# Just Another "I quit my band" Rant



## Fajah (Jun 28, 2006)

I've enjoyed playing with my good friends for the last two years. We had a great thing going by having a monthly gig at the same bar for most of that time. Although I was waiting for the day when we would play to 6 people, it never happened and we always drew a nice crowd. For the most part, I enjoyed most of the music we played which was a nice mix of blues and classic rock. The fun part was that we never played a straight cover. We created our own arrangements which made things allot more interesting. But all good things come to an end. The bar that we played began to suffer from the economic downturn and the owner decided to end live music for the time being.

To me, this was a good thing for it would give us an opportunity to work on new material while looking for some new venues to play. We also decided that it would be a good thing to record a fresh sample CD and some video footage for distribution to venues a well as update our website. The plan was to pick 6 tunes, set a recording date, and practice. Not too difficult right?

Well...it's been 3 months and nothing has happened. Every time we get together to practice, our lead guitar player starts to play a tune we've never played or our singer starts singing some new tune and a jam session starts. During the last couple of practices, I've actually interrupted the playing to ask why we're not picking and practicing the tunes we're going to record, why no recording date has been set, and why there aren't any updates on potential gigs. The answer is usually ...."we'll get to it".

The drummer and I are on the same page and he has not enjoyed the last few practices for the fun and enjoyment has been replaced with total frustration. Especially since we're both goal oriented people and can't understand why something so simple has become so difficult. 

To add insult to injury, when our lead guitar player starts giving me instructions like he's giving me a bass lesson, that's when I lose it. He's an amazing guitar player and is the only member of the group who plays and teaches for a living. I have the utmost respect for him as a guitarist (he was my jazz guitar teacher for 3 years) and he's the nicest guy in the world, but our personalities are polar opposite. If he wants me to play a bass line a certain way on a specific tune, I have no problem doing it. However, he's the furthest thing from a being a bass player and doesn't understand that lines he may show me on the guitar doesn't necessarily transfer well to the bass. I've said to him many times that all he has to do is let me know what he wants in a bass line and I'll go home and work on a few options for the next practice. This has always worked much better and I've proven it time and time again. But it gets under my skin when he tells me that I have to "loosen up when getting instructions" and "I'm just trying to help you".

In any event, rather than risk losing close friends over this, I decided to retire....twice. When I first announced it a week ago, they laid on a heavy guilt trip so that I decided to stay and take the bull by the horns. I spent the last week working on getting us some gigs and actually had a few things just about lined up. But our illustrious lead guitar player has now decided that he wants to play more "rootsy blues music" (whatever that is) and make the band a 4 piece rather than 5. He also wants our rhythm guitar player to switch to bass. Just one slight problem, he doesn't play the bass. We're all in our early 50's and it's not so easy to find a like-minded bass player. I don't consider myself indispensable, but most of of the people we know play everything but bass. 

In any event, they're still my good friends who I see all the time. I've wished them luck going forward and the door is open for me to return should their future plans not work out. I still have my Monday Night jazz jam session so it's not like I don't have something else musically.

Sorry for boring you with this long post, but I just felt like ranting


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## Mooh (Mar 7, 2007)

That's the way the cookie crumbles. Usually when I quit a band or the band breaks up, it seems like a waste of invested time and effort. Just as usual though is the fact that some other group rises from the ashes of the last, or word gets out that we're all available for new projects. 

Don't take it personally, even if ex band members mean it that way, it's a waste of energy. Act professionally and it will all work out.

Good luck.

Peace, Mooh.


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## ezcomes (Jul 28, 2008)

sorry to hear that bud!

I've been thru that a couple times actually...I'm game to get going, we've set goals, and then...after a month or two...it comes to the surface that that was never the ACTUAL intention...so I've left...it is hard...the one band i quit, i got a long great with the drummer...unfortunately, when i made my decision, it apparently meant we weren't friends anymore...win some, you lose...

there's always another bull to ride, I'm sure you'll find some more guys to jam with


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## Fajah (Jun 28, 2006)

Mooh said:


> Don't take it personally, even if ex band members mean it that way, it's a waste of energy. Act professionally and it will all work out.
> 
> Good luck.
> 
> Peace, Mooh.


Thanks Mooh. I'm definitely not taking this personally. It's not a reflection of my playing....just a personality clash. I'm admittedly anal about music, organization, and achieving goals and I believe that all this can be accomplished while still having fun. As I mentioned, these guys are my friends first and foremost and nothing has changed there.


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## Fajah (Jun 28, 2006)

ezcomes said:


> there's always another bull to ride, I'm sure you'll find some more guys to jam with


I still have the jazz jam session going every Monday night. Apart from that, I'm not actively looking but if something of interest came along, i'd look into it.


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## 4345567 (Jun 26, 2008)

__________


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## shoretyus (Jan 6, 2007)

It's always a let down when you expend the energy and it doesn't work out. There is a rumour of a couple other musicians in Toronto, you might want to check it out


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## nitrojoe (Mar 4, 2010)

I've been in about 15 bands since 1986 and some break up violently and some just run their course . Whatever you do , don't sell everything you've got and quit / retire from playing due to frustration / anger with the situation that went down badly .
Your going to later on meet some really great people and will want to play music again GUARANTEED ! If your a musician and you dig playing live for people who appreciate it .... it never leaves your blood .
I've sold off thousands of $ of gear and then had to go out and buy it all again a year or so later .


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## james on bass (Feb 4, 2006)

It's too bad. but it sounds like it may have run it's course. At least the way it ended you guys can all still talk and be friends. 

I've been with my current band for 2.5 years now. We've had a nice break since the end of January and are now on the hunt for drummer #3. Pretty sure we're going to keep going though.


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## TubeStack (Jul 16, 2009)

It's remarkable what the loss of a regular gig (or just a general lack of gigs) will do to the function/dysfunction of a band.

Nothing is a waste though, it all contributes to your growth as a musician and person.


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## greco (Jul 15, 2007)

nkjanssen said:


> .......but every ending is also new beginning.


"Grasshopper..you must remember this for the remainder of your days".


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## Fajah (Jun 28, 2006)

nitrojoe said:


> Whatever you do , don't sell everything you've got and quit / retire from playing due to frustration / anger with the situation that went down badly .


I would never sell my gear and retire from playing. I've had a guitar and/or bass in my hands for 46 years. It's part of who I am. My jazz group is still thriving and I teach part time in addition to having some other musical projects in the works. The blues band was only part of it.


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## Fajah (Jun 28, 2006)

shoretyus said:


> There is a rumour of a couple other musicians in Toronto, you might want to check it out


What's rumour is that?


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## ajcoholic (Feb 5, 2006)

SOmetimes just ranting about it is good therapy. I know it is for me!

AJC


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## Spikezone (Feb 2, 2006)

I sort of know how you feel. I and some good friends are in the process of trying to get a band off the ground. Doing cover tunes, but trying to stay away from the run-of-the-mill ones. We have a great bassist, keyboards player, and drummer, and I'm a pretty fair guitar player. We all work hard on our parts, but our singer (who has a GREAT voice) is about 15 years younger than us fiftyish guys and just isn't making any effort to learn his vocals. I'm not just talking memorizing the words, I mean he hasn't even learned the proper phrasing for them yet, and it's been 2 months. We lined up a tentative gig, hoping that might put some pressure on all of us to get a set list together, but the singer is so laid-back in his approach, he doesn't seem to realize we are running out of time. What a pain in the ass. He has a vocal range that makes him pretty hard to replace. The rest of us all can sing, but not with the range to take over his parts-it would probably mean totally replacing a large part of our set list that we have put together so far. This is a small town, and good singers are few and far between.
-Mikey


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## nitrojoe (Mar 4, 2010)

Spikezone said:


> I sort of know how you feel. I and some good friends are in the process of trying to get a band off the ground. Doing cover tunes, but trying to stay away from the run-of-the-mill ones. We have a great bassist, keyboards player, and drummer, and I'm a pretty fair guitar player. We all work hard on our parts, but our singer (who has a GREAT voice) is about 15 years younger than us fiftyish guys and just isn't making any effort to learn his vocals. I'm not just talking memorizing the words, I mean he hasn't even learned the proper phrasing for them yet, and it's been 2 months. We lined up a tentative gig, hoping that might put some pressure on all of us to get a set list together, but the singer is so laid-back in his approach, he doesn't seem to realize we are running out of time. What a pain in the ass. He has a vocal range that makes him pretty hard to replace. The rest of us all can sing, but not with the range to take over his parts-it would probably mean totally replacing a large part of our set list that we have put together so far. This is a small town, and good singers are few and far between.
> -Mikey


 It sounds like your young singer thinks he has you guys over a barrel due to his ability and the small-town situation . I would book a gig and go do it and see how he likes it . If he doesn't want to do the gig .... fire his ass because NO-ONE and I mean NO-ONE is worth that amount of trouble . I had a simular situation with a young , cocky singer who thought he would run the band and he didn't want to sing past 1 in the morning because he wanted to go to a party ( the bar rocks until 2 ) . What did I do ? I folded the band right there on the spot . End of story .


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## david henman (Feb 3, 2006)

...i've (finally!) resolved a few nagging issues:

1. bands breaking up - i've been in too many bands to mention, and when they inevitably break up, i find myself back at square one. solution: i started my own band. it can't break up. ever.

2. musicians who hate to rehearse - not welcome in my band.

3. musicians who need rehearsals to be mapped out - also not welcome in my band. rehearsals are completely spontaneous, unless we are rehearsing for specific show.

4. bands that limit themselves to a specific style or set of rules - again, the solution was to start my own band with one rule: no rules. we can play any style we want to play. our "sound" is whatever sound is dictated by the song.

5. okay, i do have one rule: no whining.

-dh


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## guitarman2 (Aug 25, 2006)

david henman said:


> ...i've (finally!) resolved a few nagging issues:
> 
> 5. okay, i do have one rule: no whining.
> 
> -dh


I can imagine you allow your self to break that one.


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## david henman (Feb 3, 2006)

guitarman2 said:


> I can imagine you allow your self to break that one.



...as a matter of fact, no.

the number one reason that i am the singer in my own band is _because_ i don't whine.

it certainly has nothing whatsoever to do with my ability to sing.


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## Ship of fools (Nov 17, 2007)

Well at least they were playing something I know that I often would go to our practises only to find that they were more interested in drinking beer or smokin up, I am not a prud but I do beleive that work first and pleasure later. That way if you are not inclined to be doing that and wasting a afternoon, evening away, you can just leave and still fell okay about it all. But when you spend a few hours waiting for them to get ready to play, well lets just say once you have consummed a 1/2 dozen beers or a few reefers hows your playing going to be right, its like why would I bother recording that, its not something I would have ever wanted heard by anyone.
So like as was said, when the one door closes often a new door will open to lead us to a better path, I know it did for me ( unfortunately ) we didn't stay as friends, but sometimes life is like that and if it doesn't kill you , it might make you stronger.Ship


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## lbrown1 (Mar 22, 2007)

I consider myself incredibly lucky to be included in an outfit that has currently 4 fantastic singers (1 female - the lead singer, 3 male) - we used to have 5 - but she had the same affliction reported earlier in this thread......so she quit to go torture some other band with it....was it a loss? - ya - kinda - she really had a natural talent for holding a tune....but phrasing - yikes! and some of those songs that commanded 2 part female vocal harmonies we had to toss out.....but we searched and found a whole pile of new songs that we could add that allowed our lead singer to shine still - AND allow the the guys (in the band who sing) to take a lead at singing for a song or 2.....incredibly lucky to have a singer who's just as happy taking the lead as much as stepping back and letting others take it for certain songs.....its a hobby band in every way - but I consider myself VERY lucky to play in the company of suck pros....cause - considering the cast of thousand virtuoso players out there at their disposal - I ain't really that great of a player .....may it thrive for years to come!


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## Mooh (Mar 7, 2007)

david henman said:


> ...i've (finally!) resolved a few nagging issues:
> 
> 1. bands breaking up - i've been in too many bands to mention, and when they inevitably break up, i find myself back at square one. solution: i started my own band. it can't break up. ever.
> 
> ...


Right on. Essentially this is how my most successful band operated, though it was co-led by another and myself. Been thinking of returning to that format with my own band. It's nice to see it works for others. Thanks.

Peace, Mooh.


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## Steadfastly (Nov 14, 2008)

I can see why you got frustrated. It sounded like "the band" was more interested in jamming than playing out and/or recording the CD.


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## musickiller (Mar 13, 2010)

*Dump or be dumped*

I almost quit the last band I was in, then they decided to go Country. This was the icing on the cake... I said I had a problem with a drastic venue change, it was sugessted (by the Country Guy) we try splitting the band and playing one set R&B / Blues / Rock and one set Country. Huh! I don't have a problem with country (I mean real country...) except when I have to listen to or play, without being totally drunk! Unfortunately, I can't drink... So, I quit the band. Don't bogart that... my friend.

Reality is, a Band is a 3, 4, or 5 partnership deal. In business, when a partener is out of line, you buy them out. In a band, you dump or be dumped. There are wall flowers, that go with whatever or whoever... and there are those that feel short-changed (why don't we play some of the songs I like... ASK!!!). So here I am on a freakin forum lookin for musicians, they are practising Country. Hmmm!


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