# I'm Starting A New Band!



## david henman

Old fart guitar god wanna-be, talentless, can't play basic chords,
fat, no chops or ability to learn, acne, sing off-key, butt ugly,
crappy pawn shop equipment, unable to focus, lacking rhythm, no
individual playing style, bad breath, can't fingerpick, unpersonable,
short-term memory loss, deformed left wrist and hand, no musical
influences, homeless, can't remember shit from 60's to present,
uncooperative, stage fright, tire easily, alcoholic and drug
dependant, unreliable, hate to practice, play out of tune and/or key,
unhappy, tone deaf, can't read music or TAB, play only in unknown
tunings, immature and childish, can't improvise, not energetic,
incompatible skills, alternate between religious zealot and atheism,
terrible image, outlook on life sucks, overbearing personality, not
serious, can't harmonize, no transportation, body odor……looking for
other similar minded and bodied musicians for jamming in local
apartment building carport between 12:00AM and 3:00AM on
Tuesdays and Thursdays.


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## Tarbender

Oh...so your a bass player :smile:


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## Tarbender

Also congrats on you 1000 post. Quite an accomplishment :rockon2:


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## nine

Put it on Craigslist! :banana:


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## Lester B. Flat

I can't play accordian to save my life. Do you need an accordian player?


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## Chito

Outside of playing between 12-3am, which is WAY past my bedtime, looks like I'm one of those you are looking for! :tongue: :tongue:


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## axestronomer

darn! If only I lived closer as it almost describes my style and personality perfectly ( I have a technique in which I jam without any strings or pickups on my guitar and beat on it with a dirty syringe). The hours are also great because I want to quit my job anyway.

:food-smiley-004:


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## searchin4signal

If I can live in the carport when we're not jammin' then count me in !!! 

:rockon:


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## PaulS

We already got one of those bands together, wanna come join us. Least we get to practise indoors....


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## CocoTone

Dave,,,pm me.

CT.


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## CocoTone

sorry,,,double post.

CT.


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## droptop88

You've just described the owner of rumble seat music. Wait.... you forgot - hits on your wife while you are over in the corner looking at an overpriced something or other....


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## GP_Hawk

I'm in! No, wait.....I still remember that time I did shrooms at a drummers wedding. Scary shit Guess I'm out.


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## david henman

Tarbender said:


> Also congrats on you 1000 post. Quite an accomplishment :rockon2:


...i'm not sure my supervisor here at work would agree.

-dh


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## david henman

Tarbender said:


> Oh...so your a bass player :smile:


The symphony orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth. 
In the piece, there's a long passage, about 20 minutes, 
during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. 

Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, 
some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the 
tavern next door for a quick one. 

After slamming several beers in quick succession, one 
of them looked at his watch and said, "Hey! We need to 
get back!" 

"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist. "I thought 
we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few 
pages of the conductor's score together with string. 
It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled." 

A few moments later they staggered back to the concert 
hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this 
time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed 
a bit edgy and said as much to her companion. 

"Well, of course," said her companion. "Don't you see? 
It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the 
bassists are loaded."


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## Tarbender

:smile: Very good !!!!!!!!


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## RIFF WRATH

Im in If the practices are more structured. Like, will there be beer? I don't know if i want Ho's or not. Is that some kind of instrument?

cheers
RIFF


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## Coustfan'01

I want to be in your band! I'm ready to relocate if necessary , this is just too great to pass up . :rockon2:


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## Hamm Guitars

Hey, I'm always up durring that time...

Do you need a wang guitar player that goes on wanking tangents?

Did I mention that I have a van? And a practice PA?


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## SCREEM

I'd suggest checking out the local open jams in bars to find some compatible players, problems is lots of them already are in bands:tongue: 

gl David... :rockon:


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## Robert1950

Are you sure you're not looking for a drummer who is a guitarist wannabe ??

Oh, and I'm already booked at those times, sorry. The laundry room at the local seniors home. I keep a Marshall Valvestate Stack there.


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## fretman57

*Kharma*

Wow my Soul Bandmate! LOL!

Scotty


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## elindso

Ok like I'm so there. Look at the time this is posted. 

I can't read music and I prefer Diet Coke so no Tab is necessary.

It's not nice to make fun of my fat though.


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## shoretyus

PaulS said:


> We already got one of those bands together, wanna come join us. Least we get to practise indoors....


ROFL :wave:


The only thing that keeps me coming back is to see what the guitar mod you made this week. har har 

You forget to mention the garage P.A.


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## Crossroads

PaulS said:


> We already got one of those bands together, wanna come join us. Least we get to practise indoors....


mmmm Bancroft 'ain't that far.....


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## PaulS

Every Thursday night from 9 til 12 at Ruby's Roadhouse. On hwy 28 just south of Bancroft, about a mile out of town. All are welcome.


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## Vintage_Groove

I'll gladly play drums for your band, but only if there's really 'nice' groupies that dig any guys that can hold a guitar, bass and sit on drums (notice I said nothing about actually playing them)...kjdr

As for a band name, how about; *Quick Toss*...which will be how fast they toss us out of a gig...


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## suttree

david henman said:


> Old fart guitar god wanna-be, talentless, can't play basic chords,
> fat, no chops or ability to learn, acne, sing off-key, butt ugly,
> crappy pawn shop equipment, unable to focus, lacking rhythm, no
> individual playing style, bad breath, can't fingerpick, unpersonable,
> short-term memory loss, deformed left wrist and hand, no musical
> influences, homeless, can't remember shit from 60's to present,
> uncooperative, stage fright, tire easily, alcoholic and drug
> dependant, unreliable, hate to practice, play out of tune and/or key,
> unhappy, tone deaf, can't read music or TAB, play only in unknown
> tunings, immature and childish, can't improvise, not energetic,
> incompatible skills, alternate between religious zealot and atheism,
> terrible image, outlook on life sucks, overbearing personality, not
> serious, can't harmonize, no transportation, body odor……looking for
> other similar minded and bodied musicians for jamming in local
> apartment building carport between 12:00AM and 3:00AM on
> Tuesdays and Thursdays.


i'm sorry, i'd do it, but i just can't work with someone who has bad breath... man, take some _pride_ in yourself.


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## greco

suttree said:


> i'm sorry, i'd do it, but i just can't work with someone who has bad breath... man, take some _pride_ in yourself.


I was also qiute impressed until I read the "bad breath" part...too bad. 

So many good, sought after qualities for someone in a band.... all having to be suffer because of the lack of some mouthwash. Really sad story.

Dave


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