# Grumpy people!!



## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

Why is that as some people age they become bitter, resentful, cranky and just out right rude?

What is your perspective on this issue!


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## Hamstrung (Sep 21, 2007)

Get off my lawn! :sAng_scream:


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## Hamstrung (Sep 21, 2007)

Anger only works for so long. You can only be angry for so long. And then you get, uh, well it's, it turns in on yourself. 
And you're a bitter man. You become Bitter Man, and that's no place to go. You know what I mean?
-- Billy Tallent, Hard Core Logo


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## guitarman2 (Aug 25, 2006)

Lola said:


> Why is that as some people age they become bitter, resentful, cranky and just out right rude?
> 
> What is your perspective on this issue!



I guess as you age you feel aches and pains more, have less patience for annoyances. I started out life bitter, cocky, arrogant, a bit nuts and definitely "Grumpy". Between early teens to mid 20's was my worst and spent some federal corrections time because of it. From there I started to mellow with age and now in my mid 50's I'm pretty laid back. So I think it just comes down to the individual. After a rough start life got much better for me, good job, married to a spectacular girl. So when I look at what life started out as and what it has become I may have less reasons to be presently grumpy. Where as maybe a lot of guys in their mid 50's might look at their younger years as prime and the years didn't seem to improve but got more mundane or less happy.


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## Kerry Brown (Mar 31, 2014)

I don't know. I'm 60 and way mellower than I was even ten years ago. In my twenties I was insufferable.


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## mrmatt1972 (Apr 3, 2008)

I don't know if age and grumpiness are really correlated. Personally I like to be around younger people because it helps me forget that I'm middle aged. No matter what my body says, my brain will always think it is 22 years old. 


Based on my observations and a little empathy I think what happens as you age is your filters get worn out and you're more apt to speak your mind. If you were grumpy but followed the golden rule as a young person you're less likely to follow it as you age. Plus, life and old age kicks your ass as you go along. Chronic pain affects lots of older people which makes you grumpy no matter what your natural mindset is. Your hearing and sight dims too, making everyday tasks annoying and difficult when they never used to be. Your ability to cope with the exuberance of youth, coupled with the ennui of seeing it all before numerous times just makes some old folks a little curmudgeon-like.


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## Disbeat (Jul 30, 2011)

Perfect! 
Haven't seen that one in years, gonna have to pull it out again.



Hamstrung said:


> Anger only works for so long. You can only be angry for so long. And then you get, uh, well it's, it turns in on yourself.
> And you're a bitter man. You become Bitter Man, and that's no place to go. You know what I mean?
> -- Billy Tallent, Hard Core Logo


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## bluzfish (Mar 12, 2011)

I think a lot of it is because for some people the reality of old age sets in and overwhelms the dreams of retirement affluence, social respect and financial security they were expecting. The world they grew up in and all their youthful aspirations have become more and more irrelevant to the newer generations dealing with a whole new reality of living in the modern world.

The way I see it, it has always been this way, at least in western culture, but some people just can't handle it. Instead of developing coping mechanisms to deal with the evolving world and join in with it as it inevitably changes, they withdraw and resent the fact that things just ain't what they used to be.

Unable to adapt, some people just come to feel frustrated and this pisses them off.

Me, I just try to keep up, trust in the resourcefulness I've developed over the years and remember to laugh at my own foibles and the dumbness of how smart I thought I was yesterday.

I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.


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## Guest (Mar 24, 2015)

.....Stress ages a person. I'm the same (early/mid 50's). I found that
complaining/bitching gets you nowhere anyways. Lately, my motto has become;
'sit back and enjoy the chaos'. It's much more fun. Besides, some people aren't 
happy unless they're pissed off at something.


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## mhammer (Nov 30, 2007)

I did my doctorate in lifespan development and human aging, and there are a couple of maxims in the field:

1) You become "more like yourself" as you get older. As a child you tend to be in the contexts that others select for you. As an adult, you have more control, and become more selective about the contexts you pick, such that they play up to your natural inclinations and temperament. Those contexts can include line of work, friends, family and neighbourhood, among many others. A number of researchers have noted that some things we associate with age are simply longstanding traits expressing themselves. So, f'rinstance, the legendary "mid-life crisis" tends to occur in those folks who were pretty much always a little emotional labile and having a harder time adjusting to new life stages. The folks who were level-headed during adolescence and their college years don't report any mid-life crisis. And, naturally, folks who experience mid-life crisis have a harder time adjusting to retirement, etc. The moral is: don't confuse age with personality.

2) Later adulthood is marked by an increasing awareness of "time left", as opposed to simply "time gone". Depending on other factors, it can lead to a certain degree of impatience and frustration.

3) Later adulthood is marked by loss. For younger persons, unaccustomed to stability, change is exciting. After a certain point in your life, change=loss. That's not a new restaurant opening up in your neighbourhood, it's the one you like being replaced. That's not new people moving in on your block; it's your long-time neighbours moving away. One fascinating paper I read 25 years ago noted that more loss events is generally associated with greater risk of depression. The writer proposed that, even though older adults are at greater risk for depression and grumpiness than many, they are actually at less risk than you'd _predict_, going by the number of loss events they indicate experiencing. In other words, given what they have to face, they're actually more resilient than it appears on the surface.

4) Try being asked an intellectually-challenging question a moment after you've stubbed your toe or banged your head on the corner of the kitchen cupboard. Physical discomfort re-allocates our limited cognitive capacity. And people get easily frustrated - at any age - when the cognitive/attentional demands suddenly imposed on them exceed what they can allocate. "Not now, I'm working on the taxes!", "Could everybody in the car please shut up for minute. Wait til I'm out of the traffic circle.". Bottom line is that there are plenty of reasons for older folks to get frustrated, not the least of which is health, or inquiries from younger persons that require additional "decoding" before they can be addressed.

5) After X number of years, one expects to earn some respect. Not empty undeserved respect, but earned respect that comes out of accomplishment. In a culture that has become rather adolo-centric (i.e., revolving around the values and whims of the young), it is easy for middle-aged and older adults to feel under-valued and neglected. Thank goodness my generation has grey-haired rockers we can point to.

6) I find the older I get (62 right now), the stronger my sense of identity/self. I trust my instincts more, and that leads me to abandon a lot of things I might have been clingy about at a younger age. I don't need "challenges" anymore, because I know who I am, and don't need to test my limits, or use external indicators to assert myself TO myself. I'm surrounded by younger folk at work that are all eager to get promotions and move up in their career. I don't need any of that, because I know who I am, I know what I can do, and I trust my judgment appropriately (i.e., as far as is sensible, without being overly cocky). I don't need a snazzier title, a sharper tie/suit, a bigger office, or a better car to confirm for myself that I'm somebody. I know who I am, and it's a good feeling.

[video=youtube;q2w75thdlRw]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2w75thdlRw[/video]


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## greco (Jul 15, 2007)

mhammer said:


> .... I know who I am, and it's a good feeling.


Thank you for (*all*) of the above post. It helped me to understand many questions, concerns, etc.

Much appreciated.

Cheers

Dave


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## keto (May 23, 2006)

Hamstrung said:


> Get off my lawn! :sAng_scream:


Raises voice. 'GET.OFF.MY.LAWN!:sAng_scream:


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## bzrkrage (Mar 20, 2011)

Greatest man in Australian Government history was Gough Whitlam. Funny that 
G.O.F. is short for Grumpy Old F^rts! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## mhammer (Nov 30, 2007)

greco said:


> Thank you for (*all*) of the above post. It helped me to understand many questions, concerns, etc.
> 
> Much appreciated.
> 
> ...


My pleasure, Dave. It'd be a shame to see those 10's of thousands in tuition pissed away for no one's benefit but my own!


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## Lincoln (Jun 2, 2008)

bluzfish said:


> I think a lot of it is because for some people the reality of old age sets in and overwhelms the dreams of retirement affluence, social respect and financial security they were expecting. The world they grew up in and all their youthful aspirations have become more and more irrelevant to the newer generations dealing with a whole new reality of living in the modern world.
> 
> The way I see it, it has always been this way, at least in western culture, but some people just can't handle it. Instead of developing coping mechanisms to deal with the evolving world and join in with it as it inevitably changes, they withdraw and resent the fact that things just ain't what they used to be.
> 
> Unable to adapt, some people just come to feel frustrated and this pisses them off.


well, that pretty much describes me. I need a T-shirt that reads, "Master of Lost Arts & Philosophies". 
Every skill I perfected in the course of my life, every subject I was considered an expert of, is now
meaningless, irrelevant, forgotten, & unnecessary in today's world. I think I'm beginning to understand
"grumpy old man syndrome".
Good news is, I have no desire to deal with it by dumping the wife & chasing young tail or by buying a sports
car to make myself feel better. I'm continuing to learn new things, developing new skills, and hopefully I will 
let the old roll off & once again find my place and regain inner peace. "The times, they are a changin'"


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## Steadfastly (Nov 14, 2008)

How dare you call me bitter, resentful, cranky and just out right rude!!! You just best be careful. You don't know who you're dealing with here!!


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## cheezyridr (Jun 8, 2009)

i get cranky when i'm tired. like some little kid. hahaha. sometimes tired doesn't mean sleepy. i guess it's the same for lots of people. i think of it like a bucket. it fills up a drop at a time. individually those drops seem insignificant. after a while the bucket's full, and next thing you know it spills out all over the place. then there is a mess, and all that goes with it.


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## keto (May 23, 2006)

I'm on day 21 of quitting smoking, you want to see a grumpy old man? Come on over, but wear your suit of armor. And stay.off.the.freaking.grass.


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## bluzfish (Mar 12, 2011)

(hands up, backing up slowly) OK, OK. I was just delivering this mail coupon for free gear at L&M... sorry, sorry! (turning quickly and running like the wind)


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## butterknucket (Feb 5, 2006)

Hamstrung said:


> Get off my lawn! :sAng_scream:


You beat me to it!


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## Scotty (Jan 30, 2013)

Yep, I get less tolerant for dumb asses.


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## isoneedacoffee (Oct 31, 2014)

mhammer said:


> I know who I am, and it's a good feeling.


That whole post was super interesting. Thanks!


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## allthumbs56 (Jul 24, 2006)

I don't remember who said it but this rings true to me:

*"You reach that age where God stops giving you things and starts taking them away."*


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

Mhammer that was very eloquent and to the point.

As I approach 50 this November I look at those who are my age or older amid a group of friends that hubby and I have hung out with for 30 years. I see some of them dawning the physical postures of an aged person and whining and complaining about things that are more difficult than they used to be. They smoke and drink like they used to when they were in there 20's and not one of them exercises! I don't see myself the same as they seem to see themselves. I guess it's all in your perspective of what getting older is all about.

I am still full of exuberance, excitement and adrenaline. I have grown very comfortable in my own skin. I really like who I am now. It's taken me such along time though to get to this comfortable stage. I am not out to impress anyone. You either take me as I am or don't take me at all! Life is good!


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## Electraglide (Jan 24, 2010)

Grumpy.....jayzuz. I was getting divorced about the time you were going from Barbie dolls to training bras. Yeah, I complain about things being harder than they used to be.....I sometimes forget I'm not 50 anymore. But I still do them. Do I exercise? Not directly but on any given day I get a good workout at work. Now take your shoes off, get back in the kitchen and quit playing with the rest of the dwarfs.


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## zontar (Oct 25, 2007)

I get grumpy in different ways--but I've also been described as Cranky, yet loveable--cranky before lunch and loveable after.

But I'm better now.


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

I know that medication can really put a damper on your style to! They changed my friends cancer meds and she's definitely a different horse of a different color. I don't mind tippy toeing on eggshells because she would do the same for me. 

but man.............she can go from 0 to full out bitch on in less than 10 seconds if that! She's only 50 and she has one of the plastic days of the week plastic pill box full of medication. She's on 10 different medications for everything from A to Z! I consider myself lucky cuz all I take are my daily vitamins. She's on blood pressure meds, thyroid meds etc. I count my healthy blessings! Their diet is all wrong. It's all fast food crap and prepackaged hungry man type dinners. Full of fat, trans fats, cholesterol and sodium. I have tried to tell her differently but she won't listen.


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## Milkman (Feb 2, 2006)

I seem to be getting more mellow and less angry as I get older.

On the other hand, I have a low tolerence for BS and "me first" people.

I'm 54 and a grand father, but I decided in 2010 to get my shit together and whip myself into shape. That process had fundamental impacts on my moods and confidence.

It's not really my place to say, but I think I'm a much better person now than I was ten years ago.


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## Hamstrung (Sep 21, 2007)

I think mhammer spelled it out quite well. 

I'd add the slow death of our youthful idealism can have a negative effect on people's demeanor. All those things one dreamed about being/accomplishing/seeing as a young person may not have come to pass in the way a person envisioned it long ago. When one realizes there's less time left (and less energy) to accomplish any or all of these things they can take it out on themselves and others by being bitchy and bitter. 

I'd also guess that older people watch more news which in my opinion has become downright toxic in the 24 hr news cycle era. It's enough to make anyone want to close ranks and say Fu(k The World!


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## mhammer (Nov 30, 2007)

Lola said:


> I know that medication can really put a damper on your style to! They changed my friends cancer meds and she's definitely a different horse of a different color. I don't mind tippy toeing on eggshells because she would do the same for me.
> 
> but man.............she can go from 0 to full out bitch on in less than 10 seconds if that! She's only 50 and she has one of the plastic days of the week plastic pill box full of medication. She's on 10 different medications for everything from A to Z! I consider myself lucky cuz all I take are my daily vitamins. She's on blood pressure meds, thyroid meds etc. I count my healthy blessings! Their diet is all wrong. It's all fast food crap and prepackaged hungry man type dinners. Full of fat, trans fats, cholesterol and sodium. I have tried to tell her differently but she won't listen.


Some people can spend their whole lives paying for impulsiveness and listening to their emotions too closely. If one's impulsiveness can be trimmed back a bit during childhood, by strategic parents, then the outlook is vastly improved. If that impulsiveness is not curtailed by the time someone reaches a more independent age and is making more critical choices for themselves, then they end up exploiting, and being exploited by, their emotions. So, for me, the diet, the temper, and the medications, are all part of the same package.

Not that half the world should be having "life coaches", but it's a damn shame the way so many adults abuse their autonomy and persist in making crappy choices for themselves, that end up impacting on others.


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## Robert1950 (Jan 21, 2006)

Nnnnnn. Just got out of bed. Retiring in 65 days. Grumble grumble,.....rrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRR HULK SMASH !!!! ...... Coffee, nnnn mmmm.


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

Deterioration of your physical, mental or emotional being causes disillusionment, despair and defeat of the human spirit.......if you allow it! I guess it be dependent on severity of loss and your reaction to it. Adaption would be required. Some people have real difficulty with that.

I feel younger and look younger than my contemporaries. I guess our own personal philosophies of life must sustain us to a certain degree. People looking for the "tree" of life get lost in the forest. You need to have a sense of hope as you age. 

I really do classify myself as thinking outside the box when it comes to my chronological age. I am not caught in that bullshit of, you shouldn't being doing that because it's not age appropriate! WTF is that? I guess it comes down to liking yourself and cultivating a positive communicado with your inner self!


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## Taylor (Oct 31, 2014)

This thread fascinates me, in no small part because my step dad is quickly descending into "old and miserable" turf, while my father (who is the same age, plus 2 weeks) still has a naïve, optimistic charm.

As for me, I'm only 23, but I was a bad person throughout high school, still a jerk through college, then I did a 180° after realizing how much energy I was wasting on hate and how much easier it is to invest in loving others. (Also I started boxing, which works wonders for releasing frustration, and "found [my version of] God", though that's a discussion for another year.)


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

I don't really think people realize how much energy they put into negative thought patterns. All that energy could be used for something more constructive.

I would assume that religion is a taboo subject on this forum. If anything can ensue flame wars that would be it!


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## davetcan (Feb 27, 2006)

11 working days left and feeling lighter by the minute  I don't think of myself as grumpy, by and large I walk around with a smile on my face, always have. I do, however, have in increasingly low tolerance for stupidity and greed at all levels, from big business and government, to individuals. The "me" generation can get on my nerves  I'll stop now before I start sounding grumpy.


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## Lincoln (Jun 2, 2008)

How about male menopause?? Is that an option at all when we're looking for the reasons behind "grumpy old man syndrome"? 

Our hormones must be changing too, right? I've had some really different (for me) emotions lately that I can't explain the source of.

:stirpot:


and Like davetcan says, my tolerance for stupidity & greed are getting low.


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## mhammer (Nov 30, 2007)

When I used to be a "rat neurosurgeon", studying the effects of brain damage, one of the things we used to see was the relationship between surgically-created amnesia and degree of frustration. Frustration and anger depend fundamentally on expectations. No memory - no expectations. No expectations - no frustration. Probably one of the reasons why human amnesics, like HM ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Molaison ), have traditionally been such affable cooperative participants in research. Very little pisses them off, because they don't remember.


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## -=Sc0rch=- (Mar 28, 2010)

Every year I become less tolerant to people's complaining, first world problems and drama. I think I yelled at a cloud this morning too.


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## butterknucket (Feb 5, 2006)

I would say I'm in a very low place right now.


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## Robert1950 (Jan 21, 2006)

I figure in another 64 days, after I destroy the alarm clock, much grumpiness with disappear.

There are grumpy people, there are mean people, there are rude people, there are angry at the universe people,.... and combinations of some or all. I'm only part of the first group - I am sooooooooooooo ready to retire and I do expect to the fore-mentioned grumpiness to go away when I no longer have to obey the nasty, rude and angry sounds of the alarm clock.


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## Adcandour (Apr 21, 2013)

what letters frighten you more - the IRS or the CRA?

If you say IRS, _that_ makes me grumpy.


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## zontar (Oct 25, 2007)

I scoff at the IRS--they can't touch me--I haven't made any money in the USA...
Nor have I tried to.

(Not that I make that much in Canada...:smile-new: )


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## mhammer (Nov 30, 2007)

"_I figure in another 64 days, after I destroy the alarm clock, much grumpiness with disappea_r."

I've probably blathered on about this before, but I think there is an effect whereby if you _know _you don't have to be in a situation much longer, your tolerance for the BS that accompanies it drops waaaaayyyyy way down. Happens a lot with jobs. Once people know they don't _*have*_ to be in this job, they instantly find all the crap they used to put up with and shrug off abso-friggin-lutely INSUFFERABLE.

I remember back in 1980, I was working as a research assistant in a neuroscience lab, spending my days chopping up hamsters, centrifuging their blood and digging out sesame-see-sized glands from their brains. The day I got my acceptance to a graduate program, and knew I didn't HAVE to be chopping up hamsters, I instantly could not stand the smell of blood; something I had been putting up with every day for months at that point.

KNOWING you're going to retire from your job (and I distinguish that from outright retirement, because I know lots of people continue working in some capacity; I know I will, unless illness strikes me down) will undoubtedly make one both happy, and also impatient and intolerant regarding whatever "crap I have to put up with". It happens.


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## Steadfastly (Nov 14, 2008)

^^^^There is definitely a lot of truth about the tolerance level changing.^^^^


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## -=Sc0rch=- (Mar 28, 2010)

keto said:


> I'm on day 21 of quitting smoking, you want to see a grumpy old man? Come on over, but wear your suit of armor. And stay.off.the.freaking.grass.


I know what you mean! lol !! I;m on day 15 without a smoke (gone cold turkey) and feel I can chew glass right now.


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## cheezyridr (Jun 8, 2009)

hang in there guys! you can do it! once you get 3 weeks in it gets easier


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## Lincoln (Jun 2, 2008)

cheezyridr said:


> hang in there guys! you can do it! once you get 3 weeks in it gets easier


yup, three weeks will do it. And stay out of the bars for at least a couple months!


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

Oh I am cruisin'! We are in overdrive! My son brought some macadamia and white chocolate chip cookies home. Having a sweet tooth I naturally confiscated one for myself! Ate it in 0.5 seconds. He put them in the freezer downstairs and I asked why! He said, "to keep them fresh"! I said "there's no need to do that, they'll get eaten asap! Little did I realize they are laced with pot! He didn't want his father to know! I am a stoner, *oh my*! I am having a great time. Cookies were very good! I haven't been on a journey like this for such a long time. Guitar playing is very interesting. I think I have played the same riff over and over again a million times in the last hour. I am changing the intonation, the rhythm of certain notes, the picking patterns, using my whammy bar, standing up an playing but my neck is getting stiff. This riff is amazing. Sometimes I astound myself or maybe it's the Maryjane!

I just had a piece of an orange! What a flavor explosion! Wow!

*I am far from grumpy! Will I have a hangover?*


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## WCGill (Mar 27, 2009)

Much better than smoking!


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## bluzfish (Mar 12, 2011)

You're making me giggle just imagining what fun you're having! Definitely not grumpy.


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

WCGill said:


> Much better than smoking!


When I imbibed I hardly ever smoked it! I have for the most part, ate it! But this is totally different from what I have been used to getting!! Apparently pot now a days is so much stronger than when I used to partake on a regular schedule. This is just WOW! I am having fun! I told myself everything was okay and that I wasn't going to get all paranoid. I listened to myself! Getting paranoid would be the worst thing right now so I am not letting myself mentally hitchhike down that road! I am going to go watch some SouthPark and laugh and laugh and laugh! I do love Gobbles the Turkey. lol

It's amazing how your perception of your surroundings change. I am so focused on playing. I see some of my playing in a different light!

- - - Updated - - -

There's something called "vaping" pot but I am not hip to all the different ways you can partake of it! I will leave that for the youngsters! I eat it and that's that!

I get to sleep in tomorrow. So I can literally stay up all night long if the urge moves me! I am not going in until 12. I have those amazing flex hours so as long as I put in my 8 hours I am good to go!


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

Milkman said:


> It's not really my place to say, but I think I'm a much better person now than I was ten years ago.


Are you in a better place mentally or physically or both?


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## buzzy (May 28, 2011)

I'm not a grumpy person in general. I might be in a grumpy mood from time to time but that's very brief and goes away on its own.

If I spend too much time in the house, I might get a bit shack wacky but that's easily cured.


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