# A Musician Joke



## zontar (Oct 25, 2007)

You may have heard this one, but it still amuses me.

A kid says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up, I'd like to be a musician."
The mother replies, "Now honey, you know you can't do both."


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## Robboman (Oct 14, 2006)

Actually, I never heard that one!

My fave was always this:

Q: How do you get a guitar player off your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

or maybe...

Q: How many musicians in the band?
A: Three musicians... and a drummer


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## Guest (Dec 19, 2007)

This thread aughta be a sticky!

LOL

I'll be back later with a handful


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## Robert1950 (Jan 21, 2006)

zontar said:


> You may have heard this one, but it still amuses me.
> 
> A kid says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up, I'd like to be a musician."
> The mother replies, "Now honey, you know you can't do both."


Man, I was really off this morning. It took me 12-15 seconds to get it.


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## Robert1950 (Jan 21, 2006)

Robboman said:


> Three musicians... and a drummer


Hey, that was the name of story I was thinking of writing !!!


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## Guest (Dec 19, 2007)

So, after much consideration, the powers that be decide that too many people are getting in to heaven by recanting at the last minute, so they change the requirements. No longer will faith and goodly deeds be what get you in the door. Now, it's all down to money. St Peter is just stapling the notice of the change of policy to the front door when three guys wander up.

"Welcome dudes", St Pete says, "Peep the new rules and then I'll be happy to process ya's in."

"Well", offers the first guy, "I was a plastic surgeon to the stars... I retired at 45, having pulled down 6 generous figures a year for more than a decade. When I died, I left several millions to each of my 5 ex-wives and their children"

"Groovy", says St. Pete and he tosses open the front gate.

The 2nd guy walks up and explains, "Well St Peter, when I was alive I was a financial lawyer for one of the worlds largest corporations. I negotiated deals worth billions of dollars on a regular basis. When I died, I had more than enough money, I could have bought myself a medium sized Central American country and still had enough left over to afford to have it dry cleaned."

"Wow... that's a lot of money." and St Pete ushers him inside.

Turning to the 3rd guy, St Peter notices that this guy's a little scruffy.... His hair looks like it hasn't been cut in a while.... and it's been even longer since he had a good shave across his face. The lumberjack shirt under his leather jacket smells like it might have a medium sized mammal hibernating in it, nursing several of it's pups.... he smiles at St Pete, and his tobacco-and-coffee suede teeth smell almost worse than his jacket. 

"Dude...", he groans, toeing out the dog-end of the cigarette filter he's been smoking, "My whole life, I never made more than $10,000 a year..."

"Really?", squeaks St Peter, "What instrument did you play???"

*hold for laugh*

"I played guitar for about 40 bands before I died at 55, of massive everything over-dose", the rocker boasts.

"o.k.", says St Pete, "You can come in, but you gotta go around the back, up the fire escape and in through the kitchen... Make sure you stay out of the staffs way. You have 10 minutes to set up your gear."

,-)


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## Guest (Dec 19, 2007)

And now, the shortest one I know....

So, one day, this folk musician walks past a pub....

,-)


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## Intonator (Mar 7, 2007)

A guitar player and a drummer are walking down the street.
They walk past this bar.............................. well, it could happen.

There were two people walking down the street. One was a musician. The other didn't have any money either. 

Q: How do you know when there's a harmonica player at the door?
A: He doesn't have the key, he just comes in whenever the hell he feels like it.


Q: Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
A: So they can park in the handicap spot.

:food-smiley-004:


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## zontar (Oct 25, 2007)

Well, I wasn't disappointed--I expected to see some additional jokes here today.

Here are couple more--not guitar ones (or as funny as the first one I posted)--but still humourous-

Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher?
He was Haydn

Two woodwind players bump into each other. 
One says to the other, "Who was that flute I saw you with last night?"
The other one answers, "That was no flute, that was my fife."


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## RIFF WRATH (Jan 22, 2007)

how do you tell if the drummer's kit is level?

there's drool coming from both sides of his mouth...

cheers
RIFF


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## a Pack of Wolves (Sep 5, 2007)

how many coverband guys does it take to become famous?

all of them,because the never will


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## zontar (Oct 25, 2007)

A father gives his son a bass for his 14th birthday, along with 4 free lessons at the music store.
When the son comes home after the first lesson, the father asks how it went.
The son replies, "I learned the first five frets on the E string."
The next week he learns the first five frets on the A string.
The following week he comes home smelling of cheap beer. 
"What happened at the lesson today?" the father asks with suspicion.
The son replies, "Sorry Dad, I couldn't go to the lesson, I had a gig."


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## NB-SK (Jul 28, 2007)

How many guitarists will it take to change a light in the future?

Five, one to actually do it and four to reminisce about how much better the old light bulbs were.


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## Robert1950 (Jan 21, 2006)

RIFF WRATH said:


> how do you tell if the drummer's kit is level?
> 
> there's drool coming from both sides of his mouth...


Hey,... this thread is supposed to contain musician jokes !!!


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## darreneedens (Nov 13, 2007)

> A father gives his son a bass for his 14th birthday, along with 4 free lessons at the music store.
> When the son comes home after the first lesson, the father asks how it went.
> The son replies, "I learned the first five frets on the E string."
> The next week he learns the first five frets on the A string.
> ...


that cracked me up! what a great joke!


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## david henman (Feb 3, 2006)

...and, of course:

what's the worst thing about being a keyboard player?

explaining to your parents that you're gay.

-dh
(offensive to all...hopefully!)


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## Michelle (Aug 21, 2006)

david henman said:


> ...and, of course:
> 
> what's the worst thing about being a keyboard player?
> 
> ...


Now who does that sound like? Funny though... :smilie_flagge17:


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## seansdadj (Jan 18, 2008)

"Q: How many musicians in the band?
A: Three musicians... and a drummer"

possibly my favorite!!


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## washburned (Oct 13, 2006)

*a bit off colour*

What's the difference between a band and a cow?

The cow has the horns in the front and the a** hole in the back!


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## jonesboy (Jan 19, 2008)

zontar said:


> A father gives his son a bass for his 14th birthday, along with 4 free lessons at the music store.
> When the son comes home after the first lesson, the father asks how it went.
> The son replies, "I learned the first five frets on the E string."
> The next week he learns the first five frets on the A string.
> ...


ROFL

Wait... I resembled that remark.  Then I learned to play guitar! :rockon2:

-Matt


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## CocoTone (Jan 22, 2006)

How do you know when a female singer is at the door??!?




She doesn't know when to come in, or what key to use!!!

Thansk you,,,try the veal

CT.


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## zontar (Oct 25, 2007)

jonesboy said:


> ROFL
> 
> Wait... I resembled that remark.  Then I learned to play guitar! :rockon2:
> 
> -Matt


I played bass at church last week (for the first time), and half way through I realized I had only used the 4th and 3rd strings up to the th fret--so I threw in an open D a few times--and even an E on the D string.:smile:


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## Edutainment (Jan 29, 2008)

Robert1950 said:


> Hey,... this thread is supposed to contain musician jokes !!!


Good one lol


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## david henman (Feb 3, 2006)

...how do you know when a harmonica player is at your door?

the doorbell starts feeding back.

****************************************

what's the difference between a coffin and a cello?

with a coffin, the dead guy is on the _inside_.

-dh


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## Guest (Feb 1, 2008)

Nothing to do with music.


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## wnpgguy (Dec 21, 2007)

thats more bodies than seats on the plan..... non my first joice of career that guys got.


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