# First performance you really owned



## Sketchy Jeff (Jan 12, 2019)

What was the first performance you really owned as a guitar player? 
Not the first time you played well or the first time people cheered
But the first time you felt like you went up on stage and the performance itself was really yours and you were satisfied

I was in college in '90-'91 and had played for a bunch of years for things that other people wanted me to do or for summer camp as a way to get the kids going or to impress a woman i was interested in or playing rock covers in a friend's band that wasn't really my thing or play for church things initiated by others. I played stuff i enjoyed on my own and had some beginner students but performing was kind of ho hum arm's length no investment thing.

But then a friend asked me to accompany her on a couple of songs for a community event. We ended up doing Misguided Angel from the Cowboy Junkies' Trinity Sessions album and Jackie Brown from John Mellencamp's Big Daddy album which were both a couple of years old at the time. Simple arrangements that two people could do justice to and I could sing harmony on. Country-ish but clearly not. The line 'ugly truths that freedom brings haven't been very kind to you' made the singer cry. Both songs are melancholy in ways I liked. Some social justice content but not sloganeering or ranting the way Cockburn or Spirit of the West could be. No synth which was important to me at the time  The songs were from recognizable bands but not the chart pop tracks so we felt like we were digging up some good treasure. 

From a guitar playing standpoint Angel is super simple and clean so much that I had a hard time paring down enough to do it right and I could play the acoustic pattern on Jackie Brown pretty well which was unusual for people in my social circle at the time who were either strum strum folkies or rock chuggers or wannabe The Edge. I could do both songs without too much setup or gear which was good since I just owned one acoustic guitar and no amp. My guitar teacher in high school told my parents she could teach me classical technique which she didn't really do but she was a Beatles fan and a very good Chet Atkins style player and so there was me in the '80s playing with my fingers and not much call for that kind of stuff so it felt novel to play what I knew how to do on material that I chose.

We played that show and I didn't care if anybody liked it or was impressed or if I got a date out of it or if we got paid or if we got asked again or any other benefit. It was only music and we nailed it. It was on our initiative not a favor for anybody else and we arranged it in ways that suited us and it worked out well. It was the best thing ever just pure satisfaction. 

Oddly, that's the one and only time I ever played either of those songs. Not sure why but I ended up in bands after that or doing projects that went different directions. The singer and I stayed in touch but only ever performed together one other time with different material. Doesn't matter that it was a one off. The other day somebody asked me what I enjoy about playing guitar and it is sitting down on a stool in a spotlight and playing that intro figure until people get quiet and seeing her step up to the mic to sing and be able to fill in just enough space with the instrument but not too much. That's still the holy grail of playing for me now. 

and you all?
j


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## Mark Brown (Jan 4, 2022)

never....


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## JBFairthorne (Oct 11, 2014)

Brunz said:


> never....


Beat me to it.


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## bw66 (Dec 17, 2009)

I don't want to brag but...

I had the opportunity to open for Jenny Whiteley at the Greenbank Folk Society a couple of years ago.

It was a last minute thing but I was also scheduled to play a couple of sets in the World's Longest Concert in Stouffville and had been practicing madly because the Guinness concert was super strict about all songs must be at least two minutes long, no more than 30 seconds between songs, and absolutely no restarts. I was playing instrumental fingerstyle guitar and was super nervous because I was using multiple tunings and I didn't want to be "the guy that ruined everything". It was a fairly typical bar gig - noisy room, hard to believe that anyone is listening. Anyways... I got through my first set in the Guinness show - it wasn't pretty, because I have never been more nervous in my life, but I got through it.

A couple of nights later was the night of the Greenbank show. I was super nervous again, because it was easily the highest profile gig I had ever done - and still is. But if I screwed it up, I would be the only one who suffered. With all of the practicing for the World Record attempt, I was better prepared than I have ever been in my life. The Greenbank Hall is a notoriously good listening room and the stage is well lit so that it's actually hard to see the audience. I started with a tune that I almost always start with, because it is deceptively simple to play and it was so quiet and I couldn't see anyone, so it felt like I could be in my living room. At then end of that first tune, some one says "Nice!" as the room breaks into applause - I was floating! The rest of the set went really well and people said nice things afterwards, but the best was the woman who said that she was there with her blind friend who loved my set because of the imagery that it evoked. I could have died in that moment and been a very happy man.

That night was turning point in my gigging life - I figured that if I could hold that room for 35 minutes, I was doing something right. I have never been that good since, but I know that it's in there somewhere.


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## Chito (Feb 17, 2006)

I've been performing for so long I can't think of any in particular. But one of the things that thrills me more than anything is when a song I wrote, most times with someone else, is played by my band. Listening to how each band member adding their own thing to the piece and hearing it all come together, that's what I enjoy the most. And when we play it in public and get an appreciation from the crowd by way of their applause and reaction, that is very fulfilling.


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## Sneaky (Feb 14, 2006)

Yeah, pretty much never for me too. I’m pretty much a home player so don’t have much performing experience. I do recall the first time anyone cheered though. I spent the winter of 1980 bumming around in California. I had a girlfriend who lived in Los Gatos so spent much of the time there. We went to a house party one night and the host had a nice old Martin acoustic which I tried strumming a few chords on. Another guy pulled out a harmonica, so I played a slow blues and he started wailing. He was really good and I was trying so hard not to screw up (I was just a beginner at the time), I didn’t realize we had captured the attention of the entire party. I found an appropriate time to finish and the entire room erupted in applause and hoots and hollers. That was a cool feeling for a young punk like me.

The only other time I can remember is going to a friends gig at a local pub here in Calgary several years back. He told me he wanted me to join him for a few tunes, so I brought a Tele and non reverb Princeton. We played a couple songs which I made it through, and he was going to finish the set with the Tom Waits song, Clap Hands. Well damn if I wasn’t all of a sudden channeling Marc Ribot, with all kinds of “out there” riffs that just worked perfectly. Tons of people came up during the break and said how much they loved my playing.


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## Sketchy Jeff (Jan 12, 2019)

bw66 said:


> if I could hold that room for 35 minutes, I was doing something right. I have never been that good since


the bar also goes up over time so you may have been that good a lot of times since but you expect to match or outdo what you've done in the past

discovering long sets was an eye opener for me. young kids play one song at a time or for variety show events or open mic each person does one thing and then the next one. that's a tough way to perform cuz your nerves never settle. but once you can do a half hour or longer set that has its own internal flow then the jitters work their way out and i find it's far easier to settle into playing. i had a stephen fearing song i used to play a lot and i needed to remember to put it in the back half of the set somewhere cuz if i played it early on my hands shook too much from either nerves or adrenaline depending on the event


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## Mark Brown (Jan 4, 2022)

I use to do a lot of street busking, mostly to buy dime bags on the sultry streets of Halifax. Always went home with something in my pocket, so that was a win  
Does that count as nailing it??


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## torndownunit (May 14, 2006)

I have very little confidence and always had self esteem issues. I ended up singing in my band because no one else would. Learning to sing and play after never trying before was tough. It was hard to imagine playing live. But I owned it from the first show. I'm not the best player, but I'm a good songwriter (for my genre) and front person. It's the one thing I'll say I'm good at, and I just instantly took to it. There's very few shows I ever thought I did badly, and my standards are high.

It's been a long break since our last shows got cancelled right when Covid was kicking up. I got it really early on and the long side effects have destroyed me. It took me over a year to be able to hike again(my favourite hobby) even. I have awful brain fog a lot of the time, and I don't even know if I can get through a set now. I was away from the forum for a long time because I was having problems playing, and it was so discouraging to read about guitar stuff. So ya, I don't think I own it anymore unfortunately.


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## Sketchy Jeff (Jan 12, 2019)

Chito said:


> each band member adding their own thing to the piece and hearing it all come together, that's what I enjoy the most


i'm usually the guy adding something it's been many years since a group of people performed anything i wrote but seeing the look on a songwriter's face when the musicians take it up to a new level that's also very satisfying

j


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## Sketchy Jeff (Jan 12, 2019)

Sneaky said:


> pretty much a home player so don’t have much performing experience


it's surprising to me how many people play at home with no intention of anybody ever hearing it

i don't get that

i'm not an especially good player but if i don't have something coming up that i'm getting ready for i lose focus and then interest pretty quickly so there's always something on the horizon

j


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## Grab n Go (May 1, 2013)

With my old band, as long as we didn't have to hear a board mix of the gig, then I generally felt we "owned it". Dead-sounding, brutally honest board mix (recording)= instant buzzkill 😆. We did that at one of our early gigs at Lee's Palace in Toronto... and that was the last time we ever asked for a board mix again.

Perception vs. reality might be two different things, but people had fun and so did we.


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## Grab n Go (May 1, 2013)

torndownunit said:


> So ya, I don't think I own it anymore unfortunately.


But I believe you'll get it back and it'll be great.


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## Permanent Waves (Jun 2, 2020)

For the first 5 years that I tried to play guitar, I just stumbled around blindly trying to figure things out own on my own. I did not have enough skills to function in a band and only ended up humiliating myself at parties and talent shows. Eventually I just got tired of sucking and started getting more serious, taking instruction, listening and watching good players more closely and putting an actual effort to improve. I joined a band in college and we started to work on repertoire. We decided to add "Comfortably Numb" and that was a turning point for me as I dedicated myself to deconstruct and learn the solos until I could pull them off. I worked on all the slides, bends, pinched harmonics for months until it became my signature solo. The band played a party shortly after and most folks were drunk and not interested in the band, especially a downer song like Comfortably Numb, but I just pulled it off and was very happy with the performance. When I finished playing to general indifference, there was one guy in the audience who looked like the only sober person there and he just got up, looked at me straight in the eye and wholeheartedly applauded. I guess that's the first time I felt what is what like to be a musician and have an impact on an audience.


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## Sketchy Jeff (Jan 12, 2019)

the board mix sure isn't like live in the room sounds and feels
j


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## Sketchy Jeff (Jan 12, 2019)

torndownunit said:


> So ya, I don't think I own it anymore unfortunately.


this is not the same and i don't wanna be a dumb cheerleader or compare my situation to yours
but
over the years i've broken my left arm or hand three different times 'cuz i'm a klutz
two of those times the doctor said i should be prepared to not play again because it was unlikely i would regain that much wrist movement
eventually i was not prepared to stop playing but it took a long time of sitting there being depressed to realize that
it was some tough slugging and uncomfortable and i can't do all the things i used to do including some basic stuff like play a clear Bm chord when standing
but it's possible to find workarounds and make new things happen that are good in different ways than what came before
keep at it
you said it's what you're good at so you can make it into something good again doesn't need to be good in the same way

j


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## bw66 (Dec 17, 2009)

Sketchy Jeff said:


> discovering long sets was an eye opener for me. young kids play one song at a time or for variety show events or open mic each person does one thing and then the next one. that's a tough way to perform cuz your nerves never settle. but once you can do a half hour or longer set that has its own internal flow then the jitters work their way out and i find it's far easier to settle into playing.


I remember making the shift from 3 or 4 song open mic sets to 45 minute sets - so much easier to do the longer sets! For all of the reasons you mentioned. Last fall I played for three straight hours at the local farmer's market, no breaks. It was fun but exhausting. I have a couple of three set gigs coming up - I need to get fit!



torndownunit said:


> I have very little confidence and always had self esteem issues. I ended up singing in my band because no one else would. Learning to sing and play after never trying before was tough. It was hard to imagine playing live. But I owned it from the first show. I'm not the best player, but I'm a good songwriter (for my genre) and front person. It's the one thing I'll say I'm good at, and I just instantly took to it. There's very few shows I ever thought I did badly, and my standards are high.


I started gigging as primarily an instrumental guitarist, but started singing just to vary it up a bit and to have stuff to play in a noisy room where instrumental stuff gets lost. Then I got hired as an open mic host - I knew the words to 7 songs. I now have 3 sets of vocal tunes in my head and have reached the point where I am way more comfortable singing in front of a crowd than speaking. Singing has opened the door to a lot more gigs.



torndownunit said:


> It's been a long break since our last shows got cancelled right when Covid was kicking up. I got it really early on and the long side effects have destroyed me. It took me over a year to be able to hike again(my favourite hobby) even. I have awful brain fog a lot of the time, and I don't even know if I can get through a set now. I was away from the forum for a long time because I was having problems playing, and it was so discouraging to read about guitar stuff. So ya, I don't think I own it anymore unfortunately.


That sucks. Hang in there - you'll own it again. Don't be afraid to seek help to get there faster.


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## keto (May 23, 2006)

Played 3 piece family band for my daughter’s grade 6 class, me sing and play, her on guitar, and son on drums. I was running a PRS Singlecut SE into a YCV50. At the end of All Hell For A Basement, I spun and sunk to one knee shaking the guitar into howling feedback. It was probably a bit much for a couple dozen 11 year olds, and Mr. Zimmerman the music teacher. We felt good about it later.

My busiest but relatively short band experience, I played 3 sets of bass after 1 week and 1 rehearsal as an emergency replacement for a guy who alienated their social media. First night was pretty rough, next night I felt like I belonged. Did 6 or 7 very busy months, it was great experience.


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## torndownunit (May 14, 2006)

Sketchy Jeff said:


> this is not the same and i don't wanna be a dumb cheerleader or compare my situation to yours
> but
> over the years i've broken my left arm or hand three different times 'cuz i'm a klutz
> two of those times the doctor said i should be prepared to not play again because it was unlikely i would regain that much wrist movement
> ...


I have a list of physical stuff I've overcome, well before this. And I worked my through a lot of the physical affects in this case too. The issue with what's going on here is the mental affects. Which unfortunately is a tougher hurdle to conquer.


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## keto (May 23, 2006)

Sketchy Jeff said:


> it's surprising to me how many people play at home with no intention of anybody ever hearing it
> 
> i don't get that
> 
> ...


I played from 30-50 without ever playing an instrument other than for immediate family, tho I sang background a few times as a guest. At 59, i’s only the last 5-6 years I’ve played a lot in public, since I switched to bass


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## Mark Brown (Jan 4, 2022)

Sketchy Jeff said:


> it's surprising to me how many people play at home with no intention of anybody ever hearing it
> 
> i don't get that
> 
> ...


I would much prefer if someone would hear it.... but no one wants to listen 

I could call you sometime and you could be my audience!

Slightly more seriously, you are right. Performance draws out the best in ya.


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## Eric Reesor (Jan 26, 2020)

A best performance is always when musicians let the music own them. Not the other way around. If someone goes away whistling the tune(s) you played then the music owned the performer. The concept of duende comes to mind. When it happens you know and need not to think about it. When it happens in ensemble it is pure joy nothing less.

Even the very best guitarists wonder if they could have "played better" and the answer is we need not worry about that if every time you make an instrument sing, it does.


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## Mark Brown (Jan 4, 2022)

This might sound a little silly.... but it as close as I have come.

20 or so years ago my best buddy and a girl friend of mine were hanging out. I picked up the old 6 string and started playing. I have no idea wtf happened but I just started ripping that thing apart. Not literally... but you know, I fell into something that night I have never touched again. Ill never forget it. Played for a good 15-20 min and when it was over I just fell down on the floor. Craziest shit that ever did happen. Anyhow, I dont know why I mention it, but your question brought it to mind and well... what's the forum for of not mindless banter


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## Sketchy Jeff (Jan 12, 2019)

i used that phrase in the first post off the top of my head without thinking very carefully about it but it's sort of defined the discussion so far

what i meant was more like "felt connected to " rather than "took posession of" 

but it's drawn out some unexpected comments and i'm happy to roll with it now

j


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## Robhotdad (Oct 27, 2016)

It's the strangest thing. I used to play in a bar band back in the 90's. I honestly thought I sucked shit. But I would get compliments, about some of the improvised stuff I would do. It mystifies me to this day. Fellows from other bands we would compete with would show up to our gigs and later they'd come up and ask me about my gear, tell me that solo I did was...really good. But I sucked, I would wing it. We had couples who would show up regularly at this one bar we played because we were the bomb, to them ??? I used to get propositioned by random women, during the first set, in front of my then wife, I'm not even good looking. My drummer ( the band leader) would tell me "they're clapping for you, say thank you". I sucked, I don't get. it. It's happened other places too. I played in front of my co-workers once and my boss damn near became a groupie. If only I had talent, goddamn.


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## Mooh (Mar 7, 2007)

I’ve mostly been a sideman in my performance life, so I’m not really aware of “owning it” so much as just being rock solid. Too many gigs to remember, too. I suppose I have a local reputation, but it’s a very small market, and a big fish in a small pond eventually runs out of air.

However, there have been standout shows. The fiddle/guitar duo has done some interesting openers and one-off shows and though no one likely ever said we blew the headliner out of the water, it’s great when the headliner likes your set, Valdy for example. Or when the unrehearsed pickup band we formed moments before the show gets several job offers after the show. 

Close to 30 years ago an original song of mine found its way unto a CD. Hearing a folk festival audience sing along was pretty strange, I hadn’t been aware of the sales. Then folks wanting the CD autographed seemed absurd, but one steps up of course. Hearing it on CBC radio was cool. There was never a follow-up, and the CD is long out of print. Fame, such as it was, is fleeting. Anyway, perhaps I don’t need any help as a tiresome egomaniac.


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## Grab n Go (May 1, 2013)

Robhotdad said:


> It's the strangest thing. I used to play in a bar band back in the 90's. I honestly thought I sucked shit. But I would get compliments, about some of the improvised stuff I would do. It mystifies me to this day.


I can relate to this. That's the perception vs. reality thing. On those days where I felt like I blew it, I'd get compliments on the gig, even though I'd feel like crap inside. But in the end, it doesn't matter what I think. People are going to take away what they want from a performance.



Eric Reesor said:


> Even the very best guitarists wonder if they could have "played better" and the answer is we need not worry about that if every time you make an instrument sing, it does.


I like that. Really good reminder.



Brunz said:


> I have no idea wtf happened but I just started ripping that thing apart. Not literally... but you know, I fell into something that night I have never touched again.





Sketchy Jeff said:


> what i meant was more like "felt connected to " rather than "took posession of"


Feeling connected, that I can relate to. That's the best feeling. When I can bypass my ego and be in the moment.

My former guitar teacher told me he noticed his own performances improving when he started practicing meditation. I never really got into it myself, but he had a point. Especially if it would help me enter that flow state.


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## SWLABR (Nov 7, 2017)

For me it was the last ever gig of my acoustic duo a few years ago. We had been high school friends that lost touch when I moved away. When I came back we reconnected and started jamming for fun. He was a singer who could play guitar, and I was a guitar player who could sing... a bit. (I learned a lot from him vocally) We mostly jammed in his garage just to get together and play for ourselves. For some unknown reason, his wife bought him a small PA for his birthday. Hey, why not? One summer evening, garage doors open, we had it set up and were running through a few tunes. Hip, Blue Rodeo, Cash... Some guy was literally riding his bike past the house and he stopped. Listened, said: "Guys, that was really great", then carried on. We got a laugh, not much else. My buddy was a volunteer fireman, and we played the Open House. Someone there asked us to play their barn party. Then we were getting actual booked, paid gigs. We didn't go into it with a plan, or any real thoughts of doing it for money, but word of mouth kept getting us gigs. We mostly charged just to off-set our gas. Generally we ate & drank for free from the host. Charged a bit more for the Pub gigs, etc. My work, his work, his marriage, all started getting hectic and we slowed down. Then my life had me move on again and we stopped. A couple summers ago, one of his good friends was organizing a (cul-de-sac) street party and asked us to dust off the gear. We said OK. It had been about a year since we were even in the same room with guitars in our hands, but, we stepped up and ran through our old set. I had worked on a few tunes I would do solo since we were together, and we even did those. One thing he was incredible at, was harmonies. He is a "better" singer than I am, but our best tunes always seemed to be the ones that I sang, and he harmonized on. They were so full and smooth. We played for hours. 
He has the bladder of a 6yr old girl, and drinks like a fish, so we had always worked in "pee-songs" so he could excuse himself. I played every song I knew that night! 

It went on past 2am and we even recycled a few tunes (by request) and had a couple drunken guests try their hand. Without question the best gig I had ever had in any band. We were far from perfect, but_ they_ didn't care. They just wanted to have a good time, and have a soundtrack to do it. 

Mission accomplished.


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## laristotle (Aug 29, 2019)

SWLABR said:


> We were far from perfect, but_ they_ didn't care. They just wanted to have a good time, and have a soundtrack to do it.


That's what it comes to.
For me (and the band), it doesn't matter if we have 3, 30 or 300 people in our audience, we play to have a good time.
And we always do. Mistakes and all.


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## nonreverb (Sep 19, 2006)

I've been playing almost 39 years and I've never felt I owned it. I've felt I've done an adequate job at times but in my mind, there is so much to learn one can't rest on what one knows. That's what keeps me playing. I can't watch a band without trying to catch and memorize bits and pieces the guitar player is playing. It doesn't matter their skill level either. So many guitar players I have watched over the years, have taught me things I've not considered before.....always learning it's a beautiful thing!


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## Sketchy Jeff (Jan 12, 2019)

Mooh said:


> Hearing it on CBC radio was cool


'heavy rotation on the CBC / whatever the hell that really means" 
Kathleen Edwards right?

there is that weird sort of back and forth that I think sometimes gets associated with being Canadian when performers despise their audience for liking them - 'if you all stupid little minnows really knew anything you'd recognize this was shit and become a fan of so and so instead' 

a couple of people have referred to that above

that's a funny reaction that i have felt myself. You don't see it as much in other lines of work even creative things. The general contractor building an addition for you does not say what the hell did you hire me for you dumb 
ass i'm the worst builder there ever was. And I've never seen a potter at a craft sale saying don't buy this lumpy mug it's shit. Both of them might be self critical but from a starting point - I'm a good builder and I'm trying to become a better builder. Or I've been a potter for 20 years and there's always more to learn but here's what I can do now. 

j


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## 1SweetRide (Oct 25, 2016)

Sketchy Jeff said:


> this is not the same and i don't wanna be a dumb cheerleader or compare my situation to yours
> but
> over the years i've broken my left arm or hand three different times 'cuz i'm a klutz
> two of those times the doctor said i should be prepared to not play again because it was unlikely i would regain that much wrist movement
> ...


That bloody Bm chord is hard at the best of times.


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## 1SweetRide (Oct 25, 2016)

keto said:


> Played 3 piece family band for my daughter’s grade 6 class, me sing and play, her on guitar, and son on drums. I was running a PRS Singlecut SE into a YCV50. At the end of All Hell For A Basement, I spun and sunk to one knee shaking the guitar into howling feedback. It was probably a bit much for a couple dozen 11 year olds, and Mr. Zimmerman the music teacher. We felt good about it later.
> 
> My busiest but relatively short band experience, I played 3 sets of bass after 1 week and 1 rehearsal as an emergency replacement for a guy who alienated their social media. First night was pretty rough, next night I felt like I belonged. Did 6 or 7 very busy months, it was great experience.


We’re in the midst of adding All Hell. It’s not the easiest tune to do well. What did you do for the mandolin part?


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## Budda (May 29, 2007)

No idea to be honest.


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## keto (May 23, 2006)

1SweetRide said:


> We’re in the midst of adding All Hell. It’s not the easiest tune to do well. What did you do for the mandolin part?


Just acapella or light soft strums.


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## Sketchy Jeff (Jan 12, 2019)

Grab n Go said:


> he noticed his own performances improving when he started practicing meditation


somebody has another thread going on right now about how to train out a heavy pick hand which is also an issue for me

part of it is acoustic guitar techniques that don't work the same on electric so that's an experience issue about being familiar with my gear

but part of it is also the fear that whatever i'm playing isn't *__* enough. not loud enough not clear enough not precise enough not fast enough not slow enough and on and on 
so then i need to concentrate harder, try harder, work harder, play harder so it can reach that magical bar
which is true but also not true 
every story here so far about a performance that stands out as golden involves the player letting go of something 

ah ... cue the gong

j


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## AJ6stringsting (Mar 12, 2006)

I play Blues, Classic Rock, 80's and Metal.
We play a seriously eclectic range of music, we could come out playing intense music like Pantera, Megadeth, Metallica , Ozzy, Sabbath, Queensrych or play SRV, Trower, Hendrix, Zeppelin, Rush, Cream, Triumph or Southern Rock ..... sneak in a few originals too .
I get to shred / flex some musical muscle, play smooth and points in between . The energy exchange with the audience is, Wow , all you could do is deliver the goods to them .
I like to play the parts exactly, the people love it and I got great musicians to play with .... life couldn't be better !!!!


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