# Best Guitarist/Musician Joke?



## BigMoney (May 31, 2017)

I posted this on r/guitar earlier today and people seemed to take a liking to it.

Let's hear em!


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## Tarbender (Apr 7, 2006)

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up a banjo!


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## Guest (Jul 4, 2017)

there's probably quite a few in this thread.
Lame G rated jokes - bring 'em on


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## Wardo (Feb 5, 2010)

Difference between a banjer and a chainsaw.
The chainsaw has an off / on switch.


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## Scotty (Jan 30, 2013)

What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend? 

Homeless


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## TVvoodoo (Feb 17, 2010)

Most likely way for a musician to feed a family of four?
Delivering for Dominos


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## BGood (Feb 20, 2015)

Woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, ‘First offender?’ She says, ‘No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!’”


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## Brett Pearson (Apr 26, 2016)

The difference between a banjo and a trampoline is that you take your boots off before jumping on a trampoline!....what do you call 100 banjos at the bottom of the ocean? A good start! My apologies to banjo players everywhere..lol


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## Brett Pearson (Apr 26, 2016)

Oh...and how can you tell when a drummers throne is level? The drool comes out of both sides of his mouth!


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## Robert1950 (Jan 21, 2006)

Scotty said:


> What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
> 
> Homeless


I like it better with "drummer" rather than "guitar player", but then it wouldn't be a musician joke, would it


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## double_a (Jun 4, 2017)

How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
10

One to actually change the lightbulb and 9 to say that they could have done it better


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Scotty (Jan 30, 2013)

Robert1950 said:


> I like it better with "drummer" rather than "guitar player", but then it wouldn't be a musician joke, would it


Oh that's good...2 jabs in one lol.


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## capnjim (Aug 19, 2011)

Just last week, I locked my keys in my car. It was a hot sunny day so I had to break the window as the drummer was in the back seat.


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## Brett Pearson (Apr 26, 2016)

How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?... 10...one to screw it in and 9 to stand around and complain that it is electric


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## DaddyDog (Apr 21, 2017)

Why are there no banjos on Star Trek? Because it's the future.


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## Budda (May 29, 2007)

I think the hard times has this covered.


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## Guest (Jul 4, 2017)

Q: How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
A: Give him a sheet of music.

Q: Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
A: For fingering A minor.

Q: How do you get a million dollars?
A: Start off with 2 million and try to make a living playing the guitar.

Q: What do you call a successful guitarist?
A: A guy whose wife has 2 jobs.

Q: Why do guitarists tour the most in the summer?
A: So they can visit all their kids.

Q: What's the difference between a guitarist and god?
A: god doesn't think he's a guitarist.


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## High/Deaf (Aug 19, 2009)

Q: What do you call the woman on the arm of a banjo player?
A: A tattoo.


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## djmarcelca (Aug 2, 2012)

What do you throw a drowning Bass Player/Guitarist? 
His Amp.

Why can't the singer come in the house? 
He Can't find the key and is not sure when to come in.

How do you tell when a drummer is knocking at your door? 
The Knocking speeds up

Why is a drummer's brain so valuable to transplant doctors?
It's never been used.

What's the difference between Lemmy and God
NONE LEMMY IS GOD!!


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## sulphur (Jun 2, 2011)




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## fredyfreeloader (Dec 11, 2010)

I quit telling guitarist/musician jokes years ago, when people told me to quit talking about myself all the time.
%h(*&


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## Robert1950 (Jan 21, 2006)

DaddyDog said:


> Why are there no banjos on Star Trek? Because it's the future.


But they do have these....


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## Robert1950 (Jan 21, 2006)




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## Guest (Jul 4, 2017)

Robert1950 said:


> But they do have these....


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## Diablo (Dec 20, 2007)

High/Deaf said:


> Q: What do you call the woman on the arm of a banjo player?
> A: A tattoo.


I was going to say: his mom


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## bw66 (Dec 17, 2009)

laristotle said:


> Q: How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
> A: Give him a sheet of music.


Q: How do you get a keyboard player to play softer? 
A: Take away his sheet music.


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## Business (Jul 30, 2013)

TVvoodoo said:


> Most likely way for a musician to feed a family of four?
> Delivering for Dominos


I've known this one as:

What's the difference between a guitar player and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four


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## Guest (Jul 7, 2017)

oops. wrong thread.


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## BigMoney (May 31, 2017)

Lmao lots of banjo shots eh?


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## Roryfan (Apr 19, 2010)

BigMoney said:


> Lmao lots of banjo shots eh?


Ya, they should've sterilized that Mumford feller before he had all them sons.


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## Budda (May 29, 2007)

Not a guitarist joke per se, but seriously guys - check out the hard times stuff.

One Man Band Features No Original Members


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## Guest (Jul 8, 2017)

same paper

We Ranked All Three Chords

_*Ever since early man first started fucking around on guitar, punk music has been 
reducible to three essential power chords.*_ _This trinity comprises the substrate of the punk 
rock universe, and while some punk scholars may continue to debate the theoretical existence of 
extra-tertiary chords, they’re all fucking posers and there’s only three *(and the truth).*_


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## Robert1950 (Jan 21, 2006)

What is a quartet made up of? Threes musicians and a drummer.


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## Mad Manitoban (Feb 1, 2016)

What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a guitar player?
When you unplug the vacuum it stops sucking.


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## High/Deaf (Aug 19, 2009)

Q: Why does a guitar player leave a set of drumsticks on the dash of his car?

A: So he can park in the handicapped spots.


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## zontar (Oct 25, 2007)

All of the good ones are taken...


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## Ronbeast (Nov 11, 2008)

zontar said:


> All of the good ones are taken...


That's what my band said when they hired me...


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## Ti-Ron (Mar 21, 2007)

That one is not for the faint of heart...


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## bw66 (Dec 17, 2009)

Ti-Ron said:


> That one is not for the faint of heart...


Better yet, someone transcribed it:
Someone Tabbed Out Nick Jonas’ ACM Awards Solo | VIDEO + TAB


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## Guest (Jul 10, 2017)




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## Fuzzy dagger (Jun 3, 2016)

Difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist? A rock guitarist plays one note to a thousand people and a jazz guitarist plays a thousand notes to...


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## Blue Velvet (Aug 16, 2012)

What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.


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## mr trick (Sep 21, 2013)

what is the best thing about bagpipes? they don't smell

how many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? 1,5,1, 5, 1, 5


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## BMW-KTM (Apr 7, 2015)

Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch?
A: Tossing a banjo into a dumpster from 30 feet, bouncing off no parts of the bin at all (nuthin-but-net) yet landing squarely on an accordion.


Middle C, Eb and G walk into a pub and are refused service.
As the bouncer ejects them he points to a sign on the door.
"No Minors"


Q: What do a fiddle and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when they close the case.


Q: How many singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. He holds the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.


A drummer is sick and tired of his bandmates teasing him about not really being a musician and so he decides to try other instruments.
He walks into a music store and says, "I'll take that red trumpet there .... and that accordion over there."
The proprietor pauses a moment and replies, "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator stays."


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## BMW-KTM (Apr 7, 2015)

Seven words you will never hear in your whole lifetime.
"Oh look, there's the banjo player's Porsche."


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## High/Deaf (Aug 19, 2009)

Seven words you will always here

"Oh look, there's the banjo player's porch."


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## amagras (Apr 22, 2015)

A friend of mine, who is a banjo player, came the other day to visit me home and after a while he expressed his concern because he had left his banjo in the backseat of his car, he was afraid, he said, that someone could break the window and steal it so I said 'let's go get it and jam in the living room'. 
When we get to the parking lot someone had in fact broken one of the windows and there was not one but TWO banjos inside the car!


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## zontar (Oct 25, 2007)

amagras said:


> A friend of mine, who is a banjo player, came the other day to visit me home and after a while he expressed his concern because he had left his banjo in the backseat of his car, he was afraid, he said, that someone could break the window and steal it so I said 'let's go get it and jam in the living room'.
> When we get to the parking lot someone had in fact broken one of the windows and there was not one but TWO banjos inside the car!


heard it before, but still ma amused by this one--I have also heard it with accordions.


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## GuitarT (Nov 23, 2010)

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? 
1 - 5, 1 -5, 1 -5......


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## Eldon (Feb 10, 2016)

What has three legs and an a$$hole? 
A drum stool. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## maryjmoore87 (Aug 23, 2017)

DaddyDog said:


> Why are there no banjos on Star Trek? Because it's the future.


Good idea!!!


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## Guest (Aug 28, 2017)




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## Brett Pearson (Apr 26, 2016)

Live long and ...yee-haw!!!!!


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## robertkoa (Jun 7, 2010)

Two Guys and a Priest walk into a Music Store looking for a New Les Paul that does not have the Frets planed down too far...

The Priest asks the Sales Guy if" these are Jescar Nickel Silver Frets .."

The Sales Guy looks it up and comes back and says those Frets are only used on Historic and Traditional Models to save about 10 dollars per Guitar...

The 'Joke' is on you....


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## Guest (Sep 4, 2017)

What's the significance of the two guys who walked in with the priest?
Did they go straight to the Fender rack?


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