# Divorce Advice - Ontario



## ed2000 (Feb 16, 2007)

Edit
Thanks....


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## bagpipe (Sep 19, 2006)

Sorry to hear about your problems. Hopefully someone can recommend a divorce lawyer or professional agency, where you can get the advice you need.



ed2000 said:


> Background details:
> Me - retired, 66y/o, no mortgage, no dependents, $10K car loan, $4K summer car, $2K wife's car,
> $4-5K musical gear plus guitars before marriage, Govt Pension and OAS income
> Wife - on Govt Disability Pension, 56 y/o, employment ended 1984,
> ...


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## Lord-Humongous (Jun 5, 2014)

Might be best not to post more about it here. If you end up in litigation, anything you write on the internet might be discoverable in court and who knows what a lawyer can turn even the most mundane comment into. Sorry to hear of your troubles though in the meantime.


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## ed2000 (Feb 16, 2007)

Re litigation...everything I posted is well known to friends and family and my Wife and I have always been honest about financial affairs with each other.


It's been difficult living with a depressed spouse for over 34 years especially bad after my Son was born 31 years ago. I used to joke by saying this marriage has been the best 5 years of my life.


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## Milkman (Feb 2, 2006)

Good luck.

I can only imagine the pain you're going through and I don't envy you.

Maybe I'll take a moment to appreciate what I have.

All the best.


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## LanceT (Mar 7, 2014)

Unfortunately, you require a lawyer. I recommend interviewing several as from my experience, they are all about how much they can bill for the least amount of advice they can give.


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## Adcandour (Apr 21, 2013)

If your dad is willing, definitely go that route with a storage locker until everything is settled. 

It may help you to further yourself from the situation for a bit of perspective and give you time to make the proper financial desicions once the division of assets is complete.

Just my 2 cents. I don't have much experience in these matters, but this makes the most sense to me. At the end of the real estate season, you should also have more leverage when negotiating a home purchase.


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## mrmatt1972 (Apr 3, 2008)

Leaving his depressed 2nd wife was the best thing my father ever did for himself - he is sooooo much happier. She had turned herself into a shut-in. 3 mo after they split she was employed, had a new boyfriend and was in much better shape mentally and physically. Some people are toxic to each other. FWIW he bought her out of the house (remortgaged 1/2 of it) and investments (she didn't have the means as she too was on disability). Marital assets are 50/50 so you may end up selling the house.


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## Lincoln (Jun 2, 2008)

Sorry to hear about your situation. 
Is there some way you could put a lien against your house to get the $200K you need to move on? That's what I would be looking into. That way, you can move out, leave her in the house, and deal with it all "later".
You can live apart forever without actually getting a divorce. As far as pensions go in a divorce, it's negotiable and the man always loses.

A word of advice - NEVER hire a female lawyer in a divorce case.


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## Steadfastly (Nov 14, 2008)

Do your best to stay away from lawyers or at least as much as you can. They will take as much of your money as they can get away with. Write up an agreement between the two of you that you both can live with and get it witnessed and notarized before going to any legal agency and then tell them that this is what you want and nothing else. The next question out of your mouth should be "What is the charge for this?" and get that in writing.


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## bagpipe (Sep 19, 2006)

Do your best to ignore this post. The usual nonsense from the usual culprit.



Steadfastly said:


> Do your best to stay away from lawyers or at least as much as you can. They will take as much of your money as they can get away with. Write up an agreement between the two of you that you both can live with and get it witnessed and notarized before going to any legal agency and then tell them that this is what you want and nothing else. The next question out of your mouth should be "What is the charge for this?" and get that in writing.


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## cheezyridr (Jun 8, 2009)

i did mine pro-se, cost me like $35 to file everything back in the 90's. 
the other option is blowfish venom. supposedly undetectable, fast acting


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## shoretyus (Jan 6, 2007)

Property division is pretty much cut and dry whether you go to court or not..
She gets half of the home - combined debts. She will have to live on her pension and you yours. 
You may have to force sale if she gets nasty .. but it's a simple request in front of a judge. 

Lot's of good help/ previous posts here http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/






ed2000 said:


> Background details:
> Me - retired, 66y/o, no mortgage, no dependents, $10K car loan, $4K summer car, $2K wife's car,
> $4-5K musical gear plus guitars before marriage, Govt Pension and OAS income
> Wife - on Govt Disability Pension, 56 y/o, employment ended 1984,
> ...


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## mario (Feb 18, 2006)

bagpipe said:


> Do your best to ignore this post. The usual nonsense from the usual culprit.


This is the best advice here. Thankfully I have never been through a divorce but my brother has...2 times. Do yourself a favour and get a good lawyer. I'm sure your wife has.


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## Electraglide (Jan 24, 2010)

My first divorce was cheap and easy.....cost $50 back in 1974 and I forgot to pay my ex. She couldn't bitch too much, I gave her the house. The second one we did as steady suggested. Boiled down that the house had to be sold. I got my down payment back, the lawyer got his $7000 out of that. My lawyer was better than her's was but I got caught with my pants down and there was our son involved. Both my younger brother and my older brother were going thru divorces at the same time. All 3 were different. I don't think they can touch CPP and OAS but not too sure. Best bet, do as almost everybody says and get a good lawyer.


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## shoretyus (Jan 6, 2007)

Electraglide said:


> I don't think they can touch CPP and OAS but not too sure. Best bet, do as almost everybody says and get a good lawyer.


You can apply for a CPP credit to balance it out ...but I doubt if any judge would leveage a pension that has started. The only thing here to fight about is the value of the house and and the fact that she can't afford to buy his half out and carry the house. Don't move out yet though or your going to have to initiate a lawsuit to get your half out. 300k and a pension ....she'll survive just fine


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## ed2000 (Feb 16, 2007)

Tonight my Wife said she can't live with me but needs me in her life. Problem is all these years I did so much for her that now she feels she can't survive without me it seems. Her suggestion is to live in separate homes but I come over and cook for her and help with whatever she needs. Living apart would make our relationship better according to her.

I can't watch TV in her presence, have the radio on, prepare my smelly cooking or spend time on the laptop. I also am accused of spending all my free time working on my car.

Time to book sessions with our therapist again or hope I'm involved in an unexpected fatal accident.


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## Lincoln (Jun 2, 2008)

that sounds great for her, but what about you? You deserve a life too.


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## Steadfastly (Nov 14, 2008)

What about a house with a separate apartment?


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## Bubb (Jan 16, 2008)

Lincoln said:


> that sounds great for her, but what about you? You deserve a life too.


This..in spades,you can't be expected to look after your own home and needs as well as be a full time cook/bottle washer/errand runner for her household as well.
Ed,you said you feel like you are contributing to her depression,I doubt that .
Clinical depression is just that,nobody's at fault.
Your suggestion about mutual therapy may be a good idea,but your wife's issues stem from within herself,and they have to be addressed more fully with a mental heath specialist.



> What about a house with a separate apartment?


No,no different that separate homes,that is just enabling/justifying her terms,not helping anybody.

just my uneducated opinion


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## cheezyridr (Jun 8, 2009)

i bet the blowfish venom is looking more attractive all the time....


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## Guitar101 (Jan 19, 2011)

If you can live without her, perhaps it's time to move on. It doesn't sound like she appreciates what you do for her and no-one should be rewarded for making another persons life less than it could be.


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## Diablo (Dec 20, 2007)

ed2000 said:


> Tonight my Wife said she can't live with me but needs me in her life. Problem is all these years I did so much for her that now she feels she can't survive without me it seems. Her suggestion is to live in separate homes but I come over and cook for her and help with whatever she needs. Living apart would make our relationship better according to her.
> 
> I can't watch TV in her presence, have the radio on, prepare my smelly cooking or spend time on the laptop. I also am accused of spending all my free time working on my car.
> 
> Time to book sessions with our therapist again or hope I'm involved in an unexpected fatal accident.


id like you to come over and cook for me as well and tend to my needs. you'll have to re-name yourself "Jeeves". 

your wife sounds like a nut...wants you to cook for her but calls your cooking smelly? 
Cut the cord asap. I wouldn't waste another dime on a therapist, esp since likely most of the issues are in her sphere.


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## Lola (Nov 16, 2014)

Your obviously not happy in your present situation. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and seek counseling. Pending this though I would just leave and don't look back!


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## Electraglide (Jan 24, 2010)

Just keep it clean. She has medical issues that you have been putting up with for a long time. Things like that can and probably will go in her favor. If you want to be the ultimate sob have her committed. If she's on a med pension there should be funds for a care person. I'd walk....I did before but getting a care for her and a place for yourself while things get straightened out could work and shine in your favor.


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## Jordan Smallville (Jul 15, 2016)

My wife and I are going through a divorce so I empathize with you. 

Luckily we can agree to a lot of the conditions of our separation and want to draft the documents ourselves instead of paying excessive legal fees. We just can't afford that right now. I did some research and found some online tools that seem to be helpful. Has anyone ever used thistoo? This is the website: www.thistoo.co 

I'm open to suggestions for any other online tools or any feedback. I'm still in the research phase, so any insight is welcome! 

Thanks in advance.


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## Alex (Feb 11, 2006)

Hi Ed,

I would strongly urge you to delete any specifics about your situation. I have been there and can certainly provide you with suggestions. PM if you wish.

Alex


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