# When is it time to leave the band



## Rick31797 (Apr 20, 2007)

I am having mixed thoughts about leaving a jam band i play in...I guess what is the most frustrating to me is we have had some really high energy jams, but they have been few and far between, maybe about 5 the last 1 1/2 , we play once a week..The others are just ok.....some are terrible...my expectations are quite high, the others just roll with it..sometimes the drummer will say that was good, but i am thinking , no it was not.....

I got really no other places to play, so i guess you either suck it up and except it or leave....


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## amagras (Apr 22, 2015)

Better playing with a bad band than not playing at all, the best reason to leave a band is to go with a better band.


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## keto (May 23, 2006)

If you're frustrated, and there are no signs of change that will alleviate it, only you can decide whether your stress level is too high to continue.

We have lots of issues in my basement rock band, but personality conflicts are not among them, so I continue to hang with my friends and make music I believe in (originals). If things get shitty between us personally, I will immediately bail.


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## Krelf (Jul 3, 2012)

There will be good days and bad ones. It happens with all bands, because sometimes you connect well and sometimes you don`t. So long as you all get along well and don`t argue over choice of material, I can`t see the problem.

Perhaps you should discuss your collective expectations to make sure that everyone is looking for the same thing. If the others are looking for a night out and a bit of fellowship and you are looking for hard work and perfection, the ultimate direction of the band will need to be discussed.


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## Budda (May 29, 2007)

Yup, call a band meeting. It's that easy. If you aren't all on the same page, either figure out what that page is or start fresh.


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## Chito (Feb 17, 2006)

amagras said:


> Better playing with a bad band than not playing at all, the best reason to leave a band is to go with a better band.


I tried playing with a bad band just recently and eventually had to bail out. LOL 

I would suggest recording your jams and letting them hear it. I remember one time I was in a band and everyone was going 'that was great... etc...' I recorded the next practice which again was supposed to be 'great' and when I had them listen to the recording, that's when they realized it wasn't that good. It was an eye opener.


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## Hamstrung (Sep 21, 2007)

It's time to leave when it's less fun to be there than not. 
While trying to determine that you should start checking out local open mic's and get to know the musical community in your area. There's got to be something! 
Put up a flyer at the local L&M or any other music shops. Start networking. Best of luck!


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## JBFairthorne (Oct 11, 2014)

Being that you specifically mentioned it was a jam band in your case, I think you've just gotta weigh the fun factor. Try not to be the guy that's taking it so seriously and making it into something more than it is. Don't expect serious band commitment (or attention to detail) in a "for fun" jam band. I would also sit and think about whether you're the odd man out with regards to expectations/desires. If so, maybe the problem is you (the problem being wanting different things).

I've played with lots of people over the last few years and there seems to be very little relation between the quality of the music and the amount of fun we have. I'm pretty sensitive to the vibe of a place. Tension in the air seems to affect me more than it does others around me. I've played with people, we played the song pretty well, it sounded good, but it was tense and I wasn't really having fun. Other times, I've played with people and we've totally BUTCHERED a song and everyone was smiling.

If you're talking a paying gig, that's a different matter, you weigh the bullshit against what you're getting paid. If the money is worth the hassle then stay. If not, don't.


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## sulphur (Jun 2, 2011)

Yes, a jam band seems like just a casual thing.
No matter what it is though, we all like for it to sound good in the end.

Your expectations may be too high, maybe have a discussion if it really bothers you that much.


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## Guest (Jul 18, 2016)

'when you can't change the things around you,
you have to change your attitude towards it'

As mentioned, if you're not having fun anymore, leave, find something else.
Otherwise, as you say, 'suck it up, buttercup'.
Maybe introduce some new tunes into the band that you enjoy playing.
Even if they muck around, you're the one who's enjoying what you're playing.
Look at it as way to tighten up your chops.


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## sulphur (Jun 2, 2011)

The deal in our band was/is - When it stops being fun anymore, it's done.


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## bluebayou (May 25, 2015)

Have you really communicated with the others what your expectations are?? Do your bandmates agree on those expectations?? If not, then you have much more communicating to do in order to be on the same level of understanding as to what "good", "excellent" and "bad" is when you play. Might not be an easy conversation to have with everyone, but it could alleviate sone angst.


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## Budda (May 29, 2007)

bluebayou said:


> Have you really communicated with the others what your expectations are?? Do your bandmates agree on those expectations?? If not, then you have much more communicating to do in order to be on the same level of understanding as to what "good", "excellent" and "bad" is when you play. Might not be an easy conversation to have with everyone, but it could alleviate sone angst.


The band meeting works best when no one is holding an instrument/at a different area then your jamspace.


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## Rick31797 (Apr 20, 2007)

Well it may be time to move on, yes its a jam band and yes it should be fun...but i am playing and thinking to myself, why am i here...
The drummer hosts the jam, and is not a constant player, you never know what your going to get, maybe i am too up tight, but when a drummer drops his sticks several times through-out the jam, it bothers me, i cant laugh it off..Or a guitar player makes the same mistake in a solo, every time and knows it, but doesn't correct it, i dont laugh at that either.The drummer must keep it all together, or the song goes into a shit pile,so there nothing i can do, talking wont make a person play better, its got to be something that is inside them...like i said we have had some good jams , but it was only because all the stars happen to line up...


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## Chito (Feb 17, 2006)

Based on your last post, if that's the situation, I'll leave then. I don't think those guys have the same expectation as you have. And no amount of talking will make those guys change the way they play as obviously their level of commitment towards it is not the same as yours.


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## sulphur (Jun 2, 2011)

I equate the drummer to a goalie in a hockey team.

If your goalie sucks, you're not going to win many games. 8)


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## amagras (Apr 22, 2015)

sulphur said:


> I equate the drummer to a goalie in a hockey team.
> 
> If your goalie sucks, you're not going to win many games. 8)


Pat Metheny : Question & Answer


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## JBFairthorne (Oct 11, 2014)

Rick31797 said:


> Well it may be time to move on, yes its a jam band and yes it should be fun...but i am playing and thinking to myself, why am i here...
> The drummer hosts the jam, and is not a constant player, you never know what your going to get, maybe i am too up tight, but when a drummer drops his sticks several times through-out the jam, it bothers me, i cant laugh it off..Or a guitar player makes the same mistake in a solo, every time and knows it, but doesn't correct it, i dont laugh at that either.The drummer must keep it all together, or the song goes into a shit pile,so there nothing i can do, talking wont make a person play better, its got to be something that is inside them...like i said we have had some good jams , but it was only because all the stars happen to line up...


If you honestly feel that they're not good enough or committed enough to practice then you're probably not there for the same reasons they are and it's probably best to go. Definitely don't stay just because you have nowhere else to go. It sounds like you're WAY more serious about this than they are and no amount of discussion is going to change that.

Personally, the things you mentioned don't bother me much. I figure it's a fair trade, people put up with my mistakes, in exchange, I put up with theirs.


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## sulphur (Jun 2, 2011)

Surely there are others to jam with in your area? How did you get together with these guys?


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## Rick31797 (Apr 20, 2007)

JBFairthorne said:


> If you honestly feel that they're not good enough or committed enough to practice then you're probably not there for the same reasons they are and it's probably best to go. Definitely don't stay just because you have nowhere else to go. It sounds like you're WAY more serious about this than they are and no amount of discussion is going to change that.
> 
> Personally, the things you mentioned don't bother me much. I figure it's a fair trade, people put up with my mistakes, in exchange, I put up with theirs.



Mistakes dont bother me much, i make mistakes , its the same mistake over and over again that guts me...that i dont do, if i am not playing it right , i will correct it, and i am not expecting note for note..


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## Rick31797 (Apr 20, 2007)

sulphur said:


> Surely there are others to jam with in your area? How did you get together with these guys?


They found me on kijiji, and there may be another band looking for a guitar player , i will know in a week...its another jam band, i would rather step into an already to go band then start out with newbies, it seems like such a struggle, starting from the beginning.


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## Hamstrung (Sep 21, 2007)

Everyone has different motivations and levels of commitment for being in a band/jam situation. The toughest part is finding all the necessary players with a compatible level of skill, desire, musical preferences, availability and compatible personalities.
Sometimes if you're lucky (or a teenager) you find these people all at once but more likely you have to find them one at a time.


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## Guest (Jul 19, 2016)

Rick31797 said:


> .. its the same mistake over and over again that guts me..


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## JBFairthorne (Oct 11, 2014)

Rick31797 said:


> They found me on kijiji, and there may be another band looking for a guitar player , i will know in a week...its another jam band, i would rather step into an already to go band then start out with newbies, it seems like such a struggle, starting from the beginning.


To step into a group and expect there to be any reasonable hope that you'll all be on the same page, click, play well together, share the exact same level of commitment is probably a pipe dream. Generally speaking, if you step into an already formed group, YOU adapt to what's going on there or you don't join. If you really want a specific thing, vibe, level of commitment, you're probably just going to have to do the legwork yourself, suck it up and put all the pieces together. It's far easier to start as you mean to continue than it is to walk in and try to change things.

I'm certainly not knocking your desires (we all want what we want) but you've got to try to be a bit more flexible or you just might find that you miss out on a lot of incredible opportunities for the sole reason that it wasn't exactly the situation you wanted.

My advice specific to your current situation? Take 2 or 3 weeks off and see if you miss playing with this current group. If you do, swallow your pride and adapt, if you don't, move on (without burning bridges).


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## Robert1950 (Jan 21, 2006)

When it starts to approach that feeling in your gut and/or the back of your mind. "What am I doing here." And hopefully before "I can't take this shit anymore"


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## soulrebel (Jan 14, 2014)

JBFairthorne said:


> If you really want a specific thing, vibe, level of commitment, you're probably just going to have to do the legwork yourself, suck it up and put all the pieces together. It's far easier to start as you mean to continue than it is to walk in and try to change things.


This. It takes a long time unless you had the fortune of growing up together/growing together.


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## bw66 (Dec 17, 2009)

A lot of people compare being in a band to being in a marriage. One thing about being in a band that is NOT like being in a marriage is that it's okay to be in more than one of them.

If you can tolerate the current band for a bit longer, try starting or joining another one. If the new one is more fun/rewarding, you can prioritize it or drop the first band altogether. If not, you are no worse off. Just be up-front with everyone and, as some have already said, don't burn any bridges.


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## Rick31797 (Apr 20, 2007)

laristotle said:


>



You got it ...lol


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## ed2000 (Feb 16, 2007)

For me: it stopped being fun. Half the band wanted to be more serious - bigger PA, sound guy, altering the musical direction we all agreed to when conceiving the band. Hey, maybe it was just me!?


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

We have a new singer and a new drummer! This drummer is the kind of drummer that you dream about. A human metronome! He's aggressive and edgy. The singer is incredible. A power house to boot. We have been given new life so to speak. The garbage went out with the trash. 

I couldn't take the female singer's drama antics anymore and told her to her face. She got pissed off at me and said she quit. Whew! A sigh of relief. The female drummer that we had was okay but I am glad she's gone too! She was just a little on the weird side! 

If these changes didn't occur I think I would of looked for a new band. It's just me and the guys now and I like it! I really like it a lot!


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## sulphur (Jun 2, 2011)

Hey Lola, I have a name for the band, The Revolving Doors!
First album, "Don't Get Comfortable!". jk 8) 

It's good that you're hashing things out though.


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

sulphur said:


> Hey Lola, I have a name for the band, The Revolving Doors!
> First album, "Don't Get Comfortable!". jk 8)
> 
> It's good that you're hashing things out though.


Some good ideas lol!
With new people coming into the fold it's usually two steps backwards. Thank god it's not this time. The drummer blows our mind. We all stopped playing and he was doing his "thing" a drum solo. We hit the jack pot! Just listening to his playing made us all smile at one another.

The only limitations we have is our other guitar player. He hasn't been playing very long and his skill set is somewhat limited but I was there not long ago. I remember very well!



JBFairthorne said:


> To step into a group and expect there to be any reasonable hope that you'll all be on the same page, click, play well together, share the exact same level of commitment is probably a pipe dream.
> .


It is the biggest pipe dream! We have had issues in the past but somehow they got swept under the rug. I had no idea how crazy the female vocalist was. She had a huge hissy fit and called me out into the hallway to speaks several times during a rehearsal. We spent more time outside then at rehearsal. It was all this shit about changing our direction somewhat. I offered her some flexibility but she didn't bite. She said we were being very selfish. I told her that we would play 2 of her song choices. But when as a band wanted to play You shook me all night long, she said no, "I am not into that heavy shit"! I would get texts galore listening to her whining and complaining. I knew right then an there that she had to be told to put up or shut up. I have absolutely no problem speaking my mind in a clear, concise and logical fashion.

The singer we have now is just pure gold. He's been with us for around 2 months now. What blows me away about him is the amount of respect he has for each of us. He is courteous, prompt and so polite. He is very young, 23 and is a Uni student. He is from India without any family. I am his foster mom I guess you could say. We have a really good relationship. He has the exact same mindset as the rest of us. He is always spurring us on to bigger and better things. For example, he wants to put us on YouTube to get more exposure. He has some good ideas. We have started to have little meetings at the end of rehearsal. Everyone gets a chance to contribute their 2 cents worth. It's the way things should be though. You get to air your thoughts and grievances, you decide as a group how to resolve issues.

Our keyboard player left for a different reason apparently. He was moving to London to be near his fiancée. But apparently it was all a lie according to the female singer. She got quite vindictive and said it was because we were disorganized and didn't know what direction we were heading in. Who knows or even cares about what the truth is. He's gone, in the past, don't the door hit you in your ass on the way out!

The female drummer we had wanted to leave to pursue her "own" music. Shit, she had been with us for 1o months and didn't voice her opinion except towards the end. She was really weird though. I just always got a really creepy vibe her. I wasn't the only one who felt like this! She never answered our texts for much needed feedback and wouldn't even voice her opinion at rehearsal!

I am compelled to see this through. Things will probably change again. The other guitar player is getting married September 1. They want to start a family asap.

Things are never permanent and you just have to adapt to the changes.


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## Rick31797 (Apr 20, 2007)

I am going to audition with a new band next week, so will see how that goes...


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

Rick31797 said:


> I am going to audition with a new band next week, so will see how that goes...


Keep us in the loop! Pls and thx


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## High/Deaf (Aug 19, 2009)

Good luck, rickdigits, I hope it works out.

I find that even if all the members of a band start in the same place and with the same trajectory, over time they deviate and shit happens. This happens everywhere, from garage jam bands to, well, The Beatles. 



Lola said:


> I am compelled to see this through. Things will probably change again. The other guitar player is getting married September 1. * They want to start a family asap.*
> 
> Things are never permanent and you just have to adapt to the changes.


That's the difference with an all-guys band. They woulda had their second kid before the band knew they were thinking of having any. LOL

Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose.....


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

I think to be in a band you just need to have a somewhat non complacent attitude and to be able to voice your opinions to each other without taking it personally.

Cheezy has been like a mentor to me in regards to being in a band. He has lent me a helping hand whenever the shit hit the fan or whenever I asked questions concerning this matter. I am grateful to him for his sage wisdom.


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## Woof (Jan 13, 2010)

Recently have had one band self-implode and another decided to go a direction that wouldn't work for me... so just back to solo practice, work on my recording skills and wait for the next opportunity to roll along.
The fact that I am the only common factor causes some chagrin. Wrangling band members is always difficult. It seems members are either on different pages or headed in different directions.

It probably helps to know the people well before deciding to be a band... my best experience was years ago, we were all friends and thought it would be cool to do the band thing. We played together for years until people started moving out of the area.


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## JBFairthorne (Oct 11, 2014)

There's a great deal you can learn from playing with strangers though, with regards to being adaptable, accepting and getting along respectfully.


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## Budda (May 29, 2007)

First time I met the drummer in Sparrows is when I picked him up for our first 5 hour drive to Ottawa for rehearsal haha.

Again: if you dont know what you are willing to put in, or what everyone else wants, eggshells abound. 

Being in a band isn't easy. That's why something as "simple" as a small-time gig is so rewarding.


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## PaulS (Feb 27, 2006)

Sometimes you just got to move on. When the fun and the rush of a good gig has diminished and differences in where things are going are growing, then it's probably time for a change.


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

The time is NOW! I am sick to death of getting everything organized with dates, times and chasing people .......................and then........................last minute people tell me they can't make it and or they don't even have the courtesy to show up. Trying to sync everyone's busy schedules together for rehearsal is for the job of a "magician". I am not that!

It's actually been a year to date that we have been together. 

No one else even offers to do anything. It's me, me, me and I am not doing it anymore.

I was caught up in the "grand illusion" of things! 

Maybe it's just time for a good ole fashioned break or maybe we have run our course. Time will tell!


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## Rick31797 (Apr 20, 2007)

Lola said:


> The time is NOW! I am sick to death of getting everything organized with dates, times and chasing people .......................and then........................last minute people tell me they can't make it and or they don't even have the courtesy to show up. Trying to sync everyone's busy schedules together for rehearsal is for the job of a "magician". I am not that!
> 
> It's actually been a year to date that we have been together.
> 
> ...



I have had a bit of that but not nearly as in depth as you have...and the conclusion is if you do it, they will let you...... it certainly wears you down, doesnt it..becomes less fun and more of a job..


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## Rick31797 (Apr 20, 2007)

An Update.. The new band i went to audition for was not for me, they were not playing to what i am looking for, so the search continues..


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## torndownunit (May 14, 2006)

Well into the thread at this point, but my answer always was if I was dreading going to practice or dealing with band related stuff, it was time to leave. Or get rid of the people causing the stress. I play music to relieve stress. Even though it takes work, it's like a vacation from everything else. If it's making things worse, it's not worth it for me.

I've been in your place doing all the organizing of stuff as well Lola. It's pretty much always a thankless job.


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## JBFairthorne (Oct 11, 2014)

Pretty simple really...if you don't want to be the organizer, don't do it. If no one else wants to do it...then there's no band.


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## davetcan (Feb 27, 2006)

it's really pretty simple for me, without reading the rest of the thread mind you, if you're not having fun it's time to quit. Or, as TDU states above, get rid of the reasons you're no longer having fun.

If music is not the way you make your living then it should be the means by which you relieve the stress of all the other BS going on around you. It should not add to it.


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## Chito (Feb 17, 2006)

I've been doing the same thing Lola was doing for the 3 bands that I led. With having to do that though, the bands were MY bands. Meaning outside of doing all the logistical work, I also have a major say in anything the band does including songs to play, arrangements, etc.

I also found that it is much easier of you schedule a regular weekly practice day. It's one of the things I mention as soon as someone signifies that they want to be in the band. If someone can't attend, then continue on with whoever is around. I also lay down all the ideas I have in terms of the direction the band is going to go. It could be a simple, 'we will play classic rock tunes from the 70s, 80s maybe including the 90s. I think Lola, you are ready to do this having been doing it for a year now as you said. You should be able to get yourself a band together. Start off with the ones you have in the band right now and go from there. You might end up with one person left but it's a start. 

Once you have all the members you need, it would be easier to manage (not saying it's going to be easy but easier than your situation now). This way everyone knows exactly what direction the band is going to take. 

Good luck!


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## sulphur (Jun 2, 2011)

The band I was in fell apart last weekend.
Once again, it was over booking gigs and then rarely practice.

The last time that we did play was the first week of July, our last gig.
We had something lined up for this weekend and it didn't look like we were going to be able get together.
Myself and the bass player had issues with this, so we were told to come and clear our gear out of the jam space.
It's the drummers place, the same guy lining up most of these "gigs", so we were obligated to do so.

No biggie though and I did have fun while it lasted.


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

We are rehearsing tonight with a guest guitar player who is temporarily taking over for the guitar player that is getting married. The bass player can't make it again! No surprise there. The drummer that we had can only commit to Saturday nights now.

It just goes from bad to worse.

When the summer is over and holidays and vacations are done I am going to instigate a meeting and find out exactly what page everyone is on. It's not fun anymore but somewhat stressful. It sucks to be truthful~!


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## 4345567 (Jun 26, 2008)

__________


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

Tonight was absolutely the best ever experience that I have had playing with others! This guest guitar player was amazing and I was able to hold my own. We played Led Zep's Immigrant song but slowed the tempo so it was almost a shuffle tempo! Holy crap! We recorded it and it sounded so amazing!! I can't go backwards and play with the other band members! There was a vibe in the room that just rocked my soul right down to my toes! This other guitar player was amazing but yet so very humble! I felt right at home even though he was head over heels more skillful than me!


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## sulphur (Jun 2, 2011)

That's good news! Is he available to play regularly?


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

sulphur said:


> That's good news! Is he available to play regularly?


He's between bands! He doesn't want to come in and takeover. Should I say "screw" the other band members? I sort of have an allegiance to them. I have never had this kind of experience with them though.

If we made a mistake to night, we just played through it. Not stopping and then starting again and wasting precious time.

This guy loves blues! We did a version of a Muddy Waters song together and I was in absolute heaven. We just sound boarded off each other and improvised. It was magical! I had a smile on my face all the way from downtown to home. What an experience! The singer and I made eye contact so many times. Like, we were so shocked to her us sound as amazing as we did!

Playing with someone who's better than you is amazing. He was so encouraging. I made a few mistakes and you could really hear that it was the wrong note, he said not to worry. He said, "just play cuz you have the groove". Very motivational and positive! You want to up your game.


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## Rick31797 (Apr 20, 2007)

Lola said:


> He's between bands! He doesn't want to come in and takeover. Should I say "screw" the other band members? I sort of have an allegiance to them. I have never had this kind of experience with them though.
> 
> If we made a mistake to night, we just played through it. Not stopping and then starting again and wasting precious time.
> 
> ...



We have had jams like this in the jam band i am currently in, but only about 5 in the last 1 1/2 were epic...it resonated with me even the next day...Thats why its such a shame we cannot play like this every time or very close to it, i am going to have to soon take a break, its getting to me too much...i guess i am to serious a player for a jam band..


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

Rick31797 said:


> .i guess i am to serious a player for a jam band..


Me too! I am not wasting my time just for "fun". I have had a taste of the way I want to play and am getting picky about the company I keep. 

I am like the lion in the savannah stalking it's prey. I am so close to it, I can taste it!


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## Adcandour (Apr 21, 2013)

JBFairthorne said:


> Pretty simple really...if you don't want to be the organizer, don't do it. If no one else wants to do it...then there's no band.


Damn right.

The only way I can wrap my head around someone taking needless punishment, is that they like it or the drama or whatever.

I mean who in the hell let's themselves regularly deal with bullshit?

Life's too long to always deal with shit. 

Yeah, I just changed that saying.


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## High/Deaf (Aug 19, 2009)

"Life's a shit sandwich. The more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat."

I'm one of those shit-eaters. I own the jam space so I am the guy always organizing and perparing. But I love to play, so I just suck it up. You'd think I'd have more say, more power - but I don't. Those other three still veto'd my Black Sabbath two-fer, just because we're kind of a rockabilly band. Go figure!




Lola said:


> Me too! I am not wasting my time just for "fun". I have had a taste of the way I want to play and am getting picky about the company I keep.
> 
> I am like the lion in the savannah stalking it's prey. I am so close to it, I can taste it!


I wouldn't necessarily say they are mutually exclusive. I get a rush jamming with people, unprepared, and hitting a groove or sweet spot. There is just something to that. And it doesn't stop me from playing in a band - in fact, it might help me improve. Naturally, they aren't all gems, but when they work, it is a rush.


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## Kerry Brown (Mar 31, 2014)

I'm in a similar situation. Not really a band but a public bar jam. It has been going for three years now. Same bar, but several different organizers over the years. Until two weeks ago everything was great. Very relaxed atmosphere. Everyone was welcome to play. There was a core group of around seven or eight musicians with another six or seven occasional. Some nights it was great, some nights so, so but we all had fun. Three weeks ago one of the organizers said he needed a break. He needed to sober up and the jams with free beer were too much temptation for him. Hard to argue with that. The other organizer and another regular said they would keep it going. We all thought that was great as they are two of the better musicians. The first week they showed up at the regular time with a third musician, a bass player. I'd played with him a couple of times and he is a very good player. Turns out the three of them play in a band together. That night the music was very good but the atmosphere was not. They only wanted to play songs they had practiced with their band. Another regular with some really good original material wanted to do some of his stuff and they grudgingly went along. Well the bass player and drummer did. The guitar player sat out that set. No problem three guitars would have been too many anyway. Later another one of the regulars showed up. She is a little weird. She is a six foot tall transgendered person. She is a pretty good player but has a tendency to play too loud and too much. She often solos over top of the singer. She has been a regular for over a year and we all, I thought, had accepted her idiosyncrasies. I was wrong. She said her usual hellos then immediately left. This week several of us showed up at the usual time 7:00. The organizers were no where in sight. The bar staff said one showed up, set up the drums then left. We were all about to leave when around 8:30 they showed up. They said they decided to change the start time. When they were setting up we noticed the transgendered persons gear was gone. She usually left a bass amp and a guitar amp there. I asked what was up and was told she had taken her gear home and wouldn't be coming anymore. The drummer made a lot of disparaging remarks about her playing. I had my acoustic electric and asked where I should plug in. I usually bring my own amp. I was told to plug into a DI box. I couldn't get any sound and asked if I was hooked up correctly. The three organizers ignored me and just started playing the same songs they did the week before, which were songs most of the regulars didn't know. I got another chord out of my bag thinking maybe that was the problem. Same problem. In between songs I again said I had no sound. The sound system is controlled by an iPad so I could've check it. I was told my guitar was the problem. I got pissed off and went home. The guitar worked fine at home. The next day I talked to some of the other regulars. The organizers decided they wanted to up the quality of the jam. They told the transgendered person she was no longer welcome. They thought the "better" musicians came out later in the evening so without telling anyone they changed the time. Strange that their friends, the better musicians, knew about it. I don't know if they deliberately sabotaged me or what but from what I've heard from some of the other players it wouldn't surprise me. In any case four of us not so good players are getting together for a jam this afternoon. We figure it's only a matter of time before they implode. When they do we'll approach the bar about taking over the jam. Sorry for the long rant but I had to get it off my chest. Hard to believe how pigheaded some people are.


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## Kerry Brown (Mar 31, 2014)

As a coda to above. We had five people show . It was awesome we really gelled. We're going to meet up once a week. Two of the guys have some really good original songs. We're going learn a bunch of the originals then go back to the bar and take over the jam for a set to show the better players that maybe they are not really any better. We had a great four hour jam that was the most fun I've had playing guitar in a long time. They even played a blues for me although none of them are really blues players. The bass player got mixed up and we ended up playing a ten bar blues


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

Kerry Brown said:


> As a coda to above. We had five people show . It was awesome we really gelled. We're going to meet up once a week. Two of the guys have some really good original songs. We're going learn a bunch of the originals then go back to the bar and take over the jam for a set to show the better players that maybe they are not really any better. We had a great four hour jam that was the most fun I've had playing guitar in a long time. They even played a blues for me although none of them are really blues players. The bass player got mixed up and we ended up playing a ten bar blues


I agree with you Kerry 100%! If it isn't fun anymore than it's just not worth doing.

I was almost at the end of my rope but this guest guitar player we had Friday night was so incredible. Just the vibe in the studio was amazing. It was just the singer me and the guest. We rocked the house. I was beyond excited. We did our own version of Led Zeps Immigrant song. Slowed it right down to a shuffle and it made the singer and myself jump up and down with pure excitement and energy! It was an experience to top all other experiences. I played so well because my mind went on autopilot and I just played what I felt. I added a bend, a trill a pull off here and there and we just tore it up! We high fived each other! It was almost dream like!

I have to be honest with you and say this was the best night ever that I had playing. We were like a puzzle with all the pieces falling into place perfectly!

I have to wade through some shit with the other band members but if they don't want to fly right, I'm bailing. It may take time but I need to find the right people for the perfect match to what we want, need to play and for the singer to be comfortable. Someone who is humble enough to be patient and kind and share their knowledge. That is how I want to grow as a guitar player through the experience of others.


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## djmarcelca (Aug 2, 2012)

Kerry Brown said:


> As a coda to above. We had five people show . It was awesome we really gelled. We're going to meet up once a week. Two of the guys have some really good original songs. We're going learn a bunch of the originals then go back to the bar and take over the jam for a set to show the better players that maybe they are not really any better. We had a great four hour jam that was the most fun I've had playing guitar in a long time. They even played a blues for me although none of them are really blues players. The bass player got mixed up and we ended up playing a ten bar blues


I strongly dislike and avoid "status jams"
but it happens a lot at bars. Mostly because the owner has said the poorer (skill wise) players can cause normal customers to leave, Then the host band , trying to keep their gig will start censoring who is allowed to play; keeping the less skilled waiting till the very end of the night, when customers are drunk and won't notice or the players have taken off out of frustration.

Used to happen to me a lot when I was younger, still does when I go to a jam I've never been to before


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## Kerry Brown (Mar 31, 2014)

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djmarcelca said:


> I strongly dislike and avoid "status jams"
> but it happens a lot at bars. Mostly because the owner has said the poorer (skill wise) players can cause normal customers to leave, Then the host band , trying to keep their gig will start censoring who is allowed to play; keeping the less skilled waiting till the very end of the night, when customers are drunk and won't notice or the players have taken off out of frustration.
> 
> Used to happen to me a lot when I was younger, still does when I go to a jam I've never been to before


I'm the first to admit I'm not a great player. I know this so I rarely take the lead. I usually sit back in the mix and look for a spot in the mix where I can be heard and enhance the song but not take over the song. Quite often audience members have told me they like my playing because the band sounds better when I'm playing. This jam was great for three years or so. The audience has been steadily building and there are some very good players, not many beginners. Until the current organizers beginners were welcomed but they were limited to a couple of songs. With these guys it seems only their friends and really strong players with a style they like are allowed. One of the guys at the weekend private jam is a very experienced player who comes to the bar jam but never plays. He has played in most of the local bands at one time or another but has some performance anxiety. He said he will never play with one of the organizers and most of the pro players in town won't either because of personality issues. He was enthused at the weekend jam and wants to play with us more. I don't feel so bad now.


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