????


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## fraser

i realized- wow im a really fukked up dude!


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## Bryan

So I slowly pull back the blanket and see OHHH NOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!!


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## GuitarsCanada

How is our hero making out?

Gearalley.com thanks again


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## GuitarsCanada

Bryan said:


> So I slowly pull back the blanket and see OHHH NOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!!


There, laying next to me was half the starting squad for the Edmonton Eskimos. That was one for the record book. I decided it was time to get out of there, and fast. I hailed the first cab I could find and just said "drive"


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## Bryan

GuitarsCanada said:


> There, laying next to me was half the starting squad for the Edmonton Eskimos. That was one for the record book. I decided it was time to get out of there, and fast. I hailed the first cab I could find and just said "drive"


As I rested in the cab suddenly the driver turned and started to ask me questions ? I was in the cash cab . Now was my chance to make some money to buy back my strat , and then maybe burtha would pay attention to me .


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## Robert1950

fraser said:


> thats when i realized i was directly across the street from the old Genosh hotel


Then it hit me, like a 2x4 to the head. The last time I was here was in the 70s, getting pie-eyed. sloshed, hammered, beezled. Well, I sorta remember. I'd never been so smashed in my life. Cheap draft, most of it paid or by the locals. I should have blacked out, not remembered anything, but I did. As pulverized as I was, It seemed like I had a mild buzz on compared to everyone else. At closing time, they just brought in the front-end loader and shoveled everyone into a dump truck. They were all regulars and the truckers knew where to unload them. Then they were all back the next night. That was the Genosh. That was,... _Oshawa._


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## Duster

I'm in!

Thanks gearalley!!

--- D

Truly sorry for this post. I wasn't at my usual computer and didn't have the luxury of reading the start of the thread, so I didn't know the rules. I'll start working on my story telling chops.


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## fraser

Robert1950 said:


> Then it hit me, like a 2x4 to the head. The last time I was here was in the 70s, getting pie-eyed. sloshed, hammered, beezled. Well, I sorta remember. I'd never been so smashed in my life. Cheap draft, most of it paid or by the locals. I should have blacked out, not remembered anything, but I did. As pulverized as I was, It seemed like I had a mild buzz on compared to everyone else. At closing time, they just brought in the front-end loader and shoveled everyone into a dump truck. They were all regulars and the truckers knew where to unload them. Then they were all back the next night. That was the Genosh. That was,... _Oshawa._


yes - and best of all, it occured to me that this was the very place i met my first wife in. 
...cue sounds of stuka dive bomber attacking....


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## Lester B. Flat

Meanwhile... a police cruiser pulls up to the pawn shop. The employee inside is pointing at the back of the headstock...


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## CDN Beaver

fraser said:


> yes - and best of all, it occured to me that this was the very place i met my first wife in.
> ...cue sounds of stuka dive bomber attacking....


Ahhhh my first wife. She had curves like a dumptruck and a voice that could strangle a deaf mime. What the hell was I thinking?


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## urko99

At a Windsor Spitfire game! There she was sitting in the Bleachers and all prettied up. A sight to be seen! Then, as I looked in wonder, my partner next to me said...


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## noobcake

count me in, no such thing as too many overdrives for a guitarist


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## Nohtanhoj

Sign me up! Thanks for putting on these contests, maybe I'll win one day! =D


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## fraser

all the while, i kept hearing these crazy voices, all disembodied like- saying things like-



> Sign me up! Thanks for putting on these contests, maybe I'll win one day! =D


and



> count me in, no such thing as too many overdrives for a guitarist


what were these voices trying to tell me?


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## GuitarsCanada

fraser said:


> all the while, i kept hearing these crazy voices, all disembodied like- saying things like-
> 
> 
> 
> and
> 
> 
> 
> what were these voices trying to tell me?


I suspect that the voices were really trying to say "I need to go back and read the rules of this post contest" and after doing that, I can see clearly the path that I must follow


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## krall

urko99 said:


> At a Windsor Spitfire game! There she was sitting in the Bleachers and all prettied up. A sight to be seen! Then, as I looked in wonder, my partner next to me said...


Look up..A blimp!..


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## Overt1

krall said:


> Look up..A blimp!..


and the blimp was actually a... LED ZEPPELIN


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## Dennis

fraser said:


> all the while, i kept hearing these crazy voices, all disembodied like- saying things like-
> 
> 
> 
> and
> 
> 
> 
> what were these voices trying to tell me?


Clearly the voices were telling me "Time to take your meds!" and I realized I hadn't been able to remove the child proof top on my pills ever since the incident.


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## w.luchka_17

dennis posted first


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## w.luchka_17

Suddenly I noticed the Jumbotron. The Kiss Cam was on us so I leaned in and...


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## corailz

urko99 said:


> At a Windsor Spitfire game! There she was sitting in the Bleachers and all prettied up. A sight to be seen! Then, as I looked in wonder, my partner next to me said...


Get the hell out of here ,you'd be better to forget her...


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## Flash

As i ran away, i realized i was running at speeds faster then a bullet!


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## keeperofthegood

Flash said:


> As i ran away, i realized i was running at speeds faster then a bullet!


As I passed Einstein in his special space, the reverberations became deafening.


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## francoislegacy

But at the same time, some place else, a similar, yet completely thing was happening. A large crowd was surrounding a strange looking guy. Actually, it was a Kim Jong Il look-alike who was telling jokes about bass players. Then suddenly, someone from the crowd, angrily …


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## Peter

Said "Hey I'm a bass player and I don't think that's funny." I couldn't believe my eyes, it was Jason Newstead. Right then, Kirk and Lars burst in and said...


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## fraser

...........i pulled out my tattered old copy of "siddhartha"...........


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## zontar

But I'm not sure why Kirk and Lars would say "I pulled out my tattered old copy of 'siddhartha'"

So I had them all autograph it using their left hands to sign.


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## cptheman

And I rocked out for dayyyyys


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## fraser

zontar said:


> But I'm not sure why Kirk and Lars would say "I pulled out my tattered old copy of 'siddhartha'"
> 
> So I had them all autograph it using their left hands to sign.


if you read the posts before the kirk and lars mention, youd also wonder where kirk and lars came in at all- with or without a copy of siddhartha.

who are kirk and lars?


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## Steadfastly

cptheman said:


> And I rocked out for dayyyyys


I shouldn't have, though, because I was beat for a week afterwards! Oh, well, a good lesson was learned by all..........of me.


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## garretrevels

the theory of "power of positive thinking" pretty much guarantees that I will win one of these post contests!

I think I can, I think I can............


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## fraser

for no particular reason i started singinjg- all of me- why not take all of me?
usually i prefer abba during silly moments-


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## Steadfastly

fraser said:


> for no particular reason i started singinjg- all of me- why not take all of me?
> usually i prefer abba during silly moments-


And I sang and I sang. The next morning I could not sing, heck, I could hardly talk!


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## fraser

oh man, nor could i- it was like id swallowed a porcupine!


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## LarryLimerick

So I went and got myself some lemon juice try to help bring my voice back.


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## fraser

as the sun rose i pondered my position. im in oshawa. i have no strat. ive got all these memories, really disturbing ones, and weird voices here and there. what next? i have siddhartha however-


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## copperhead

the door breaks open with a crash its Dave Mustaine ,he grabs Lars & Kirk ,he uses them like a Q-TIP to clean the wax out of he's ears & then runs away 







maybe i should of read more into this contest


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## Steadfastly

But by the time I had some breakfast and a few coffees, well I was at least able to swallow and feel a bit normal again. So, off I went, exploring for the day and decided to check out GearAlley.com. They were having some sort of contest at Guitars Canada at the time and everyone was really excited.


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## fraser

LarryLimerick said:


> So I went and got myself some lemon juice try to help bring my voice back.


that doesnt work


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## LarryLimerick

fraser said:


> that doesnt work


Do you mean it doesn't work for the story or doesn't work for getting rid of a sore throat?

Anywho seeing this contest got me motivated and I tried to think of a new plan for getting my strat back...


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## fraser

FlipFlopFly said:


> But by the time I had some breakfast and a few coffees, well I was at least able to swallow and feel a bit normal again. So, off I went, exploring for the day and decided to check out GearAlley.com. They were having some sort of contest at Guitars Canada at the time and everyone was really excited.


and i had a 2 litre plastic bottle of 7up mixed with vodka i was sipping on- suddenly i really needed to take a leak.


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## fraser

LarryLimerick said:


> Do you mean it doesn't work for the story or doesn't work for getting rid of a sore throat?
> 
> Anywho seeing this contest got me motivated and I tried to think of a new plan for getting my strat back...


just for the sore throat thing from singing- just my experience anyway.


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## cptheman

that soar throat int goin away on its own, so Im making my specialty, egg yokes,lime juice and tabasco blended together, always works


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## zontar

I would hire a private detective, Maurice Escargot.

He would search through all his lace & whiskey to see if he could find my Strat


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## Steadfastly

fraser said:


> just for the sore throat thing from singing- just my experience anyway.


My friend Fraser had gone through one of the sore throat experiences himself. I wish I had learned from his experience!


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## fraser

cptheman said:


> that soar throat int goin away on its own, so Im making my specialty, egg yokes,lime juice and tabasco blended together, always works


only thing ive found to work is to shut up for a couple days- ifnecessary a few shots of scotch might help temporarily but really, yur vocal chords are muscles, if they rip, they need rest. but im not a doctor- im a half drunk guitar player stumbling around oshawa.


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## LarryLimerick

With my private dectective hired and my throat feeling a little better I wasn't sure what to do now, so I ended up going down to the music store to buy a new cd and bought...


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## fraser

abba- gold!!!!!!!!
with that cd, and siddhartha, i was all set!!!
now i needed a weapon.......................


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## Lincoln

LarryLimerick said:


> With my private dectective hired and my throat feeling a little better I wasn't sure what to do now, so I ended up going down to the music store to buy a new cd and bought...




an old CD instead. Jimmy Buffet "Wasting away in Margitaville". And with that in hand, I ran to the nearest airport and caught a fight to mexico!!


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## xuthal

Proudly staggering down the street with my abba gold cd i wondered to myself"wheres the.."Out of nowhere a junky ripped it out of my hands,i chased....


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## LarryLimerick

Him down a dark alley only to find that he was leading me to a couple of his friends...


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## fraser

as i ran i unfurled siddhartha and flung it as hard asi could, striking the fiend in the nape of the neck-


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## bolero

suddenly a monkey jumped in thru the window & stole my drink!!


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## xuthal

the bastard went down hard!Now i had two others to worry about,I unstrung my duffel bag,the monkey could wait..


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## fraser

bolero said:


> suddenly a monkey jumped in thru the window & stole my drink!!


i screamed- get your hands off my drink you dammed dirty ape!!!


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## fraser

xuthal said:


> the bastard went down hard!Now i had two others to worry about,I unstrung my duffel bag,the monkey could wait..


wherin i keep my priced fighting instruments-


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## fraser

LarryLimerick said:


> And I then forgot about the Abba cd and went chasing after the monkey trying to get my drink back...


drinks are useless if you dont have abba larry- prioritize man


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## zontar

Or is it the other way around?

Kirk and Lars think so.


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## LarryLimerick

fraser said:


> drinks are useless if you dont have abba larry- prioritize man


(Yah I know I deleted It)

Anywho I pulled out my kitchen utensils of doom and unleashed unrestrained fury on the other guys...


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## fraser

zontar said:


> Or is it the other way around?
> 
> Kirk and Lars think so.


what is kirk and lars? are they monkeys, or drinks?
siddhartha makes no mention of kirk or lars......


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## Steadfastly

LarryLimerick said:


> (Yah I know I deleted It)
> 
> Anywho I pulled out my kitchen utensils of doom and unleashed unrestrained fury on the other guys...


Departing from there, I grabbed the first taxi I could find and got on a plane back to Canada. Immediately getting off the plane, I rented a car and drove to my home town villiage of Minto, NB.


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## zontar

Kirk and Lars high five each other as they realize their scheme to confuse GC members is working...


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## DUCK

On my way into town I was suprised to see everyone wearing big red clown shoes and carrying...


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## cptheman

Back in Minto NB, I go find the nearest guitar store ... which is 8 hours drive away.


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## fraser

zontar said:


> Kirk and Lars high five each other as they realize their scheme to confuse GC members is working...


yeah, and then they go play with theyre dollies cause theyre a couple wankers!
its not theyre fault god put them in girls bodies but they fun to laugh at all the same


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## xuthal

in the store i asked if they had any strats,"one"said the manager,a wirey crazy eyed looking guy,"it will cost you....


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## fraser

why where they in oshawa- that bothers me. just slumming?


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## Steadfastly

cptheman said:


> Back in Minto NB, I go find the nearest guitar store ... which is 8 hours drive away.


Wait, it was actually only 1/2 hour away in Fredericton, but I got lost going through the back country. Then almost hitting that moose on that dark highway, left my nerves all jangly. But hey the people there are real nice; a far cry from the big cities, I must say.


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## fraser

xuthal said:


> in the store i asked if they had any strats,"one"said the manager,a wirey crazy eyed looking guy,"it will cost you....


thats cuz everybody knows strats are crazy expensive............


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## xuthal

"..kirk hammit and lars ulrich's souls" he said with a mad cackle."Let me see it first",he went into the back room and returned with.....


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## puckhead

xuthal said:


> "..kirk hammit and lars ulrich's souls" he said with a mad cackle."Let me see it first",he went into the back room and returned with.....


a rutabega and a pair of tweezers.
he said, now my pretties.....


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## xuthal

this guy's nuts i said to myself,but i needed a guitar bad."wheres the guitar" i said....


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## Bryan

xuthal said:


> this guy's nuts i said to myself,but i needed a guitar bad."wheres the guitar" i said....


Kirk and Lars bought it


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## Steadfastly

xuthal said:


> this guy's nuts i said to myself,but i needed a guitar bad."wheres the guitar" i said....


A guitar, he said, ah yes, it was a wee guitar that you wanted wasn't it? These tweezers are for pulling the strings through the back of this old tele I'm working on. Now, will that be a red guitar or a blue guitar?


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## xuthal

i was pissed,i was ready to get even but not for a small strat,i left the store and went into the back alley for a quick leak.Waiting for me was..


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## fraser

xuthal said:


> i was pissed,i was ready to get even but not for a small strat,i left the store and went into the back alley for a quick leak.Waiting for me was..


kirk and lars? surely you can beat them little girls- here take siddhartha.........


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## xuthal

..said the voices in my head,i still had siddartha,and a growing blood lust..


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## zontar

And read it to them.

They won't understand the big words.


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## elbandito

zontar said:


> And read it to them.
> 
> They won't understand the big words.


I didn't really understand these strange thoughts that came to my head, unbidden and chose to ignore them instead. I chose the red guitar because I knew the blood would blend in better and perhaps even stain the wood underneath, in case of paint chips.


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## Steadfastly

elbandito said:


> I didn't really understand these strange thoughts that came to my head, unbidden and chose to ignore them instead. I chose the red guitar because I knew the blood would blend in better and perhaps even stain the wood underneath, in case of paint chips.


How I cut my thumb on those strings, I'll never know. I know from now on, though, I'll use a pick and then I'll be able to have a blue guitar.


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## cptheman

Before I knew it my guitar was turning many colours. It was red and yellow and green and brown
And scarlet and black and ochre and peach
And ruby and olive and violet and fawn
And lilac and gold and chocolate and mauve
And cream and crimson and silver and rose
And azure and lemon and russet and grey
And purple and white and pink and orange
And red and yellow and green and brown and
Scarlet and black and ochre and peach
And ruby and olive and violet and fawn
And lilac and gold and chocolate and mauve
And cream and crimson and silver and rose
And azure and lemon and russet and grey
And purple and white and pink and orange
And blue


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## Steadfastly

cptheman said:


> Before I knew it my guitar was turning many colours. It was red and yellow and green and brown
> And scarlet and black and ochre and peach
> And ruby and olive and violet and fawn
> And lilac and gold and chocolate and mauve
> And cream and crimson and silver and rose
> And azure and lemon and russet and grey
> And purple and white and pink and orange
> And red and yellow and green and brown and
> Scarlet and black and ochre and peach
> And ruby and olive and violet and fawn
> And lilac and gold and chocolate and mauve
> And cream and crimson and silver and rose
> And azure and lemon and russet and grey
> And purple and white and pink and orange
> And blue


I didn't know what was going on until I noticed the color of the paint in the guitar shop's window. With the sun going down quickly on this lovely, warm evening in this beautiful, little east coast city, it was reflecting on the guitar and turning it all these lovely colors. Well, I had a blue guitar after all. I just needed to be in the right light.


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## fraser

zontar said:


> And read it to them.
> 
> They won't understand the big words.


there are no big words in siddhartha- it was meant to be a childrens book lol- but maybe im the only one here with a copy in front of him-


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## cptheman

fraser said:


> there are no big words in siddhartha- it was meant to be a childrens book lol- but maybe im the only one here with a copy in front of him-


exactly... do you really think they have the intelligence of children?


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## regala

And before you knew it, the sun had gone down and there was no more light. In fact, it was completely pitch dark and could not see a thing. All of a sudden, my guitar began to glow blue... lighting a path for me to follow.


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## fraser

cptheman said:


> exactly... do you really think they have the intelligence of children?


so with the siddhartha and a desperate need to pee i sashayed forth..........


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## cptheman

regala said:


> And before you knew it, the sun had gone down and there was no more light. In fact, it was completely pitch dark and could not see a thing. All of a sudden, my guitar began to glow blue... lighting a path for me to follow.


As I walked down the street it got brighter ... and brighter ...


AND BRIGHTER!


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## TubeStack

cptheman said:


> As I walked down the street it got brighter ... and brighter ...
> 
> 
> AND BRIGHTER!


So I continued moving forward, guided by the warm blue light emanating from my six-string. I thought I saw movement to the left of me, but as I turned my head, there was nothing... thought I heard shifting and shuffling to the right of me, but as I turned, there was nothing. I continued to walk in the comforting blue glow of my guitar, which seemed to grow brighter with each step.


----------



## cptheman

TubeStack said:


> So I continued moving forward, guided by the warm blue light emanating from my six-string. I thought I saw movement to the left of me, but as I turned my head, there was nothing... thought I heard shifting and shuffling to the right of me, but as I turned, there was nothing. I continued to walk in the comforting blue glow of my guitar, which seemed to grow brighter with each step.


As I continued the guitar started to make a noise. It was ever so faint at first, in fact I initially mistook it for the wheezing of the nearby homeless man. But in fact the guitar started humming with power.


----------



## 200 Motels

cptheman said:


> As I continued the guitar started to make a noise. It was ever so faint at first, in fact I initially mistook it for the wheezing of the nearby homeless man. But in fact the guitar started humming with power.



I did a volume knob check only to be blasted with intense feedback pounding from the sky above.


----------



## Stevo

200 Motels said:


> I did a volume knob check only to be blasted with intense feedback pounding from the sky above.


A great booming clap of thunder shook me (all night long) as the clouds parted above me. An apparition quickly formed in front of me......


----------



## TubeStack

Stevo said:


> A great booming clap of thunder shook me (all night long) as the clouds parted above me. An apparition quickly formed in front of me......


And it was the might Reverend Willy G!

"A-haw haw haw haw... " he chortled loudly, seeming to find my awestruck, dumbstruck expression rather funny.


----------



## 200 Motels

TubeStack said:


> And it was the might Reverend Willy G!
> 
> "A-haw haw haw haw... " he chortled loudly, seeming to find my awestruck, dumbstruck expression rather funny.


"You must not be from aroud these parts, huh boy?" he snarled. "No sir", I replied. "I'm from Dildo, Newfoundland".


----------



## The Grin

"A place where the virgin groupies blast tunes of all genres and the booze flows by the stomp of a box". Reverend Willie G grasps me by my fragile neck, squeezing and testing the strength of my d'addario's as he grins. "I ain't the Reverend you gotta worry bout. Im the nice one, its Horton Heat yeah gotta fear" as he releases and cackles.


----------



## Jim DaddyO

The Grin said:


> "A place where the virgin groupies blast tunes of all genres and the booze flows by the stomp of a box". Reverend Willie G grasps me by my fragile neck, squeezing and testing the strength of my d'addario's as he grins. "I ain't the Reverend you gotta worry bout. Im the nice one, its Horton Heat yeah gotta fear" as he releases and cackles.


I must admit, that minor 3rd bend made me weak in the knees. I knew I didn't have what it takes to cut heads with Willie G. or Horton Heat.


----------



## guitarsmark

Jim DaddyO said:


> I must admit, that minor 3rd bend made me weak in the knees. I knew I didn't have what it takes to cut heads with Willie G. or Horton Heat.


But I knew that if I was given the opportunity I sure would try....


----------



## Robert1950

guitarsmark said:


> But I knew that if I was given the opportunity I sure would try....




But I knew I could only really do with that old beat up charcoal mist MIM strat, the one with fake cigarette bun on the headstock and 'Eric Claptin Signtore' written in crayon, that I'd hawked back at Rock Bottom Deals in that cognitive wasteland of, (shudder!),... _Downtown Oshawa!_


----------



## cptheman

Robert1950 said:


> But I knew I could only really do with that old beat up charcoal mist MIM strat, the one with fake cigarette bun on the headstock and 'Eric Claptin Signtore' written in crayon, that I'd hawked back at Rock Bottom Deals in that cognitive wasteland of, (shudder!),... _Downtown Oshawa!_


And so I went back to the guy in Oshawa to get the guitar. I asked if I could buy it back and he said sure, 1700 dollars. After suffering a minor heart attack I realized it was time for more drastic measures.


----------



## ezcomes

cptheman said:


> And so I went back to the guy in Oshawa to get the guitar. I asked if I could buy it back and he said sure, 1700 dollars. After suffering a minor heart attack I realized it was time for more drastic measures.


so i race down the street and find the closest hobo...and i says to him...listen bud, i says, i needs your help...


----------



## Steadfastly

ezcomes said:


> so i race down the street and find the closest hobo...and i says to him...listen bud, i says, i needs your help...


How do I get to the Trans Canada? I need to get back home asap!


----------



## Starbuck

And I'm having trouble, I took the brown acid and I'm seeing colors and hearing voices... Can you help me?


----------



## Steadfastly

Starbuck said:


> And I'm having trouble, I took the brown acid and I'm seeing colors and hearing voices... Can you help me?


Finally, I wake up from this stupid and scary dream. I do however, have the red guitar. Well, at least something is real in Fredericton, I say to myself.


----------



## keeperofthegood

FlipFlopFly said:


> Finally, I wake up from this stupid and scary dream. I do however, have the red guitar. Well, at least something is real in Fredericton, I say to myself.


THEN I SLAP MYSELF for lo in the mirror but what do I see? I'm Bud the Spud from the Bright Red Mud...


----------



## Chorduroy

Everything after that was a blur. But I knew that there was no way the Maple Leafs would ever win a Stanley Cup ... so I knew I was in control of my senses still.


----------



## Big_Daddy

But then I think to myself, "Fredricton?". " I was in Oshawa a minute ago". That damn brown acid. . As the world began to spin again, I kept thinking...."What would Kirk and Lars do?"


----------



## Damion

then I remembered. I need to get some " fuel and make it burn " .. but without much money how would that happen


----------



## Pneumonic

Damion said:


> then I remembered. I need to get some " fuel and make it burn " .. but without much money how would that happen


Burn that fuel as Fred Eaglesmith does by: 

I like to drive at 105
its just how fast i got to go
i got the gears and i got the motor
aint no reason to go slower


----------



## Merlin

At this juncture, I decided that my guitar technique needed some major attention, so I signed up with Jimmy Bruno, and learned the Five Shapes in all keys.


----------



## keeperofthegood

Merlin said:


> At this juncture, I decided that my guitar technique needed some major attention, so I signed up with Jimmy Bruno, and learned the Five Shapes in all keys.


But then I realised, I needed new strings because I only have 5 and three of them are E's


----------



## Big_Daddy

I thought, "Hell, if Seasick Steve can play with three strings, I'll be just fine." So I.....


----------



## jcayer

So I cut my hair and let grow a beard ...


----------



## ghynes

To simplify things, I removed two of the three E strings and made a nifty necklace to make me look more "rock star".


----------



## jcayer

And then I met my ex-girlfriend who didn't recognise me, so I ...


----------



## Pneumonic

so I ... removed the skirt and blouse and went back to dressing like a guy. Lou Reed would be proud!


----------



## cptheman

I then took my single remaining e string and started playing and snapped it. FML


----------



## Lester B. Flat

...and then in a sudden brown acid revelation I realized that Fredericton was the centre of the universe. It wasn't Oshawa afterall.

...and back at the Oshawa pawn shop the frustrated employee was still trying to explain to two police officers who Eric Clapton was.


----------



## corailz

So, i asked if there's any guitar store around.I need some new strings for my phsycedelic Telecaster...Suddenly,i realized,that i could try to trade the Telecaster i'm holding for my beloved Strat ,but...


----------



## Big_Daddy

As I beat out the rhythms to Bo'Diddley on my stringless guitar, a crowd gathered. People started throwing money into my guitar case and groovin' to the beat. Suddenly.....


----------



## allthumbs56

Lester B. Flat said:


> ...and then in a sudden brown acid revelation I realized that Fredericton was the centre of the universe. It wasn't Oshawa afterall.
> 
> ...and back at the Oshawa pawn shop the frustrated employee was still trying to explain to two police officers who Eric Clapton was.


Meanwhile, in London, the policeman was trying to explain to Eric Clapton that HE wasn't the centre of the universe either.


----------



## Steadfastly

Big_Daddy said:


> As I beat out the rhythms to Bo'Diddley on my stringless guitar, a crowd gathered. People started throwing money into my guitar case and groovin' to the beat. Suddenly.....


someone threw in a $100.00 bill! Wow, I thought, maybe I can make a living with my music, even though I only have this old red guitar at the moment.


----------



## Lester B. Flat

...and Eric Clapton argued, since he was God, he _had_ to be the centre of the universe.


----------



## Steadfastly

Lester B. Flat said:


> ...and Eric Clapton argued, since he was God, he _had_ to be the centre of the universe.


But actually, it turned out just to be someone who looked like Eric Clapton. I was relieved, because I never thought Eric Clapton had that kind of an ego.


----------



## Metal Man

allthumbs56 said:


> Meanwhile, in London, the policeman was trying to explain to Eric Clapton that HE wasn't the centre of the universe either.


What?! How dare you speaking to God like that? -Eric said. He then left and wrote Layla...


----------



## Lester B. Flat

... the policeman knitted his brow into a wool sweater.


----------



## Big_Daddy

Meanwhile, back on the street, the crowd was moving like wounded animal, gyrating to the beat from my stringless, red guitar. Cash was spilling out of my open case. As I reached the final strains of Bo' Diddley and slapped one last beat onto my guitars's grungy body, the neck snapped like a dry twig.


----------



## Hamstrung

Out of the broken neck all those notes I could never reach spilled out.


----------



## cptheman

Then god was upset and set upon our protagonist ten plagues. By the time theywere done, our protagonist;s guitar had transformed into something completely different..


----------



## Big_Daddy

cptheman said:


> Then god was upset and set upon our protagonist ten plagues. By the time theywere done, our protagonist;s guitar had transformed into something completely different..


I couldn't believe my eyes! It was my drream guitar.


----------



## fret15

Big_Daddy said:


> I couldn't believe my eyes! It was my drream guitar.


Little did I forget, I was under the influence of some weird stuff.


----------



## Steadfastly

fret15 said:


> Little did I forget, I was under the influence of some weird stuff.


Then, I again awoke, and realized it was another weird dream. I hope this will be the last of them. And looking around the room, there in the corner, was my faithfull old red guitar. I was beginning to like it more and more with each passing day.


----------



## cptheman

Such a thing as this could only be created by a true disaster. The eyes and skin of the frogs still spread on the guitar


----------



## keeperofthegood

FlipFlopFly said:


> Then, I again awoke, and realized it was another weird dream. I hope this will be the last of them. And looking around the room, there in the corner, was my faithfull old red guitar. I was beginning to like it more and more with each passing day.



But what was with the Alice Cooper scene, so much screaming, so many flashing lights..


----------



## allthumbs56

Big_Daddy said:


> I couldn't believe my eyes! It was my drream guitar.


And as I admired it, someone out of the frenetic crowd puked all over it.


----------



## Cort Strummer

cptheman said:


> Such a thing as this could only be created by a true disaster. The eyes and skin of the frogs still spread on the guitar


And out croaked this godly riff, my knees tremble and my eyes widen as I realize that this truly is my dream guitar.


I dont think it works too well if you add to an older post in this thread....


----------



## allthumbs56

Cort Strummer said:


> And out croaked this godly riff, my knees tremble and my eyes widen as I realize that this truly is my dream guitar.


And the brown acid took over again and Timothy Leary said "Dude - if that's your idea of a dream guitar then you better take up the Bass"............


----------



## Steadfastly

keeperofthegood said:


> But what was with the Alice Cooper scene, so much screaming, so many flashing lights..


Wait, that's not Alice Cooper, but it was Alice Cooper on my radio, but the flashing lights were coming from outside through my bedroom window. Was that a fire truck siren I was hearing?


----------



## Starbuck

No it's the police, cause in my acid induced Purple HAze the neighbors took exception to my loud rendition of Roxanne as performed by Eddie Murphy and phoned in a complaint. OMG! I have to hide my stash!


----------



## cheezyridr

so i shoved the stash down my pants and ran out the door carrying my guitar, a box of oreos and 16 ft of nylon rope...


----------



## Steadfastly

Starbuck said:


> No it's the police, cause in my acid induced Purple HAze the neighbors took exception to my loud rendition of Roxanne as performed by Eddie Murphy and phed in a complaint. OMG! I have to hide my stash!


I really need to change my life. This stuff, I know is killing me. Now, all I need to do is get caught with this junk and end up in jail.hwopv


----------



## WEEZY

I suddenly found myslef spinning sideways through light beams and childhood memories until I landed in an alley with a giant sign buzzing and blinking in my eyes. I lifted my head to read the sign: "Gear up. Plug in. Rock out."

I knew I was finally at the right place

I peered in the window to take a look and couldn't believe my eyes. There was Eric Clapton sigining the back of my red Strat with a freakin crayon! 

I had gone back in time.


----------



## Ripper

how the hell did this happen? What year is it? Does the date on the paper say july 1969?


----------



## keeperofthegood

Ripper said:


> how the hell did this happen? What year is it? Does the date on the paper say july 1969?


Quick, I must turn on the community channel, is it even day out side!!


----------



## tonydawe

July 1969? Wait now, wasn't that when my guitar was made? or...?


----------



## Steadfastly

tonydawe said:


> July 1969? Wait now, wasn't that when my guitar was made? or...?


No, that was the model I wanted, but there is only so much money to go around sometimes. Now, time to call the guys and get together to practice for t he gig tomorrow night. This may be a good one for us because it's at the...............


----------



## Big_Daddy

FlipFlopFly said:


> No, that was the model I wanted, but there is only so much money to go around sometimes. Now, time to call the guys and get together to practice for t he gig tomorrow night. This may be a good one for us because it's at the...............


.....ACC. We're doing the national anthem before the Leafs game.


----------



## keeperofthegood

Big_Daddy said:


> .....ACC. We're doing the national anthem before the Leafs game.



We all need some beer in us so we don't crack up and lose it laughing when we see them.


----------



## axestronomer

Wow the ACC gig. We knew that somewhere out west a man was groaning from thr thought of watching another "Hocket Night in Toronto".


----------



## Flash

But i forgot my guitar at home! i pinched myself to make sure i wasn't dreaming, then rememberd i could run at super high speeds.
i ran as fast as i could to get my red guitar, thinking nothing could stop me now. then BAM!... Chuck Norris. as i layed there in the floor looking up at him and his god like beard, he said to me...


----------



## keeperofthegood

Flash said:


> But i forgot my guitar at home! i pinched myself to make sure i wasn't dreaming, then rememberd i could run at super high speeds.
> i ran as fast as i could to get my red guitar, thinking nothing could stop me now. then BAM!... Chuck Norris. as i layed there in the floor looking up at him and his god like beard, he said to me...


Son, why are you holding that Mauve Guitar?


----------



## LarryLimerick

"I need this guitar to go play a gig at the ACC Mr.Norris, so if you'll excuse me I am running late," 
"One second...


----------



## shoretyus

One second turned into an eternity, I realized that the Cheese Dog and the hit of Clearlight that I got from Gus at Victory billiards was effecting my judgement. I had made a terrible mistake in life. Fortunately Wilson & Lee had a sale on Telecasters. I was ready for the world


----------



## Starbuck

But wait! How do I get my gear to the gig? And where the heck are my shoes???!!!!


----------



## JHarasym

shoretyus said:


> One second turned into an eternity, I realized that the Cheese Dog and the hit of Clearlight that I got from Gus at Victory billiards was effecting my judgement. I had made a terrible mistake in life. Fortunately Wilson & Lee had a sale on Telecasters. I was ready for the world


..when I thought, "oh well, continuity's over-rated". Then it hit me, that would be a great name for a song about....


----------



## keeperofthegood

JHarasym said:


> ..when I thought, "oh well, continuity's over-rated". Then it hit me, that would be a great name for a song about....





Starbuck said:


> But wait! How do I get my gear to the gig? And where the heck are my shoes???!!!!



Shoes, shoes
Everybody gots shoes
Walking on me, or smelling like 


and then I lost my train....


----------



## puckhead

keeperofthegood said:


> Shoes, shoes
> Everybody gots shoes
> Walking on me, or smelling like
> 
> 
> and then I lost my train....


in Vain sheet music, which is a shame, because that's my favourite Clash song.
so instead....


----------



## bw66

... I tried to play it from memory, but it came out as "You're so Vain" and I thought, hey that sounds a lot like Mick Jagger...


----------



## Flash

I ate a toco, and started playing my banjo


----------



## keeperofthegood

Flash said:


> I ate a toco, and started playing my banjo


and it really began to come to me

_It's less light out with my eyes closed
Here I am now entertaing me 
I feel stuffed up and contagious 
Here I am now blowing my nose with
A Kleenex a soft-wipe
A napkin my left elbow_


----------



## Bryan

keeperofthegood said:


> and it really began to come to me
> 
> _It's less light out with my eyes closed
> Here I am now entertaing me
> I feel stuffed up and contagious
> Here I am now blowing my nose with
> A Kleenex a soft-wipe
> A napkin my left elbow_


My girlfriends blouse . I'm in trouble now


----------



## allthumbs56

And through it all I have not dropped my 16 foot length of rope. Wait ....what was it for? Ahhhh yes .... a prop for when we do "Dang Me" ........................... or was it symbolize to the Leafs that they have me at the end of it?


----------



## Bryan

allthumbs56 said:


> And through it all I have not dropped my 16 foot length of rope. Wait ....what was it for? Ahhhh yes .... a prop for when we do "Dang Me" ........................... or was it symbolize to the Leafs that they have me at the end of it?


Wow That was some day dream . Now back to what I was thinking . I could pick a few dollars... if I pawned the Strat, but I just couldn't bring myself to doing that. 
It had been such a faithful friend for so long.


----------



## cptheman

Bryan said:


> Wow That was some day dream . Now back to what I was thinking . I could pick a few dollars... if I pawned the Strat, but I just couldn't bring myself to doing that.
> It had been such a faithful friend for so long.


Oh yes, that day dream did go on ... imagine if it was recorded on some guitar forum in some remote, large, cold country...


----------



## lbrown1

Bryan said:


> Wow That was some day dream . Now back to what I was thinking . I could pick a few dollars... if I pawned the Strat, but I just couldn't bring myself to doing that.
> It had been such a faithful friend for so long.


then I thought, well, since I'm still in Oshawa,with no money, I had better pawn something or else I'll never get out of here alive.....


----------



## Ripper

It's as I've always thought....Oshawa is truly hell......oh won't someone help me


----------



## Bryan

Ripper said:


> It's as I've always thought....Oshawa is truly hell......oh won't someone help me


And at that moment a little voice said , " move to beautiful B.C. "


----------



## JHarasym

And there she stood, all six foot four of her. Pink bouffant hair-do, skater shoes, mini-skirt, fish-net stockings, and I thought,...


----------



## Hamstrung

.... maybe I already AM in BC!!!


----------



## Bryan

Hamstrung said:


> .... maybe I already AM in BC!!!


They do select the Playboy Bunnies from here


----------



## Yama

I realized BC is not just well-known for its BC Buds...


----------



## the_fender_guy

And so I went to the bakery for some BC bun


----------



## Bryan

Yama said:


> I realized BC is not just well-known for its BC Buds...


Maybe while I'm here I should try to hook up with Sarah McLachlan. She could really get my career going . Inhale B.C. bud ahhhhhhhh .???????????? << .M JH &YFy gu . What did you just say ?


----------



## keeperofthegood

Bryan said:


> Maybe while I'm here I should try to hook up with Sarah McLachlan. She could really get my career going . Inhale B.C. bud ahhhhhhhh .???????????? << .M JH &YFy gu . What did you just say ?



My head begins to fill with thoughts that make no sense, they are all just so much mush, echoing in this room.... this mush, this room, this mush room .... someone rescue me!!


----------



## allthumbs56

"Wow", I thought. "Fredricton, Oshawa, and B.C. in one day." Shaking my head I summed it all up by saying ........


----------



## Starbuck

"Oh lord won't cha buy me a mercedes ben"


----------



## the-patient

Or at least a civic... this walking thing is getting old.


----------



## Flash

as i was walking to the car lot to pick up a civic, i came across an apple store, now they sell i-jet pack! so i picked one up and flew too...


----------



## worn

...the edge of the stratosphere hoping to pick up a left over '62 Stratocaster


----------



## mandoman

But then I woke up, and found thit I was playing with my old.....


----------



## darkjune

guitar made from a 2x4 so I went out and bought a taco instead, oh and one of those Mexican wrestling mask because I have a match tonight with that actor from that movie Gothica.then I woke up again and I was playing with my............


----------



## davetcan

....... self.

Video games with myself that is. I'd become so addicted I was playing them in my sleep.


----------



## darkjune

davetcan said:


> ....... self.
> 
> Video games with myself that is. I'd become so addicted I was playing them in my sleep.


I play mario and pac man but the game I pay the most is...................


----------



## hollowbody

darkjune said:


> I play mario and pac man but the game I pay the most is...................


....the crying game.


----------



## keeperofthegood

darkjune said:


> I play mario and pac man but the game I pay the most is...................


Drop the Handkerchief, usually played alone or with friends. Can you see my..


----------



## darkjune

keeperofthegood said:


> Drop the Handkerchief, usually played alone or with friends. Can you see my..


.......pickel, I think I dropped it when I was eating my sandwich made of......


----------



## gt90

rocks. Why was I eating a rock sandwich? And where are my socks?


----------



## Tarl

count me in.........


----------



## GuitarsCanada

Looks like things are going well.

thanks again to gearalley.com for providing the prize for this post contenst


----------



## Ship of fools

And then the nightmare really begans as I was sweating profusiley and my mind was wandering all over the place thinking I should have won that Teel and why didn't I
Ship


----------



## keeperofthegood

GuitarsCanada said:


> Looks like things are going well.
> 
> thanks again to gearalley.com for providing the prize for this post contenst


NIX on you!! Stay in the story!!  hehehe this is fun!



Ship of fools said:


> And then the nightmare really begans as I was sweating profusiley and my mind was wandering all over the place thinking I should have won that Teel and why didn't I
> Ship


 out with the other fellows, was it something I said to my Srg?

But then I heard it coming my way and I was


----------



## Bryan

keeperofthegood said:


> NIX on you!! Stay in the story!!  hehehe this is fun!
> 
> out with the other fellows, was it something I said to my Srg?
> 
> But then I heard it coming my way and I was


On a plane when I heard , " and now for something completely different "


----------



## davetcan

and then the bush next to mine exploded...


----------



## shoretyus

davetcan said:


> and then the bush next to mine exploded...


a bunch of notes which hastely grouped together to form a new song call " I can't stand the....


----------



## Cort Strummer

shoretyus said:


> a bunch of notes which hastely grouped together to form a new song call " I can't stand the....


the aftertaste" which is a song about all the bad things that have happened in your life. Once you hear this song, your life will change forever!


----------



## Tarl

...until the new Kids in the Hall show ends then,......


----------



## Cort Strummer

Tarl said:


> ...until the new Kids in the Hall show ends then,......


then it is back to reality with death, destruction and mayhem...


----------



## keeperofthegood

Cort Strummer said:


> then it is back to reality with death, destruction and mayhem...


as the city, taking advantage of the good weather starts the construction season 5 months early. Hearing the wrenching sound of jack-hammers on tarmac I


----------



## TeleZee

...I look for a ham and cheese sandwich to sooth my aching belly and go off to pluck a string or two


----------



## Ripper

but the fridge was bare except for a jar with three olives, have a stick of lard and a two month old turnip


----------



## Bryan

Ripper said:


> but the fridge was bare except for a jar with three olives, have a stick of lard and a two month old turnip


So I called up chef Ramsey to see if he could help me


----------



## xuthal

find a bottle of gibsons finest canadian rye whiskey,if i was going to go hungry i better start drinking to dull the pain...


----------



## Bryan

xuthal said:


> find a bottle of gibsons finest canadian rye whiskey,if i was going to go hungry i better start drinking to dull the pain...


When Ramsey heard this the expletives started to flow..............Fu__..Fu__


----------



## xuthal

I swiftly made my way down stairs to give him a swift kick in the arse,i am a struggling rock star after all and the drugs were wearing off,i needed a quick fix,decided better on it and kissed some ass for a cheap bottle of chardonnay...


----------



## Bryan

xuthal said:


> I swiftly made my way down stairs to give him a swift kick in the arse,i am a struggling rock star after all and the drugs were wearing off,i needed a quick fix,decided better on it and kissed some ass for a cheap bottle of chardonnay...


As I grabbed the bottle of chardonay . I noticed a slumped figure in the corner of the room . It couldn't be , but it sure looks like ?


----------



## shoretyus

xuthal said:


> I swiftly made my way down stairs to give him a swift kick in the arse,i am a struggling rock star after all and the drugs were wearing off,i needed a quick fix,decided better on it and kissed some ass for a cheap bottle of chardonnay...


That Graham Kerr, the original cooking guy, had left me


----------



## Bryan

Bryan said:


> As I grabbed the bottle of chardonay . I noticed a slumped figure in the corner of the room . It couldn't be , but it sure looks like ?


Now it sounds more in sync


----------



## Steadfastly

shoretyus said:


> That Graham Kerr, the original cooking guy, had left me


when I was eating there last week for the umpteenth time. It was the least he could do for the thousands I've spent eating there. Now where did.............


----------



## Bryan

FlipFlopFly said:


> when I was eating there last week for the umpteenth time. It was the least he could do for the thousands I've spent eating there. Now where did.............


...............I was sure I had left it here .


----------



## keeperofthegood

Bryan said:


> ...............I was sure I had left it here .



right here in my wallet see... this is where my mastercard goes right here. Now how am I going to pay for


----------



## Steadfastly

keeperofthegood said:


> right here in my wallet see... this is where my mastercard goes right here. Now how am I going to pay for


my bus ticket to get back to Minto, NB to get my blue telecaster? I've got it!, What if I................


----------



## Bryan

FlipFlopFly said:


> my bus ticket to get back to Minto, NB to get my blue telecaster? I've got it!, What if I................


...............No I could never do that !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Could I ???????????


----------



## Steadfastly

Bryan said:


> ...............No I could never do that !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Could I ???????????


Well...........I could do just about anything legal to get back to Minto and this is legal. It's just so darned difficult though. But I'm going to do it. So..............


----------



## Bryan

FlipFlopFly said:


> Well...........I could do just about anything legal to get back to Minto and this is legal. It's just so darned difficult though. But I'm going to do it. So..............


..............I Ordered the costumes.....


----------



## xuthal

and found some hobos willing to work for a shot of my chardonnay...


----------



## Steadfastly

Bryan said:


> ..............I Ordered the costumes.....


and now I'll have to wait two days until Monday rolls around and I can go pick them up. In the meantime, I haven't spoken to my folks in a few weeks. "Rinnggg....hi, Mom? How's.......


----------



## darkjune

FlipFlopFly said:


> and now I'll have to wait two days until Monday rolls around and I can go pick them up. In the meantime, I haven't spoken to my folks in a few weeks. "Rinnggg....hi, Mom? How's.......


 
Frank and beans our pet dog and cat, oh and how are you doing with that....


----------



## Steadfastly

darkjune said:


> Frank and beans our pet dog and cat, oh and how are you doing with that....


new fish tank? Could I please speak to Dad for a moment? I want to ask him about............


----------



## fraser

scoring with ladies his age.
and also...


----------



## darkjune

fraser said:


> scoring with ladies his age.
> and also...


Is it it a bad sign if it burns when you....


----------



## fraser

drink an alcoholic beverage you cant see through.
and hey, whatever became of that..


----------



## Bryan

fraser said:


> drink an alcoholic beverage you cant see through.
> and hey, whatever became of that..


....Video of


----------



## Robert1950

fraser said:


> scoring with ladies his age,... and also...


... that beat up old strat. I knew there had to be a way to get it back. It was then I walked into a repugnant Wal-Mart. I needed some hand sanitizer after watching him score with,... ladies,... his own age. They had the litre bottles of One Step on for $8.99.  Maybe some gravol too. Anyway, I was on my way back to the case when I noticed a clearance - Paul Stanley signature guitars, Made in Thailand, One Sale, or $59.99. That was it! I bought one and got out the crayon. I mean this was a Paul Stanley, KISS!. And my axe was at some pawn shop in,.... _Downtown Oshawa! _I'd have it back in no time!


----------



## Steadfastly

fraser said:


> scoring with ladies.


Just kidding mom. I want to know if he watched the scoring the ladies did on the women's hockey game the other night. Some of those goals were impressive! Did you watch with Dad? You did! What did you thing about........................the centre on line number.......


----------



## Lester B. Flat

So I took the Paul Stanley guitar to the pawn shop hoping to trade it even for my strat. The pawn shop guy said. "You can't compare Paul Stanley with Eric Clapton!" I said...


----------



## darkjune

Lester B. Flat said:


> So I took the Paul Stanley guitar to the pawn shop hoping to trade it even for my strat. The pawn shop guy said. "You can't compare Paul Stanley with Eric Clapton!" I said...


clapton sucks. then he pulled back his fist like he was going to hit me. to my suprise he started to giggle and said your all right kid take one of my guitars home with you. Well ok I'll take the............


----------



## shoretyus

Elivs costume and that Silvertone because there's a big show on at the Jube' tonight with Fraser and the ...


----------



## keeperofthegood

shoretyus said:


> Elivs costume and that Silvertone because there's a big show on at the Jube' tonight with Fraser and the ...


Psycholotones. A 32 piece orchestration of three guys and a monkey. No really, if you don't see the monkey they wont play. So then the money men said...


----------



## Tarl

keeperofthegood said:


> Psycholotones. A 32 piece orchestration of three guys and a monkey. No really, if you don't see the monkey they wont play. So then the money men said...


one for the road......


----------



## Jim DaddyO

Tarl said:


> one for the road......


and the monkey needs a union card to play


----------



## fraser

but, thank goodness, fraser doesnt work for/ or with any union folks, or primates, so i greased up my pompadour and ....


----------



## Steadfastly

fraser said:


> but, thank goodness, fraser doesnt work for/ or with any union folks, or primates, so i greased up my pompadour and ....


revved up my fingers, started tapping my toes and let her rip with my faithful red guitar. But, I'm thinking as the first song ends, what will I play next? I don't have this crowd figured out. What would they like to hear? And then I hear.............


----------



## fraser

freebird! freebird!.......gaaahh i mumbled to myself.
and thats when i saw the...


----------



## xuthal

monkey,it was the same one that stole my drink,i put my guitar in my pocket and walked over to...


----------



## Steadfastly

xuthal said:


> monkey,it was the same one that stole my drink,i put my guitar in my pocket and walked over to...


...., well, not actually in my pocket. We all know a guitar will not fit in your pocket, but over the side pocket of my jacket and got a cold drink. Nothing like a nice cold beer sometimes when you've got that certain thirst. After that it was time to go. Where to now, I asked myself. I think I'll go to the.........


----------



## denthevetteman7

Music store and trade that old guitar for something better but as i got there i got a vision of the late Les Paul himself and got myself a use Les Paul for a good price.


----------



## hollowbody

FlipFlopFly said:


> ...., well, not actually in my pocket. We all know a guitar will not fit in your pocket, but over the side pocket of my jacket and got a cold drink. Nothing like a nice cold beer sometimes when you've got that certain thirst. After that it was time to go. Where to now, I asked myself. I think I'll go to the.........


...laundromat. I just realized how filthy these jeans and jacket are.


----------



## bscott

OK - I'll bite!!


----------



## GTmaker

]


bscott said:


> OK - I'll bite!!


the Laudromat was expensive so I thought maybe I can bite the dirt off the jeans.
Thats when the idea hit me...


----------



## denthevetteman7

to take a walk down Ritson. and i sat down on the corner of Bloor street to take a moment and i think where should i got next. go east to Montréal or go west to Vancouver.


----------



## snacker

but then i remember hearing that the best scene was in brantford, so i head there


----------



## denthevetteman7

snacker said:


> but then i remember hearing that the best scene was in brantford, so i head there


But when i got there i realize that had forgot my guitar at the bus stop back in Oshawa. So i ...


----------



## jcon

denthevetteman7 said:


> But when i got there i realize that had forgot my guitar at the bus stop back in Oshawa. So i ...


headed for the nearest pawn shop and ended up buying a bass


----------



## xuthal

down the street was another music store,i headed there to trade it in for another strat,this time it was purple with some green haze surrounding it,i was still pretty high so i bought it and went....


----------



## TubeStack

xuthal said:


> down the street was another music store,i headed there to trade it in for another strat,this time it was purple with some green haze surrounding it,i was still pretty high so i bought it and went....


...poop on the sidewalk. "Man, I shouldn't have had that extra Taco Bell meal," I muttered to myself. I slipped out a few blues licks while I was crouched down on the cold, wet cement, and shouted out, "What in lord tunderin?" when I saw...


----------



## Bryan

I awoke suddenly to the phone ringing . I must have fallen asleep while I was writing last night . I looked at what had been written so far and thought , “what a load of confusing non continuity dialogue “ , and crumpled it all up and tossed it into the garbage can . Let me start over………….lets see We begin our story on a hot Saturday night in Oshawa, August, raining. I had my backpack and my beat-up Strat in hand. Not sure where I was going to end up, but I was sure it was going to be far from here. I could pick a few dollars…what’s happening . It was then that I noticed Lister from the Red Dwarf was standing in front of me . He said , “ I’ve come to give you guitar lessons “ . I heard he was pretty good so I said , “ sure , why not “ , but then……….


----------



## Flash

i got back on my jet pack and flew to see the stone henge


----------



## Ripper

it's amazing what a couple of good acid tabs can do for a person


----------



## av8tr

the acid trip deflated
i sat down and played 
those that passed by decided to pay
money in pocket 
a Strat in my hand 
down to the Greyhound
westward I'm bound


----------



## keeperofthegood

av8tr said:


> the acid trip deflated
> i sat down and played
> those that passed by decided to pay
> money in pocket
> a Strat in my hand
> down to the Greyhound
> westward I'm bound


with my shinny face and 50 bucks, 
I die inside as my tikka to ride
is a laugh and gaff
And the drivers all shake their heads
The manager, between bouts
Type-A anger, and mirthful manner
POINTS AT ME AND SAYS TO HIS CREW
"you hear the man, west he wants to go,
give him a hand, and take his dough,
Point him to the Ocean, and give him a skiff
If it's WEST he wants from the West Coast
It is a rowing he will need to go"

All of a sudden, I find myself adrift, heading towards somewhere, maybe Baja or the Great Northern ... hey its warmer up North so here I go, North to the Yukon, where I know the Gig is On!


----------



## Steadfastly

keeperofthegood said:


> with my shinny face and 50 bucks,
> I die inside as my tikka to ride
> is a laugh and gaff
> And the drivers all shake their heads
> The manager, between bouts
> Type-A anger, and mirthful manner
> POINTS AT ME AND SAYS TO HIS CREW
> "you hear the man, west he wants to go,
> give him a hand, and take his dough,
> Point him to the Ocean, and give him a skiff
> If it's WEST he wants from the West Coast
> It is a rowing he will need to go"
> 
> All of a sudden, I find myself adrift, heading towards somewhere, maybe Baja or the Great Northern ... hey its warmer up North so here I go, North to the Yukon, where I know the Gig is On!


I just hope by arms are not so worn out by the time I get there, that I will still be able to hold my faithful, red guitar. I can't believe I actually wanted that blue one. ...SPLASH...Wow what was...........


----------



## Chito

FlipFlopFly said:


> I just hope by arms are not so worn out by the time I get there, that I will still be able to hold my faithful, red guitar. I can't believe I actually wanted that blue one. ...SPLASH...Wow what was...........


that all about??? Are you really sure....


----------



## Steadfastly

Chito said:


> that all about??? Are you really sure....


yes, yes, I am sure I saw it, but I hardly believe it. How will I explain it to others that I actually saw it. They are so rare, they will think I'm crazy. If only I had my camera. Well, I've got my cell phone with a camera in it, Now, if it will just...........


----------



## keeperofthegood

FlipFlopFly said:


> yes, yes, I am sure I saw it, but I hardly believe it. How will I explain it to others that I actually saw it. They are so rare, they will think I'm crazy. If only I had my camera. Well, I've got my cell phone with a camera in it, Now, if it will just...........


bee dee beep... Message E4. the customer has roamed outside the service area please try your call again...


----------



## Tarl

well.......another one for today


----------



## mrmatt1972

Unable to photograph the guitar dancing through the waves along side the tour boat, I chose to make a sketch of the scene. Perhaps I can make a T-shirt from the design and get mre cash when we get to the gig.


----------



## johnsatrimayer

So i mailed the sketch to uglydog.ca to make a few t-shirts and see what would happen.


----------



## mrmatt1972

johnsatrimayer said:


> So i mailed the sketch to uglydog.ca to make a few t-shirts and see what would happen.


Mail by carrier pidgeon takes a fairly long time. I realized I had some time to learn a few new songs during the boat ride.


----------



## Ship of fools

So I took my little Martin paddel and started to pluck a note or two was it and then I realized


----------



## shoretyus

That I can't get no satisfaction but I ..


----------



## hollowbody

shoretyus said:


> That I can't get no satisfaction but I ..


...know if I try sometimes, I just might find that I get what I need.


----------



## BLUES FAN

*Get what i need*

Get what I need?.|Hmmmmmm that means catching that bus for a long ride back east to good ol Thorold(where the steamships climb the mountain of course) to warm up in a tanning bed at Bronze Envy and then catch me some great Blues bands at the good old Canalbank Shuffle.


----------



## Fader

and then...


----------



## Robert1950

Lester B. Flat said:


> So I took the Paul Stanley guitar to the pawn shop hoping to trade it even for my strat. The pawn shop guy said. "You can't compare Paul Stanley with Eric Clapton!"


Oh man, I thought, I was sure this would work. This is Oshawa. Then,...

"No one can compare with Paul Stanley, dude." The clerk said, wearing a different KISS T-Shirt today. "Clapton like, sucks dude, compared to Stanley"

He went behind the counter and returned sixteen minutes later with my strat and put it roughly on the counter. He pulled the Paul Stanley Signature, Made In Thailand, away from me and caressed it. Then he pulled a $100 out of the till. "Here, dude. I can't rip you off."

I thanked the 'Shwa dude and got out. I raced down to the bus station and waited an intolerable ten minutes for the next ride into T.O. I boarded the bus, looked at my MIM charcoal mist strat with a maple neck and 'Eric Claptin Signatore' written in crayon on the back. Sweet relief washed over me. But I knew that it was not only due to getting my axe back, but even more to my escape from the none cranium capital of Canada,... _Downtown OSHAWA._


----------



## mandoman

But then to my surprise.....


----------



## Mooh

Grampa Walton opened a strip club...


----------



## darkjune

Mooh said:


> Grampa Walton opened a strip club...


and everyone broke in to dance,and we tryed to party like it was 1999,but then disco steve came to the party and everything was ............


----------



## Ripper

getting really really strange until the building caught fire. Strangley, no one seemed......


----------



## BLUES FAN

to alarmed.I thought to myself this is really friggin strange and wondered how i got to oshawa on a bus ride to Thorold.Oh well Kay sara sara


----------



## Bryan

BLUES FAN said:


> to alarmed.I thought to myself this is really friggin strange and wondered how i got to oshawa on a bus ride to Thorold.Oh well Kay sara sara


 .Oh well Kay sara Sarah McLachlan .....Oh ya that 's what I was thinking . Man I've got to stop this time shiftiing in my head . It was then that I saw.........


----------



## keeperofthegood

Bryan said:


> .Oh well Kay sara Sarah McLachlan .....Oh ya that 's what I was thinking . Man I've got to stop this time shiftiing in my head . It was then that I saw.........


 40 Elvises in Silver jumping from a plane singing ...


----------



## Bryan

keeperofthegood said:


> 40 Elvises in Silver jumping from a plane singing ...


Smoke on the water...........the plane ahead of them had just crashed..........when one of the elvises said...........


----------



## shoretyus

Bryan said:


> Smoke on the water...........the plane ahead of them had just crashed..........when one of the elvises said...........


Thanky you ..Thank you very much.......I was thinking Parkwood was Graceland of the north but though it has a bowling alley it lacks


----------



## Budda

sure why not


----------



## canadian tyler

shoretyus said:


> Thanky you ..Thank you very much.......I was thinking Parkwood was Graceland of the north but though it has a bowling alley it lacks


... a spatula store. Spatula's for your every need, fixing a car, reading a book, cleaning your...


----------



## Bryan

canadian tyler said:


> ... a spatula store. Spatula's for your every need, fixing a car, reading a book, cleaning your...


..........floor , but then I thought , " that's no good " , so I called up my friend.......


----------



## zontar

Flip Wilson's ghost, who wasn't really a ghost, more of figment of my imagination.
But then I asked a different friend--a real live, non-imaginary one, Fred Flintstone.


----------



## xuthal

he was kinda busy though,he had an erocktion and couldn't get up from his granite lazy boy...


----------



## Bryan

xuthal said:


> he was kinda busy though,he had an erocktion and couldn't get up from his granite lazy boy...


...since willma was sitting on him................JUST WAIT A MINUTE !!!!!!!!!!!....I thought I was trying to get my strat back...O.K..........back to G rated story....I really did like that blue les paul , but it won't sound as good as my old strat . I have to call up the pawn shop to see if they still have it..........ring ring ring...


----------



## mrmatt1972

Bryan said:


> ...since willma was sitting on him................JUST WAIT A MINUTE !!!!!!!!!!!....I thought I was trying to get my strat back...O.K..........back to G rated story....I really did like that blue les paul , but it won't sound as good as my old strat . I have to call up the pawn shop to see if they still have it..........ring ring ring...


NO answer. I guess the strat is gone forever. I might as well get a tele anyway. This one seems nice: http://www.tapestrymusic.com/index.php?route=product/product&keyword=telecaster&product_id=1041


----------



## Tarl

one for the road.............


----------



## cptheman

Tarl said:


> one for the road.............


What happened to my strat?! No. Well at least me and tele don't have to hide our relationship anymore


----------



## mandoman

cptheman said:


> What happened to my strat?! No. Well at least me and tele don't have to hide our relationship anymore


I picked up my tele and begain to talk to her and when i touched her she.......


----------



## Steadfastly

mandoman said:


> I picked up my tele and begain to talk to her and when i touched her she.......


zapped my finger! Back to the repair shop; I must have a short somewhere. I wonder how.....................


----------



## Robert1950

Mooh said:


> Grampa Walton opened a strip club...


and, of course, my first gig was with the house band at Grampa Walton's Stripperama after I had rescued my old beat up chocolate mist MIM strat with maple neck and fake cigarette burn on the head stock and 'Eric Claptin Signatore' written on the back in crayon from centre of greyless matter in Canada,... _Downtown Oshawa!_


----------



## Steadfastly

> zapped my finger! Back to the repair shop; I must have a short somewhere. I wonder how.....................


long I'll have to wait to get it back this time? Maybe I'll rent me a guitar for tomorrow night. I hear those Ibanez AG-75's are pretty sweet. Let's see.......


----------



## zontar

...they have a purple one that will look great if I wear my lime green tux for that gig tomorrow.
Still I'd rather find the Strat.


----------



## Budda

guys back off, I'd like to win this please.

SRS BSNS


----------



## mrmatt1972

Budda said:


> guys back off, I'd like to win this please.
> 
> SRS BSNS


Another voice in my head. Crap - I thought the meds were working. Insanity must be why I like strats so much.


----------



## hollowbody

mrmatt1972 said:


> Another voice in my head. Crap - I thought the meds were working. Insanity must be why I like strats so much.


Especially with my ridiculously short fingers. Why didn't I pick a guitar with a shorter scale??


----------



## Budda

(this counts as a post, right?)


----------



## zontar

Those voices and then a picture, that missing Strat is driving me crazy. Why don't people read what's come before, like the first post?


----------



## Bryan

Budda said:


> (this counts as a post, right?)


RULES: Since we had a little issue with our last post contest running a little out of control we will change this one up a little. Here is how it works. We are going to tell a little story. I am going to start it with a sentance and every post from here on will add a sentance to the story. You may post more than once but not twice in a row. Someone else must always add to the story first. No videos or pictures. Just add to the story. A sentance or two at most.
Read the first post .


----------



## Robert1950

During a break between sets at Stripperama, one of Grampa Walton's 'girls' sachets up to me. On a hot scale from 1 to 10, she had to be about 217. "You guys are good" she said, pressing her g-sting and pasty clad body again mine. "But do you know anything by KISS?" I immediately lost the gun in my pocket. "Where are you from?" I ventured. Her face went a bit screwy for a second and then she smiled, "Why, I'm from,... _Oshawa."_


----------



## fraser

she then launched into what sounded like a 7th graders essay on why KISS was SOOO AWESOME!!
halting only to ask if i had any nitrazepam...


----------



## TubeStack

fraser said:


> she then launched into what sounded like a 7th graders essay on why KISS was SOOO AWESOME!!
> halting only to ask if i had any nitrazepam...


... I checked my pockets, but had used up my last ones during church on Sunday. "Well, honey... looks like I'll have to 'nitraz' your 'epam' the old fashioned way..."


----------



## keeperofthegood

TubeStack said:


> ... I checked my pockets, but had used up my last ones during church on Sunday. "Well, honey... looks like I'll have to 'nitraz' your 'epam' the old fashioned way..."


and feeling a stickiness on the bottom of my shoe, I looked. Last week I had lost it, but today I found that half gram of black


----------



## puckhead

keeperofthegood said:


> and feeling a stickiness on the bottom of my shoe, I looked. Last week I had lost it, but today I found that half gram of black


coffee. why I measure coffee in grams is one thing, why I keep it in that secret compartment in the bottom of my shoe is quite another


----------



## fraser

so with a martini glass, some water, my chunk of black coffee and a bic lighter, i proceeded to brew her a cup-
thats when she...


----------



## Bryan

fraser said:


> so with a martini glass, some water, my chunk of black coffee and a bic lighter, i proceeded to brew her a cup-
> thats when she...


..says , "did you know I used to be a man "...........


----------



## fraser

bryan made beer come out my nose- good one lol


----------



## Bryan

fraser said:


> bryan made beer come out my nose- good one lol


And at that point the babe said ehwwwww , and walked away, but as she was leaving in came.....


----------



## fraser

another nondescript oshawa babe who kept sniffling and acting nervous...


----------



## Bryan

fraser said:


> another nondescript oshawa babe who kept sniffling and acting nervous...


It was then that I realized it was Cloe ,and I remembered thinking.......... way back at the begining of our story that I wondered where Cloe could be. I said Hi Cloe , and she said..........


----------



## keeperofthegood

bryan said:


> it was then that i realized it was cloe ,and i remembered thinking.......... Way back at the begining of our story that i wondered where cloe could be. I said hi cloe , and she said..........



h1n1.........................


----------



## johnsatrimayer

... is what i thought you had. that's why i disappeared...


----------



## Ripper

feeling nervous, I sang the first thing that came into my head....."pants on the ground, pants on the ground..."


----------



## keeperofthegood

Ripper said:


> feeling nervous, I sang the first thing that came into my head....."pants on the ground, pants on the ground..."


"and then we go Up and Down, on the Merry Go Round"


----------



## sskalewis

keeperofthegood said:


> "and then we go Up and Down, on the Merry Go Round"


Then I realized that I wan't wearing any pants. I looked aorund and...


----------



## TubeStack

sskalewis said:


> Then I realized that I wan't wearing any pants. I looked aorund and...


... they were hanging from a flag pole. How had that Oshawa babe done that? She started to giggle as I turned around, bemused. "I grabbed them while your were..."


----------



## Bryan

TubeStack said:


> ... they were hanging from a flag pole. How had that Oshawa babe done that? She started to giggle as I turned around, bemused. "I grabbed them while your were..."


so I started to sing , " Oh I've got a lovley bunch of coco nuts " . Then she said , " no you don't " , and then I.........


----------



## shoretyus

Bryan said:


> so I started to sing , " Oh I've got a lovley bunch of coco nuts " . Then she said , " no you don't " , and then I.........


contemplated Whitby Pshyc hospital as things were starting to make perfect sense.


----------



## Steadfastly

shoretyus said:


> contemplated Whitby Pshyc hospital as things were starting to make perfect sense.


But the first thing I did was put my pants back on. Then I got out of there and went............


----------



## TubeStack

FlipFlopFly said:


> But the first thing I did was put my pants back on. Then I got out of there and went............


... up the street to Starbucks. I shouted at the girl behind the counter, "What the f*ck do you put in your coffee!?!" She looked at me brazenly in the eye and said...


----------



## dhutchings

FlipFlopFly said:


> But the first thing I did was put my pants back on. Then I got out of there and went............


...down to the Crossroads, got down on my knees, and...


----------



## cptheman

dhutchings said:


> ...down to the Crossroads, got down on my knees, and...


and dropped my pants again

Pants on the ground
Pants on the ground
Dealin with the devil with my pants on the round


----------



## Bryan

cptheman said:


> and dropped my pants again
> 
> Pants on the ground
> Pants on the ground
> Dealin with the devil with my pants on the round


Pants on the ground
Pants on the ground
Dealin with the devil with my pants on the ground
Lookin like a fool
Wit your hat on sideways
It made the devils head start to spin round


----------



## k tone

In. Looks like a cool pedal.


----------



## Bryan

k tone said:


> In. Looks like a cool pedal.


From Gearalley.com , Maybe I should call them up to see if they have ssen my strat . Now what is there phone number......


----------



## TubeStack

Bryan said:


> Pants on the ground
> Pants on the ground
> Dealin with the devil with my pants on the ground
> Lookin like a fool
> Wit your hat on sideways
> It made the devils head start to spin round


When the song stopped spinning in my head, I pulled up my pants again and thought, "Man, I gotta get a better friggin' belt, this is ridiculous." Looking down each path at the crossroads, I decided to pick the one that...


----------



## Flash

was not filled with zombies


----------



## Chito

...and weirdos which wasn't the case, so I still had the pants on the ground. So...


----------



## Lester B. Flat

...I said "screw it" and took them off completely. At that moment, three large...


----------



## shoretyus

Lester B. Flat said:


> ...I said "screw it" and took them off completely. At that moment, three large...


Satan's Choice


----------



## Valdez

dudes started beating the stuffing out of me. "Dudes!", I yelled. "Don't you know...


----------



## Tarl

Wow theres some interesting stuff on here.


----------



## denthevetteman7

Valdez said:


> dudes started beating the stuffing out of me. "Dudes!", I yelled. "Don't you know...


that im your brother.


----------



## shoretyus

denthevetteman7 said:


> that im your brother.


From another mother


----------



## Robert1950

denthevetteman7 said:


> that im your brother.


And I started singing, "I, wanna rock 'n roll all night, and party every day". The three Satan's Choice dudes screamed "ALL RIGHT!" and started singing along with me. I knew then, they had to be from,... _Oshawa!_


----------



## mrmatt1972

The three bikers offered to buy me drinks all night if I could play a gig at their clubhouse in the 'Shwa. "Sounds great!" Isaid.


----------



## TubeStack

mrmatt1972 said:


> The three bikers offered to buy me drinks all night if I could play a gig at their clubhouse in the 'Shwa. "Sounds great!" Isaid.


"I'll just need to pick up my $8000 boo-teek combo and my $25 000 Les Paul reissue, about $5000 worth of pedals, and I should be ready to rock you ALL NIGHT LONG!," I added excitedly.


----------



## RIFF WRATH

Hey, dont forget about me..i'm inerested


----------



## cptheman

And the bikers went to their bikes, and out of no where brought out $40 000 of gear and said....


----------



## darkjune

cptheman said:


> And the bikers went to their bikes, and out of no where brought out $40 000 of gear and said....


If you can tell us why they call you pinky you can have all this gear.


----------



## keeperofthegood

darkjune said:


> If you can tell us why they call you pinky you can have all this gear.



and I pointed at my head and said "NARF I got no ...


----------



## Tarl

....spat with you! You must thinks I'm.......


----------



## james on bass

Hey. Post! :food-smiley-004:


----------



## keeperofthegood

Tarl said:


> ....spat with you! You must thinks I'm.......





james on bass said:


> Hey. Post! :food-smiley-004:


But I am NOT a HEY POST, if anything I am more than a man. So I stood up to the pretty girl from Shwa and I shook my ...


----------



## Cort Strummer

keeperofthegood said:


> But I am NOT a HEY POST, if anything I am more than a man. So I stood up to the pretty girl from Shwa and I shook my ...


bare rear end at her at her in disgust with her behavior and then I...


----------



## cptheman

Cort Strummer said:


> bare rear end at her at her in disgust with her behavior and then I...


Rose in front of the bikers and started to levitate in front of them, claiming all this gear.


----------



## Robert1950

keeperofthegood said:


> and I pointed at my head and said "NARF" ...


Yes, that was it. The truck that had been carrying Pinky from the labs at Queens U to to UofT had been waylayed, by a flat tire, in,... _Downtown Oshawa. _Pinky was more susceptible to cognitive negating field generated by the odd electromagnetic field generated by,... _Downtown Oshawa,..._ because of the intelligence enhancing experiments at Queens. He was there just too long. When Pinky arrived at UofT, all he could is laugh and say NARF. Except when he was able to verbalize." I want the box set of the complete works of KISS, har-har, NARF!"


----------



## Bryan

Robert1950 said:


> Yes, that was it. The truck that had been carrying Pinky from the labs at Queens U to to UofT had been waylayed, by a flat tire, in,... _Downtown Oshawa. _Pinky was more susceptible to cognitive negating field generated by the odd electromagnetic field generated by,... _Downtown Oshawa,..._ because of the intelligence enhancing experiments at Queens. He was there just too long. When Pinky arrived at UofT, all he could is laugh and say NARF. Except when he was able to verbalize." I want the box set of the complete works of KISS, har-har, NARF!"


 Sp after me and the boys played all night . I phoned Beth to tell her that I was............


----------



## mrmatt1972

Trying to take over the WORLD!


----------



## Bryan

mrmatt1972 said:


> Trying to take over the WORLD!


After all I had this KISS army behind me .It was then that I felt something touch me.......


----------



## darkjune

bryan said:


> after all i had this kiss army behind me .it was then that i felt something touch me.......


 
it was gene Simmons tongue


----------



## keeperofthegood

darkjune said:


> it was gene Simmons tongue



BUT WHAT was with all that hair!! I quickly grabbed a hold of....


----------



## darkjune

keeperofthegood said:


> BUT WHAT was with all that hair!! I quickly grabbed a hold of....[/QUOTE
> 
> 
> it but I soon realized it wasn't the kiss army but the kiss tribute band from the seventh layer of hell.​


----------



## Bryan

darkjune said:


> keeperofthegood said:
> 
> 
> 
> BUT WHAT was with all that hair!! I quickly grabbed a hold of....[/QUOTE
> 
> 
> it but I soon realized it wasn't the kiss army but the kiss tribute band from the seventh layer of hell.​
> 
> 
> 
> So I jumped on my computer and found this......http://www.behindtheplayer.com/ace_dvd/
Click to expand...


----------



## keeperofthegood

Bryan said:


> darkjune said:
> 
> 
> 
> So I jumped on my computer and found this......http://www.behindtheplayer.com/ace_dvd/
> 
> 
> 
> 
> but the shock was SO bad, I made an appointment with a Fertility Specialist. The Nurse handed me a cup and I
Click to expand...


----------



## Bryan

keeperofthegood said:


> Bryan said:
> 
> 
> 
> but the shock was SO bad, I made an appointment with a Fertility Specialist. The Nurse handed me a cup and I
> 
> 
> 
> said ," but this cup is empty " . Then she said , " well??????????????????........... "
Click to expand...


----------



## TubeStack

keeperofthegood said:


> Bryan said:
> 
> 
> 
> but the shock was SO bad, I made an appointment with a Fertility Specialist. The Nurse handed me a cup and I
> 
> 
> 
> ... said, "Don't you have anything larger? This will never do." To which the nurse replied...
Click to expand...


----------



## Bryan

TubeStack said:


> keeperofthegood said:
> 
> 
> 
> ... said, "Don't you have anything larger? This will never do." To which the nurse replied...
> 
> 
> 
> " Well??????????????????...."
Click to expand...


----------



## keeperofthegood

Bryan said:


> keeperofthegood said:
> 
> 
> 
> said ," but this cup is empty " . Then she said , " well??????????????????........... "
> 
> 
> 
> Taking the cup I headed to the coffee pots. The look on the nurses face told the full story. She knew something wasn't right because I apparently spoke someone elses quotes. Taking the black gram of coffee I
Click to expand...


----------



## TubeStack

Bryan said:


> TubeStack said:
> 
> 
> 
> " Well??????????????????...."
> 
> 
> 
> I responded, "Okay, I'll try and make it work. But I need some inspiration... Got any guitar gear photos around? That gets things going, every time."
Click to expand...


----------



## denthevetteman7

TubeStack said:


> Bryan said:
> 
> 
> 
> I responded, "Okay, I'll try and make it work. But I need some inspiration... Got any guitar gear photos around? That gets things going, every time."
> 
> 
> 
> She reply that they have other kind of magazines but not of guitars. She said that was weirdest thing she ever heard.
Click to expand...


----------



## keeperofthegood

TubeStack said:


> I responded, "Okay, I'll try and make it work. But I need some inspiration... Got any guitar gear photos around? That gets things going, every time."


Finally I think this will work again! Amazing what a staple in the middle will do. I quickly called up my parts supplier and ordered a 43n Polystyrene and some new 500K audio pots. With happiness in hand, I filled my cup with


----------



## TubeStack

keeperofthegood said:


> Finally I think this will work again! Amazing what a staple in the middle will do. I quickly called up my parts supplier and ordered a 43n Polystyrene and some new 500K audio pots. With happiness in hand, I filled my cup with


... my recipe for life, love, and happiness, and handed it back to the nurse. "Wow!" she exclaimed, "You were right, the cup wasn't nearly big enough. My, you're a healthy, healthy young man. Maybe you could stop by my apartment later, help me insert some screws around the house?"


----------



## keeperofthegood

TubeStack said:


> ... my recipe for life, love, and happiness, and handed it back to the nurse. "Wow!" she exclaimed, "You were right, the cup wasn't nearly big enough. My, you're a healthy, healthy young man. Maybe you could stop by my apartment later, help me insert some screws around the house?"


And I eyed the wee lass and said "I am sure I could come by and help you nail things down with a few good screws". Then my Cell Phone rang, it was the ....


----------



## TubeStack

keeperofthegood said:


> And I eyed the wee lass and said "I am sure I could come by and help you nail things down with a few good screws". Then my Cell Phone rang, it was the ....


... chick from Oshawa. "Where the hell did you take off to!?!" she shouted. Holding the phone a few inches from my ear, I responded, "I've just been busy... I had to..."


----------



## Bryan

TubeStack said:


> ... chick from Oshawa. "Where the hell did you take off to!?!" she shouted. Holding the phone a few inches from my ear, I responded, "I've just been busy... I had to..."


....catch a flight to go somewhere far away from here to find my black strat


----------



## TubeStack

Bryan said:


> ....catch a flight to go somewhere far away from here to find my black strat


"That's bullsh*t and you know it," she yelled, distorting the cell's tiny speaker. "I have your black strat, I'm holding it right here in my pretty, shaking hands. If you ever want to see it again, you'd better..."


----------



## darkjune

Come down here and tune it up or you will.....


----------



## keeperofthegood

darkjune said:


> Come down here and tune it up or you will.....


have wasted all that money buying the new tone cap and pots.

With deep trepedation and my last 5 dollars I ...


----------



## puckhead

keeperofthegood said:


> have wasted all that money buying the new tone cap and pots.
> 
> With deep trepedation and my last 5 dollars I ...


bought a taco bell extra value meal. which of course, meant.....


----------



## BLUES FAN

I would be sitting on a toilet for days thinking about my Black Strat and its demise


----------



## keeperofthegood

BLUES FAN said:


> I would be sitting on a toilet for days thinking about my Black Strat and its demise


It was then that I woke up, with a bottle of Pepto Bismol in hand, a funky pink body suite on, and a crazy man shouting _"CUT! Where do they get these yokels!!"_ I staggered to my feet as best I could and headed for the nearest ...


----------



## gooberman

BLUES FAN said:


> I would be sitting on a toilet for days thinking about my Black Strat and its demise


Fortunately for me I only used mild sauce and not the Fire sauce this time. I must have sensed that...


----------



## the_fender_guy

gooberman said:


> Fortunately for me I only used mild sauce and not the Fire sauce this time. I must have sensed that...


sensed that some forms of pain aren't worth it. With that I resumed my...


----------



## darkjune

keeperofthegood said:


> It was then that I woke up, with a bottle of Pepto Bismol in hand, a funky pink body suite on, and a crazy man shouting _"CUT! Where do they get these yokels!!"_ I staggered to my feet as best I could and headed for the nearest ...


change room.I think this is the real reason they call me pinky.I have been the pepto rep for the last ten years now,the pay is good and the laddies love the outfit.you know what they say once you go pink you attract all the stink.


----------



## TubeStack

darkjune said:


> chage room.I think this is the real reason they call me pinky.I have been the pepto maskot for the last ten years now,the pay is good and the laddies love the outfit.you know what they say once you go pink you atract all the stink.


And with all this recent activity in my life, I seemed to have forgotten this simple truth. "Never again," I resolved. And with that in my mind, I began to...


----------



## denthevetteman7

TubeStack said:


> And with all this recent activity in my life, I seemed to have forgotten this simple truth. "Never again," I resolved. And with that in my mind, I began to...


think of my black strat near it's end if i don't show up real soon.So i...


----------



## darkjune

denthevetteman7 said:


> think of my black strat near it's end if i don't show up real soon.So i...


decided never to smoke at the gas pump again...


----------



## Ripper

darkjune said:


> decided never to smoke at the gas pump again...


but I have decided that it does a great job as a facial peel...whoa....was that a penguin?


----------



## darkjune

Ripper said:


> but I have decided that it does a great job as a facial peel...whoa....was that a penguin?


it's to d*** hot for a penguin to be walking around here.....


----------



## TubeStack

darkjune said:


> it's to d*** hot for a penguin to be walking around here.....


"I'll never save my strat, at this rate," I said to myself "I'd better get some directions from the penguin."

"Excuse me, dude, do you know where..."


----------



## darkjune

TubeStack said:


> "I'll never save my strat, at this rate," I said to myself "I'd better get some directions from the penguin."
> 
> "Excuse me, dude, do you know where..."


oh no thats not a penguin its my ex mother inlaw, what do I say now?....


----------



## keeperofthegood

darkjune said:


> oh no thats not a penguin its my ex mother inlaw, what do I say now?....



OMG I'm sorry!! I had NO idea that was your sister!! I mean, she was all young and pretty!!! 

Grabbing my Yellow Squire, and my VOX I made a mad dash for the safety of ....


----------



## darkjune

keeperofthegood said:


> OMG I'm sorry!! I had NO idea that was your sister!! I mean, she was all young and pretty!!!
> 
> Grabbing my Yellow Squire, and my VOX I made a mad dash for the safety of ....


the fendermobile, you know the car I made from old fender guitars I found at the pawn shop.so I hopped in and went
to...........


----------



## GuitarsCanada

Is everyone having fun? Contest runs until next Thursday


----------



## Robert1950

GuitarsCanada said:


> Is everyone having fun?


Yes. Except when I'm in grey matter neutralizing boundaries of,.... _Downtown Oshawa !!_


----------



## GuitarsCanada

Robert1950 said:


> Yes. Except when I'm in grey matter neutralizing boundaries of,.... _Downtown Oshawa !!_


I cant believe that our hero has not made it out west by now. he is still hanging around Oshawa?


----------



## J S Moore

darkjune said:


> the fendermobile, you know the car I made from old fender guitars I found at the pawn shop.so I hopped in and went
> to...........


an old run down blues joint that was a favourite haunt of mine. Cheap whiskey, cheaper women and an open mic nite that.......


----------



## keeperofthegood

GuitarsCanada said:


> I cant believe that our hero has not made it out west by now. he is still hanging around Oshawa?


OH Noes he was out west  He wound up going farther west and had to row for his life with his blue guitar to the Yukon!! BUT it may have been an acid trip. That Pepto Bismol is some potent pink stuff @[email protected]


----------



## mrmatt1972

J S Moore said:


> an old run down blues joint that was a favourite haunt of mine. Cheap whiskey, cheaper women and an open mic nite that.......


that features some very open suggestions.


----------



## denthevetteman7

mrmatt1972 said:


> that features some very open suggestions.


 with Don Cherry, it look like a real heavy night of ...


----------



## Tarl

....hockey talk and Molson Ex. Then Maclaen walked through the door....


----------



## GuitarSkater

he was holding a 1956 gibson les paul and offfered to give it to me


----------



## denthevetteman7

GuitarSkater said:


> he was holding a 1956 gibson les paul and offfered to give it to me


 if i could name the name of the coach of the Toronto Maple Leaf.


----------



## TubeStack

denthevetteman7 said:


> if i could name the name of the coach of the Toronto Maple Leaf.


To which I replied, "I honestly don't know. I'm too busy rockin' all the time to keep track of those bozos. Can I win the guitar some other way? PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE?"


----------



## fraser

and then i launched into my pose- rockin fists pumping in the air while squatting like i was constipated on a camping trip- yeeeehaw i yelled........


----------



## Bryan

denthevetteman7 said:


> if i could name the name of the coach of the Toronto Maple Leaf.


But I'm not really a big hockey fan ( OH NO!!!! ) is it possible here in Canada to not be a big hockey fan I said wait until they actually win a few in a row then I will be sure that they have a coach to name , but then Don said to me.........


----------



## fraser

"why is it everytime i go to post something, somebody gets in ahead of me, and i have to change my admittedly excellent post to something much less cool..."
i know, but thats what he said.
just then out of the corner of my eye i spotted...


----------



## Steadfastly

they just might not be winning a few in a row the rest of this season. They are a woeful team right now and are going to be woeful until at least...............


----------



## denthevetteman7

until they show the door to ...


----------



## Steadfastly

272022 said:


> they just might not be winning a few in a row the rest of this season. They are a woeful team right now and are going to be woeful until at least...............


the middle of next year. I've never seen a team be down so long and so hard for a long time. There's a lot of head shaking going on in leaf circles these days. And the worst of it is..........


----------



## denthevetteman7

FlipFlopFly said:


> the middle of next year. I've never seen a team be down so long and so hard for a long time. There's a lot of head shaking going on in leaf circles these days. And the worst of it is..........


they don't have good music between periods. So they will have to hire a good disk jokey to play bad to the bone.


----------



## J S Moore

denthevetteman7 said:


> they don't have good music between periods. So they will have to hire a good disk jokey to play bad to the bone.


Or maybe they should just give the players instruments. They couldn't play any worse.


----------



## Steadfastly

denthevetteman7 said:


> they don't have good music between periods. So they will have to hire a good disk jokey to play bad to the bone.


Hey, I wonder if I brought my faithful red guitar down, if they would hire me to play? I could play "All Along The Depressing Scoreboard" by Timmi Bendrix for them. That would make them...............


----------



## TubeStack

FlipFlopFly said:


> Hey, I wonder if I brought my faithful red guitar down, if they would hire me to play? I could play "All Along The Depressing Scoreboard" by Timmi Bendrix for them. That would make them...............


I then suddenly awoke from the boring Leafs talk in my dream and was back in my adventure. "How can I win the Les Paul? Is there any other way?"

To which Don Cherry replied...


----------



## rhh7

"It was a dark and stormy night, and all three pots on my Strat exploded simultaneously, ...suddenly, a shot rang out, a woman screamed, and..."


----------



## TubeStack

rhh7 said:


> "It was a dark and stormy night, and all three pots on my Strat exploded simultaneously, ...suddenly, a shot rang out, a woman screamed, and..."


And I said, "What the hell are you talking about, Don? I just want to get the '56 Les Paul that Maclean is holding. Tell me how to do it... I don't know the Leafs' coach's name!?!"

And Maclean answered angrily...


----------



## denthevetteman7

TubeStack said:


> And I said, "What the hell are you talking about, Don? I just want to get the '56 Les Paul that Maclean is holding. Tell me how to do it... I don't know the Leafs' coach's name!?!"
> 
> And Maclean answered angrily...


it has the same name of one of the beach boy. So i just screamed *wilson* and the the Les Paul was mine.


----------



## TubeStack

denthevetteman7 said:


> it has the same name of one of the beach boy. So i just screamed *wilson* and the the Les Paul was mine.



"Thanks, Maclean!" I shouted. 

I strapped on the mighty, legendary axe... knowing I should play something important, I started playing....


----------



## bscott

OUCH!! That hurts - but in a good way


----------



## TubeStack

bscott said:


> OUCH!! That hurts - but in a good way


And after I moved the string end that was poking into me, I gripped the might Les Paul and started to play...


----------



## denthevetteman7

TubeStack said:


> And after I moved the string end that was poking into me, I gripped the might Les Paul and started to play...


Cold Gin just like Ace


----------



## shoretyus

denthevetteman7 said:


> Cold Gin just like Ace


Downtown Oshawa is a wonderful place


----------



## PaulS

I was rocking and I was reeling... playin' like never before, when suddenly ....


----------



## TubeStack

PaulS said:


> I was rocking and I was reeling... playin' like never before, when suddenly ....


I farted. 

Although it was a perfect 'A' and was right in key, Don Cherry and Maclean didn't seem so impressed.

"You know what you should do with that stinky Les Paul," said Don, "You should take it and..."


----------



## denthevetteman7

TubeStack said:


> I farted.
> 
> Although it was a perfect 'A' and was right in key, Don Cherry and Maclean didn't seem so impressed.
> 
> "You know what you should do with that stinky Les Paul," said Don, "You should take it and..."


smash it on the floor just like Paul Stanley do after rock and roll all night


----------



## Bryan

TubeStack said:


> I farted.
> 
> Although it was a perfect 'A' and was right in key, Don Cherry and Maclean didn't seem so impressed.
> 
> "You know what you should do with that stinky Les Paul," said Don, "You should take it and..."


...........Grow up . I thought for the longest while , but not long enough for someone else to post ahead of me , and the I said ," that's it , I'm leaving Oshawa for some where warmer so I.....cursed becuase someone posted before I got my thoughts out... so I ....


----------



## TubeStack

denthevetteman7 said:


> smash it on the floor just like Paul Stanley do after rock and roll all night


"Why, that would be crazy!" I shouted at Don and his sidekick. "Why should the guitar pay for my Taco Bell sins?"

And with that, I left, slamming the door and carrying the '56 Les Paul with me. "Screw my busted Strat," I thought, "That Oshawa MILF can have it."

And suddenly, I bumped into...


----------



## denthevetteman7

TubeStack said:


> "Why, that would be crazy!" I shouted at Don and his sidekick. "Why should the guitar pay for my Taco Bell sins?"
> 
> And with that, I left, slamming the door and carrying the '56 Les Paul with me. "Screw my busted Strat," I thought, "That Oshawa MILF can have it."
> 
> And suddenly, I bumped into...


The guy from the pawn shop


----------



## Tarl

....,you remember that idiot.


----------



## fraser

he said "ive been looking for you- ive got something you need to see...


----------



## TubeStack

fraser said:


> he said "ive been looking for you- ive got something you need to see...


And I said, "Hey man, I just scored this sweet '56 Les Paul... you think I might be able to trade it in for a Crate practice amp, or something?"

He said, "Never mind that, you gotta see what's in my basement.... follow me..."


----------



## xuthal

he pulled out his iphone and showed me the survalince video of that tasty milf stealing the guitar.i always wondered how she got her hands on it(or was it explained already:zzz


----------



## cptheman

now i need to figure out a way to get it back. hmmmmmmmmmmm


----------



## TubeStack

cptheman said:


> now i need to figure out a way to get it back. hmmmmmmmmmmm


"Hmmm... maybe if I check my cell, I can find her number..." I muttered. But why would I need that broken down Strat, when this vintage LP just fell into my lap? 

Just then, the pawn shop owner slapped me, open- handed, across the face... I stuttered and shouted...


----------



## fraser

what the fukk!
he yelled- "dont you see!"
i said i didnt-
"what are you running from?" he screamed
he slapped me again-
i mumbled- i guess im just running from myself.
"dam straight he said- a strat is all you need- now piss off and..."


----------



## denthevetteman7

what's wrong with me.


----------



## Robert1950

cptheman said:


> now i need to figure out a way to get it back. hmmmmmmmmmmm


Then there was a blinding flash! And there, standing before me, was a man, beyond years in age, dressed in long flowing white robes and a wizards hat. His hair and beard where Santa Claus white. He held a long wooden staff which appeared to have glowing symbols carved into it, but I was not close enough to make them out. I tried to edge closer but he pull the staff back and said. "If want your iPhone back, and the '56 Les Paul, and those Don Mare pickups for your strat, and the phone number for that hot little employee of Grampa Walton's Stripperama, You must journey into the depths of nothingness and back" And he thrust the staff forward so I could see the words. It said, Rock Bottom Deals Pawn Shop, 22 Simcoe St., N in,... _Downtown Oshawa!!!_ Just above KISS World Tour, 2009.


----------



## keefsdad

Not the Schwa!!!! Anywhere but there!!!!


----------



## Steadfastly

TubeStack said:


> "Hmmm... maybe if I check my cell, I can find her number..." I muttered. But why would I need that broken down Strat, when this vintage LP just fell into my lap?
> 
> Just then, the pawn shop owner slapped me, open- handed, across the face... I stuttered and shouted...


Hey man, are you crazy!


----------



## cptheman

FlipFlopFly said:


> Hey man, are you crazy!


As he slapped me the vintage lp dropped to the ground and of course, the headstock cracked. if only i had a way to go back in time...


----------



## TubeStack

cptheman said:


> As he slapped me the vintage lp dropped to the ground and of course, the headstock cracked. if only i had a way to go back in time...


... to before all this happened, before I even met the KISS-loving rocker Oshawa babe. But alas, here I was, stuck in the present, with a busted '56 Les Paul. Now I'd never be able to trade it for that Crate practice amp.

So, acting swiftly, I whacked the pawn shop owner over the head with the chunky, heavy body of the LP. He staggered back and yelled...


----------



## xuthal

ahhhhh fu.." i wound up and whacked him again and he went down,out for now.I took his wallet and down the street i ran,remembering to pick up the les paul and severed headstock,maybe i could...


----------



## Steadfastly

TubeStack said:


> ... to before all this happened, before I even met the KISS-loving rocker Oshawa babe. But alas, here I was, stuck in the present, with a busted '56 Les Paul. Now I'd never be able to trade it for that Crate practice amp.
> 
> So, acting swiftly, I whacked the pawn shop owner over the head with the chunky, heavy body of the LP. He staggered back and yelled...


Hey, man, are you crazy?


----------



## mandoman

Tarl said:


> ....hockey talk and Molson Ex. Then Maclaen walked through the door....


and said Boys did you hear about the trade the leafs made?


Damn I'm slow...LOL


----------



## Bryan

mandoman said:


> and said Boys did you hear about the trade the leafs made?
> 
> 
> Damn I'm slow...LOL


Better slow than never.... I siad , and then....


----------



## shoretyus

TubeStack said:


> . He staggered back and yelled...


I curse you with wrath of the Pawnshop Gods... and he chanted *Heymna Heyman jay turser yamaha pacifica* _you will never find another old guitar in a pawnshop ever again and may your GO bus will always leave five minutes early_... I had to collect my thoughts and the only place I could think to go was to Dines for a cheesburger pepsi....then it came to me where I went wrong ...


----------



## Bryan

shoretyus said:


> I curse you with wrath of the Pawnshop Gods... and he chanted *Heymna Heyman jay turser yamaha pacifica* _you will never find another old guitar in a pawnshop ever again and may your GO bus will always leave five minutes early_... I had to collect my thoughts and the only place I could think to go was to Dines for a cheesburger pepsi....then it came to me where I went wrong ...


I was all out of sync ,but then ....


----------



## TubeStack

Bryan said:


> I was all out of sync ,but then ....


After realizing I didn't know what event had come first, or second, or who was responding to whom in any scenario, I muttered, "Well, this cheeseburger is damn good... maybe I'll just forget about busted '56 Les Pauls, broken strats, Oshawa MILFs, Don Cherry, KISS, and all the rest of this crazy ride, and just savor every tasty morsel of this greasy, classic American meal." Biting in, I sat back to relax for a while...

And then I heard the crash from behind me...


----------



## xuthal

...the train rolled by,i was coming in and out of some alternate realities,or was i,was this just an amazing acid trip?Just then i saw the pawn shop owner through the rail cars,staring me down hard.I couldn't get my head around what was happening,just as i got up to run i woke up in the back alley covered in a warm liquid and the remains of my les paul.....


----------



## TubeStack

xuthal said:


> ...the train rolled by,i was coming in and out of some alternate realities,or was i,was this just an amazing acid trip?Just then i saw the pawn shop owner through the rail cars,staring me down hard.I couldn't get my head around what was happening,just as i got up to run i woke up in the back alley covered in a warm liquid and the remains of my les paul.....


And I started singing in a high, maniacal voice... "KUMBAYA MY LORD, KUMBAYA!?!?"

"Can I help you, sir?" 

A policewoman was walking up to me, her hard, sharp heels clicking on the cold, wet pavement.


----------



## zontar

And suddenly I was face down on the pavement--someone had El Kabonged me with a Tele.


----------



## keeperofthegood

zontar said:


> And suddenly I was face down on the pavement--someone had El Kabonged me with a Tele.


and I heard Les say "... simply put the white wire to this point here, the cap doesn't matter I get them for 1 dollar a gross. People should keep a dab of oil here but they wont so we will sell them replacement switches...".

As my head began to clear I realized what I wanted to do. I REALIZED MY LIFE'S DESIRE! I then pealed the copy of Victoria's Secret from my face and ....


----------



## TubeStack

keeperofthegood said:


> and I heard Les say "... simply put the white wire to this point here, the cap doesn't matter I get them for 1 dollar a gross. People should keep a dab of oil here but they wont so we will sell them replacement switches...".
> 
> As my head began to clear I realized what I wanted to do. I REALIZED MY LIFE'S DESIRE! I then pealed the copy of Victoria's Secret from my face and ....


... began speaking to the policewoman. "I'm sorry, I've been a bad, bad boy. I've run from an Oshawa MILF, broken a prize vintage Les Paul, and farted while playing 'Cold Gin'... what can I do to show my repentance?"

She pushed her sharp heel into my chest and said...


----------



## shoretyus

TubeStack said:


> .
> She pushed her sharp heel into my chest and said...


"Have you joined Guitars Canada yet ...on this paper it says ..


----------



## urko99

That you are not a supporting member, still! I must say that you are border lining on a repremand, and then another police cruiser pulled up and another female officer stepped out and hollered....


----------



## Destropiate

Not a supporting member???? Just shoot him then!


----------



## Steadfastly

Destropiate said:


> Not a supporting member???? Just shoot him then!


Here, take this water pistol and get him soaking wet. Then we all started laughing so hard, we could hardly standing. Now that things were back on a sane level and we all had our equilibrium..............


----------



## gooberman

FlipFlopFly said:


> Here, take this water pistol and get him soaking wet. Then we all started laughing so hard, we could hardly standing. Now that things were back on a sane level and we all had our equilibrium..............


The first officer spoke...we really would like a three way with you...well use you as our third partner in the deadly three way wrestling cage match against the Flactuent Freebirds and the divebomd Diva's...


----------



## Bryan

gooberman said:


> The first officer spoke...we really would like a three way with you...well use you as our third partner in the deadly three way wrestling cage match against the Flactuent Freebirds and the divebomd Diva's...


On second thought we should use Paris Hilton , " I thought , after reading this in a local paper " , A man has filed for a bizarre temporary restraining order against Paris Hilton, claiming she has carried out 'numerous sexual assaults' against him , but then I decided...


----------



## denthevetteman7

Bryan said:


> On second thought we should use Paris Hilton , " I thought , after reading this in a local paper " , A man has filed for a bizarre temporary restraining order against Paris Hilton, claiming she has carried out 'numerous sexual assaults' against him , but then I decided...


i would stick with those two for a while.They seems to be kinda fun girls.


----------



## Sundog Kid

> i would stick with those two for a while.They seems to be kinda fun girls


...even if I may catch something in the process. So I carried on....


----------



## urko99

Trying to convince the both of them for a three way, and suddenly, both officers said in unison....


----------



## shoretyus

urko99 said:


> Trying to convince the both of them for a three way, and suddenly, both officers said in unison....


Look there's Jim Prentice......


----------



## TubeStack

shoretyus said:


> Look there's Jim Prentice......


"Hey," said one of the female cops, "Prentice has been headed with changing Canadian intellectual property laws akin to the Digital Millenium Copyright Act in the United States!" 

"That's absolutely correct," responded the second woman officer, "And this has been linked to pressure from the United States government and multinational media advocacy groups. Maybe we'd better bring him along... he's definitely in need of some corrective teaching... S&M style."

I gazed at the two of them, "Man, you're making me..."


----------



## Flash

hungry for some tacos. i'll buy


----------



## Tarl

TubeStack said:


> "Hey," said one of the female cops, "Prentice has been headed with changing Canadian intellectual property laws akin to the Digital Millenium Copyright Act in the United States!"
> 
> "That's absolutely correct," responded the second woman officer, "And this has been linked to pressure from the United States government and multinational media advocacy groups. Maybe we'd better bring him along... he's definitely in need of some corrective teaching... S&M style."
> 
> I gazed at the two of them, "Man, you're making me..."


....real nervous with those fur covered handcuffs your holding. Maybe I better just.....


----------



## TubeStack

Tarl said:


> ....real nervous with those fur covered handcuffs your holding. Maybe I better just.....


... take my busted '56 Les Paul and be on my way."

I then felt the warm liquid from earlier, when I first awoke... except now it was cold, ice cold. "What the heck is that..." I wondered.

Looking down, I saw that it was...


----------



## Steadfastly

TubeStack said:


> ... take my busted '56 Les Paul and be on my way."
> 
> I then felt the warm liquid from earlier, when I first awoke... except now it was cold, ice cold. "What the heck is that..." I wondered.
> 
> Looking down, I saw that it was...


a half empty cup of coffee that had rolled of the dresser and on top of me while I was sleeping. Wow, I thought to myself, I'm sure glad it was coffee. I wonder how the rest of the day will go? Should I.............


----------



## TubeStack

FlipFlopFly said:


> a half empty cup of coffee that had rolled of the dresser and on top of me while I was sleeping. Wow, I thought to myself, I'm sure glad it was coffee. I wonder how the rest of the day will go? Should I.............


... listen to this female-cop duo? They can probably give some lessons I'll never forget, and won't _want_ to forget. But what if they make my bum-bum sting?

Also, how did my dresser get into this dark, dirty alley? 

Well, I guess I'll get in their squad car... I thought to myself... at least it'll be warm and dry. 

After getting into the car, the first woman cop said, "Ever hear the song _'Blood Sugar Sex Magik,'_ by the Chili Peppers?"


----------



## keeperofthegood

TubeStack said:


> ... listen to this female-cop duo? They can probably give some lessons I'll never forget, and won't _want_ to forget. But what if they make my bum-bum sting?
> 
> Also, how did my dresser get into this dark, dirty alley?
> 
> Well, I guess I'll get in their squad car... I thought to myself... at least it'll be warm and dry.
> 
> After getting into the car, the first woman cop said, "Ever hear the song _'Blood Sugar Sex Magik,'_ by the Chili Peppers?"



And I said "Omg no, not meow. Can you just take meow to prison. Im hunger and meow wants to call meows attorney. Are you a cop or are you a musician meow. Can't meow see I need a Dr? And a shower meow. So lets go meow. You driving meow or am I?" ......







> OH YEA And meow!


----------



## Steadfastly

keeperofthegood said:


> And I said "Omg no, not meow. Can you just take meow to prison. Im hunger and meow wants to call meows attorney. Are you a cop or are you a musician meow. Can't meow see I need a Dr? And a shower meow. So lets go meow. You driving meow or am I?" ......


I've been a cat lover since I was a little boy and can remember running around the house with a ribbon on a string with at least one of the cats chasing me and singing.....


----------



## Starbuck

What's new pussycat? woooa woooa, what's new Pussycat? Much to the dismay of my.....


----------



## Steadfastly

Starbuck said:


> What's new pussycat? woooa woooa, what's new Pussycat? Much to the dismay of my.....


Mother, who never did like that song. Hm....I wonder if I could write a nice song using that music but different lyrics that just about anyone would like. Now, that is a tall........


----------



## KujaSE

FlipFlopFly said:


> Mother, who never did like that song. Hm....I wonder if I could write a nice song using that music but different lyrics that just about anyone would like. Now, that is a tall........


order, but not unrealistic. I had always felt that Tom Jones was ripe for comic relief when it came to revamping lyrics. But as Stevie Ray always said...


----------



## darkjune

KujaSE said:


> order, but not unrealistic. I had always felt that Tom Jones was ripe for comic relief when it came to revamping lyrics. But as Stevie Ray always said...


 
chichens may dance in the summer time, but boy do they suck at poker.speaking of poker.....


----------



## jimihendrix

"When you believe in things that you don't understand
Then you suffer
Superstition ain't the way"...

...and with that cue...i think i'll rub my eyes in disbelief...then smoothly segue into the next scenario which begins with me hailing a cab to...


----------



## keeperofthegood

jimihendrix said:


> "When you believe in things that you don't understand
> Then you suffer
> Superstition ain't the way"...
> 
> ...and with that cue...i think i'll rub my eyes in disbelief...then smoothly segue into the next scenario which begins with me hailing a cab to...


the nearest Little Italy. I have SUCH a craving for Polenta and Red Sauce! With that fiver that kind officer gave me to STFU I ....


----------



## J S Moore

keeperofthegood said:


> the nearest Little Italy. I have SUCH a craving for Polenta and Red Sauce! With that fiver that kind officer gave me to STFU I ....


strode purposefully into the nearest restaurant and was instantly disapointed. The place had no......


----------



## darkjune

J S Moore said:


> strode purposefully into the nearest restaurant and was instantly disapointed. The place had no......


V.I.P parking. so I told the cabie to....


----------



## jimihendrix

keep circling the block untill i reappear...

...for now...i had to get to a meeting in the backroom...where the tablecloths were as checkered as pasts of the men gathered there...i was there to ask a favour...from the don...


----------



## Bryan

jimihendrix said:


> keep circling the block untill i reappear...
> 
> ...for now...i had to get to a meeting in the backroom...where the tablecloths were as checkered as pasts of the men gathered there...i was there to ask a favour...from the don...


Could you get me tickets to the next Leafs game . I think they might be better now after the trade....


----------



## cptheman

I walked to the back but was stopped by what seemed to be a mob security guy who asked what my business was. I told him....


----------



## darkjune

cptheman said:


> I walked to the back but was stopped by what seemed to be a mob security guy who asked what my business was. I told him....


I was the tv repair man here to fix the bosses 52" tv.so he.......


----------



## keeperofthegood

cptheman said:


> I walked to the back but was stopped by what seemed to be a mob security guy who asked what my business was. I told him....



Brother Martin Sends His Love. Then I kissed him on both cheeks. Reaching inside my trench coat I pull out ...


----------



## darkjune

keeperofthegood said:


> Brother Martin Sends His Love. Then I kissed him on both cheeks. Reaching inside my trench coat I pull out ...


my dogs squeak toy, cuz all mobsters like things that squeek.thats when he.....


----------



## keeperofthegood

darkjune said:


> I was the tv repair man here to fix the bosses 52" tv.so he.......



WHEN HE was the tv repair man THERE to fix the bosses 52" tv.so he.......


----------



## darkjune

keeperofthegood said:


> WHEN HE was the tv repair man THERE to fix the bosses 52" tv.so he.......


I am the tv repair man here to fix your bosses 52" tv.so he.....

what ever....


----------



## TubeStack

darkjune said:


> my dogs squeak toy, cuz all mobsters like things that squeek.thats when he.....


Asked me if I knew any Mountain tunes on guitar, 'cause the boss really wanted to hear "Never In My Life" through a cranked Marshall stack with a '56 Les Paul.

"Well..." I replied...


----------



## Ripper

I pointed quickly past his shoulder and yelled "look a flying burrito brother" and ran past him into the club as he was distracted.


----------



## mrmatt1972

TubeStack said:


> Asked me if I knew any Mountain tunes on guitar, 'cause the boss really wanted to hear "Never In My Life" through a cranked Marshall stack with a '56 Les Paul.
> 
> "Well..." I replied...


OK. I can fake just about anything. I warmed up with Mississippi Queen and then...


----------



## xuthal

as i viewed my options i said."well i need to fix this guitar first"he motioned to one of his hitmen,"fix this mans guita tony", Tony took my guitar in the back room and disappeared for a good hour,I sat across from the Don and said nothing.The Don asked me...


----------



## keeperofthegood

xuthal said:


> as i viewed my options i said."well i need to fix this guitar first"he motioned to one of his hitmen,"fix this mans guita tony", Tony took my guitar in the back room and disappeared for a good hour,I sat across from the Don and said nothing.The Don asked me...


"Would you like a Cherry ...


----------



## the_fender_guy

keeperofthegood said:


> "Would you like a Cherry ...


...Cherry Garcia ice cream while you wait. I looked outside and...


----------



## Bryan

xuthal said:


> as i viewed my options i said."well i need to fix this guitar first"he motioned to one of his hitmen,"fix this mans guita tony", Tony took my guitar in the back room and disappeared for a good hour,I sat across from the Don and said nothing.The Don asked me...


.... "Are you as confused as I am ???? I can't seem to follow what's going on " . It was then that I knew I had to.....


----------



## zinga

down an alley hit through a door stop to realise that i was in a dark light bar odered a jd sat at the table in the corner just to here the start of


----------



## Steadfastly

Bryan said:


> .... "Are you as confused as I am ???? I can't seem to follow what's going on " . It was then that I knew I had to.....


close this chapter and start with chapter 23.

Now back in Minto, NB and living here permanently with a music studio where I teach guitar and my longtime friend teaching drums and his wife as the piano teacher, I look back on my crazy life and am glad that I have a nice little business, good friends and I can do what I want, play and teach guitar. Just one thing is missing. If I could.............


----------



## Steadfastly

> close this chapter and start with chapter 23.
> 
> Now back in Minto, NB and living here permanently with a music studio where I teach guitar and my longtime friend teaching drums and his wife as the piano teacher, I look back on my crazy life and am glad that I have a nice little business, good friends and I can do what I want, play and teach guitar. Just one thing is missing. If I could.............


only find a better place for the studio; that place next door is just too noisy inside and outside for the studio to stay here in the long term. That place.......


----------



## denthevetteman7

that place is just good for practicing *Heavy metal stuff* not for guitar lessons.


----------



## Bryan

denthevetteman7 said:


> that place is just good for practicing *Heavy metal stuff* not for guitar lessons.


...so I leafed through the papers and saw an add for a place on Vancouver island , and I thought , " well maybe , but then I said , " my family is there and they would drive me crazy " so I saw another add for a place in....


----------



## Steadfastly

Bryan said:


> ...so I leafed through the papers and saw an add for a place on Vancouver island , and I thought , " well maybe , but then I said , " my family is there and they would drive me crazy " so I saw another add for a place in....


the suburbs of Fredericton, and then I thought, no, I have regular clientele here. Why would I want to move and start all over?


----------



## Bryan

FlipFlopFly said:


> the suburbs of Fredericton, and then I thought, no, I have regular clientele here. Why would I want to move and start all over?


So I decide to make a go of it here . It was then that I heard a knock at the door....


----------



## Steadfastly

Bryan said:


> So I decide to make a go of it here . It was then that I heard a knock at the door....


and in came a Mom and Dad and eight children from the ages of 8-18 (wow!) and they all wanted lessons on various intruments, including the Mom and Dad. What surprise me was......


----------



## keeperofthegood

FlipFlopFly said:


> and in came a Mom and Dad and eight children from the ages of 8-18 (wow!) and they all wanted lessons on various intruments, including the Mom and Dad. What surprise me was......



The Mom brought a Kazoo and the Dad brought a Jug. Only, THE JUG WAS STILL FULL!! So I ...


----------



## darkjune

keeperofthegood said:


> The Mom brought a Kazoo and the Dad brought a Jug. Only, THE JUG WAS STILL FULL!! So I ...


ask him if he would like to share what was in the jug and he said............


----------



## Bryan

darkjune said:


> ask him if he would like to share what was in the jug and he said............


No ! I didn't know what to think so I....


----------



## Steadfastly

darkjune said:


> ask him if he would like to share what was in the jug and he said............


NO! with a big hearty laugh. Slapping me on the big in eastern fashion, he said, "Just kidding sonny; grab a glass and your nice red guitar there and have a drink with me and play me.........


----------



## Bryan

FlipFlopFly said:


> NO! with a big hearty laugh. Slapping me on the big in eastern fashion, he said, "Just kidding sonny; grab a glass and your nice red guitar there and have a drink with me and play me.........


Cry me a river...


----------



## Steadfastly

Bryan said:


> Cry me a river...


So, grabbing my faithful red tele, I started in on one of my favorite songs. When I was finished the Dad had tears running down his cheeks. What's the problem, sir, I asked. He said it reminds me of................


----------



## TubeStack

FlipFlopFly said:


> So, grabbing my faithful red tele, I started in on one of my favorite songs. When I was finished the Dad had tears running down his cheeks. What's the problem, sir, I asked. He said it reminds me of................


... a woman I knew in Oshawa. She was the biggest KISS fan, she always carried around this broken, black strat. Not always in a good mood, but man, could she ever..."


----------



## Bryan

TubeStack said:


> ... a woman I knew in Oshawa. She was the biggest KISS fan, she always carried around this broken, black strat. Not always in a good mood, but man, could she ever..."


...make a good lasagne...


----------



## mrmatt1972

TubeStack said:


> ... a woman I knew in Oshawa. She was the biggest KISS fan, she always carried around this broken, black strat. Not always in a good mood, but man, could she ever..."


sing. The broken strat (the best kind) was more of a prop for her than an instrument...


----------



## Bryan

mrmatt1972 said:


> sing. The broken strat (the best kind) was more of a prop for her than an instrument...


...because she made such a good lasagne....


----------



## Steadfastly

Bryan said:


> ...because she made such a good lasagne....


but the real reason I'm crying like this is that onion sandwich I just ate over at the local restaurant. Man, they must have be percolating in the ground for awhile to get them that teary. By the way, did you ever hear how they are using onions to water the desert? No. Well, what they do is........


----------



## Bryan

FlipFlopFly said:


> but the real reason I'm crying like this is that onion sandwich I just ate over at the local restaurant. Man, they must have be percolating in the ground for awhile to get them that teary. By the way, did you ever hear how they are using onions to water the desert? No. Well, what they do is........


..serve everyone French onion soup , and then they.....


----------



## puckhead

Bryan said:


> ..serve everyone French onion soup , and then they.....


have to pee. a lot.


----------



## darkjune

Bryan said:


> ..serve everyone French onion soup , and then they.....


tell them the story of the long lost purple tele.the story goes like this........


----------



## Bryan

darkjune said:


> tell them the story of the long lost purple tele.the story goes like this........


…it was at that point that my mind started to wander , it happens quite frequently , about why more people don’t participate in online story telling , and then it hit me . It must be that they can’t type fast enough to keep the story in sync . I should suggest to them about copy & paste , but before I do that I should…


----------



## Steadfastly

Bryan said:


> …it was at that point that my mind started to wander , it happens quite frequently , about why more people don’t participate in online story telling , and then it hit me . It must be that they can’t type fast enough to keep the story in sync . I should suggest to them about copy & paste , but before I do that I should…


PM Scott at GC and tell him to put some controls on the story, so that it has to follow some story line as some of the people on this thread just want to talk about drugs and booze. Back to the story......they take the French soup.....................


----------



## Bryan

FlipFlopFly said:


> PM Scott at GC and tell him to put some controls on the story, so that it has to follow some story line as some of the people on this thread just want to talk about drugs and booze. Back to the story......they take the French soup.....................


..., and we all know that that is a no no , but then...oh ya . French oinion soup and have luch in the desert


----------



## keeperofthegood

Bryan said:


> ..., and we all know that that is a no no , but then...


the nurse says that the IV is saline silly. She bends over for a check of your pulse.... 99, 100, 101 OH my! She calls for .....

>.<


Bryan said:


> ..., and we all know that that is a no no , but then...oh ya . French oinion soup and have luch in the desert


 gosh


----------



## Bryan

keeperofthegood said:


> the nurse says that the IV is saline silly. She bends over for a check of your pulse.... 99, 100, 101 OH my! She calls for .....
> 
> >.< gosh


..she has trouble with her j's she actually ment josh


----------



## Robert1950

Bryan said:


> ..she has trouble with her j's she actually ment josh


And Josh proclaimed, "Once upon a time, there was a little red hooding ride who said, 'Oh Gramma, what big feet you got.' So they chopped off their heads with a giant bean stock and lived happily ever after."


----------



## TubeStack

Robert1950 said:


> And Josh proclaimed, "Once upon a time, there was a little red hooding ride who said, 'Oh Gramma, what big feet you got.' So they chopped off their heads with a giant bean stock and lived happily ever after."



And awaking from my reverie, I decided to have a sandwich with the soup.


----------



## J S Moore

TubeStack said:


> And awaking from my reverie, I decided to have a sandwich with the soup.


And it was a damn good sandwich and the soup was even better. Dropping my napkin onto the plate I stood up, turned around to grab my guitar......


----------



## Steadfastly

So the desert line is shot.
The French soup is shot.
The nurse is incompetent.

Well, I'm still back in my little studio in Minto, NB and the family with the crying Dad has just left but not before paying for 1 months worth of lessons for the whole family. So far, it's turned out to be a pretty productive day. All of a sudden, the door opens and in walks someone I haven't seen in years. Yes, it's...............


----------



## darkjune

FlipFlopFly said:


> So the desert line is shot.
> The French soup is shot.
> The nurse is incompetent.
> 
> Well, I'm still back in my little studio in Minto, NB and the family with the crying Dad has just left but not before paying for 1 months worth of lessons for the whole family. So far, it's turned out to be a pretty productive day. All of a sudden, the door opens and in walks someone I haven't seen in years. Yes, it's...............


my old friend Rodrigo.............


----------



## TubeStack

J S Moore said:


> And it was a damn good sandwich and the soup was even better. Dropping my napkin onto the plate I stood up, turned around to grab my guitar......


... and looked around for an amp in the restaurant. "Hey, you got any $5000 boo-teek tube amps I can plug this into? I wanna sing my appreciation for the grub here, with a little soup 'n' sandwich blues..."

"Well," said the girl behind the counter, "Let me just check behind the dish rack here."

And she amazingly began to wheel out a ...


----------



## darkjune

TubeStack said:


> ... and looked around for an amp in the restaurant. "Hey, you got any $5000 boo-teek tube amps I can plug this into? I wanna sing my appreciation for the grub here, with a little soup 'n' sandwich blues..."
> 
> "Well," said the girl behind the counter, "Let me just check behind the dish rack here."
> 
> And she amazingly began to wheel out a ...


canon.....no an...


----------



## denthevetteman7

TubeStack said:


> ... and looked around for an amp in the restaurant. "Hey, you got any $5000 boo-teek tube amps I can plug this into? I wanna sing my appreciation for the grub here, with a little soup 'n' sandwich blues..."
> 
> "Well," said the girl behind the counter, "Let me just check behind the dish rack here."
> 
> And she amazingly began to wheel out a ...


old marshal


----------



## TubeStack

denthevetteman7 said:


> old marshal


And I said, "That's all right... but have you got anything pricier, more exclusive, you know... _boooo-teeeek_? Something hand-made, preferably by virgin Buddhist monks living in the Swiss Alps, out of expensive, rare, never-heard-before woods and fabrics?"


----------



## Steadfastly

TubeStack said:


> And I said, "That's all right... but have you got anything pricier, more exclusive, you know... _boooo-teeeek_? Something hand-made, preferably by virgin Buddhist monks living in the Swiss Alps, out of expensive, rare, never-heard-before woods and fabrics?"


No, this is a restaurant. Are you crazy?


----------



## TubeStack

FlipFlopFly said:


> No, this is a restaurant. Are you crazy?


To which I responded, "No, just a creative guy with a sense of humour. Are you an unimaginative bore?"

"Hey now... watch your tone, " she replied.

"Okay, I guess this'll have to do... have you got a vintage style coily cable? I need's me some mojo happenin' before I rock this joint."

"Look sir, why don't you..."

|


----------



## darkjune

TubeStack said:


> To which I responded, "No, just a creative guy with a sense of humour. Are you an unimaginative bore?"
> 
> "Hey now... watch your tone, " she replied.
> 
> "Okay, I guess this'll have to do... have you got a vintage style coily cable? I need's me some mojo happenin' before I rock this joint."
> 
> "Look sir, why don't you..."
> 
> |


rock it like elvis baby with this 1950's style coil......


----------



## denthevetteman7

TubeStack said:


> To which I responded, "No, just a creative guy with a sense of humour. Are you an unimaginative bore?"
> 
> "Hey now... watch your tone, " she replied.
> 
> "Okay, I guess this'll have to do... have you got a vintage style coily cable? I need's me some mojo happenin' before I rock this joint."
> 
> "Look sir, why don't you..."
> 
> |


just take your guitar and rock the place or just pay you lunch and get out before the manager get's here.


----------



## Robert1950

TubeStack said:


> "Look sir, why don't you..."|


...take your bloody Made In Tasmania Paul Stanley Signature 'guitar', and I use the term very loosely, to the only place on this Godforsaken planet where anyone would buy that thing from you for the same price you can get a Eric Clapton Signature Stratocaster new - _Downtown Oshawa!!!_


----------



## copperhead

i plugged in my 59 les paul to my old marshall bluesbreaker & struck a chord


----------



## jetavana

copperhead said:


> i plugged in my 59 les paul to my old marshall bluesbreaker & struck a chord


and it was good, real good....


----------



## TubeStack

Robert1950 said:


> ...take your bloody Made In Tasmania Paul Stanley Signature 'guitar', and I use the term very loosely, to the only place on this Godforsaken planet where anyone would buy that thing from you for the same price you can get a Eric Clapton Signature Stratocaster new - _Downtown Oshawa!!!_


"Whoa!" I replied. "This here is a busted '56 Les Paul, in case you didn't notice. Now, if you'll please get me some thick-ass cake icing to help fix up this headstock crack, I'll be rocking you mofos shortly..."

"Let me check if I have any..." she said.

And suddenly, in through the door came...


----------



## darkjune

TubeStack said:


> "Whoa!" I replied. "This here is a busted '56 Les Paul, in case you didn't notice. Now, if you'll please get me some thick-ass cake icing to help fix up this headstock crack, I'll be rocking you mofos shortly..."
> 
> "Let me check if I have any..." she said.
> 
> And suddenly, in through the door came...


Leo Fender


----------



## Ripper

and behind him was Les Paul, Dick Dale and Foghorn Leghorn.


----------



## TubeStack

Ripper said:


> and behind him was Les Paul, Dick Dale and Foghorn Leghorn.


"Why, I'm in a sandwich deli in HEAVEN!" I exclaimed. "I must have died in the alley with the two female cops... I wonder if they had their way before I passed... maybe that's why my bum-bum is sore. Well, at least the food here is good and the company's even better!"

"What did you do to that LP!?!" asked Les.

"Well... it's a long story... I was just gonna fix it with some cake icing..."

"You moron," said Les, "I've got something here that will erase all your problems."

And from his pocket, he pulled out...


----------



## cptheman

TubeStack said:


> "Why, I'm in a sandwich deli in HEAVEN!" I exclaimed. "I must have died in the alley with the two female cops... I wonder if they had their way before I passed... maybe that's why my bum-bum is sore. Well, at least the food here is good and the company's even better!"
> 
> "What did you do to that LP!?!" asked Les.
> 
> "Well... it's a long story... I was just gonna fix it with some cake icing..."
> 
> "You moron," said Les, "I've got something here that will erase all your problems."
> 
> And from his pocket, he pulled out...


A 2x4 with strings and a pickup on it. I laughed and said that no one could play that but when I picked it up , it was magical.


----------



## shoretyus

cptheman said:


> A 2x4 with strings and a pickup on it. I laughed and said that no one could play that but when I picked it up , it was magical.


Just then Mr Richards called and said we have this gig at the Civic for some blind folks ... they won't see yer guitar but they will hear every note....you in ?


----------



## TubeStack

shoretyus said:


> Just then Mr Richards called and said we have this gig at the Civic for some blind folks ... they won't see yer guitar but they will hear every note....you in ?


I told Mr. Richards I'd be right there, as soon as I played my soup 'n' sandwich blues for the lady behind the counter. And now I'd have Les, Leo, and company jamming with me!


----------



## copperhead

boy did we ever rock the roof of that place that night


----------



## sskalewis

TubeStack said:


> I told Mr. Richards I'd be right there, as soon as I played my soup 'n' sandwich blues for the lady behind the counter. And now I'd have Les, Leo, and company jamming with me!


I was jamming so hard that I pulled the strings right off that 2x4! I turned to Mr Fender and said..."


----------



## copperhead

could'nt you build me a better axe than this


----------



## zontar

copperhead said:


> could'nt you build me a better axe than this


He said he would, except he was dead, so he couldn't touch anything.
But he'd call up his secret apprentice...


----------



## copperhead

who was a LONG time guitar builder named Ron Jeremy


----------



## Budda

Ron built the finest guitar he could manage, and it was the best! It was so good, it blew up my amp!

I went over to my buddy Joe's house, and said


----------



## copperhead

DAMM THAT HEDGHOG CAN BUILD A KILLER AXE .......................maybe his name wasn't Ron Jeremy ,to come to think of it.... it might of been Ron kirn


----------



## TubeStack

copperhead said:


> DAMM THAT HEDGHOG CAN BUILD A KILLER AXE .......................maybe his name wasn't Ron Jeremy ,to come to think of it.... it might of been Ron kirn



Although, the neck was wide and thick and had a 12" radius, so maybe it _was_ Ron Jeremy, after all.


----------



## Budda

I'm not exactly sure, my memory seems to be going. But now I had to find someone to build me a new amp! But who?!


----------



## TubeStack

Budda said:


> I'm not exactly sure, my memory seems to be going. But now I had to find someone to build me a new amp! But who?!


Why, WILD BILL - that's who!

I quickly told Les and Leo that we had to high-tail it to Stoney Creek and get the mad scientist Bill on the job, immediately.


----------



## copperhead

It would be a long & harsh journey


----------



## Budda

Bill agreed enthusiastically, and built a 2 channel 112 closedback combo that had a fendervoxhiwatt clean channel and a mesamarshallboogiebogner drive channel.

Now ron's guitar would truly sound epic! Next, I needed a band!


----------



## TubeStack

Budda said:


> Bill agreed enthusiastically, and built a 2 channel 112 closedback combo that had a fendervoxhiwatt clean channel and a mesamarshallboogiebogner drive channel.
> 
> Now ron's guitar would truly sound epic! Next, I needed a band!


Hmmm... I thought... maybe I should scope the forums at GuitarsCanada to find some bandmates. Who would be the McCartney to my Lennon? The Plant to my Page?


----------



## shoretyus

Budda said:


> Now ron's guitar would truly sound epic! Next, I needed a band!


And seeing how there are so many Oshawa bands I started to call John Kay..


----------



## Budda

and he said to me "dude, you need to find Steve Busey!" and I said


----------



## TubeStack

Budda said:


> and he said to me "dude, you need to find Steve Busey!" and I said


Never mind him, where's Greg Godovitz!?!


----------



## copperhead

HE WAS KIDNAPED BY THE BARE NAKED LADIES so we had to go with either Mike Tyson or Gilbert Godfrey pick one


----------



## TubeStack

copperhead said:


> HE WAS KIDNAPED BY THE BARE NAKED LADIES so we had to go with either Mike Tyson or Gilbert Godfrey pick one



Man, I haven't heard Gilbert Godfrey in years, I thought. I wondered if he was still capable of singing in those sweet, dulcet tones. If not, maybe Tyson could bust out some freestyle rap, old-school style.

But, we still didn't have a drummer or bass player.... maybe the dudes and dudettes at GuitarsCanada could help?

(They didn't seem to have anything to do but post in contest threads all day and night long...)


----------



## Steadfastly

TubeStack said:


> Never mind him, where's Greg Godovitz!?!


Opening my eyes, I couldn't believe I'd fallen asleep at the table in the restaraunt. Everything had seemed so real! The conversation with the waitress, the trip to Stoney Creek, the amp. People were staring at me. Maybe I was taliking in my little sleep at the table. Well, I said, to the waitress as she came over to give me the bill, the meal was so comforting it put me to sleep for a few minutes. Pointing to the clock, she said, it was more like an hour, she said but didn't have the heart to wake me since I had looked so tired when I came in. Thanks I said and gave her a nice tip. How about I get a few friends together and we'll play a few tunes for the people here on Saturday night as a thank you to you and the owner for being so nice? That would be great, she said; my husband's the owner. What will you play?


----------



## TubeStack

FlipFlopFly said:


> Opening my eyes, I couldn't believe I'd fallen asleep at the table in the restaraunt. Everything had seemed so real! The conversation with the waitress, the trip to Stoney Creek, the amp. People were staring at me. Maybe I was taliking in my little sleep at the table. Well, I said, to the waitress as she came over to give me the bill, the meal was so comforting it put me to sleep for a few minutes. Pointing to the clock, she said, it was more like an hour, she said but didn't have the heart to wake me since I had looked so tired when I came in. Thanks I said and gave her a nice tip. How about I get a few friends together and we'll play a few tunes for the people here on Saturday night as a thank you to you and the owner for being so nice? That would be great, she said; my husband's the owner. What will you play?


Hmm... I thought to myself... this place is so boring. Absolute snoozeville. And there's no way it was all a dream, that's so lame and predictable...

I don't trust this waitress! Who is she and why is she trying to stop this band from forming!?! Is she working with the evil Barenaked Ladies!?

"WHERE THE HELL IS GREG GODOVITZ!?!?! I'm starting a band here, woman!" I shouted, and the waitress knew the ruse was up.


----------



## copperhead

Then she screamed !!!!!!!!!!! YOU WILL NEVER HAVE HIM ...then she grabbed a steak-knife


----------



## TubeStack

copperhead said:


> Then she screamed !!!!!!!!!!! YOU WILL NEVER HAVE HIM ...then she grabbed a steak-knife


... and thrust it into the table, just missing my outspread fingers.

"IF YOU THINK YOU"RE GETTING GODDO, WELL YOU CAN GET LOST, SONNY!!!"

Hmmm... I thought... maybe finding another singer ain't such a bad idea. Goddo could be part of my side project, after those Barenaked Ladies are done with him, those crazy coke fiends (who'd have thunk it.)


----------



## Steadfastly

copperhead said:


> Then she screamed !!!!!!!!!!! YOU WILL NEVER HAVE HIM ...then she grabbed a steak-knife


that had fallen on the floor, picked it up and calmly walked back into the kitchen. A few moments later, her husband, he owner came over to my table and said, "I hear you offered to come and play a few tunes on Saturday night. That would be great! How about setting up at the end there and say you could start around 8:00pm?" OK, I said, I'll get Dave and and two others and we'll see you on Saturday. OK, he said and I'll supply the..............


----------



## the_fender_guy

FlipFlopFly said:


> that had fallen on the floor, picked it up and calmly walked back into the kitchen. A few moments later, her husband, he owner came over to my table and said, "I hear you offered to come and play a few tunes on Saturday night. That would be great! How about setting up at the end there and say you could start around 8:00pm?" OK, I said, I'll get Dave and and two others and we'll see you on Saturday. OK, he said and I'll supply the..............


... Chicken wings. By the way it's pay to play. ...
Excuse me ... wake up wake up.


----------



## Steadfastly

the_fender_guy said:


> ... Chicken wings. By the way it's pay to play. ...
> Excuse me ... wake up wake up.


Man, this was getting embarassing; I seemed to be dropping off to sleep at the drop of the hat more and more often thise days. I thought this only happened to old people. I'm only 33, I thought. Maybe I should go get checked out. Tomorrow, I thought, I would go and see my doctor.
 Tomorrow at the doctor's office, after a thorough examination the doctor said I .........


----------



## xuthal

might like to try this lolli pop,hesitantly i took it and he said to me,"you might want to wake up before les and the guys ditch you","what?" i asked."Here take this"
He handed me a pick made of pearl right before...


----------



## Steadfastly

xuthal said:


> might like to try this lolli pop,hesitantly i took it and he said to me,"you might want to wake up before les and the guys ditch you","what?" i asked."Here take this"
> He handed me a pick made of pearl right before...


he told me what was really wrong with me. He was a little weird with the lollipop gag but I was all ears. He said, well the real problem is.............


----------



## Robert1950

FlipFlopFly said:


> He said, well the real problem is.............


...that the only people who understand the true nature of the cosmos are those that inhabit the mysterious realms of,... _Downtown Oshawa!!!_


----------



## keeperofthegood

Robert1950 said:


> ...that the only people who understand the true nature of the cosmos are those that inhabit the mysterious realms of,... _Downtown Oshawa!!!_



So I looked up Annie, and had her build me a Dream Boat. I took the message of Shwa to the center of the Universe and went straight to Downtown Toronto. A beggar on the street corner said ...


----------



## corailz

Could you help me to find...


----------



## Starbuck

The tab to classical gas? I just restrung my acoustic and I'm really jonesing to.....


----------



## GuitarsCanada

Starbuck said:


> The tab to classical gas? I just restrung my acoustic and I'm really jonesing to.....


break these new string in. Being on the streets of the big city made me think of Carl. I wondered if he might still be playing at that little bar down by the lake. I made my way over there in hope of being able to....


----------



## Steadfastly

GuitarsCanada said:


> break these new string in. Being on the streets of the big city made me think of Carl. I wondered if he might still be playing at that little bar down by the lake. I made my way over there in hope of being able to....


find him, but alas, he was nowhere to be seen. However, there was something odd going on.........


----------



## Tarl

GuitarsCanada said:


> break these new string in. Being on the streets of the big city made me think of Carl. I wondered if he might still be playing at that little bar down by the lake. I made my way over there in hope of being able to....


as I was supposed to sit in with him for a jam. Do you know the way to.......


----------



## shoretyus

Tarl said:


> as I was supposed to sit in with him for a jam. Do you know the way to.......


The Down Homer?...


----------



## Steadfastly

shoretyus said:


> The Down Homer?...


I don't know the way to anythiing.....


----------



## copperhead

but first i need to stop at KFC ........GOT TO HAVE MY DIRTY BIRD.........


----------



## Budda

and that's when it happened. I got in a fight with a giant chicken.

The police officer on the scene told me...


----------



## TubeStack

Budda said:


> and that's when it happened. I got in a fight with a giant chicken.
> 
> The police officer on the scene told me...


The giant chicken had been protesting outside KFC, and was the new lead of PETA, or something.

"Well, how about I eat _him_?" I shouted.


----------



## Dr.StephanHeimer

TubeStack said:


> The giant chicken had been protesting outside KFC, and was the new lead of PETA, or something.
> 
> "Well, how about I eat _him_?" I shouted.


The chicken was stronger than he looked. When I tried to subdue him with 11 herbs and spices, he fought back with vicious pecks from his genetically engineered beak.


----------



## Bryan

TubeStack said:


> The giant chicken had been protesting outside KFC, and was the new lead of PETA, or something.
> 
> "Well, how about I eat _him_?" I shouted.


..., but I had eaten so much at the cafe that I thought I don't need any more food , and besides I'm trying to loose some weight . So I jumped in the nearest cab and went to .......


----------



## keeperofthegood

Bryan said:


> ..., but I had eaten so much at the cafe that I thought I don't need any more food , and besides I'm trying to loose some weight . So I jumped in the nearest cab and went to .......


Red Dear. I've never been to Red Dear even though my great grand parents are among the founding fathers. Time to go see the city my ancestors first lived in in Canada. Ah.. but, I only have 100 dollars and the phone number of the milf and the card from that sweet lady officer. So I said to the cabbie ...


----------



## Starbuck

keeperofthegood said:


> Red Dear. I've never been to Red Dear even though my great grand parents are among the founding fathers. Time to go see the city my ancestors first lived in in Canada. Ah.. but, I only have 100 dollars and the phone number of the milf and the card from that sweet lady officer. So I said to the cabbie ...


hey man, wait a second I gotta grab my axe and hit the streetcorner to make some money to get to Red Deer. Can you take me to the subway? I know just the tune to make some dough with it's..............


----------



## Steadfastly

Starbuck said:


> hey man, wait a second I gotta grab my axe and hit the streetcorner to make some money to get to Red Deer. Can you take me to the subway? I know just the tune to make some dough with it's..............


Harvest Moon by Neil Young. I wonder how much...........


----------



## TubeStack

FlipFlopFly said:


> Harvest Moon by Neil Young. I wonder how much...........


... people will pay me to _stop_ playing it. Possibly millions!


----------



## Ripper

or maybe the RCMP will just come and taser me until I'm no longer able to hang onto the guitar


----------



## keeperofthegood

Ripper said:


> or maybe the RCMP will just come and taser me until I'm no longer able to hang onto the guitar



Deciding my chances were better at the TSE, I dropped my last 100 on a penny long-shot. Who would have guessed that GOOGLE MAPS caught me with my Hedgehog! The company stock split 10 ways from Tuesday, and I got on a plane really fast. The destination said .....


----------



## Tarl

keeperofthegood said:


> Deciding my chances were better at the TSE, I dropped my last 100 on a penny long-shot. Who would have guessed that GOOGLE MAPS caught me with my Hedgehog! The company stock split 10 ways from Tuesday, and I got on a plane really fast. The destination said .....


..Bangkok but I really didn't care at that point. Al I wanted was....


----------



## TubeStack

Tarl said:


> ..Bangkok but I really didn't care at that point. Al I wanted was....


To get out of this frozen, wintery hellhole.


----------



## Steadfastly

TubeStack said:


> To get out of this frozen, wintery hellhole.


So I'm thinking of taking my faitful red guitar and moving to.............


----------



## TubeStack

FlipFlopFly said:


> So I'm thinking of taking my faitful red guitar and moving to.............


Mexico, but for now, I was just on a plane headed for Bangok, trying to avoid the Google sh*tstorm.

Settling back into my seat, I put on my comfy Sennheiser cans and started grooving to Hendrix's _Band of Gypsys_ album... 

When I heard someone settle noisily into the squeaky seat beside me, I turned and it was...


----------



## Steadfastly

TubeStack said:


> Mexico, but for now, I was just on a plane headed for Bangok, trying to avoid the Google sh*tstorm.
> 
> Settling back into my seat, I put on my comfy Sennheiser cans and started grooving to Hendrix's _Band of Gypsys_ album...
> 
> When I heard someone settle noisily into the squeaky seat beside me, I turned and it was...


Sandy, an old friend from school, 15 years ago. Well, well, well, I haven't seen you for a long time! What a nice surprise seeing you here. Are you going...........


----------



## keeperofthegood

FlipFlopFly said:


> Sandy, an old friend from school, 15 years ago. Well, well, well, I haven't seen you for a long time! What a nice surprise seeing you here. Are you going...........


... to the market when you land, would you like to dinner, it's been years, I would love to catch up with you. And she said ...


----------



## TubeStack

keeperofthegood said:


> ... to the market when you land, would you like to dinner, it's been years, I would love to catch up with you. And she said ...


"Get away from me you weirdo, I've never seen you before in my life."


----------



## Bryan

TubeStack said:


> "Get away from me you weirdo, I've never seen you before in my life."


...it was then that I realized she had amnesia . So I decide to tell her


----------



## keeperofthegood

Bryan said:


> ...it was then that I realized she had amnesia . So I decide to tell her



"hey, whats that over there..."! and as she turned to look, I took my axe and ....


----------



## Bryan

keeperofthegood said:


> "hey, whats that over there..."! and as she turned to look, I took my axe and ....


committed suicide becuase I didn't know what else to do , but just as I was about to axe myself....


----------



## TubeStack

Bryan said:


> committed suicide becuase I didn't know what else to do , but just as I was about to axe myself....


The airline stewardess, who was walking by in the aisle, told me to come up to the cockpit to see something.

So, not sure what to expect, I followed behind her (after tucking my axe under the seat)...


----------



## keeperofthegood

Bryan said:


> committed suicide becuase I didn't know what else to do , but just as I was about to axe myself....





TubeStack said:


> The airline stewardess, who was walking by in the aisle, told me to come up to the cockpit to see something.
> 
> So, not sure what to expect, I followed behind her (after tucking my axe under the seat)...



But I stop, as from behind me an Ad Executive from Unilever stands up and say "SON! I will pay you to come advertise with us. Any man willing to AXE for a woman is the kind of man we want on our team. Pays real fine too, what you say?"


----------



## Bryan

TubeStack said:


> The airline stewardess, who was walking by in the aisle, told me to come up to the cockpit to see something.
> 
> So, not sure what to expect, I followed behind her (after tucking my axe under the seat)...


lucky the airport security didn't find my axe or I would have it to defend myself from the snakes on the plane . so up to the front of the plane I follow when suddenly...I found myself all out of sync again . So I ......


----------



## keeperofthegood

Bryan said:


> lucky the airport security didn't find my axe or I would have it to defend myself from the snakes on the plane . so up to the front of the plane I follow when suddenly...


I think to myself "omg now there are snakes... and they are on the plane >.< That AXE, its powerful stuff....." and notice there is no one flying the plane...


----------



## TubeStack

keeperofthegood said:


> I think to myself "omg now there are snakes... and they are on the plane >.< That AXE, its powerful stuff....." and notice there is no one flying the plane...


I also noticed that I kept switching from past tense to present tense... what was going on here? Was I caught in an episode of LOST?

"I'd love to work for you," I told the sales rep, "but I don't know if we're going to survive this flight."

And he shouted, looking past me, as if seeing something out the window...


----------



## Steadfastly

TubeStack said:


> I also noticed that I kept switching from past tense to present tense... what was going on here? Was I caught in an episode of LOST?
> 
> "I'd love to work for you," I told the sales rep, "but I don't know if we're going to survive this flight."
> 
> And he shouted, looking past me, as if seeing something out the window...


and then he said: "For a drink of your whiskey, I'll give you some advice. So I handed him my bottle, and he drank down my last swallow, bummed a cigarette and asked me for a light." Then the night got deathly quiet and his face lost all expression......


----------



## TubeStack

FlipFlopFly said:


> and then he said: "For a drink of your whiskey, I'll give you some advice. So I handed him my bottle, and he drank down my last swallow, bummed a cigarette and asked me for a light." Then the night got deathly quiet and his face lost all expression......


"There's no one piloting this plane," he said. "And if you saw what I just saw out the window... you might lose all hope."

"What's happening here!?!" I asked him.

"Well, it's all connected to that Oshawa MILF... I don't know if there's time for the whole story..."

"TELL ME!!" I yelled.


----------



## Steadfastly

TubeStack said:


> "There's no one piloting this plane," he said. "And if you saw what I just saw out the window... you might lose all hope."
> 
> "What's happening here!?!" I asked him.
> 
> "Well, it's all connected to that Oshawa MILF... I don't know if there's time for the whole story..."
> 
> "TELL ME!!" I yelled.


Then, looking closely I noticed that he had drunk his last swallow and his face would no longer show expression of any kind because he was no longer breathing.


----------



## keeperofthegood

FlipFlopFly said:


> Then, looking closely I noticed that he had drunk his last swallow and his face would no longer show expression of any kind because he was no longer breathing.


So I put pennies on his eyes and wondered at all the screaming, hey, I must be ...


----------



## Ti-Ron

Another great contest! Thanks alot guyz! Really love free gear!


----------



## Steadfastly

keeperofthegood said:


> So I put pennies on his eyes and wondered at all the screaming, hey, I must be ...


asleep again! And all these weird dreams. Are they flashbacks to my crazy days as a kid. I was warned this happened to some people. At least it's a relief to know my fellow passenger is still alive and there is someone piloting the plane. We should soon be landing in.............


----------



## puckhead

keeperofthegood said:


> So I put pennies on his eyes and wondered at all the screaming, hey, I must be ...


dreaming, please stop screaming, Steven
Is someone calling me, I hear my name! steven!

whatdoyouwant what... do you.. want!!!


----------



## TubeStack

FlipFlopFly said:


> asleep again! And all these weird dreams. Are they flashbacks to my crazy days as a kid. I was warned this happened to some people. At least it's a relief to know my fellow passenger is still alive and there is someone piloting the plane. We should soon be landing in.............


... Bangkok. 

"I hear they have great guitar gear here," I muttered to myself, "I gotta go find a music store."

And, walking out of the airport, I flagged down a cab and jumped in.

But, to my utter shock, the person driving the car was..


----------



## Steadfastly

TubeStack said:


> ... Bangkok.
> 
> "I hear they have great guitar gear here," I muttered to myself, "I gotta go find a music store."
> 
> And, walking out of the airport, I flagged down a cab and jumped in.
> 
> But, to my utter shock, the person driving the car was..


my old friend Sandy again. Am I following you, or are you following me? Laughing, she said, neither. I just moved over here with my sister. How's the guitar playing, she asked. Well, I'm on my way to the local guitar shop right now, if you'll take me. Can we have lunch first, she asked, I'm starved!


----------



## cptheman

FlipFlopFly said:


> my old friend Sandy again. Am I following you, or are you following me? Laughing, she said, neither. I just moved over here with my sister. How's the guitar playing, she asked. Well, I'm on my way to the local guitar shop right now, if you'll take me. Can we have lunch first, she asked, I'm starved!


I responded "Hell no, who needs food when you can have guitars" and she angrily drove me to the guitar store


----------



## TubeStack

FlipFlopFly said:


> my old friend Sandy again. Am I following you, or are you following me? Laughing, she said, neither. I just moved over here with my sister. How's the guitar playing, she asked. Well, I'm on my way to the local guitar shop right now, if you'll take me. Can we have lunch first, she asked, I'm starved!


Man, this is getting weird, I thought to myself. Maybe plugging into a nice, $5000 boo-teek tube will help clear the fog so I can sort all this out.

"Where should we eat? Is there a Taco Bell around here?" I asked.


----------



## keeperofthegood

TubeStack said:


> Man, this is getting weird, I thought to myself. Maybe plugging into a nice, $5000 boo-teek tube will help clear the fog so I can sort all this out.
> 
> "Where should we eat? Is there a Taco Bell around here?" I asked.


And heading to Siam Square, I catch a flier in the face http://www.guitarandpickup.com/index.php?lay=show&ac=article&Id=170817 and head right to ...


----------



## Steadfastly

Ripper said:


> or maybe the RCMP will just come and taser me until I'm no longer able to hang onto the guitar


.......which wouldn't take a lot of tasering for me.


----------



## TubeStack

keeperofthegood said:


> And heading to Siam Square, I catch a flier in the face http://www.guitarandpickup.com/index.php?lay=show&ac=article&Id=170817 and head right to ...


... the closest music store.

"How much is Uranus?" I ask.

"My anus?" replies the worker.

"Ha, ha... now, how much is Uranus?"

"My bum-bum?"

"Never mind," I huff, and start to look up and down the aisles. "Glad I finally ditched that weirdo Sandy... what a drag," I muttered.

And suddenly, there it was...


----------



## the_fender_guy

TubeStack said:


> ... the closest music store.
> 
> "How much is Uranus?" I ask.
> 
> "My anus?" replies the worker.
> 
> "Ha, ha... now, how much is Uranus?"
> 
> "My bum-bum?"
> 
> "Never mind," I huff, and start to look up and down the aisles. "Glad I finally ditched that weirdo Sandy... what a drag," I muttered.
> 
> And suddenly, there it was...


The numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42 . I could win the lottery or get Lost if only...


----------



## ajcoholic

my cat's breath smells like cat food...


----------



## Steadfastly

ajcoholic said:


> my cat's breath smells like cat food...


but that's because it's a cat. My dog's breath smells like dog food and my breath smells fine as long as I continue to brush regularly. Of course, this has nothing to do with my faithful red guitar which is now in........


----------



## shoretyus

ajcoholic said:


> my cat's breath smells like cat food...


and putty-tat prints were all over my new...


( _I am sooo lost... and who the heck is going to recap this story at the end?_)


----------



## darkjune

Look out! He’s Irish!


----------



## paraedolia

darkjune said:


> Look out! He’s Irish!


 riverrun, past Eve and Adams, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth, Castle and Environs.
Sir Tristram, violer d'amores, fr'over the short sea, had passencore rearrived from North Armorica on this side the scraggy isthmus of Europe Minor to wielderfight his penisolate war; nor had topsawyer's rocks by the stream Oconee exaggerated themselse to Laurens County's giorgios while they went doublin their mumper all the time....
he said...still pondering the Strat and whether to restring it


----------



## Steadfastly

> but that's because it's a cat. My dog's breath smells like dog food and my breath smells fine as long as I continue to brush regularly. Of course, this has nothing to do with my faithful red guitar which is now in........


the guitar shop getting a fret job done. I can't wait until I get it back. I bet it will play as sweet as maple sugar on a ..............


----------



## Bryan

FlipFlopFly said:


> the guitar shop getting a fret job done. I can't wait until I get it back. I bet it will play as sweet as maple sugar on a ..............


( I am sooo lost... and who the heck is going to recap this story at the end?) It will be a cliff hanger for the next post contest .
.............Beavers tail..


----------



## denthevetteman7

FlipFlopFly said:


> the guitar shop getting a fret job done. I can't wait until I get it back. I bet it will play as sweet as maple sugar on a ..............


pile of fresh pancakes.


----------



## Bryan

denthevetteman7 said:


> pile of fresh pancakes,


as well as a beavers tail . What do I do now ??? I know I'll.....


----------



## xuthal

Bryan said:


> as well as a beavers tail . What do I do now ??? I know I'll.....


wander the streets and try to pick up another tasty milf,hey who was that?i thought,is that...


----------



## denthevetteman7

xuthal said:


> wander the streets and try to pick up another tasty milf,hey who was that?i thought,is that...


Pamela Anderson wearing a tight KISS t-shirt.


----------



## Bryan

denthevetteman7 said:


> Pamela Anderson wearing a tight KISS t-shirt.


I know I'll arrange a wet T- Shirt contest and ask her if she would like to enter...


----------



## crazydiamond

Bryan said:


> I know I'll arrange a wet T- Shirt contest and ask her if she would like to enter...


but unfortunately there was an IQ minimum so Pam was unable to take part in the wet t-shirt contest...


----------



## Bryan

crazydiamond said:


> but unfortunately there was an IQ minimum so Pam was unable to take part in the wet t-shirt contest...


I thought , " so it's true what they say about blondes " . It was then that I had to go to .....


----------



## TubeStack

Bryan said:


> I thought , " so it's true what they say about blondes " . It was then that I had to go to .....


... church and repent for all my debauchery.

Now, looking for a confessional in the sin-soaked trenches of Thailand, I stumbled upon...


----------



## Steadfastly

Bryan said:


> ( I am sooo lost... and who the heck is going to recap this story at the end?) It will be a cliff hanger for the next post contest .
> .............Beavers tail..


Are you reading my mind? I was thinking of the west end of Mont Ste. Anne where you can get these about half way down one of their ski runs. Yummy!


----------



## Bryan

FlipFlopFly said:


> Are you reading my mind? I was thinking of the west end of Mont Ste. Anne where you can get these about half way down one of their ski runs. Yummy!


 It's been too long since I ate so of course you always think of the stuff that isn't so good for you or am I channeling the amazing....

Now, looking for a confessional in the sin-filled trenches of Thailand, I stumbled upon... a resturant . I'm soooo......


----------



## TubeStack

Bryan said:


> It's been too long since I ate so of course you always think of the stuff that isn't so good for you .
> 
> Now, looking for a confessional in the sin-filled trenches of Thailand, I stumbled upon... a resturant . I'm soooo......


... hungry, again. "Seems all I do is bump into surprising people and eat in restaurants," I muttered, "or break guitars."

"What would you like to eat, sir?"

"Whatever you got that's good and spicy, make it triple, no QUADRUPLE the amount of heat."

"You sure?"

I thought about it, and said...


----------



## Bryan

TubeStack said:


> ... hungry, again. "Seems all I do is bump into surprising people and eat in restaurants," I muttered, "or break guitars."
> 
> "What would you like to eat, sir?"
> 
> "Whatever you got that's good and spicy, make it triple, no QUADRUPLE the amount of heat."
> 
> "You sure?"
> 
> I thought about it, and said...


Hmmmm...there's a story within a story here...on second thought...


----------



## Steadfastly

Bryan said:


> Hmmmm...there's a story within a story here...on second thought...


It is late in the supper hour and perhaps hunger is making us all a little light-headed. Well, time to go eat and then play some tunes on my faithful red guitar. I think I'll play...........


----------



## keeperofthegood

FlipFlopFly said:


> It is late in the supper hour and perhaps hunger is making us all a little light-headed. Well, time to go eat and then play some tunes on my faithful red guitar. I think I'll play...........


Rush, A Passage To Bangkok followed by some Murry Head... maybe.... One Night in Bangkok


----------



## TubeStack

keeperofthegood said:


> Rush, A Passage To Bangkok followed by some Murry Head... maybe.... One Night in Bangkok


"... and the world's your oyster," I sang as I strummed a few chords.

"Um... sir, do you want the food extra spicy or not?" demanded the worker.

"Yeah, sure, but only if there's a clean, comfy toilet within 10 feet of my table."

"For that, you pay extra."

"What!?! Alright, just a second..." I reached into my pocket, and pulled out...


----------



## Robert1950

TubeStack said:


> "What!?! Alright, just a second..." I reached into my pocket, and pulled out...


My ticket stubb, from the KISS concert, last October at the GM Centre in,... _Downtown Oshawa!!!_


----------



## Steadfastly

Robert1950 said:


> My ticket stubb, from the KISS concert, last October at the GM Centre in,... _Downtown Oshawa!!!_


I hope you won't need the toilet. I hate KISS. Got any Neil Young tickets in there? How about the Guess Who?


----------



## the_fender_guy

FlipFlopFly said:


> I hope you won't need the toilet. I hate KISS. Got any Neil Young tickets in there? How about the Guess Who?


How about The Guess Who to play in the restaurant where FlipFlopFly had been sleeping? But he was sleeping still. Was it all an illusion or...


----------



## TubeStack

Robert1950 said:


> My ticket stubb, from the KISS concert, last October at the GM Centre in,... _Downtown Oshawa!!!_


"Do you take old concert tickets?" I asked the worker, who was growing increasingly impatient with my lack of focus.

"Uh, NO!"

"Even KISS ones, from _Downtown Oshawa_!?!"

"Well, okay. Your food will be served shortly, sir. Thanks for the cool ticket stub, will look great in our city's 'Hallowed Streets of Downtown Oshawa' museum."

I walked away from the cash register, and suddenly heard a voice, calling from the main doorway into the restaurant.

It was...


----------



## Steadfastly

the_fender_guy said:


> How about The Guess Who to play in the restaurant where FlipFlopFly had been sleeping? But he was sleeping still. Was it all an illusion or...


Whaaat, whaat did you (yawn) say. Where am I? Oh, I'm still in the restaraunt. Man, it feels like I've been halfway around the world. I guess I've been sleeiping and dreaming again. I should write a book about this or perhaps even write a song, called............


----------



## copperhead

turbo lover-CHEEEEZZEY


----------



## Steadfastly

copperhead said:


> NOW WHY DID I SAY THAT ....IM cracking up


At least you're not falling asleep in restaraunts all the time. Here I can't eat all this......


----------



## keeperofthegood

FlipFlopFly said:


> At least you're not falling asleep in restaraunts all the time. Here I can't eat all this......


... so I grab a hold of the waitress and invite her to help me finish. She says ....


----------



## LarryLimerick

No thanks I am trying to watch my weight by thanks anyways

And I replied...


----------



## Steadfastly

larrylimerick said:


> no thanks i am trying to watch my weight by thanks anyways
> 
> and i replied...


ok..............


----------



## Bryan

FlipFlopFly said:


> ok..............


..no problem . After I ate waaaayyyy toooo much I decided to.......


----------



## keeperofthegood

FlipFlopFly said:


> ok..............





Bryan said:


> ..no problem . After I ate waaaayyyy toooo much I decided to.......





keeperofthegood said:


> .. after this 20 minute awkward silence I simply stood up and walked out of the restaurant, leaving my uneaten food behind. I was paying so much more attention to the ground that I walked right into that lady cop, surprisingly here on a vacation. She said ....



walk out of the restaurant, leaving my uneaten food behind. I was paying so much more attention to the ground that I walked right into that lady cop, surprisingly here on a vacation. She said ....


----------



## Bryan

keeperofthegood said:


> walk out of the restaurant, leaving my uneaten food behind. I was paying so much more attention to the ground that I walked right into that lady cop, surprisingly here on a vacation. She said ....


....how do you post three qoutes togther like that ????? and then I.....
Never mind I just noticed how


----------



## denthevetteman7

keeperofthegood said:


> walk out of the restaurant, leaving my uneaten food behind. I was paying so much more attention to the ground that I walked right into that lady cop, surprisingly here on a vacation. She said ....


my partner is at the hotel are you ready for are treesome.


----------



## Steadfastly

denthevetteman7 said:


> my partner is at the hotel are you ready for are treesome.


You play lead on that nice red guitar don't you? Yes, I said. Okay, I play drums and my partner in the car plays bass. We've got a going away party for our captain and his wife tomorrow night at the town hall. Can you get there a couple hours before and we'll practice a bit first? Sounds great, I said. How many..............


----------



## Bryan

FlipFlopFly said:


> You play lead on that nice red guitar don't you? Yes, I said. Okay, I play drums and my partner in the car plays bass. We've got a going away party for our captain and his wife tomorrow night at the town hall. Can you get there a couple hours before and we'll practice a bit first? Sounds great, I said. How many..............


songs do you know.


----------



## Steadfastly

Bryan said:


> songs do you know.


Too many to remember. I'll bring a list and you bring yours, OK? Sounds good, can I buy you some supper? Ah, .........


----------



## copperhead

sure eat what ever you want ...but stay off the whisky


----------



## cptheman

copperhead said:


> sure eat what ever you want ...but stay off the whisky


so we went and practiced and ate until....


----------



## Steadfastly

cptheman said:


> so we went and practiced and ate until....


1:00pm. By then, I was so exhausted, all I could do was get out to my car and drive home, went into my house, dropped into my bed and slept like a dead man until 10:00am the next day. Waking up..........


----------



## Bryan

cptheman said:


> so we went and practiced and ate until....


I just had to have some 30 year old scotch...what what It's not whiskey . So then you will never guess who showed up
Waking up.......... craving whiskey


----------



## Steadfastly

> 1:00pm. By then, I was so exhausted, all I could do was get out to my car and drive home, went into my house, dropped into my bed and slept like a dead man until 10:00am the next day. Waking up..........


I couldn't remember where I was for a few moments. Then I realize I was late to get to the studio on time. Oh, no, that family with the eight kids.............


----------



## copperhead

they were all wasted on white Russians


----------



## urko99

Were playing outside and making quite a rukus, no wonder I couldn't concentrate! And Then it dawned on me,.....


----------



## copperhead

We were the worst neighbors in the world....


----------



## Steadfastly

copperhead said:


> We were the worst neighbors in the world....


and to cement it, here came the cops to.............


----------



## copperhead

good evening officer , were we too loud.................. come on in for a beer


----------



## zontar

And who joined them, but Kirk and Lars, who had found Greg Godovitz.

They also had brought along another friend of theirs.


----------



## Steadfastly

zontar said:


> And who joined them, but Kirk and Lars, who had found Greg Godovitz.
> 
> They also had brought along another friend of theirs.


John McEnroe, who has a caustic personality but plays a mean guitar, mean, just like his personality. But he behaved himself for a change and we had a pretty good time. Packing up.........


----------



## TubeStack

FlipFlopFly said:


> John McEnroe, who has a caustic personality but plays a mean guitar, mean, just like his personality. But he behaved himself for a change and we had a pretty good time. Packing up.........


... the gear, we decided to unpack it and keep going... I'm mean, who'd stop jamming with this colossal crew all present?


----------



## copperhead

hey........ you guys survived the wrath of Dave mustaine thats so cool ...now play us something before i get angry.... boys


----------



## TubeStack

copperhead said:


> hey........ you guys survived the wrath of Dave mustaine thats so cool ...now play us something before i get angry.... boys


So, we all slammed into "For Whom The Bell Tolls," with McEnroe on lead vocals and Godovitz freestyle rapping in an interlude.


----------



## zontar

TubeStack said:


> So, we all slammed into "For Whom The Bell Tolls," with McEnroe on lead vocals and Godovitz freestyle rapping in an interlude.


And then McEnroe's mean guitar bit me in the arm, and it was so swollen I had to stop playing with my hands, and decided to see if I could do slide with my toes.


----------



## copperhead

MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU GUYS ROCK !!!!!!!!!!! NOW PLAY SOME SKYNARD ...... gotta go dam old wife yelling at me boys


----------



## Steadfastly

copperhead said:


> MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU GUYS ROCK !!!!!!!!!!! NOW PLAY SOME SKYNARD ...... gotta go dam old wife yelling at me boys


and then the rest of the crowd started disappearing too.


----------



## TubeStack

FlipFlopFly said:


> and then the rest of the crowd started disappearing too.


Lars and Kirk started to argue - Kirk wanted to start wearing eyeliner again, Lars said it made him speed up the tempo all the time - and the vibe was lost. McEnroe was having a tantrum over a badly-called chord and Godovitz kept launching into old Goddo classics no one else knew. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

I figured I'd try and hook up with those two lady cops, maybe, one of them had given me her card... now where was it...


----------



## copperhead

kirk & Lars were fighting over a laptop they were watching 2 girls 1 cup .......lars said....move kirk i want to see too


----------



## shoretyus

TubeStack said:


> L
> I figured I'd try and hook up with those two lady cops, maybe, one of them had given me her card... now where was it...


I looked around......and caught a glimpse of my face in the reflection of the cymbal.. it was stuck on my forehead. I dialed her number ..ring ring ... opps ... I dialed it backwards but I am a guitar player. The line picked up ..


----------



## TubeStack

shoretyus said:


> I looked around......and caught a glimpse of my face in the reflection of the cymbal.. it was stuck on my forehead. I dialed her number ..ring ring ... opps ... I dialed it backwards but I am a guitar player. The line picked up ..


"Hello - You've reached the MILF Discipline Academy - where young men learn hard lessons from firm teachers. Please leave a message."

Oh well, I'll try another time, I thought. I wonder if I can get to a TV, gotta catch the LOST premiere.... Kirk and Lars are starting to creep me out here. 

I walked out to the street in search of a 50 inch plasma and some munchies.


----------



## copperhead

couldn't find any food or a tv ..... all i found was yellow hummer just idling unlocked ...i couldn't resist ....me ,Lars & kirk took off in the hummer


----------



## TubeStack

copperhead said:


> couldn't find any food or a tv ..... all i found was yellow hummer just idling unlocked ...i couldn't resist ....me ,Lars & kirk took off in the hummer


And left McEnroe and Godovitz arguing in the dust.

We pulled up to a McDonald's and ordered...


----------



## krall

TubeStack said:


> And left McEnroe and Godovitz arguing in the dust.
> 
> We pulled up to a McDonald's and ordered...


Four happy meals!


----------



## copperhead

and dont forget those avatar toys that come with our meals...........skippy


----------



## TubeStack

copperhead said:


> and dont forget those avatar toys that come with our meals...........skippy


Lars and Kirk then proceeded to fight over the toys that came with their meals - Lars got a "girl toy" and Kirk wanted that one. 

I got pissed and threw both toys out the window of the Hummer, they weren't too happy about that. Lars drummed maniacally on the dashboard for about 30 minutes in a raging fit of anger. Kirk sobbed in the back seat.

Afterwards, I told them I had an idea that might raise their spirits....


----------



## copperhead

we pulled up to the gas pumps in a remotely run down gas station ...as i was filling up the hummer, someone came running out of the run done store ........it was Dave Mustaine ...........SO YOU STOLE MY HUMMER .... AND YOU FOUND MY 2 GIRLS ....he grabbed kirk & lars by the scruff of their necks ...GET OUT BITCHES , leaving them at the pumps to pay for the gas Dave said ...DRIVE YOU P.O.S......we drove away


----------



## mrmatt1972

copperhead said:


> we pulled up to the gas pumps in a remotely run down gas station ...as i was filling up the hummer, someone came running out of the run done store ........it was Dave Mustaine ...........SO YOU STOLE MY HUMMER .... AND YOU FOUND MY 2 GIRLS ....he grabbed kirk & lars by the scruff of their necks ...GET OUT BITCHES , leaving them at the pumps to pay for the gas Dave said ...DRIVE YOU P.O.S......we drove away


Where are we going ? I asked. Mustane didn't answer, he just pointed down the street toward...


----------



## Robert1950

mrmatt1972 said:


> Where are we going ? I asked. Mustane didn't answer, he just pointed down the street toward...


a little restaurant. Then he said, "That's were we can get SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM Egg, Bacon, SPAM SPAM SPAM Baked Beans, SPAM andLobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and SPAM."

I then noticed that this eatery was next to the Old Genosh Hotel. I was back in,... _Downtown Oshawa!!!_


----------



## TubeStack

Robert1950 said:


> a little restaurant. Then he said, "That's were we can get SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM Egg, Bacon, SPAM SPAM SPAM Baked Beans, SPAM andLobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and SPAM."
> 
> I then noticed that this eatery was next to the Old Genosh Hotel. I was back in,... _Downtown Oshawa!!!_


I said to Mustaine, you know, you've got a lot of fans in this town. Why don't we roll the windows down on the Hummer and cruise main street?

"Sure," said Mustaine, "I'll even let my long golden hair flow out the window a bit, you know, rockstar style."

"Yeah! And I'll crank "Symphony Of Destruction!" Let's go!

And we took a left, headed for main street. Soon, we saw...


----------



## jimihendrix

the michelin man climb onto the goodyear blimp...it looked kinda awkward...sorta like....


----------



## copperhead

the cover of that zeppelin album


----------



## krall

..But without the flames..


----------



## djem

then the Michelin man fell off the blimp while "High Speed Dirt" was playing in the background. At that time I wondered if Chris Poland ever wanted to get back together with Dave.


----------



## Last_Train

But there was no way Dave realy wanted him back because he always played circles around him so


----------



## Bryan

Last_Train said:


> But there was no way Dave realy wanted him back because he always played circles around him so


and so he knew that if Dave tried to do anything with anybody he'd just start to fight with them anyway so he decided to go fishing instead...but wait.....


----------



## gt90

where am I going to get a fishing rod? I know, the sporting goods store... hmmm maybe instead, I'll get a...


----------



## Steadfastly

gt90 said:


> where am I going to get a fishing rod? I know, the sporting goods store... hmmm maybe instead, I'll get a...


downrigging rod and a fish finder and a new boat. Hey, I'll just go whole hog and of course I'll get it in red just like my...........


----------



## djem

FlipFlopFly said:


> downrigging rod and a fish finder and a new boat. Hey, I'll just go whole hog and of course I'll get it in red just like my...........


"....brilliant red Barchetta from a better, vanished time."


----------



## Steadfastly

djem said:


> "....brilliant red Barchetta from a better, vanished time."


And maybe I can play some fish right into my boat, sort of like the pied piper. Maybe I'll be known in the future as the.............


----------



## djem

FlipFlopFly said:


> And maybe I can play some fish right into my boat, sort of like the pied piper. Maybe I'll be known in the future as the.............


Red Fisher


----------



## Steadfastly

djem said:


> Red Fisher


of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, while holding up a 47 lb. salmon.


----------



## sskalewis

FlipFlopFly said:


> of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, while holding up a 47 lb. salmon.


 A true fishing musician!


----------



## copperhead

Enough of this !!!!!! I got to go get my new guitar and endorsement deal with daisy rock


----------



## Bryan

sskalewis said:


> A true fishing musician!


But I won't tell anyone that I bought the 47lber at the local fish market while I give my acceptance speech for the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame , and after I am inducted I'm sure I'll.....get my endorsement deal with daisy rock


----------



## corailz

Anyways,i always have my 47lbs fish with me....i think that it'll bring me some luck!!!


----------



## Bryan

corailz said:


> Anyways,i always have my 47lbs fish with me....i think that it'll bring me some luck!!!


Are cats good luck????????????? because they will not leave me alone . Which is what all the girls do now that I have my trusty fish with me at all times for luck .Maybe I should


----------



## fraser

take it to a taxidermist- get it preserved somehow, so it doesnt smell so bad-


----------



## djem

fraser said:


> take it to a taxidermist- get it preserved somehow, so it doesnt smell so bad-


Oooo, oooo that smell. Can't you smell that smell?


----------



## Bryan

djem said:


> Oooo, oooo that smell. Can't you smell that smell?


the smell of __ ____ ___ _? is all around you . I think I should......., ( but only after someone fills in the blank and links it to the end of the sentence after ).... I think I should.......,


----------



## keeperofthegood

Bryan said:


> the smell of __ ____ ___ _? is all around you . I think I should......., ( but only after someone fills in the blank and links it to the end of the sentence after ).... I think I should.......,




... taste the Rainbow. So, I bought Skittles and I ....


----------



## Tarl

Bryan said:


> the smell of __ ____ ___ _? is all around you . I think I should......., ( but only after someone fills in the blank and links it to the end of the sentence after ).... I think I should.......,


the smell of Carp is all around you. I think I should go take a shower and then.....


----------



## keeperofthegood

Tarl said:


> the smell of Carp is all around you. I think I should go take a shower and then.....



... take another shower with Irish Spring, man that CARP is ...


----------



## Robert1950

keeperofthegood said:


> ... take another shower with Irish Spring, man that CARP is ...


... an olfactory assault factory, man! Where did you catch that thing? In the creek, at the south end of Valleyview Gardens? Wait!! That's in,..._ Downtown Oshawa !!!_


----------



## Bryan

Robert1950 said:


> ... an olfactory assault factory, man! Where did you catch that thing? In the creek, at the south end of Valleyview Gardens? Wait!! That's in,..._ Downtown Oshawa !!!_


and after reading about Oshawa , having never been there ,he said to himself , " I am never and I mean never going to go to oshawa from what I've heard about the place " ,and after that he said ....


----------



## cptheman

Bryan said:


> and after reading about Oshawa , having never been there ,he said to himself , " I am never and I mean never going to go to oshawa from what I've heard about the place " ,and after that he said ....


"but on the other hand..." and he took the band van and started to drive to oshawa


----------



## Bryan

cptheman said:


> "but on the other hand..." and he took the band van and started to drive to oshawa


when one of the band members started to freak out screaming nooooooooooooo you can't take me to Oshawa .Any where but Oshawa .So they decided to go to...........


----------



## tomyam

So they decided to go to Haiti to give some hands and cheer people up with some music


----------



## the_fender_guy

tomyam said:


> So they decided to go to Haiti to give some hands and cheer people up with some music


But, realizing they lacked the cash to go to Haiti, they decided to go to Oshawa to cheer up the people of Oshawa with music and Taco Bell which ...


----------



## TubeStack

the_fender_guy said:


> But, realizing they lacked the cash to go to Haiti, they decided to go to Oshawa to cheer up the people of Oshawa with music and Taco Bell which ...


... didn't go so well. No one knew any KISS songs and they barely avoided a riot.


----------



## copperhead

as we pulled in parking spot at the oshawa center ,the drummer said MAN!!!WHATS THAT SMELL!!! WHO CUT ONE...


----------



## Robert1950

the_fender_guy said:


> But, realizing they lacked the cash to go to Haiti, they decided to go to Oshawa to cheer up the people of Oshawa with music and Taco Bell which ...


...is where they ran into the Mayor, John Gray, just getting into his brand new red Camaro, paid for by the city's taxpayers. "This car was made here, right in this city." he beamed. "Wanna go for a ride through,... _Downtown Oshawa !!!"_


----------



## the_fender_guy

TubeStack said:


> ... didn't go so well. No one knew any KISS songs and they barely avoided a riot.


... because the rioters were overcome with burrito gas el grande so the band members insisted they could cheer up the people in Hamilton if the gut there before...


----------



## keeperofthegood

the_fender_guy said:


> ... because the rioters were overcome with burrito gas el grande so the band members insisted they could cheer up the people in Hamilton if the gut there before...


.. me would move aside because having had such a time. So much travel. So many events. I finally could hold it in NO MORE! I headed to the nearest event washroom and I ..


----------



## copperhead

groundhog day


----------



## TubeStack

keeperofthegood said:


> .. me would move aside because having had such a time. So much travel. So many events. I finally could hold it in NO MORE! I headed to the nearest event washroom and I ..


... pinched a loaf or two, nice and politely, very discretely.


----------



## Steadfastly

TubeStack said:


> ... pinched a loaf or two, nice and politely, very discretely.


Now, where to next?


----------



## denthevetteman7

TubeStack said:


> ... pinched a loaf or two, nice and politely, very discretely.


after that i was ready to rock for as long as...


----------



## TubeStack

denthevetteman7 said:


> after that i was ready to rock for as long as...


... the ladies needed me to. I looked for anyone around who needed ROCKING... and saw someone in the corner...


----------



## Steadfastly

TubeStack said:


> ... the ladies needed me to. I looked for anyone around who needed ROCKING... and saw someone in the corner...


and there was this old man sitting in a rocking chair.


----------



## TubeStack

FlipFlopFly said:


> and there was this old man sitting in a rocking chair.


And I said, "YEAH! He likes to ROCK!" and looked around for a six-string.


----------



## denthevetteman7

TubeStack said:


> And I said, "YEAH! He likes to ROCK!" and looked around for a six-string.


that old man was Stevie Ray Vaughn guitar teacher.


----------



## Steadfastly

denthevetteman7 said:


> that old man was Stevie Ray Vaughn guitar teacher.


and mine too! I remember when I was just starting to play, he............


----------



## denthevetteman7

FlipFlopFly said:


> and mine too! I remember when I was just starting to play, he............


used to have a Black Strat that he could play like a god.


----------



## the_fender_guy

FlipFlopFly said:


> and mine too! I remember when I was just starting to play, he............


You needs to turn it up son you needs to turn it up. Make your hollowbody Ibanez feedback. But I thought he said...


----------



## Cort Strummer

denthevetteman7 said:


> used to have a Black Strat that he could play like a god.


But not matter what I did, I could never play as well as he could until...


----------



## denthevetteman7

Cort Strummer said:


> But not matter what I did, I could never play as well as he could until...


i found that right axe . It was made in corea and had a big dent on it and a burn mark like some cigarette burn that Eddie van halen would have on his, but it played like a dream.


----------



## Steadfastly

the_fender_guy said:


> You needs to turn it up son you needs to turn it up. Make your hollowbody Ibanez feedback. But I thought he said...


to go and play it on the hog's back............


----------



## denthevetteman7

FlipFlopFly said:


> to go and play it on the hog's back............


so i asked him what the f... he wanted me to play on tha back a hog for so i gave him my guitar to show me if i was still able to rock.


----------



## copperhead

Well old rocking stevie ray dude !!!!!! Have you got a television in that house !!!!!!.... Manswers is on


----------



## TubeStack

denthevetteman7 said:


> so i asked him what the f... he wanted me to play on tha back a hog for so i gave him my guitar to show me if i was still able to rock.


And he said, "Mind your manners, son" and proceeded to school me in the ways of the blues masters, handing me my ass on a platter.

"All right, show me the way, sensai," I said.

He responded by...


----------



## denthevetteman7

TubeStack said:


> And he said, "Mind your manners, son" and proceeded to school me in the ways of the blues masters, handing me my ass on a platter.
> 
> "All right, show me the way, sensai," I said.
> 
> He responded by...


I would teach you only if you listen carfully. to what ii will say.


----------



## TubeStack

"And, what I will play."

So, I pulled up a chair and...


----------



## keeperofthegood

> I would teach you only if you listen carfully. to what ii will say.
> 
> "And, what I will play."
> 
> So, I pulled up a chair and...


first light it on fire, then pull out a stick, marshmallows and ....


----------



## Steadfastly

TubeStack said:


> "And, what I will play."
> 
> So, I pulled up a chair and...


and started listening. He started explaining how to........


----------



## djem

snatch a pebble from his hand. After I mastered that he told me to look into myself and become one with the marshmallow and.....


----------



## keeperofthegood

djem said:


> snatch a pebble from his hand. After I mastered that he told me to look into myself and become one with the marshmallow and.....





> people are posting two and three posts in the time it takes to refresh this page >.<



playing some ZZ Top while swinging from a stage prop tree I ....


----------



## TubeStack

djem said:


> snatch a pebble from his hand. After I mastered that he told me to look into myself and become one with the marshmallow and.....


And then I ate the marshmallow.

"Now THAT'S being one with the damn marshmallow!" I yelled.

"You fool... you silly, young fool..." he sighed.


----------



## copperhead

You mean old dust farting ...s.o.b ...show ya one with a marshmallow


----------



## mrmatt1972

copperhead said:


> You mean old dust farting ...s.o.b ...show ya one with a marshmallow


Ahh, young Grashopper, Frustration witht the process is only natural. Now we have to address your baseball grip on your guitar neck.


----------



## the_fender_guy

mrmatt1972 said:


> Ahh, young Grashopper, Frustration witht the process is only natural. Now we have to address your baseball grip on your guitar neck.


You gots to caress it like your woman and shake it like a squirrel that won't...


----------



## Bryan

mrmatt1972 said:


> Ahh, young Grashopper, Frustration witht the process is only natural. Now we have to address your baseball grip on your guitar neck.


Learn to close your eyes and feel the music .Don't tense up so much . If you don't your ....


----------



## TubeStack

the_fender_guy said:


> You gots to caress it like your woman and shake it like a squirrel that won't...


... give up its nuts.

Tease it, toast it, test it, but never...


----------



## Steadfastly

TubeStack said:


> ... give up its nuts.
> 
> Tease it, toast it, test it, but never...


Leaving the old man in his rocking chair, I ambled, yes, ambled, over to............


----------



## TubeStack

... a pinball machine and started playing with its balls.

I mean, playing some pinballs... er, pinball.

The lights lit up, the bells started dinging, the balls were shaking... what did I do?


----------



## copperhead

in a stripbar where the ladies & the poles were busy


----------



## TubeStack

copperhead said:


> in a stripbar where the ladies & the poles were busy


And I was dizzy... the pinball machine seemed like it was going to explode.... it was shaking so much, the floor was bouncing, the strippers' jugs were juggling, their jigs were jiggling...

What was going to happen?


----------



## copperhead

and then she came over and started talking to me ..she was the prettiest thing that ever asked....BUDDY DO YOU WANT A LAP DANCE OR WHAT


----------



## the_fender_guy

copperhead said:


> and then she came over and started talking to me ..she was the prettiest think that ever asked....BUDDY DO YOU WANT A LAP DANCE OR WHAT


I said "or what" and she...


----------



## denthevetteman7

copperhead said:


> and then she came over and started talking to me ..she was the prettiest think that ever asked....BUDDY DO YOU WANT A LAP DANCE OR WHAT


I will take the what.


----------



## Steadfastly

Waking up the next morning, I started listing the things I needed to get done and one thing that was going to be a problem was.....


----------



## the_fender_guy

FlipFlopFly said:


> Waking up the next morning, I started listing the things I needed to get done and one thing that was going to be a problem was.....


I needed to hear a demo of the Check-A-Board Overdrive/Booster but where would I find a....


----------



## denthevetteman7

the_fender_guy said:


> I needed to hear a demo of the Check-A-Board Overdrive/Booster but where would I find a....


A computer so i can go to there website and download there demo so i can ...


----------



## xuthal

denthevetteman7 said:


> A computer so i can go to there website and download there demo so i can ...


..buy some gear,just then a vortex opened up in the corner.Out stepped steve jobs,he said"do you need a computer?"I thought to myself "this isn't a dream,i just woke up".He handed me what looked to be an ipad.I said to him,"cool an ipad",steve frowned and said to me"it's got 32 terribites,it schools the ipad,now go buy a strat on ebay and rock hard,party on dude"and he was gone like a fart in the breeze,to some other dimension or time...


----------



## the_fender_guy

xuthal said:


> ..buy some gear,just then a vortex opened up in the corner.Out stepped steve jobs,he said"do you need a computer?"I thought to myself "this isn't a dream,i just woke up".He handed me what looked to be an ipad.I said to him,"cool an ipad",steve frowned and said to me"it's got 32 terribites,it schools the ipad,now go buy a strat on ebay and rock hard,party on dude"and he was gone like a fart in the breeze,to some other dimension or time...


and I said can you give a computer to the doodad dudes and GearAlley.com folks so they can learn how to put up a demo. I'd really like to know more about their gear. If I win maybe I will....


----------



## fraser

leaving only a sulphurous cloud behind as evidence that hed been there


----------



## copperhead

so off i went looking for an internet cafe or someone with a computer anyway


----------



## WannabeGood

copperhead said:


> so off i went looking for an internet cafe or someone with a computer anyway


Shuffling down the streets and alleys of town looking for a computer, I flashbacked to the day me and strat decided to leave Oshawa........was it Oshawa or Ottawa? So much has flashed past me that I really didn't give a flying............


----------



## Magicratt

*Doodad Booster*

function. It should be about function not form. Now that I have that settled, it's time to.....


----------



## TubeStack

Magicratt said:


> function. It should be about function not form. Now that I have that settled, it's time to.....


... find an internet cafe and look for pedal demos. Maybe if I flew back to Bangkok? Ah... those were good times...

I kept looking, but instead found a...


----------



## Steadfastly

TubeStack said:


> ... find an internet cafe and look for pedal demos. Maybe if I flew back to Bangkok? Ah... those were good times...
> 
> I kept looking, but instead found a...


V-AMP 3 by Behrenger.


----------



## zontar

Unfortunately the wiring was damaged, so I asked if anyone had a soldering iron, a paper clip and some bubble gum.


----------



## copperhead

i couldn't find any of that stuff so i had to make something that sounded similar to a 65 black-face twin reverb out of an old freezer & a old floor-model TV someone had thrown out in a alley DAMM!!!!! SHE SOUNDED SWEET


----------



## TubeStack

copperhead said:


> i couldn't find any of that stuff so i had to make something that sounded similar to a 65 black-face twin reverb out of an old freezer & a old floor-model TV someone had thrown out in a alley DAMM!!!!! SHE SOUNDED SWEET


People came from all around to hear it, started calling me the "The Amplifier MacGyver"... I had the potential to make millions. 

But it all fell apart, because...


----------



## bonita8983

TubeStack said:


> ... find an internet cafe and look for pedal demos. Maybe if I flew back to Bangkok? Ah... those were good times...
> 
> I kept looking, but instead found a...


... a glowing guitar pick lying on ther side walk. I eamined it closely. I had writting on it. I read,"Never use me to play Stairway to Heaven and for so long as I am in your possession you will be able to play as if you, not Clapton, were God." (The print was very very small.) I gasped, shoved the pick deep into my pocket and ...


----------



## TubeStack

bonita8983 said:


> ... a glowing guitar pick lying on ther side walk. I eamined it closely. I had writting on it. I read,"Never use me to play Stairway to Heaven and for so long as I am in your possession you will be able to play as if you, not Clapton, were God." (The print was very very small.) I gasped, shoved the pick deep into my pocket and ...


... started to wonder what happened to my ability to follow my own thoughts and story in chronological order.

Suddenly remembering, I recalled I had become "The Amplifier MacGyver" and had almost made a fortune, but things went all wrong when...


----------



## Bryan

bonita8983 said:


> ... a glowing guitar pick lying on ther side walk. I eamined it closely. I had writting on it. I read,"Never use me to play Stairway to Heaven and for so long as I am in your possession you will be able to play as if you, not Clapton, were God." (The print was very very small.) I gasped, shoved the pick deep into my pocket and ...


I reached in my pocket again and nearly broke my glasses that I needed to read the very , very small print . I felt something else in my pocket and pulled out a.....


----------



## zontar

TubeStack said:


> ... started to wonder what happened to my ability to follow my own thoughts and story in chronological order.
> 
> Suddenly remembering, I recalled I had become "The Amplifier MacGyver" and had almost made a fortune, but things went all wrong when...





Bryan said:


> I reached in my pocket again and nearly broke my glasses that I needed to read the very , very small print . I felt something else in my pocket and pulled out a.....


Pocket Amp MacGyver handbook--which is why things went all wrong, there already was one.
And I had discovered a new way to pull two different directions in this thread together, I hope.


----------



## copperhead

out of nowhere came a short man dressed in all black with a huge bodyguard carrying a briefcase .he wanted to buy my amp design ,the bodyguard opened the briefcase .there was stacks of CANADIAN TIRE MONEY GOD IT MUST OF BEEN 20 bucks there .so i sold it to the little man .....i cant remember his name it was something like Paul.. Reed..something ,,,,.maybe smith anyway i can't remember


----------



## keeperofthegood

copperhead said:


> out of nowhere came a short man dressed in all black with a huge bodyguard carrying a briefcase .he wanted to buy my amp design ,the bodyguard opened the briefcase .there was stacks of CANADIAN TIRE MONEY GOD IT MUST OF BEEN 20 bucks there .so i sold it to the little man .....i cant remember his name it was something like Paul.. Reed..something ,,,,.maybe smith anyway i can't remember


Lucky I did this today, because CANADIAN TIRE ANNOUNCED they are no longer going to give out their Canadian Tire Money!! That was to be expected, they only give out 10 cents with every hundred dollars as it was. SO, taking my crisp 20 dollars I headed off to eBay to list it as* LIMITED AND RARE END RUN CANADIAN TIRE MONEY buy a piece of Canadian History* Starting bid: *US $ 10,000*  Price: *US $1,101,111.01


*


----------



## corailz

Thinking in myself to all the great things i'll can buy with this money...i had some dribble on a side of my lips!!!!!


----------



## mrmatt1972

Unfortunately, being Ebay, the bidders were a 13 year old girl and her friends who were all using their father's accounts. In the end I was left with Canadian tire money _and _a charge from ebay for the listing.


----------



## TubeStack

mrmatt1972 said:


> Unfortunately, being Ebay, the bidders were a 13 year old girl and her friends who were all using their father's accounts. In the end I was left with Canadian tire money _and _a charge from ebay for the listing.


"Now, what am I supposed to do with _this_," I muttered.

_Although, I do have almost $5000 in Canadian Tire money saved under my pillow...this would make it $5002... if only they accepted it at Long & McQuade's_ I thought to myself.

"Hmmm.... what to do with $5002 at L&M.... if I can only convince them."

And I head to the L&M's in...


----------



## Robert1950

TubeStack said:


> "Hmmm.... what to do with $5002 L&M.... if I can only convince them."
> 
> And I head to the L&M's on...


Simcoe Street North, which fortunately was not quite in,... _Downtown Oshawa !!!_


----------



## denthevetteman7

Robert1950 said:


> Simcoe Street North, which fortunately was not quite in,... _Downtown Oshawa !!!_


so i had to take walk since the bus didn't get there. So by the time i got there the store was close.


----------



## keeperofthegood

denthevetteman7 said:


> so i had to take walk since the bus didn't get there. So by the time i got there the store was close.



Later, that night, over a Daguerre and Buffalo Wings at Mr Greenjeans, I reflected not buying a thing :O


----------



## denthevetteman7

keeperofthegood said:


> Later, that night, over a Daguerre and Buffalo Wings at Mr Greenjeans, I reflected not buying a thing :O


as i was leaving, my budy Mike just showed up with his girlfriend and her sister. They asked me to join them but i had to go for a leak so after i join them and we ended the night at my friend's place all drunk.


----------



## keeperofthegood

denthevetteman7 said:


> as i was leaving, my budy Mike just showed up with his girlfriend and her sister. They asked me to join them but i had to go for a leak so after i join them and we ended the night at my friend's place all drunk.



When I woke up .... I didn't feel too good @[email protected]

I stumbled about, and wondered at the raw wood floor, and the old cigarette butts. I saw the faded blue curtains and lunged to open a window and get the stale smell of beer farts out of the room. Then I saw ... a city :O BUT! What city was this :O

I turn and there by the bed is a phone, I reach for it, pick it up and hear "Viejo hombre de la buena mañana, what may we do for you today at the Hotel Columbia?"


----------



## gooberman

keeperofthegood said:


> When I woke up .... I didn't feel too good @[email protected]
> 
> I stumbled about, and wondered at the raw wood floor, and the old cigarette butts. I saw the faded blue curtains and lunged to open a window and get the stale smell of beer farts out of the room. Then I saw ... a city :O BUT! What city was this :O
> 
> I turn and there by the bed is a phone, I reach for it, pick it up and hear "Viejo hombre de la buena mañana, what may we do for you today at the Hotel Columbia?"


"how about sending up a beer?...I'm sorry we haven't had that spirit here since 1999...


----------



## the_fender_guy

gooberman said:


> "how about sending up a beer?...I'm sorry we haven't had that spirit here since 1999...


So I head out to the nearby Teatro Dell' Opera and...


----------



## Steadfastly

the_fender_guy said:


> So I head out to the nearby Teatro Dell' Opera and...


listen to Gregg Spitzfaro on the cello...............


----------



## the_fender_guy

FlipFlopFly said:


> listen to Gregg Spitzfaro on the cello...............


... and wonder about the Check-A-Board Booster/Overdrive. Can it....


----------



## copperhead

be mine ...i think it can i need to..........


----------



## LaRSin

like to give it a try


----------



## gt90

and lo and behold, there's a street performer playing Vivaldi's Four Seasons on an electric guitar... and he's playing through a Check-a-Board Booster/Overdrive!


----------



## Steadfastly

gt90 said:


> and lo and behold, there's a street performer playing Vivaldi's Four Seasons on an electric guitar... and he's playing through a Check-a-Board Booster/Overdrive!


Memories of former days, I muse. I can remember playing on the street. It was so much...............


----------



## Yama

FlipFlopFly said:


> Memories of former days, I muse. I can remember playing on the street. It was so much...............


Taking a deep breath... yea, it was the old days of me playing with a sitar master in a market of Bangalore India. We made 10 ruppies but it was the best jamming I've ever had.


----------



## Steadfastly

Yama said:


> Taking a deep breath... yea, it was the old days of me playing with a sitar master in a market of Bangalore India. We made 10 ruppies but it was the best jamming I've ever had.


It was mostly women watching and listening, and we had benches all around so the people would stay untill our fingers couldn't play another note. Meanwhile, back in my little music studio in Minto, NB..........


----------



## Ripper

the meth I was cooking in the back had exploded and there was a hole where the studio used to be....how I am going to explain this to................


----------



## lbrown1

the landlady - I had better get out of here ..........and head on back to Oshawa before she sees this mess.......


----------



## Steadfastly

lbrown1 said:


> the landlady - I had better get out of here ..........and head on back to Oshawa before she sees this mess.......


but on second thought, my old friend, Jimmy, offered to rent me his nice place on main street. Heck, with the insurance I can get, I can really improve my studio, with new drums, a real nice baby grand piano. Wait, what happened to my faithful red guitar. I hope it's..............


----------



## krall

FlipFlopFly said:


> but on second thought, my old friend, Jimmy, offered to rent me his nice place on main street. Heck, with the insurance I can get, I can really improve my studio, with new drums, a real nice baby grand piano. Wait, what happened to my faithful red guitar. I hope it's..............


Still around..I need it for...


----------



## Steadfastly

krall said:


> Still around..I need it for...


not only playing, but I like that guitar better than all the rest. I guess I've gotten used to it. Well, I guess I should start cleaning up; I'll start in the closet. Oh my gosh, look! There.......


----------



## Hamstrung

FlipFlopFly said:


> not only playing, but I like that guitar better than all the rest. I guess I've gotten used to it. Well, I guess I should start cleaning up; I'll start in the closet. Oh my gosh, look! There.......


...'s that 59 Gold top I lost track of!


----------



## Steadfastly

Well, well, well! You just never know what you'll find when you open the closet. Sometimes, you'll find good things and, wait, what's that laying there on the floor?.......


----------



## Bryan

FlipFlopFly said:


> Well, well, well! You just never know what you'll find when you open the closet. Sometimes, you'll find good things and, wait, what's that laying there on the floor?.......


...it's the ghost of Les Paul . Son , " says Les Paul " , I think you should....


----------



## Ripper

"probably take some guitar lessons...something smells around here and it ain't the burnt paint"


----------



## Steadfastly

> Well, well, well! You just never know what you'll find when you open the closet. Sometimes, you'll find good things and, wait, what's that laying there on the floor?.......


Why, it's my faithful old red guitar. Who would believe it? Two of my favorite old guitars found in one day!


----------



## Bryan

FlipFlopFly said:


> Why, it's my faithful old red guitar. Who would believe it? Two of my favorite old guitars found in one day!


I'd better go out and buy a lottery ticket I feel soooo lucky today . Off I go to the....


----------



## djem

Bryan said:


> I'd better go out and buy a lottery ticket I feel soooo lucky today . Off I go to the....


variety store. Gee, I hope they have the current issue of Vintage Guitar. I've been meaning to get that lately, but I haven't had the time since I was too busy.....


----------



## jimihendrix

djem said:


> variety store. Gee, I hope they have the current issue of Vintage Guitar. I've been meaning to get that lately, but I haven't had the time since I was too busy.....


hallucinating...er...i mean...thinking about my shopping list...let's see now...

bog roll...check
orange juice...check
cheerios...check

i still feel like something's missing...ah yes...i forgot that i need to pick up some...


----------



## Steadfastly

jimihendrix said:


> hallucinating...er...i mean...thinking about my shopping list...let's see now...
> 
> bog roll...check
> orange juice...check
> cheerios...check
> 
> i still feel like something's missing...ah yes...i forgot that i need to pick up some...


bread and milk, the staples of life.


----------



## lbrown1

FlipFlopFly said:


> bread and milk, the staples of life.


or death as it were....the last time I combined milk and bread....I almost died.....


----------



## Steadfastly

lbrown1 said:


> or death as it were....the last time I combined milk and bread....I almost died.....


because I spilled some milk on a tiled floor and then stepped in it as someone rang the doorbell, fell and hit my head. Thank goodness the person at the door was Aunty Ethel, who is a.............


----------



## TubeStack

FlipFlopFly said:


> because I spilled some milk on a tiled floor and then stepped in it as someone rang the doorbell, fell and hit my head. Thank goodness the person at the door was Aunty Ethel, who is a.............


... registered nurse. She was able to give me the help I needed, including...


----------



## Steadfastly

TubeStack said:


> ... registered nurse. She was able to give me the help I needed, including...


a free ride in the ambulance as she was riding with the boys to another emergency. They called another ambulance for that one and got me to the hospital right away. I still like milk, though, especially with...........


----------



## djem

TubeStack said:


> ... registered nurse. She was able to give me the help I needed, including...


some Advil. Man, my head was throbbing after that fall. It felt like someone hit me with a...........


----------



## Steadfastly

> a free ride in the ambulance as she was riding with the boys to another emergency. They called another ambulance for that one and got me to the hospital right away. I still like milk, though, especially with...........


those Cheerios I was supposed to pick up at the store.


----------



## buckaroobanzai

well, I was going to buy Cheerios. But, that Honey Oat Clusters guy " Fiber, yes - Cardboard, no" was following me around the store so I......


----------



## Steadfastly

buckaroobanzai said:


> well, I was going to buy Cheerios. But, that Honey Oat Clusters guy " Fiber, yes - Cardboard, no" was following me around the store so I......


picked up some chocolate and potato chips. Sometimes you just have that craving. Sometimes I like............


----------



## gooberman

FlipFlopFly said:


> picked up some chocolate and potato chips. Sometimes you just have that craving. Sometimes I like............


to mix them together into a nice slurry and rub it all over my body the last time I did that...


----------



## shoretyus

FlipFlopFly said:


> Sometimes I like............


to pretend I know what's going on


----------



## the_fender_guy

shoretyus said:


> to pretend I know what's going on


And then I sang 'What's Going On' to ...


----------



## zontar

the_fender_guy said:


> And then I sang 'What's Going On' to ...


everybody who had gathered around me.
They all joined in on the chorus, and then a special guest showed up & improvised an outro scat solo, it was none other than...


----------



## Tarl

zontar said:


> everybody who had gathered around me.
> They all joined in on the chorus, and then a special guest showed up & improvised an outro scat solo, it was none other than...


Bobby Darren in the flesh! Why I thought he had.......


----------



## fraser

scored that sweet gig performing on a cruise ship..


----------



## zontar

fraser said:


> scored that sweet gig performing on a cruise ship..


And that Pablo Picasso had learned to play guitar so he could accompany his favorite singer.


----------



## the_fender_guy

zontar said:


> And that Pablo Picasso had learned to play guitar so he could accompany his favorite singer.


... and then I woke up in Oshawa again...


----------



## J S Moore

the_fender_guy said:


> ... and then I woke up in Oshawa again...


and started searching my pockets for bus fare to get out of there. Hopefully I would have enough to get me to....


----------



## krall

J S Moore said:


> and started searching my pockets for bus fare to get out of there. Hopefully I would have enough to get me to....


Charlottetown to catch the Anne of Green Gables show..But I don't know if I have enough cash to pay the bridge toll, until I got an idea...


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## fraser

those little boxes on the counter of donut shops are full of change......


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## denthevetteman7

fraser said:


> those little boxes on the counter of donut shops are full of change......


i could try to borrow some at the nearest Tim Horton and...


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## zontar

denthevetteman7 said:


> i could try to borrow some at the nearest Tim Horton and...


Maybe get one of those huge to go cups at the same time--it's not a short trip from Oshawa to Green Gables.

Fortunately I had company on the trip, Pablo Picasso came along from the dream, and so was his friend...


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## TubeStack

denthevetteman7 said:


> i could try to borrow some at the nearest Tim Horton and...


Get out of here... but getting that change is pretty low-down... maybe I could busk, I though to myself.


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## the_fender_guy

zontar said:


> Maybe get one of those huge to go cups at the same time--it's not a short trip from Oshawa to Green Gables.
> 
> Fortunately I had company on the trip, Pablo Picasso came along from the dream, and so was his friend...





TubeStack said:


> Get out of here... but getting that change is pretty low-down... maybe I could busk, I though to myself.


I could play guitar and Pablo could draw on the sidewalk(except people always say "what is that supposed to be?") Maybe I could play a song by...


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## denthevetteman7

the_fender_guy said:


> I could play guitar and Pablo could draw on the sidewalk(except people always say "what is that supposed to be?") Maybe I could play a song by...


looking at his drawing for explaining the art on the sidewalk.


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## djem

denthevetteman7 said:


> looking at his drawing for explaining the art on the sidewalk.


I gave it my best try, but it was too tough. I strummed some 12 bar for a while to get some ideas when all of a sudden, down from the skies, tumbled a huge red...


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## denthevetteman7

djem said:


> I gave it my best try, but it was too tough. I strummed some 12 bar for a while to get some ideas when all of a sudden, down from the skies, tumbled a huge red...


cape like super man's. I wonder if he lost it on his way to see wonder woman. or was it the panties of the lady from the balcony one the 85 th floor ?


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## Bryan

denthevetteman7 said:


> cape like super man's. I wonder if he lost it on his way to see wonder woman. or was it the panties of the lady from the balcony one the 85 th floor ?


So after reading the story for several pages back I figured that someone had dumped a load of acid in the water system back east . I just didn’t know what to do so I decided to go up to the 85th floor to take back her panties….


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## djem

Bryan said:


> So after reading the story for several pages back I figured that someone had dumped a load of acid in the water system back east . I just didn’t know what to do so I decided to go up to the 85th floor to take back her panties….


The only problem was that I realized she was a he in this mixed up, muddled up, shook up world....


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## Bryan

djem said:


> The only problem was that I realized she was a he in this mixed up, muddled up, shook up world....


..and then I thought ...what the hell I'll go up anyway ( it must be the acid )


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## the-patient

I walked all the way up to the 85th floor and as I opened the door...


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## Bryan

the-patient said:


> I walked all the way up to the 85th floor and as I opened the door...


...I could smell something , something that reminded me of home . I pushed the door open a little further when....


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## denthevetteman7

the-patient said:


> I walked all the way up to the 85th floor and as I opened the door...


... picasso said to me we should run down as fast as we could because i used to go out with his girlfriend in the same time he was dating her so he don't like me.


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## Bryan

the-patient said:


> I walked all the way up to the 85th floor and as I opened the door...





denthevetteman7 said:


> ... picasso said to me we should run down as fast as we could because i used to go out with his girlfriend in the same time he was dating her so he don't like me.


Or...as I opened the door someone jumped out and said , " THIS IS YOUR LIFE "


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## denthevetteman7

Bryan said:


> Or...as I opened the door someone jumped out and said , " THIS IS YOUR LIFE "


It was superman wearing only his boxers .


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## GuitarsCanada

Contest ends tonight at 9 pm est. Thanks again to gearalley.com


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## djem

denthevetteman7 said:


> It was superman wearing only his boxers .


I quickly took some kryptonite and covered up my butt and said, "uh, hi Superman, I, uh didn't realize you...ummmm..."

Turned around quick and booked it to the staircase where I....


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## the_fender_guy

djem said:


> I quickly took some kryptonite and covered up my butt and said, "uh, hi Superman, I, uh didn't realize you...ummmm..."
> 
> Turned around quick and booked it to the staircase where I....


saw L O L A with a Cherry Cola and those big red panties. What did this dream have to do with the Doodad Booster/Overdrive and why was LOLA here but to..


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## denthevetteman7

djem said:


> I quickly took some kryptonite and covered up my butt and said, "uh, hi Superman, I, uh didn't realize you...ummmm..."
> 
> Turned around quick and booked it to the staircase where I....


trip on a old guitar case laying on between the 25th floor and the 24th. Somebody had probably lost it in there way down. So i picked it up and got out with it. As i opened it i discover ...


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## the_fender_guy

This no longer has any sense or sequence


zontar said:


> And who joined them, but Kirk and Lars, who had found Greg Godovitz.
> 
> They also had brought along another friend of theirs.


But I didn't recognize him...


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## jimihendrix

djem said:


> I quickly took some kryptonite and covered up my butt and said, "uh, hi Superman, I, uh didn't realize you...ummmm..."
> 
> Turned around quick and booked it to the staircase where I....


was quickly tied up with wonder woman's golden lasso that forced me to tell the truth...and boy-oh-boy did i ever...!!!...i told her she was the hottest thing on two legs...and that if she would untie me i'd like to perform...


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## the_fender_guy

keefsdad said:


> Not the Schwa!!!! Anywhere but there!!!!


But it was the Schwa!!!! where I last saw my red guitar at a Tim's so I


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## Bryan

jimihendrix said:


> was quickly tied up with wonder woman's golden lasso that forced me to tell the truth...and boy-oh-boy did i ever...!!!...i told her she was the hottest thing on two legs...and that if she would untie me i'd like to perform...





the_fender_guy said:


> But it was the Schwa!!!! where I last saw my red guitar at a Tim's so


so I'd like to perform...My favourite , and I know yours to , song called....


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## jimihendrix

Bryan said:


> so I'd like to perform...My favourite , and I know yours to , song called....


"some kinda wunderful"....but first...i asked her to show me her....


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## Bryan

jimihendrix said:


> "some kinda wunderful"....but first...i asked her to show me her....


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx , and then after that I said holy sh__ . I have never seen one that big...so I............


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## jimihendrix

Bryan said:


> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx , and then after that I said holy sh__ . I have never seen one that big...so I............


said...can we fly your invisible plane...???...i'd really like to get out of the shwa...please....please...fly us to....


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## the_fender_guy

jimihendrix said:


> said...can we fly your invisible plane...???...i'd really like to get out of the shwa...please....please...fly us to....


 ...Bowmanville where we can....


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## jimihendrix

the_fender_guy said:


> ...Bowmanville where we can....


"layover"...until you fly us to Paradise Island...where you are from...with all the amazon woman...that like to...


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## Bryan

jimihendrix said:


> said...can we fly your invisible plane...???...i'd really like to get out of the shwa...please....please...fly us to....


Beautiful B.C. I have from the start wanted to go some where far away from here....she said sure , and off we went ...it was just then that.....


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## the_fender_guy

Bryan said:


> Beautiful B.C. I have from the start wanted to go some where far away from here....she said sure , and off we went ...it was just then that.....


the Schwa tightened it's grip and held us down. We had to...


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## djem

jimihendrix said:


> "layover"...until you fly us to Paradise Island...where you are from...with all the amazon woman...that like to...


do the nasty. Hey, I guess I just made the mile high club in your plane wonder Woman, but since it's invisible I think eveyone in the Schwa just saw my butt. I heard them yelling,"............


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## denthevetteman7

the_fender_guy said:


> the Schwa tightened it's grip and held us down. We had to...


sweeze tight until we could get her magical bracelet to loosen up his grip.


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## the_fender_guy

TubeStack said:


> And awaking from my reverie, I decided to have a sandwich with the soup.


Which made even less sense out of sequence so we plugged into the Doodad Booster/Overdrive and played until....


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## djem

the_fender_guy said:


> Which made even less sense out of sequence so we plugged into the Doodad Booster/Overdrive and played until....


we got out of the Schwa and into Bowmanville....


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## denthevetteman7

djem said:


> we got out of the Schwa and into Bowmanville....


I woke up.


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## mrmatt1972

denthevetteman7 said:


> I woke up.


The next day with the worst hangover of my life. Looking over to my left I saw the ugliest woman i had ever seen, and she was sleeping on my arm. I wondered if I should gnaw off my arm, or risk waking her up.


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## the_fender_guy

denthevetteman7 said:


> I woke up.


...as we arrived in Cobourg to the sound of...


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## denthevetteman7

mrmatt1972 said:


> The next day with the worst hangover of my life. Looking over to my left I saw the ugliest woman i had ever seen, and she was sleeping on my arm. I wondered if I should gnaw off my arm, or risk waking her up.


What the hell i tried to pull my arm from her but the alarm clock rang and did wake her up. Showing only her two ugly ...


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## the_fender_guy

denthevetteman7 said:


> What the hell i tried to pull my arm from her but the alarm clock rang and did wake her up. Showing only her two ugly ...


... cavernous nostrils. My Gawd was that a transport parked up there? Just then I heard the air horn and woke up. It was....


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## denthevetteman7

the_fender_guy said:


> ... cavernous nostrils. My Gawd was that a transport parked up there? Just then I heard the air horn and woke up. It was....


one of those dream that you dream in a dream. am i really awake this time?


----------



## DUCK

denthevetteman7 said:


> one of those dream that you dream in a dream. am i really awake this time?


Gave myself a pinch and thankfully I am awake, and all alone at least thats what I...


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## Bryan

mrmatt1972 said:


> The next day with the worst hangover of my life. Looking over to my left I saw the ugliest woman i had ever seen, and she was sleeping on my arm. I wondered if I should gnaw off my arm, or risk waking her up.


You see it really was an acid trip...and you thought it was wonder woman !!!!!!!!


denthevetteman7 said:


> one of those dream that you dream in a dream. am i really awake this time?


It was then that I realized the acid trip has been going on since the beginning . What should I do now??? I thought I know I'll give myself a pinch and thankfully I am awake, and all alone at least thats what I...


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## jimihendrix

Bryan said:


> You see it really was an acid trip...and you thought it was wonder woman !!!!!!!!
> 
> 
> It was then that I realized the acid trip has been going on since the beginning . What should I do now??? I thought I know I'll give myself a pinch and thankfully I am awake, and all alone at least thats what I...


have been telling the voices in my head...i wish they would just...


----------



## the_fender_guy

Bryan said:


> You see it really was an acid trip...and you thought it was wonder woman !!!!!!!!
> 
> 
> It was then that I realized the acid trip has been going on since the beginning . What should I do now??? I thought I know I'll give myself a pinch and thankfully I am awake, and all alone at least thats what I...





jimihendrix said:


> have been telling the voices in my head...i wish they would just...


... thought but how could I be on an acid trip when I'm such a clean living abstaining monk from what the voices said. To....


----------



## denthevetteman7

the_fender_guy said:


> ... thought but how could I be on an acid trip when I'm such a clean living abstaining monk from what the voices said. To....


the hell with it, i will have to know what happen to me in the last week.


----------



## Robert1950

Bryan said:


> You see it really was an acid trip...and you thought it was wonder woman !!!!!!!!
> It was then that I realized the acid trip has been going on since the beginning . What should I do now??? I thought I know I'll give myself a pinch and thankfully I am awake, and all alone at least thats what I...




...am,.. all,... alone,... sitting on the steps,... of the derelict,... Genosha Hotel, in,... *Downtown OSHAWA !!!!!!!!!!!*


----------



## Flash

i could go for a taco


----------



## the_fender_guy

denthevetteman7 said:


> the hell with it, i will have to know what happen to me in the last week.


...was it really all just a dream and would I have a chance to win the Doodad Booster/Overdrive....


----------



## denthevetteman7

the_fender_guy said:


> ...was it really all just a dream and would I have a chance to win the Doodad Booster/Overdrive....


If it was real .it was a heck of a ride. If not, i'm happy that im alive and well. And i still have time to post for the contest .


----------



## Bevo

Always wanted a Doodad to go with my whatchamcallit..


----------



## the_fender_guy

Bevo said:


> Always wanted a Doodad to go with my whatchamcallit..


Is there a thingamajig in my future? or a last post?


----------



## GuitarsCanada

*Contest closed*

Winner to be announced shortly


----------



## GuitarsCanada

Wiinning post is number 284 friends. Thats post #284

Congratulations to our winner and many thanks to gearalley.com for donating another great prize for our forum members.


----------



## shoretyus

So how do I collect da booty


----------



## Milkman

Congrats Shorty!


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