# For Smart Newfies-Math In Pictures



## Steadfastly (Nov 14, 2008)

*NOTE: THIS IS NOT TO POKE FUN AT OUR NEWFIE FRIENDS BUT TO DEPICT THEM AS A LOT SMARTER THAN PEOPLE SOMETIMES TRY TO PORTRAY THEM. 

THE REASON MANY NEWFIE JOKES ARE SIMPLE, IS SO THAT US LANDLUBBERS CAN UNDERSTAND THEM. 

THE FOLLOWING JOKE IS JUST FOR A CHUCKLE AND IN NO WAY MEANT TO DEMEAN ANYONE.



Newfie** Math Test 


*_*A Newfie wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. 

Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" The Newfie says? "Dat is easy." And proceeds to draw three trees.

*__"What's this?" the boss asks.

"Have you ain't got no brain? Tree and tree plus tree makes 9" says the Newfie. 

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The Newfie stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree... "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, plus dirty tree. Dat makes 99." 

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Newfie , so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

The Newfie stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!" 

The Newfie leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and whispers, "A little dog come along and poop by each tree. 
So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes ONE HUNDRED!" 


*The Newfie is the new supervisor.*_


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## Intrepid (Oct 9, 2008)

Hmmmm, not politically correct and I'm sure my East Coast friends would not be impressed. And yes, I did chuckle (but not at the expense of my Newfoundland brothers and sisters). I just pretended that the applicant for the job was a Federal Conservative Politician.


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## Guest (Oct 4, 2013)

I know/known quite a few of them. They tend to have the best
newfie jokes and seem quite proud to laugh at themselves. 
I dies at you b'y!.


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## Steadfastly (Nov 14, 2008)

Intrepid said:


> Hmmmm, not politically correct and I'm sure my East Coast friends would not be impressed. And yes, I did chuckle (but not at the expense of my Newfoundland brothers and sisters). I just pretended that the applicant for the job was a Federal Conservative Politician.


I have many, Newfie friends and get some of the Newfie jokes from them and these friends are definitely not stupid. 

Notice the heading "For "Smart" Newfies". I was trying to qualify them as being smart. Perhaps I should have thought about it a little longer and come up with a better heading.


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## Steadfastly (Nov 14, 2008)

laristotle said:


> I know/known quite a few of them. They tend to have the best
> newfie jokes and seem quite proud to laugh at themselves.
> I dies at you b'y!.


I have been told many times that they are the nicest folks in Canada because of their friendliness and lack of pretentiousness. It's a quality I hope they never lose.


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## mhammer (Nov 30, 2007)

The best such jokes will usually involve two different conceptions of what constitutes "common sense", one belonging to a regular guy from an outport, and the other belonging to a CFA (come-from-away) or other mainlander. Some of it, of course, revolves around language misunderstandings.

********************************************************

Two fellers go to Tarana, lookin' fer a jahb. Dey gits downtown, an walks into a building. De two of dem walks into de firs' office dey see. "We's lookin' fer a jahb" dey says to de gal at de desk.

"Well, if you gentlemen would like to wait here a moment, I'll have our personnel officer come out and speak with you." 

Well, dis feller come out in a suit an' all, big splashy b'y, an calls de first feller into his office. "So, I understand you're looking for employment with us. What sort of job experience do you have?"

"Well, b'y, I's been a pilot fer de las' 20 years."

"A pilot? Well we are indeed fortunate, as are you. As it happens we have an opening for a pilot in our fleet right now. Why don't you speak with my secretary out front, and she'll handle the paperwork. Great to have you on board! If you could send in your companion, I'll be happy to meet with him now."

Buddy comes out and turns to de udder feller "Say, I gots me a right proper jahb! feller sez 'e wants you to go in."

Second feller goes into de office. "Welcome, sir. Your colleague was precisely what we've been on the hunt for the past few weeks. We consider ourselves lucky to have landed him. Maybe we'll be as fortunate with you, too. So, what exactly is it that you do for a living? What sort of work are you seeking?"

"I's a cutter, b'y. Been cuttin fer 22 years."

"A cutter?"

"Das roight, a cutter."

"I'm sorry. I don't follow. What do you mean by a cutter?"

"De trees, moy son. I cuts de trees. Cuts 'em roight down, I does, faster'n you can wink."

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure you're very talented at...what you do, but we don't, um, really have anything _suitable_ in this organization for a person with your, um, skillset."

"But ya gaves me buddy a jahb."

"Well yes, but you have to understand, he's a pilot."

"Well _how can 'e pilit if'n I don't *cut* it first_!?"


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## Jim DaddyO (Mar 20, 2009)

The best Newfie jokes I have heard came from Newfies.


One of my best friends in my younger years was a Newfie. I was driving by his house one day and seen it was on fire and here he was sitting in a lawn chair in the front yard. I stopped and yelled at him "Hey! Don't you know your house is on fire?". He yelled back "not worried b'y, I gots enough lumber stored in da attic ta build another!"


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## 10409 (Dec 11, 2011)

An alien UFO is hovering over a newfie fishing boat watching them. The newfies are singing their old song, "aye's a bye that builds a boat...." etc etc
One alien says to the other "look at those stupid newfies. They don't even use most of their brain. I wonder what would happen if we removed half their brain"
so they take out a zap gun, turn it to half power and ZZZZAP! now the newfies only have half a brain.

they look at each other for a second, stunned, then go back to singing "ayes a bye the builds a boat..." etc etc
the aliens are amused. they removed half of these creatures brains and there was absolutely no change. so they decide to remove another quarter. ZZZZAP! now the newfies only have 1/4 of their original brains left.

They look at each other, a little more stunned, but shrug it off and go back to singing "ayes a bye that builds a boat..."

The aliens are in disbelief. do these creatures even need a brain? they turn the zap gun up full blast. ZZZZZAP! now the newfies have absolutely no brain left in their head.
the newfies stop what they're doing, look at each other, and start singing "frere jaques, frere jaques....."


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## mhammer (Nov 30, 2007)

Ouch!

When I was an undergrad, we had a guest lecture by the legendary godfather of modern neuropsychology Donald Hebb ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_O._Hebb ). During his training and early research, he worked at the Montreal Neurological Institute (that you can see behind the Molson Stadium when you watch an Alouettes game), primarily with soldiers who had sustained closed head injuries and brain damage from shrapnel, bullets etc.

He recounted one paitient who had a large abcess on one side of his brain, and whose IQ actually went *up* when that entire hemisphere was surgically removed, and whatever the abcess and inflammation was doing removed. Hebb was quick to caution us that this did not mean one would continue to become even smarter should more brain matter be removed.


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## Intrepid (Oct 9, 2008)

I agree that Newfoundlanders have a great sense of humour and some of the best "Newfie" jokes. However, that's them poking fun at themselves not an outsider poking fun at them. There's a big difference, though I do agree the OP's intent was not to diss the people of the rock. As an aside, one of my esteemed colleagues is a born and bred Newfoundlander who did his undergrad at Queens and Post Grad at U of T. When I first met him I inquired as to why he didn't pursue his University education on the East Coast? His deadpan reply was "I didn't want to be taught by Newfies". Funny coming from him (with his very slight accent) but I would imagine not so funny coming from me.


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## mhammer (Nov 30, 2007)

Yes, the more respectful term IS "Newfoundlanders", although now that the formal name is Newfoundland and Labrador, I wonder if referring to oneself as a Newfoundlander is deemed discriminatory and exclusionary by Labradorians (in the same way that "Vancouver Islander" might be viewed as some sort of elitist or separatist self-description by mainland British Columbians).


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## hardasmum (Apr 23, 2008)

Steadfastly said:


> *NOTE: THIS IS NOT TO POKE FUN AT OUR NEWFIE FRIENDS BUT TO DEPICT THEM AS A LOT SMARTER THAN PEOPLE SOMETIMES TRY TO PORTRAY THEM.
> 
> 
> 
> *


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## Steadfastly (Nov 14, 2008)

hardasmum said:


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